Says "I just need a little time to myself"...HELP?

[Glassguy]

I've been talking to a very cool chick the past 2 months. Still taking to others here and there but spent most of my time dating with this one. At one point we were seeing each other 3 or so times a week and she started asking questions about if I wanted kids, etc. I pulled back a bit because it did freak me out a little (I'm 39 she is 29). Both of us have one kid each.

Everything was going great until she went on vacation with her entire family a week and a half ago. While there, she rarely texted me and our convos were really short. I figured she was just busy with everyone around. So she gets back home on Friday and has made no effort to see me. Invited me over yesterday to later say "you can still come over if you want but it probably won't be much fun". So I went out with friends instead. She said today would be better since neither of us had our kids. Had a weird conversation last night with her saying she was confused about the situation because she really didn't know where she stood with me. She brought up how she would dish out compliments and I would thank her for them but would be a little cold and standoff ish. I just don't throw myself out there after several failed relationships. She even responded to a text yesterday saying "Is that your way of saying it's over?" and I replied "odds like to keep seeing you if you figure out what you want". She then says "I feel like it I would just see you everything would be back to normal".

I asked her today if she still wanted to get together. Her response was "I think I need a little time to myself.
Should I even respond?
Should I say " yeah that's probably best for both of us right now".

Any ideas?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yeah I wouldn't even respond or maybe even an OK. She doesn't sound like a very cool chick to me. Kid talk after 2mo, ugh doesn't surprise me. A most recent plate asked me the same. I said NOPE not for me.

She doesn't sound enthusiastic at all about seeing you at this point. You might as well starting talking to new prospects. There's a shvt test in there some were. Try to remember moving forward to not ASK if they want to see you. Take charge you are the man, make plans or set dates.

3x a week is excessive for me, but that's just my opinion. I rarely hangout with new chicks in consecutive days, not until atleast after the 90-120 day mark if they make it that far.

She's a single mommy with the wall come up real fast too so there's that.

 

[JJRocker]

Brother she was probably talking with family about you, or seeing some one else... Either way tell her take all the time she needs and leave it at that. If she starts missing you she will come back. If not she won't. Its her loss.

 

[Glassguy]

I can't find the sh!t test in there but there may be one.

I simply responded to her "I need a little time by myself" with "you're right that's probably best for both of us. I wish you the best".

I won't initiate any more contact. Its just weird that she was eating out of my hand for 2 months, brings up the kid thing 2 weeks ago, now she is acting completely different. Move on I guess and learn from the mistake. Today's dating scene is tough sometimes lol.

 

[JJRocker]

There is a ten year age difference there and she was with family... Honey I only want what's best for you. Like aunt Margret with three divorces has any room to talk. Let her go if she comes back great if not you have some good memories.

 

[JJRocker]

She's was/is super into you. She's been open about it. In order to protect yourself you have chosen to be aloof with her. As her caring for you has grown deeper, she has looked to see that you feel the same. She only sees your aloofness. She believes there is more to what you feel for her, or at least was hoping there was. She couldn't find it. She wanted to know you would miss her while she was gone. You were aloof. You two spoke briefly while she was gone but never really connected. She really wanted to know (was hoping) you had missed her and were anxious to see her when she returned, just as she had missed you and was anxious to see you. You were aloof. That response deflated her and all her enthusiasm to see you. Her feelings and caring for you, felt unreciprocated to her. She likes/liked you a lot! She also wants/needs to be with a man who desires her and is affectionate with her. Aloofness does not convey that.

Women need to matter to the man they choose to be with. She returns from a trip away and you come across as indifferent to her return. She reaches out, the best she can, looking for reassurance that you care about her. When she doesn't get it, she's left believing you don't really care for her as she had hoped. To her this signals, that she's invested herself in a guy who "just isn't that into her." Even though it hurts, she considers she'd better step back, take some time, and reevaluate. She was still desperately hoping that you cared beyond the impression of being aloof. She wanted to know and be reassured that you were into her, more than your aloof presentation gave off. Your response? You too could use some time and you wish her luck. That wasn't just aloof, that was in your face dismissive. You conveyed you don't give a sh!t about her at all. She's a bother and if you never talk to her again that would be fine. That's what your words conveyed to her whether you intended to or not.

