Says "I just need a little time to myself"...HELP?

[mrgoodstuff]

Just as an update-

I got a text from her saying that "nothing happened and she is afraid to have a serious relationship, she's been independent for so long and feels like she does better on her own for some reason...it's weird...not you though".

That's complete opposite of the clingy, emotionally open person she was the first 2 months. I've learned to take people at their word.

I gave her a simple response of "ok. That's why I don't up easily early in a relationships. I was hoping that it would continue, too bad it didn't. I'll drop your stuff off next week at your work".

Fvcking weird. Going ghost and on to new prospects. Any future reaching out that she may do will probably be responded with no response or "I don't think I'm ready for any type of relationship".

Still think the ex boyfriend that got her out of the speeding ticket came back into the picture, but if she is stupid enough to go back to him, good luck lol.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Sounds like she does this unstable bounce around type of living. Too many highs and lows and lies. Can't count on her.

 

[thatfeel]

She's was/is super into you. She's been open about it. In order to protect yourself you have chosen to be aloof with her. As her caring for you has grown deeper, she has looked to see that you feel the same. She only sees your aloofness. She believes there is more to what you feel for her, or at least was hoping there was. She couldn't find it. She wanted to know you would miss her while she was gone. You were aloof. You two spoke briefly while she was gone but never really connected. She really wanted to know (was hoping) you had missed her and were anxious to see her when she returned, just as she had missed you and was anxious to see you. You were aloof. That response deflated her and all her enthusiasm to see you. Her feelings and caring for you, felt unreciprocated to her. She likes/liked you a lot! She also wants/needs to be with a man who desires her and is affectionate with her. Aloofness does not convey that.

Women need to matter to the man they choose to be with. She returns from a trip away and you come across as indifferent to her return. She reaches out, the best she can, looking for reassurance that you care about her. When she doesn't get it, she's left believing you don't really care for her as she had hoped. To her this signals, that she's invested herself in a guy who "just isn't that into her." Even though it hurts, she considers she'd better step back, take some time, and reevaluate. She was still desperately hoping that you cared beyond the impression of being aloof. She wanted to know and be reassured that you were into her, more than your aloof presentation gave off. Your response? You too could use some time and you wish her luck. That wasn't just aloof, that was in your face dismissive. You conveyed you don't give a sh!t about her at all. She's a bother and if you never talk to her again that would be fine. That's what your words conveyed to her whether you intended to or not.

Now you are here at SS wondering what happened. She's in her world wondering the same thing. She was soooo into this man. The only conclusion that will make sense to her is, "he just wasn't that into her." Her friends will say the same thing. They have nothing else to suggest otherwise. Meanwhile, underneath it all, you two could have been a really good match. Great potential lost to miscommunication and misunderstanding. So disappointing, even to read about. I sooo wish men and women could better understand what the other sex really wants/needs, is trying to say.

TL;DR bold above

That was pure poetry.

 

[yuppaz]

I actually filled in the blank with a really upbeat, fun restaurant that we both wanted to go to.

I texted her last night: I missed you and it was great to see you today. Nothing in return. Sent the offer this morning and she said "haha as long as they have good salad".

I responded back with "absolutely! Let me know what evening you can make it up".

That was 2 hours ago. No response. About to say fvck it.

In 2 hours your ready to throw in the towel? Come ON MAN! Women INTENTIONALLY make you wait to test your mettle AND as a game to get you more interested. Plus what if she was in a board meeting g or some ****???

 

[Glassguy]

After her last text. .. I'm sure it's over

 

[Glassguy]

Got a random text from her yesterday. Just chit chat, like she was either reaching out or just seeing if I would respond. I sent back a playful response and then heard nothing back. Weird. Went on a date last night, ended up having a great time and making out with this very hot chick at the end of the date. I'm quickly losing interest in the girl I dated for 2 months that's now the entire reason for this thread lol.

 

[Glassguy]

Know what? Relationships should be easy. Relatively effortless. If they aren't, why be in them?

That's pretty accurate!

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yep just chalk this 1 up as a quick summer fling. Your intensity didn't match hers so she has ejected. My aloofness has gotten me into similar position. It is was it is. Typical sabotaging the whole thing because you didn't validate & reassure her after her vacation.

3x a week in the beginning, meeting the family really fast. She was clingy/emotional, I bet she was really intense at times as well but in a good way.

Surge on man have fun on the boat plenty of summer left!

 

[LiveFreeX]

I've learned to take people at their word.

 

[Igetit!]

Got a random text from her yesterday. Just chit chat, like she was either reaching out or just seeing if I would respond.

Don't know why...but I'm kinda curious as to what she said when she texted you.

I sent back a playful response and then heard nothing back. Weird.

Heh...you used the word "weird". If she sent you a text,and it seemed strange as to why she did it,it was likely EGO-DRIVEN.

In other words,she sent you a text not out of interest,but to see if you still had interest in her. If she determined that you did based off what you said,then that's the reason you didn't get a response....she got what she was after.

