Screwed Up A Basic Online Interaction

[MajorGrumbles]

So I was talking to this girl about meeting up and over the course of maybe an hour she was telling me everything I wanted to hear. I should point out also she initially reached out to me. She liked my profile on a shared server and messaged me out of the blue. She was a few years younger than me, had only had two partners, both were male and serious relationships which lasted several years. She mostly just wanted to be a housewife and cook and clean and obsessively loved giving oral.

Thing was she initially described herself as chubby and while her face was very pretty every picture/video she sent was tightly cropped on it. Now I can be into big girls as long as they're top-heavy and have pretty faces so at some point I asked her bra size and she said L cup. She followed this with "they're big but not crazy big." I couldn't even picture what this would even look like. Largest cup size I've ever been with was a girl with H cups and those were literally bigger than her head.

So the conversation continued on Snapchat but this information kept nagging at me. I kept picturing meeting up with her and her turning out to have a horrendous body and having one of those awkward dates with an unattractive chick where she just tries to keep you around with easy sex. At some point she asked for pictures and I sent but I added something along the lines of "I'll send, but I really need to see your torso. Fully clothed of course, but I must see what kind of figure you have. Basically how chubby you are." I followed by saving one of the videos she'd sent.

She got really angry, deleted her videos and went silent. I assumed this was over my pictures snd said "wow, lost interest that quickly?" She said yes, but she hadn't even seen the pictures (I deleted mine once I saw she'd deleted her videos.) I asked her what the problem was and she sent me a screenshot of that line of text. I asked her to explain what was wrong with it because honestly I was just shocked she was so angry. At this point I threw out everything. Logic basically. Her reaction caught me so off-guard I kept thinking "well if I can just get her talking again she'll calm down" in particular I wanted to get her on voice because that's my strength. Really it's probably what I'm most confident about. 9 times out of 10 I can deal the deal as long as we get to the phone call phase so I was flailing around just trying to get her on call thinking once she heard my voice she'd calm down. I guess it was just ego. So I tried a bunch of different tacts, and with every message I flooded her with I felt more desperate-sounding. I kept telling myself "Why am I so invested? She could still be a hamplanet and it's really suspect she's so secretive about it. And it's not like she's my only option. (I'm juggling 11 other girls at the moment, though I'm only seriously interested in 3 or 4 of them. This is an effort to get over an ex.)" I felt like I was getting **** tested hard.

I got her to agree to a call and she just reiterated that she wasn't interested and I asked her to explain what was so wrong with what I said and she said the fact that I didn't see anything wrong with it completely turned her off. Specifically "if I was 90% sure before the fact that you see nothing wrong in that message makes it 100." So I was trying not to sound needy, we'd just started talking so I was like "well, alright. If you're not interested you're not interested but I think it would benefit us both if you just explained what was so upsetting about the message." She just kept saying she already had.

I felt like this was an obvious **** test and I had completely failed. I sent dozens of messages and tried every tact and she was still reading them the whole time as every so often one would get a reply. At one point I said "sorry I upset you" at others I describes how perfectly we each fit what the other said they were looking for. I caved and offered to skip the picture altogether -figuring it could be brought back up later, and there are worse fates than getting tricked into head from a fat chick. It got bad. The fact which seemed to work best was saying "you know, I typically only like good girls and I was fine overlooking your past because you said they were serious relationships. But I doubt they could have been serious if you flee at the first disagreement." This was cultural, she was Mexican. In my experience Mexican girls (actually from Mexico) get really ruffled at the slightest implication they did something slutty or weren't seeking marriage. Saying that resulted in several paragraphs of text from her explaining her relationships and how one ended because the guy raped her and the other because her father died.

Eventually I gave up and went to sleep after outright telling her it felt like she was playing a game. I figured acting indifferent and pulling back would get her to stop but the damage was done. I woke up expecting another message, maybe a series of explanation but there was nothing. So, stupidly I texted her "Good morning." like nothing had happened. Then it occurred she could still be asleep.

I don't know how she managed to get me to react that poorly, but what would you recommend to salvage the interaction?