Now you are here at SS wondering what happened. She's in her world wondering the same thing. She was soooo into this man. The only conclusion that will make sense to her is, "he just wasn't that into her." Her friends will say the same thing. They have nothing else to suggest otherwise. Meanwhile, underneath it all, you two could have been a really good match. Great potential lost to miscommunication and misunderstanding. So disappointing, even to read about. I sooo wish men and women could better understand what the other sex really wants/needs, is trying to say.

TL;DR bold above

she seemed to be into him before the week away. That's where it becomes fuzzy. Having your input Here is extremely valuable! I for one appreciate it!
Maybe the thing to do here would be to show a little honesty and say things felt weird after you got back, I knew you were with family and didnt want to be in the way... See where I'm going with this? What are your thoughts?

 

[yuppaz]

She's was/is super into you. She's been open about it. In order to protect yourself you have chosen to be aloof with her. As her caring for you has grown deeper, she has looked to see that you feel the same. She only sees your aloofness. She believes there is more to what you feel for her, or at least was hoping there was. She couldn't find it. She wanted to know you would miss her while she was gone. You were aloof. You two spoke briefly while she was gone but never really connected. She really wanted to know (was hoping) you had missed her and were anxious to see her when she returned, just as she had missed you and was anxious to see you. You were aloof. That response deflated her and all her enthusiasm to see you. Her feelings and caring for you, felt unreciprocated to her. She likes/liked you a lot! She also wants/needs to be with a man who desires her and is affectionate with her. Aloofness does not convey that.

Women need to matter to the man they choose to be with. She returns from a trip away and you come across as indifferent to her return. She reaches out, the best she can, looking for reassurance that you care about her. When she doesn't get it, she's left believing you don't really care for her as she had hoped. To her this signals, that she's invested herself in a guy who "just isn't that into her." Even though it hurts, she considers she'd better step back, take some time, and reevaluate. She was still desperately hoping that you cared beyond the impression of being aloof. She wanted to know and be reassured that you were into her, more than your aloof presentation gave off. Your response? You too could use some time and you wish her luck. That wasn't just aloof, that was in your face dismissive. You conveyed you don't give a sh!t about her at all. She's a bother and if you never talk to her again that would be fine. That's what your words conveyed to her whether you intended to or not.

Now you are here at SS wondering what happened. She's in her world wondering the same thing. She was soooo into this man. The only conclusion that will make sense to her is, "he just wasn't that into her." Her friends will say the same thing. They have nothing else to suggest otherwise. Meanwhile, underneath it all, you two could have been a really good match. Great potential lost to miscommunication and misunderstanding. So disappointing, even to read about. I sooo wish men and women could better understand what the other sex really wants/needs, is trying to say.

TL;DR bold above

Completely nailed it.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree. I should have communicated much better with her.

 

[Glassguy]

Thanks for the woman perspective LiveYourDream.

I did text her back last night to let her know that I think we have a lot of potential, I did miss her when she was away and I was looking forward to seeing her when she got back 4 days ago. I told her that if she needed some time to take it and if she wanted to move forward with me I would very much like that.

She responded with : I really like you. I don't know what I'm doing to be honest. I get in my head and push people away for the wrong reasons. Maybe I'm afraid of wasting someone else's time and mine. I miss you. I don't want to play games.

I responded with: I'd like to get back to having fun and having a relationship with you. I miss you too and I think we have a lot of potential. I'd love for you to give me a chance to make it up to you.

It was late at that point and all I got back was a "Goodnight" with a heart emoji.

