self respect/high standards vs abundance mindset

[LovelyLady]

I think what LL is trying to say is that the gym with the 50s is an exclusive club that is "invite-only." It won't even be available to you because the manager will see you working out with 40s, figure you're satisfied with that, and not even bother to invite you to his facility. Not only that, but you won't even realize the gym with the 50s exists because you've been satisfying yourself with the 40s for so long that you don't realize there are heavier weights to lift.

Yes, that is one way of looking at it. Part of what frame a man sets tells us of his ability to perform - indicates his ability to do the "heavy lifting" of relating.

But ALSO - it tells the woman if the gym will challenge her to workout/function at her fullest capacity and grow. If the man's frame only offers weights up to 40 pounds the woman capable of so much more will not want to workout at his gym, so to speak.

Relationships as Fitness Club - it's the 80's all over again

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Where I draw a question mark is why are you Don Juans (who are the top echelon of men - the "quality men")- not also requiring that your wants and needs for genuine intimacy also be fulfilled by the women in your lives?

I think a couple of dynamics are in play here, both of which can be addressed to goal achievement in general.

First, it is easier to compare dissimilar options to more similar options.

Example1: (dissimilar options) The HB9.5 is clearly more desireable than the HB2.5, so going for HB9.5 is clearly the easier choice, given sufficient game to attain both.

Example2: (more similar options). The HB8.0 that usually gives you a back rub after great sex every night, and doesn't sh!t test you very often, and gets on well with your friends is a bit more harder to compare to another exact same woman PLUS all the intimacy you want WHILE the fact that you get great sex and backrubs and a stress free relationship is smack dab in the middle of your conciousness.

Second, True deep intimacy based on truth, spirituality, respect is an extremely vague,albeit worthwhile goal to have, and to evaluate whether or not it is present, especially while you are in the middle of Example2 above, is difficult enough, let alone setting it while you are not in a relationship.

So I don't think its a matter of knowing what you want and not asking for it, its a matter of knowing what you want, exactly what you want, enough so that you can tell when you have it, AND having the emotional fortitude to hold out enough until you get it.

Of course, I have a solution wrapped up in a belief I'd like to propose:

Many women are capable of becoming the high quality woman of your dreams (assuming you know well enough what that is) provided you hold a strong enough and congruent enough masculine frame AS YOUR NATURAL STATE.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I agree, that as we reach various stages of growth we do seemingly "resonate at a different frequency " than others - but I do not agree that the frequency has to result in isolation.

It makes perfect sense that it would.

Take the case of gifted children, as an example. If you take a 5 year old who has a 16 year old mind, and place him / her in a classroom with other children who are 5 years old but with 5 year old minds; you may as well be placing that gifted child is solitary confinement. The 5yo with the 16yo mind's REAL peers would be others like him / herself. Isolation is the COMMON outcome of placing gifted children in mainstream classrooms.

To put it another way, you can't take Superman and drop him in the middle of a bunch of cousin-lovin' hillbilly white trash and expect him to pick a mate. The same is true for a quality man: 'normal women' would be mating DOWN for him, and would be very unsatisfying.

The higher up the ladder of human achievement you go, the fewer people share your space.

I'll address the rest of your post later.

 

[LovelyLady]

It makes perfect sense that it would.

Take the case of gifted children, as an example. If you take a 5 year old who has a 16 year old mind, and place him / her in a classroom with other children who are 5 years old but with 5 year old minds; you may as well be placing that gifted child is solitary confinement. The 5yo with the 16yo mind's REAL peers would be others like him / herself. Isolation is the COMMON outcome of placing gifted children in mainstream classrooms.

To put it another way, you can't take Superman and drop him in the middle of a bunch of cousin-lovin' hillbilly white trash and expect him to pick a mate. The same is true for a quality man: 'normal women' would be mating DOWN for him, and would be very unsatisfying.

The higher up the ladder of human achievement you go, the fewer people share your space.

I'll address the rest of your post later.