 

[AJ84]

So I was talking to this girl about meeting up and over the course of maybe an hour she was telling me everything I wanted to hear. I should point out also she initially reached out to me. She liked my profile on a shared server and messaged me out of the blue. She was a few years younger than me, had only had two partners, both were male and serious relationships which lasted several years. She mostly just wanted to be a housewife and cook and clean and obsessively loved giving oral.

Thing was she initially described herself as chubby and while her face was very pretty every picture/video she sent was tightly cropped on it. Now I can be into big girls as long as they're top-heavy and have pretty faces so at some point I asked her bra size and she said L cup. She followed this with "they're big but not crazy big." I couldn't even picture what this would even look like. Largest cup size I've ever been with was a girl with H cups and those were literally bigger than her head.

So the conversation continued on Snapchat but this information kept nagging at me. I kept picturing meeting up with her and her turning out to have a horrendous body and having one of those awkward dates with an unattractive chick where she just tries to keep you around with easy sex. At some point she asked for pictures and I sent but I added something along the lines of "I'll send, but I really need to see your torso. Fully clothed of course, but I must see what kind of figure you have. Basically how chubby you are." I followed by saving one of the videos she'd sent.

She got really angry, deleted her videos and went silent. I assumed this was over my pictures snd said "wow, lost interest that quickly?" She said yes, but she hadn't even seen the pictures (I deleted mine once I saw she'd deleted her videos.) I asked her what the problem was and she sent me a screenshot of that line of text. I asked her to explain what was wrong with it because honestly I was just shocked she was so angry. At this point I threw out everything. Logic basically. Her reaction caught me so off-guard I kept thinking "well if I can just get her talking again she'll calm down" in particular I wanted to get her on voice because that's my strength. Really it's probably what I'm most confident about. 9 times out of 10 I can deal the deal as long as we get to the phone call phase so I was flailing around just trying to get her on call thinking once she heard my voice she'd calm down. I guess it was just ego. So I tried a bunch of different tacts, and with every message I flooded her with I felt more desperate-sounding. I kept telling myself "Why am I so invested? She could still be a hamplanet and it's really suspect she's so secretive about it. And it's not like she's my only option. (I'm juggling 11 other girls at the moment, though I'm only seriously interested in 3 or 4 of them. This is an effort to get over an ex.)" I felt like I was getting **** tested hard.

I got her to agree to a call and she just reiterated that she wasn't interested and I asked her to explain what was so wrong with what I said and she said the fact that I didn't see anything wrong with it completely turned her off. Specifically "if I was 90% sure before the fact that you see nothing wrong in that message makes it 100." So I was trying not to sound needy, we'd just started talking so I was like "well, alright. If you're not interested you're not interested but I think it would benefit us both if you just explained what was so upsetting about the message." She just kept saying she already had.

I felt like this was an obvious **** test and I had completely failed. I sent dozens of messages and tried every tact and she was still reading them the whole time as every so often one would get a reply. At one point I said "sorry I upset you" at others I describes how perfectly we each fit what the other said they were looking for. I caved and offered to skip the picture altogether -figuring it could be brought back up later, and there are worse fates than getting tricked into head from a fat chick. It got bad. The fact which seemed to work best was saying "you know, I typically only like good girls and I was fine overlooking your past because you said they were serious relationships. But I doubt they could have been serious if you flee at the first disagreement." This was cultural, she was Mexican. In my experience Mexican girls (actually from Mexico) get really ruffled at the slightest implication they did something slutty or weren't seeking marriage. Saying that resulted in several paragraphs of text from her explaining her relationships and how one ended because the guy raped her and the other because her father died.

Eventually I gave up and went to sleep after outright telling her it felt like she was playing a game. I figured acting indifferent and pulling back would get her to stop but the damage was done. I woke up expecting another message, maybe a series of explanation but there was nothing. So, stupidly I texted her "Good morning." like nothing had happened. Then it occurred she could still be asleep.

I don't know how she managed to get me to react that poorly, but what would you recommend to salvage the interaction?

You asked her to send you pictures so you can see how fat she is.