 

[dude99]

I've been talking to a very cool chick the past 2 months. Still taking to others here and there but spent most of my time dating with this one. At one point we were seeing each other 3 or so times a week and she started asking questions about if I wanted kids, etc. I pulled back a bit because it did freak me out a little (I'm 39 she is 29). Both of us have one kid each.

Everything was going great until she went on vacation with her entire family a week and a half ago. While there, she rarely texted me and our convos were really short. I figured she was just busy with everyone around. So she gets back home on Friday and has made no effort to see me. Invited me over yesterday to later say "you can still come over if you want but it probably won't be much fun". So I went out with friends instead. She said today would be better since neither of us had our kids. Had a weird conversation last night with her saying she was confused about the situation because she really didn't know where she stood with me. She brought up how she would dish out compliments and I would thank her for them but would be a little cold and standoff ish. I just don't throw myself out there after several failed relationships. She even responded to a text yesterday saying "Is that your way of saying it's over?" and I replied "odds like to keep seeing you if you figure out what you want". She then says "I feel like it I would just see you everything would be back to normal".

I asked her today if she still wanted to get together. Her response was "I think I need a little time to myself.
Should I even respond?
Should I say " yeah that's probably best for both of us right now".

Any ideas?

Tell her.

"Take all the time to yourself you need. Goodbye."

Then go Nc and go meet other women

 

[dude99]

That's easy to say at this point in the scenario. There is nothing to do right now! Of course! You are stating the obvious.

How he responds when she finally reaches out, is what determines their potential moving forward. Navigating those waters is more complicated. Anyone can sit back and say next her or go NC. It's the rare man that can navigate a quality woman (not a desperate woman/slvt) back from the other side and into the possibility of a deep meaningful LTR (should HE want to). Pump and dump and NC is one level. There is a level of mastery way beyond that, for men who seek greater depth from their women.

I don't disagree with you but i see this girl who has only known him for 2 months go way too serious way too fast kids etc when they still do not even onow eachother too suddenly needing time away from him to herself.

To me someone who is so up and down so quickly, i wouldn't have the patients for seeing how their relationship is/was only 2 months old.

 

[Glassguy]

@Live- good advice.

Just so you know, I live 45 mintues from her but we both own businesses in the same town. I am 40 minutes from work, she is 10 minutes away.

I sent her an early text this morning....."Good morning! Do you think you cold talk to your boss (which is her) and see if you can slip away for lunch today?"

Her response was: "Good morning I dont think I have a break today after just getting back from vacation, but I will check my book in a few and let you know!

Me: "What time do you work?

Her: 11am.....I had full intentions of going to crossfit this morning and I've hit snooze until now....

Me: For some reason I am not shocked . If today doesnt work you can let me know later when you're not too busy to meet up!

She then text me: "_________ can get you in tomorrow if you can do it! (I am a customer of one of her employees).

Me: What time?


Nothing since. I had the plan of meeting her for lunch, picking her up and giving her a very long hug.

To answer your question, I definitely see potential with her. I am not the type of person to throw myself into something hastily but I definitely dont plan on gaming her to death. I'd just like to get back to fun dating, move forward and if we are compatible on a larger scale so be it.

I have made it clear that I am very much still interested in her and would love to see her to make it up to her. But at some point there is a fine line of letting that be know and chasing. Chasing, the few times in my life that I have done it, never worked out.

I think I need to see if she makes the next move and lets me know when she is free to get together and go from there. If she doesn't, I think soft contact is needed and I should only reciprocate if she reaches out. If she reaches out, and its just chit chat I will tell her that I am interested in a romantic relationship with her but not interested in friendship only (Corey Wayne).

What do you think? I don't mind a woman's perspective and I am mature enough to know that men and women could be great together but they just suck sometimes early on with communication since they don't know enough about each other yet to be able to tell what the other person wants unless they just come out and say it.

