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Second chances?

TheDestroyer

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Under what circumstances should a man give a woman who has rejected him a chance? Should there even be a chance given? I usually close the door forever on them but, what if I am wrong? Aren't women also human and prone to error? On the other hand I don't want to be taken advantage of. Would it depend on the nature of the interaction in the first place? such as:

-rejection after only talking a few times. ("just wanted you to know I am only interested in friendship") (maybe I was an unaware blue pilled chump, or not)
-rejection after a short term relationship. ("It was fun but, I'm not feeling it")
-rejection after an LTR ("I found someone else...") & ("I feel like we are better as friends")
-rejection and then decides to date some other men.


(I left out rejection before contact info is exchanged and rejection by flaking out more than once)

In scenarios where:

-the woman is in a position to observe your behavior, attitude, interactions with others, and even engage in surface level conversation with you in person such as in a group setting.
-the woman has had no contact with you at all for at least a few months.
-the woman is dating other men, just not you.

And my behavior is as follows:

I...

-Never text or call her.
-Don't pay exclusive attention to her.
-Don't go out of my way to be around her.
-Don't like or even look at her social media.

How do I navigate this?
 

r4zorsharp

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I can't speak for everyone but, I'm a guy who loves a challenge. If I fu.cked her once, I can fu.ck her twice is my mentality. However, if we're talking about rejections in the sense she turned down your advances.. If I know I had her interested at any point, I can get that back.

I wouldn't bother with 90% of women But if I feel she's an 8 or better, I love entertaining the challenge of winning her over.

There's really not too many things more satisfying than winning over a girl who rejected you. and, there are several reasons why a woman might reject you at a given time.

However, you're giving a variety of scenarios, which each has a different answer.
Can you tell me what is the scenario you're most concerned with? It sounds like you're thinking of a situation, like a girl within your social circle?

(Great post by the way!)
 

stringpuller

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Under what circumstances should a man give a woman who has rejected him a chance? Should there even be a chance given? I usually close the door forever on them but, what if I am wrong? Aren't women also human and prone to error? On the other hand I don't want to be taken advantage of. Would it depend on the nature of the interaction in the first place? such as:

-rejection after only talking a few times. ("just wanted you to know I am only interested in friendship") (maybe I was an unaware blue pilled chump, or not)
-rejection after a short term relationship. ("It was fun but, I'm not feeling it")
-rejection after an LTR ("I found someone else...") & ("I feel like we are better as friends")
-rejection and then decides to date some other men.


(I left out rejection before contact info is exchanged and rejection by flaking out more than once)

In scenarios where:

-the woman is in a position to observe your behavior, attitude, interactions with others, and even engage in surface level conversation with you in person such as in a group setting.
-the woman has had no contact with you at all for at least a few months.
-the woman is dating other men, just not you.

And my behavior is as follows:

I...

-Never text or call her.
-Don't pay exclusive attention to her.
-Don't go out of my way to be around her.
-Don't like or even look at her social media.

How do I navigate this?
No never.
 

rjc149

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If a woman you are in a sexual relationship with either leaves you for another guy or begins another sexual relationship behind your back, no, there is no second chance for her. Ever. You delete her from your life and move forward with the lessons she taught you.

If you don't yet have a sexual relationship, and she turns down your advances, then yes, you have a green light for another shot if you have the opportunity.
 

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LARaiders85

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Under what circumstances should a man give a woman who has rejected him a chance? Should there even be a chance given? I usually close the door forever on them but, what if I am wrong? Aren't women also human and prone to error? On the other hand I don't want to be taken advantage of. Would it depend on the nature of the interaction in the first place? such as:

-rejection after only talking a few times. ("just wanted you to know I am only interested in friendship") (maybe I was an unaware blue pilled chump, or not) If you're ok with not being desired physically. The ONLY exception would be if a relatively chaste woman thinks you're too much of a player or something, but shows physical attraction otherwise.
-rejection after a short term relationship. ("It was fun but, I'm not feeling it") if she was rebounding, maybe, but most likely you will be treated to yet another short term relationship experience
-rejection after an LTR ("I found someone else...") & ("I feel like we are better as friends") Under no circumstances
-rejection and then decides to date some other men. true of all rejections


(I left out rejection before contact info is exchanged and rejection by flaking out more than once)

In scenarios where:

-the woman is in a position to observe your behavior, attitude, interactions with others, and even engage in surface level conversation with you in person such as in a group setting.
-the woman has had no contact with you at all for at least a few months.
-the woman is dating other men, just not you.

And my behavior is as follows:

I...

-Never text or call her.
-Don't pay exclusive attention to her.
-Don't go out of my way to be around her.
-Don't like or even look at her social media.

How do I navigate this?
 

CoandaEffect

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Of the 4 rejection scenarios you give the first one is not a rejection. She may even be testing your confidence to see if you back down. Don’t back down persist and ask for her number.