If you replied ANYTHING that indicated that you still wanted to see her,bam...mission accomplished on her end.

Went on a date last night, ended up having a great time and making out with this very hot chick at the end of the date. I'm quickly losing interest in the girl I dated for 2 months that's now the entire reason for this thread lol.

I guess that's good. Me personally,it wouldn't have taken another "hot" chick to make me lose interest in this girl.....her behavior alone would have turned me off.

I'd like to know what she said to you in her text...what EXACTLY......and what your response was to her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Know what? Relationships should be easy. Relatively effortless. If they aren't, why be in them?

They are EASY its easy because you WANT to be there. Other than that it's a bunch of BS.

 

[Once Bitten]

She sounds like a f'n flake. Flakes can create havoc in your life, it's what they do. Her mind is a mess. You don't need a mess, nobody does.

She has issues that haven't been resolved, and it's not your job to be her emotional tampon or therapist by proxy. Move on and hold your head high, you just learned how to I.D. a flake, and what results.

Thank the Lord it was a mild ending, this could have turned out a lot worse. (I'm pregnant...)

 

[Glassguy]

Don't know why...but I'm kinda curious as to what she said when she texted you.




Heh...you used the word "weird". If she sent you a text,and it seemed strange as to why she did it,it was likely EGO-DRIVEN.

In other words,she sent you a text not out of interest,but to see if you still had interest in her. If she determined that you did based off what you said,then that's the reason you didn't get a response....she got what she was after.

If you replied ANYTHING that indicated that you still wanted to see her,bam...mission accomplished on her end.



I guess that's good. Me personally,it wouldn't have taken another "hot" chick to make me lose interest in this girl.....her behavior alone would have turned me off.

I'd like to know what she said to you in her text...what EXACTLY......and what your response was to her.

We had exchanged texts the day before, where I asked her what she wanted me to do with her stuff. It's basically just a few DVDs she left at my place, one being The Conjuring.

Out of the blue Saturday:
Her: are you scared to keep The Conjouring? Lol
Me: haha no...I was never scared of the movie, I just liked the build up to you cuddling up close to me when we watched it
She never responded back.

Realizing I left a decent pair of boat shoes on her moms boat, I asked her about it last night, so I texted her about them:
Me: can you grab those awesome boat shoes I left on the boat? Thy I'll be handy for me to have in my boat.
Her: yep
Me: great! Thanks


If she was trying to turn her text Saturday into conversation, she didn't make any effort into taking it there. Looks like she was just seeing if I would respond.

Again, my emotional effort level didn't match hers early on. But that's just not my thing. Maybe things could have been different if I had been, but I'm not going to change who I am just because a chick wants to rush.

 

[Glassguy]

She sounds like a f'n flake. Flakes can create havoc in your life, it's what they do. Her mind is a mess. You don't need a mess, nobody does.

She has issues that haven't been resolved, and it's not your job to be her emotional tampon or therapist by proxy. Move on and hold your head high, you just learned how to I.D. a flake, and what results.

Thank the Lord it was a mild ending, this could have turned out a lot worse. (I'm pregnant...)

Very true......that would have been a disaster.

She told me very early that she doesn't dish out compliments easily and then showers me with them. She also said she wasn't quick to get emotionally attached.....then did very quickly. This could possibly be a dodged bullet

 

[Igetit!]

Out of the blue Saturday:
Her: are you scared to keep The Conjouring? Lol
Me: haha no...I was never scared of the movie,I just liked the build up to you cuddling up close to me when we watched it.
She never responded back.

And there you go. I think she was just checking to see if whether or not your feelings had changed for her.....a direct result of the no contact you pulled. She probably thought you were angry,upset,or just lost interest altogether and decided to move on.

I think your cuddle comment re-assured her she could have you back if she still wanted.

If she was trying to turn her text Saturday into conversation, she didn't make any effort into taking it there. Looks like she was just seeing if I would respond.

She didn't any effort because conversation wasn't her goal. I don't even think you responding was her goal.....it was (imo) to see if you still had interest. I think she confirmed that you still do.

It is what it is. You had a good two months with her,then things cooled down. You could still probably get her back,but it'd require a LOT of effort on your part....lot of patience,and a ton of no contact. Wouldn't be worth it. You said you met some other hot chick,I'd just focus on her. You'd have to deal with and go through A LOT of childishness and nonsense from the 1st chick before you'd see any real signs of interest and her being serious about wanting to date you again.

 

[Glassguy]

@ Live- This is what frustrates me with a woman like this. Everything was great, then it collapsed. She told me that she wanted more by saying "I dont know where I stand with you sometimes when I shower you with compliments and sometimes they go unresponded to..." and "I am not sure what we are....not that I need a label or anything...but I would like to know where I stand with you..."

How much clear can a man be when he says "I really liked how things were going between us, I think we have potential and I definitely want to keep dating you" and "I would like to get around this weirdness and get back to having fun and having a relationship with you".

