Self Esteem over Time after Break-Up

[phil2015]

Well I take solace in knowing that there's literally nothing I could've done to alter this outcome.

Also, whilst I'm concentrating on improving myself in the long term, she appears to have gone into a melt down mode. Her friends have even said she is still talking about me all the time and her mum/colleagues are having to speak to her a lot.

I am however wondering if her choice in me as a Man represents a weakness on my part or perhaps a lack of self-esteem....

 

[phil2015]

How did yours react/behave when she left?

 

[btownbuck2012]

Well I take solace in knowing that there's literally nothing I could've done to alter this outcome.

Also, whilst I'm concentrating on improving myself in the long term, she appears to have gone into a melt down mode. Her friends have even said she is still talking about me all the time and her mum/colleagues are having to speak to her a lot.

I am however wondering if her choice in me as a Man represents a weakness on my part or perhaps a lack of self-esteem....

Of course she is. No human being can just cut someone off like the way they do and simply forget a person. However, REMEMBER that their need to feel like they're BETTER than you outweighs the need to actually love/care/have an intimate, healthy relationship with you.

 

[btownbuck2012]

How did yours react/behave when she left?

I was a mess. Lost a job, got arrested, etc

 

[phil2015]

I'm curious as to whether them going off the rails, after they've discarded us is a common trend too,

 

[resilient]

I read this article on self-esteem today. I think some of these tips would help those struggling to get out of the self-esteem rut following a breakup. Whether that's a hour after, days, weeks, months, if you're still fixated on her, relationship, or the breakup -- shift the focus to you.

Benefits of improving self-esteem:

• Life becomes simpler and lighter (you'll feel less tempted to over-analyze)
• You'll have more inner stability (you'll seek less validation from others)
• Less self-sabotage (you'll think clearer before making an impulsive mistake)
• You'll be more attractive in any relationship (less needy, more secure)
• You'll be happier (you'll know what you're after in life)

12 tips:

1. Say stop to your inner critic
2. Use healthier motivation habits
   1. Remind yourself of the benefits
   2. Refocus on doing what YOU really, really like to do
3. Take a 2 minute self-appreciation break
4. Write down 3 things in the evening that you can appreciate about yourself
5. Do the right thing
6. Replace the perfectionism
7. Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way
8. Be kinder towards other people
9. Try something new
10. Stop falling into the comparison trap
11. Spend more time with supportive people (and less time with destructive people)
12. Remember the whys of high self-esteem (bullet list at top of this post)

Working on the tips above will help you from ruminating over a breakup and help you keep your eyes forward and less on the ex.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I was a mess. Lost a job, got arrested, etc

EDIT

Just realized I misread what you had wrote, Phil. In regards to how she acted:

Pretty much spot on with what @LARaiders85 said. No need to even elaborate, it was literally spot on with how he described his ex acting.

 

[Billtx49]

Im saying this because she TOLD me how many guys she was dating at once(6).

She must have been a dam good liar to play that many men at once…

 

[Billtx49]

Highly intelligent, intellectual

Smart, but obviously lacking a moral compass.
Unless she let some, or all 6 know they were in competition with each other, then she's somewhat sadistic, but hampstering it like she deserves the best of the batch…