The other three are rejections and generally I would not try again. However, maybe @rjc149 has better advice and it all depends on whether you slept with her.

I also think that whether you try again or not depends on how badly you got hurt. If you did not get hurt then there is no reason not to try again. If, however, you got hurt then you risk the chance of being hurt again because there is a good chance you will be rejected again. To be rejected by a women is just to be a man, but to be rejected twice by the same women is just careless.
 

samspade

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Under what circumstances should a man give a woman who has rejected him a chance? Should there even be a chance given? I usually close the door forever on them but, what if I am wrong? Aren't women also human and prone to error? On the other hand I don't want to be taken advantage of. Would it depend on the nature of the interaction in the first place? such as:

-rejection after only talking a few times. ("just wanted you to know I am only interested in friendship") (maybe I was an unaware blue pilled chump, or not)
-rejection after a short term relationship. ("It was fun but, I'm not feeling it")
-rejection after an LTR ("I found someone else...") & ("I feel like we are better as friends")
-rejection and then decides to date some other men.
I don't think the first two are a big deal. Number 2 would depend on variables. The final two would be harder for me to surmount and I'd probably rather keep it in the past.

But it's really about what you want. Rejection isn't so much about you or her but your ego and how you think you're being perceived. That is, it's one thing to be disappointed and a little sad, and another to be frustrated/angry/heartbroken because you projected a narrative onto the girl and now it's falling apart and you're projecting a new social narrative onto the situation.

If you can separate your projection of social perception from your true inner desires and interests, you can make a better decision.
 

TheDestroyer

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I don't think the first two are a big deal. Number 2 would depend on variables. The final two would be harder for me to surmount and I'd probably rather keep it in the past.

But it's really about what you want. Rejection isn't so much about you or her but your ego and how you think you're being perceived. That is, it's one thing to be disappointed and a little sad, and another to be frustrated/angry/heartbroken because you projected a narrative onto the girl and now it's falling apart and you're projecting a new social narrative onto the situation.

If you can separate your projection of social perception from your true inner desires and interests, you can make a better decision.
That makes sense. In some cases I have definitely projected my own narrative onto the woman. In cases where I do not project too much onto her, though a little stung, I am otherwise fine. Also, the way I THINK I am being perceived definitely has had an impact on me a bunch of times. Other times, rejection doesn't bother me too much especially when she has done/said something blatantly messed up. I wonder if this is either because I didn't project anything onto the woman or if it was because I believed that the woman was messed up and therefore rejection from her isn't that important.

Perhaps I shouldn't see any single rejection as too important in the grand scheme of things.

I like how you put it: " Rejection isn't so much about you or her but your ego and how you think you're being perceived. That is, it's one thing to be disappointed and a little sad, and another to be frustrated/angry/heartbroken because you projected a narrative onto the girl and now it's falling apart and you're projecting a new social narrative onto the situation."

This seems to reflect how I feel when I put too much of my ego into the interaction and attach too much importance/meaning to her response to me.

As for the first one, I guess I shouldn't bee too harsh with them because all in all, both men and women make mistakes and our priorities change. In order to navigate this better I need more experience.

Thanks for the response.
 

TheDestroyer

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I can't speak for everyone but, I'm a guy who loves a challenge. If I fu.cked her once, I can fu.ck her twice is my mentality. However, if we're talking about rejections in the sense she turned down your advances.. If I know I had her interested at any point, I can get that back.

I wouldn't bother with 90% of women But if I feel she's an 8 or better, I love entertaining the challenge of winning her over.

There's really not too many things more satisfying than winning over a girl who rejected you. and, there are several reasons why a woman might reject you at a given time.

However, you're giving a variety of scenarios, which each has a different answer.
Can you tell me what is the scenario you're most concerned with? It sounds like you're thinking of a situation, like a girl within your social circle?

(Great post by the way!)
Thank you for the response!

It isn't about any one woman but I have found that I fall into a pattern especially with the first scenario where after only talking a few times, it fizzles out. I am working on the beginning portion so I can build attraction instead of destroying it, be more "natural", and genuinely express my intentions through my behavior. What often happens is that when she gives me the "Just wanted you to know..." speech or treats me with indifference, instead of giving her a humorous response (which is what I am usually like), I immediately return the indifference, even if she is nice to me and I KNOW in every situation this has occurred it has had a negative effect on the situation. I think I end up feeling butthurt that I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it.
 

samspade

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That makes sense. In some cases I have definitely projected my own narrative onto the woman. In cases where I do not project too much onto her, though a little stung, I am otherwise fine. Also, the way I THINK I am being perceived definitely has had an impact on me a bunch of times. Other times, rejection doesn't bother me too much especially when she has done/said something blatantly messed up. I wonder if this is either because I didn't project anything onto the woman or if it was because I believed that the woman was messed up and therefore rejection from her isn't that important.