Totally understandable why you want to see what she looks like before meeting her, but the way you asked was totally wrong and she called you on that. It’s not a sh*t test, you were rude. She told you she didn’t like what you texted and thats direct feedback to why she was mad, no hidden reasons there and again, not a sh*t test.

Apologizing was the right thing to do but leaving it at that and moving on would of been the next best step. Because, if a woman is only sending a face pic and describes herself as a bit chubby, assume she is bigger than you think she is. And L cup? Her belly button could be resting between those most likely because the bigger they are, they lower they hang unless she paid for bolt ons.

She’s not engaging with you despite your attempts because she probably thinks she is too fat for you now anyway and maybe she is, so what’s the point of meeting up only for you to confirm what she now thinks because it was made into such an issue.

Women who have nothing to hide will send full body clothed undistorted pics. If they don’t do that you have to wonder why. It’s a red flag. She’s reaching out to guys to meet up so she should have full body pics because that’s the first rule of online dating.

 

[marmel75]

I mean who cares. Go talk to other women.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

So I was talking to this girl about meeting up and over the course of maybe an hour she was telling me everything I wanted to hear. I should point out also she initially reached out to me. She liked my profile on a shared server and messaged me out of the blue. She was a few years younger than me, had only had two partners, both were male and serious relationships which lasted several years. She mostly just wanted to be a housewife and cook and clean and obsessively loved giving oral.

Thing was she initially described herself as chubby and while her face was very pretty every picture/video she sent was tightly cropped on it. Now I can be into big girls as long as they're top-heavy and have pretty faces so at some point I asked her bra size and she said L cup. She followed this with "they're big but not crazy big." I couldn't even picture what this would even look like. Largest cup size I've ever been with was a girl with H cups and those were literally bigger than her head.

So the conversation continued on Snapchat but this information kept nagging at me. I kept picturing meeting up with her and her turning out to have a horrendous body and having one of those awkward dates with an unattractive chick where she just tries to keep you around with easy sex. At some point she asked for pictures and I sent but I added something along the lines of "I'll send, but I really need to see your torso. Fully clothed of course, but I must see what kind of figure you have. Basically how chubby you are." I followed by saving one of the videos she'd sent.

She got really angry, deleted her videos and went silent. I assumed this was over my pictures snd said "wow, lost interest that quickly?" She said yes, but she hadn't even seen the pictures (I deleted mine once I saw she'd deleted her videos.) I asked her what the problem was and she sent me a screenshot of that line of text. I asked her to explain what was wrong with it because honestly I was just shocked she was so angry. At this point I threw out everything. Logic basically. Her reaction caught me so off-guard I kept thinking "well if I can just get her talking again she'll calm down" in particular I wanted to get her on voice because that's my strength. Really it's probably what I'm most confident about. 9 times out of 10 I can deal the deal as long as we get to the phone call phase so I was flailing around just trying to get her on call thinking once she heard my voice she'd calm down. I guess it was just ego. So I tried a bunch of different tacts, and with every message I flooded her with I felt more desperate-sounding. I kept telling myself "Why am I so invested? She could still be a hamplanet and it's really suspect she's so secretive about it. And it's not like she's my only option. (I'm juggling 11 other girls at the moment, though I'm only seriously interested in 3 or 4 of them. This is an effort to get over an ex.)" I felt like I was getting **** tested hard.

I got her to agree to a call and she just reiterated that she wasn't interested and I asked her to explain what was so wrong with what I said and she said the fact that I didn't see anything wrong with it completely turned her off. Specifically "if I was 90% sure before the fact that you see nothing wrong in that message makes it 100." So I was trying not to sound needy, we'd just started talking so I was like "well, alright. If you're not interested you're not interested but I think it would benefit us both if you just explained what was so upsetting about the message." She just kept saying she already had.