Please DO focus on the intellectual aspect of relational intimacy regarding the questions I asked you. I think this is a challenge that many intelligent people struggle with in finding companionship/building intimacy that is rarely discussed. I have thought much about this, and am curious about how you process it.

The sense that you feel/believe/think intelligence results in a certain standard to be met by your partner - that it causes a scarcity in finding partners... one can easily replace intelligence with many other areas of "excellence". (Intellectual requirement is a good example of the phenomena of high standard/scarcity... good stuff!)

 

[guru1000]

Guru, I really don't know how to address you any more clearly than I have regarding the context of what I have written. I am not talking about a virginal status; a status of purity. I am not promoting abstinence - this is not the content of my sharing. Also,I do not mean to minimize the gift of "providing and supporting the future well being of the household"
but that does not automatically equate to a man putting importance on the presence of genuine intimacy.

I agree. My point is there are clear gender differences and thus High Quality differs for Man and Woman. Who a Man chooses to sleep with holds no weight as it does to a Woman. Thus, we cannot Quantify a Man's Value by who he sleeps with.

I am talking about actions being in congruence with stated desires. If you DESIRE a genuine intimate relationship with a woman that is, if you will, an "Alpha Female" in the best sense of the word, then you must supply her with a framework she is willing to yield to.

The Ideal Framework being Confidence, Integrity and High Character. These Qualities again have nothing to do with a man's sexual choice or befriending women of less value. It merely suggests a man can be confident and adhere to his rules, yet be Sociable, Abundant and in Demand.

I do believe many of you Don Juans are encountering high quality women - but they will not trust and reveal themselves to you if you do not set a frame that they feel their best self will be safe and honored in.

Quality Women like others will reveal themselves pretty quick when they know they have to step up to the plate and swing like every other woman. There is no WOMAN PRIZE. There are only women. The Most Compatible wins the Trophy, so to speak.

Perhaps you do not understand that high quality women are not always appreciated for the gifts they bring to a relationship - so they will not always let a man know upfront how deeply they are able to give love until they know what kind of a man they are dealing with. Many, many men cannot handle an intelligent woman. Many, many men cannot handle the spiritually awake woman. Many, many men cannot handle the full sexual energy of a passionate woman.

I appreciate and respect all Women equally. High Quality women do not recieve presidential treatment in my life. The woman who does wins my Exclusivity.

I have and continue to attract High Quality Woman. Every woman is treated the same until she proves she is Exclusive Worthy. Then I take her seriously and develop a meaningful LTR.

If you want a good woman, you must be at least her equal - if not her better. And that means not being apologetic, embarressed, or compromising in your frame that you set as the man in your relationships/your lives. If you have truly decided you really want a genuinely intimate relationship - then it takes decisions and actions to produce that frame.

Agreed.

To say there are no quality women is incorrect. To fault the woman for not being attracted to a frame that clearly exhibits that you are actually attracted to, give your self to women that are clearly unworthy does not build attraction. It does not inspire a sense of competition in us. It may repulse us, it may annoy us, It may disappoint us, it may bewilder us, it may even inspire pity for you in some women, but it does not inspire respect and love; it does not inspire us to want to give our best selves to you.

I agree there are higher quality women than others. This does not Prize or pedestalize her in anyway from a lower quality woman. What I look for is ONE who is most Compatible with me whether higher or lower quality. A 10 in the quailty or look scale does not equate prize in my book. No woman is my Prize. However, I will accept a supplementary partner if she proves Very Compatible.

How I choose Compatibility is with time and numbers. I do not settle for Good Rapport. I settle only for Great , Mind Boggling Rapport. This is the woman who wins the Prize of exclusivity.

I do not have Abundance with intention of competition. No sir-ee. It is a byproduct, Yes, but not my intent. I CHOOSE Abundace to Pick the very best one. And she will surely APPRECIATE the fact that she recieved the gold medal out of hundreds, maybe thousands.

This my dear, is Picking #1. I settle with ONE out of my Abundance, and rest assured she WINS my life long intimacy.