I think from a man's perspective, I have been very clear. I opened up more with her but maybe a little too late after she started having feelings of being vulnerable and thinking that I was not going to stick around. I think what I said above, several times, should have gotten it back on track.

I am not reaching out again. She doesnt seem very active in responding to the "open" things I say at this point and I definitely dont want to pour more out.

FYI- I dropped her movies off at her work today. She wasnt there yet, but I handed them to one of her employees with a smile on my face and strong frame and asked politely for them to let give them to her when she comes in.

Will she contact me in the future? Based on my past experiences I think so. Probably more chit chat and feeler text messages. I will in fact respond with turning them right back into setting up a time and place. Whether she does or doesnt, I will continue checking out other possible partners.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I actually skimmed through all this ****. Lot of different areas of advice...not sure what might be the right area to go with though.

My impressions however are that she's got at least 1 other guy in the picture somewhere. Dont know where, dont know how serious, but I do think there's some other guy. Also she's 29. Reading OPs texts and general updates was a fvcking PAIN IN THE ASS...that's right, just reading this s#it was a pain. I can't imagine dealing with this s#it from an actual woman that I'm considering trying to get into a relationship with. Too much f*cking work.

Oh, but she said she doesn't want to play games? Oh right...sure. Notice how a lot of women who say that crap still end up playing games anyway? It's like reading an online ad for a woman who says no sex on the first date. Yeah sure.

This woman wanted to be with you? She did not make the same level of effort OP did to make it happen. She did not rearrange things in her life to try and break down barriers with OP in order to be with him and/or spend more time with him. OP also did display weak frame on multiple occasions. OP's leadership needs to be improved in my opinion. I also think this chick being 29, indecisive and still flakey, is likely going through her hitting the wall crisis and wants to give the carousel one more good ride before she figures out which c0ck she likes best.

 

[Glassguy]

And there you go. I think she was just checking to see if whether or not your feelings had changed for her.....a direct result of the no contact you pulled. She probably thought you were angry,upset,or just lost interest altogether and decided to move on.

I think your cuddle comment re-assured her she could have you back if she still wanted.




She didn't any effort because conversation wasn't her goal. I don't even think you responding was her goal.....it was (imo) to see if you still had interest. I think she confirmed that you still do.

It is what it is. You had a good two months with her,then things cooled down. You could still probably get her back,but it'd require a LOT of effort on your part....lot of patience,and a ton of no contact. Wouldn't be worth it. You said you met some other hot chick,I'd just focus on her. You'd have to deal with and go through A LOT of childishness and nonsense from the 1st chick before you'd see any real signs of interest and her being serious about wanting to date you again.

I understand that my comment made her know there were still feelings there.The problem that started this, me not opening up with this girl, that was the point. If that was the problem, I wanted to let her know in a very direct way that the feelings were there.

So I responded in an open kind of way and it backfired. Honestly, I came out of the game playing mode a little too early because a possible relationship with her was on the horizon and I dont have a problem being direct and way more open when it gets to that point of a relationship, which we were really in when you look at it. If she is interested but doesnt want to feel completely vulnerable on her part with me not showing emotions, one would think that my text response would trigger a response from her and it didnt. Damned if I do, damned if I dont at this point.

She didnt do what I hoped with the interest I showed by responding, and responding the way that I did.

Cant do much now except pursue other options and make a decision to respond or not if/when she reaches out.

 

[Glassguy]

@ Live- one more thing:

I think at some point, in the last week, we had been able to get together (alone...no lunch meeting BS) and actually had privacy where we could talk about this, what each other expected and wanted, etc....things would be back to somewhat normal with fun dates, etc on the horizon. I completely agree with you on that and setting up a time and place is the ONLY thing I will possibly respond with.

It is SOOOO hard to deal with things, as adults, through text. I can get so much more from seeing a person's face and reaction when I speak to them than the words coming out of their mouth!

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok. @Glassguy thinks he was clear. The chick thinks she was clear but they are clearly and absolutely misunderstanding one another.

This thread to me is no longer so much about this specific situation but more generally about communication, and breakdown thereof.

When she says she doesn't know where she stands she is trying to find out in a cloaked way, do you like her, how serious about her are you? She should have been more direct and asked about boyfriend/girlfriend status instead of asking a more obtuse and tangential question.

When you say you are still interested in dating her you are actually saying things are fine as it but I'm not ready to be exclusive (I'm still seeing/screwing other women).

That's not the answer she wanted to hear so she has backed away and doesn't want to invest in you further since she thinks she cares more about you than you do about her, and this is not in keeping with whatever future fantasy outcome she has created in her mind, hence weirdness.

Some of it is immaturity. She isn't mature enough or secure enough to trust that you like her or you wouldn't spend time with her, and she is making the mistake of framing things based on her own future expectations rather than enjoying the moments for what they are.

But neither of you is doing a great job of effectively communicating to the other, like what LYD suggests.

 

[Glassguy]

Understood. But what's the fix?