I felt like this was an obvious **** test and I had completely failed. I sent dozens of messages and tried every tact and she was still reading them the whole time as every so often one would get a reply. At one point I said "sorry I upset you" at others I describes how perfectly we each fit what the other said they were looking for. I caved and offered to skip the picture altogether -figuring it could be brought back up later, and there are worse fates than getting tricked into head from a fat chick. It got bad. The fact which seemed to work best was saying "you know, I typically only like good girls and I was fine overlooking your past because you said they were serious relationships. But I doubt they could have been serious if you flee at the first disagreement." This was cultural, she was Mexican. In my experience Mexican girls (actually from Mexico) get really ruffled at the slightest implication they did something slutty or weren't seeking marriage. Saying that resulted in several paragraphs of text from her explaining her relationships and how one ended because the guy raped her and the other because her father died.

Eventually I gave up and went to sleep after outright telling her it felt like she was playing a game. I figured acting indifferent and pulling back would get her to stop but the damage was done. I woke up expecting another message, maybe a series of explanation but there was nothing. So, stupidly I texted her "Good morning." like nothing had happened. Then it occurred she could still be asleep.

I don't know how she managed to get me to react that poorly, but what would you recommend to salvage the interaction?

Ok. my two cents.
This is AFC omega. Stop texting her. Phone is to set up appointments only.

You, Me, & she knows she's overweight. This obviously bothers you, so why are you wasting her time, and yours?
The physique matters to you. So look for someone who does not hide their body.

If she went on date now, & you were not happy and ditched her, how do you think she will feel? How would you feel? Awkward correct?
IMO, and this has happen to me, just meet the person. Done. Then make the decision to continue seeing them or not. That's all.

I would reflect on why this is bothering you so much? Hey you may have an attachment trauma. You seem to have a insecure attachment style.
If you wanna fix this, just say: Hi, I take responsibility for being shallow. Yes, looks matter to me a lot but I think my animalistic way of being has offended you. I understand if you no longer wanna speak to me. Here, when are you free? (AND SHUT UP. WAIT FOR A RESPONSE)
Set a date and leave her alone. That's all. The less you speak, the better.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

Op: * Women are emotional beings. One small thing said wrong & they catch a Fire.

 

[RangerMIke]

You can't screw up 'on-line interactions' because that isn't really a thing. The only time you spend with women that REALLY matters is face to face. THAT you can screw up.

If you are going to use on-line dating, my advice would be to just screen chicks that are near you, and who meet your needs as far as attractiveness. Try to meet up. Don't try all the PUA BS of trying to build rapport through some dating app.

Treat it like cold-call sales... you call a potential client, you try to make an appointment to make you pitch, if they hang up on you they are not interested in buying. Same with chicks, send her a message and if she responds... make an appointment (date)... if she won't schedule an appointment (date), then move onto the next one. Your goal should not be to get to yes, it should be to get to no as soon as possible so you are not wasting your time. It's a numbers game... treat it like a numbers game.

 

[AttackFormation]

I didn't read your post. From the thread title, and then the length of your post, I know you are an AFC (average frustrated chump). Go read the DJ Bible and stop obsessing over particular women, especially those you haven't met.

Keep in mind the two mottos of interest:

- If she didn't say a variation of 'yes', she meant no
- Women who want you help you and make it easy for you

I'm guessing that she neither said yes nor helped and made it easy for you. So move on.

 

[marvinlfloresq]

I didn't read your post. From the thread title, and then the length of your post, I know you are an AFC (average frustrated chump). Go read the DJ Bible and stop obsessing over particular women, especially those you haven't met.

Keep in mind the two mottos of interest:

- If she didn't say a variation of 'yes', she meant no
- Women who want you help you and make it easy for you

I'm guessing that she neither said yes nor helped and made it easy for you. So move on.

lol this was savage.

Op had it but fumble the foot ball. I actually read the post & found it interesting. He will learn a few things.

 

[sosousage]

it was so obvious that shes fat after she went mad mode, op stop lying to yourself

 

[MajorGrumbles]

it was so obvious that shes fat after she went mad mode, op stop lying to yourself

I mean but like I said. If the tits are big I'd still hit it. That's basically all that matters to me for attraction, face and breasts. Everything else is a bonus.

 

[Tilex]

Wow! You're really hanging on to this chick! LOL
You know the thing about online interactions is once it goes sour, it's all downhill from there.
Even you try to persuade her interest back, she'll just end up flaking on you.
You gotta realize her inbox is filled with desperate and thirsty guys.