Perhaps I shouldn't see any single rejection as too important in the grand scheme of things.

I like how you put it: " Rejection isn't so much about you or her but your ego and how you think you're being perceived. That is, it's one thing to be disappointed and a little sad, and another to be frustrated/angry/heartbroken because you projected a narrative onto the girl and now it's falling apart and you're projecting a new social narrative onto the situation."

This seems to reflect how I feel when I put too much of my ego into the interaction and attach too much importance/meaning to her response to me.

As for the first one, I guess I shouldn't bee too harsh with them because all in all, both men and women make mistakes and our priorities change. In order to navigate this better I need more experience.

Thanks for the response.
Yep. No rejection is that important. Obviously a breakup from a LTR will hurt, you'll be sad for missing the person and that is normal. But even then eventually every person moves on and puts it in perspective.

In the short term, the first type of rejection you listed, I see that as almost nothing. Girls move from moment to moment. They can see you as a friend one day and a potential lay the next. But it certainly won't change unless your frame is correct.

A girl rejected me recently...I had a pretty big thing for her. But end of day, I said to her, that's cool, no hard feelings, let's be friends. Incidentally she once told me about a guy she rejected who got angry, then cried a little, then totally ghosted her. I think there is maybe a primordial societal "shame" dudes feel: They failed to close a girl and the tribe takes them down a notch in the sexual hierarchy. Obviously it manifested in the extreme in that guy. For me it's more like, well I took my shot. As someone on this forum told me, it's more about me having fun than the girl accepting/rejecting me. Once it stops being a good time, I eject.

As a postscript, while I think nexting is useful for disrespect or a girl who's wasting your time, I don't apply it as a hard and fast rule. I've learned that different women can bring value to my life in different ways. And some have come around sexually later on, in no small part because I kept my frame. But that's just how I do it, everyone's different.
 

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oldmanofthesea

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If a woman rejects me, I will never give her another chance. The reason is, her interest level will never be high and she is likely to monkey-branch at some point. She probably has lukewarm interest in me and is just looking to bide her time until she meets someone she REALLY likes. I agree with GG, in that I would let her come over to my house to bang, but nothing more, however, I've never had a girl who previously rejected me agree to come straight over to my house. But it never hurts to ask and I'm sure it works sometimes... what do you have to lose? But even if she did come over, I wouldn't consider her dating material and wouldn't become invested in her.... FB only.

On the other hand, if I reject a woman for her behavior, I will give her another chance sometimes. My belief is that you have to draw boundaries with women, and ensure they understand that you will walk and never look back if they violate them. Women were born to test men, so your just saying you are going to walk often isn't enough for them to believe you. You have to actually walk and let them beg you back in order for them to know you mean business. But whether I'm willing to give her a second chance or not depends on a lot of circumstances.
 

rjc149

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For us, attraction is a light switch. We see a hot girl, flip. On.

For women, it's a volume knob. It gets turned up, sometimes slowly.

It's possible for a woman to pass on you when the volume is too low, but maintaining confident behavior turns it up more and more.

It's almost a cliche where women say of their boyfriends, "I wasn't attracted to him at first" or "he wasn't my type, but" etc. etc.

Just know the difference between pursuing and chasing, know when to quit, and know that if she ends a sexual relationship with you for another, then comes crawling back, you turn her out onto the streets and leave her there.
 

Lookatu

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-rejection after only talking a few times. ("just wanted you to know I am only interested in friendship") (maybe I was an unaware blue pilled chump, or not)
This is the only scenario where you should IMO give it a second chance. Not to boost your ego though but only if you truly and genuinely like her and are interested in her. Normally I'd say never in all scenarios but here's my reasoning that's led me to my current beliefs.

If you ask any of the older still married folks like your grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. Quite a few of them will say they weren't initially intereseted in their husbands when they first met and might've even rejected them initially. Ok, I know these are from a different generation so it may not apply.

BUT... I've also spoken to quite a few gals that have recently been engaged(within the past 5 years) and some of them had the same story too where they said they either rejected them or was lukewarm initially on meeting them.

Just make sure if you give them a second chance, things are moving forward and know when to eject if you don't feel it is.
 

Lookatu

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For us, attraction is a light switch. We see a hot girl, flip. On.

For women, it's a volume knob. It gets turned up, sometimes slowly.

It's possible for a woman to pass on you when the volume is too low, but maintaining confident behavior turns it up more and more.

It's almost a cliche where women say of their boyfriends, "I wasn't attracted to him at first" or "he wasn't my type, but" etc. etc.

Just know the difference between pursuing and chasing, know when to quit, and know that if she ends a sexual relationship with you for another, then comes crawling back, you turn her out onto the streets and leave her there.
rjc149 has said it way better than how I was trying to communicate it. :up:
 
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