 

[dude99]

@dude99 Other readers and posters likely do not realize I was was responding to more than what @Glassguy posted in this thread alone. I would not at all have suggested what I did based on this thread alone. I can see where my suggestions seem out of proportion, if that was all you had to go on.

He shared a bit more about her active enthusiasm and her interest in him, in this post below. I really felt her interest and his apathy and how they misfired together. I was sharing from what I perceived as a woman from both. I simply saw potential and wanted to offer a way to try with her again if he was interested.

The other post of his is below It offers a bit more of her active interest and disappointment, in my opinion.

It was from this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/never-chase-your-ex.235024/

No worries. Sorry for my misunderstanding.

 

[Glassguy]

Just as an update:

She texted me and said that she could get away for lunch.

We met up, she acted fidgety and nervous. I asked how her vacation was and we talked about that for a while. She asked me my opinions about certain things going on in her life. The entire time she seemed a little awkward and more distant than when things were good between us before but obviously not the same actions I am used to from her, as they were before. We ended up acting a little more like ourselves before we left. We walked out, she gave me a hug that I turned into a long hug, gave her a quick kiss and told her to have a good afternoon at work.

Now just leave it open until she reaches out or shoot her a text later on to schedule a date (other than a lunch meet up)?

I kinda feel like she wants to try to move forward with this, but part of me suspects that she might try to friend zone me, which would be weird after how the last 2 months were going and her chasing me hard.

 

[Glassguy]

Under the circumstance it makes sense that lunch together was mostly awkward. I would have been shocked if it was anything else. It's ok. First contact done. It's great that it lightened up by the end. Next up, do something brand new and fun together and then escalate. How she responds will tell you a great deal. I am not convinced she is ready to friend zone you. I think your next meeting will be the make it or break it one, for each of you choosing whether to move forward or not. Have fun and escalate! If more unfolds with her, enjoy it. If not, there are 3 billion other women to experience. It doesn't matter either way. Be you! Enjoy yourself along the way!

I think the next time we meet up has to be a date....not lunch.

I still think it is a good idea to wait until she reaches out after this lunch date, or would I be better off just texting her later and asking what night she is kid less and tell her "great....I will pick you up at 8pm". ???

Regardless, the next date has to be fun with room to escalate it to the bedroom.

 

[The Duke]

I totally understand how the game needs to be played, but it just frustrates me. Just look what is being posted here. why does this have to be how it is. Its flat ridiculous that dating has to be filled with this much bs game playing and complexity? I mean come one folks how old are we. We arent planning the next mission to Mars.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree 100% Howie

 

[Desdinova]

The entire time she seemed a little awkward and more distant than when things were good between us before but obviously not the same actions I am used to from her, as they were before.

Her interest is very borderline. She either fvcked around when she was on vacation, or her family was trying to talk her out of dating you.

You either need to boost her interest or drop her completely. The lack of leadership on your part isn't helping.

So she gets back home on Friday and has made no effort to see me. Invited me over yesterday to later say "you can still come over if you want but it probably won't be much fun". So I went out with friends instead. She said today would be better since neither of us had our kids. Had a weird conversation last night with her saying she was confused about the situation because she really didn't know where she stood with me.

Never pay attention to what a woman says. If she's acting wishy washy, go over there in a magnificent mood, be extremely playful, and lead her into a different emotional state. THAT is how women become attracted. If you can move them from a negative emotional state into a positive one, you're doing well. Going out with your friends only kept her in her emotional state.

The beginning of any relationship is volatile. You have to get her interest consistent before you have any smooth sailing. The fact that you haven't done this by the second month isn't a good sign. She's likely ready to fall off the radar.

I still think it is a good idea to wait until she reaches out after this lunch date, or would I be better off just texting her later and asking what night she is kid less and tell her "great....I will pick you up at 8pm". ???

If you want to try and salvage this, tell her "Hey, I have an immense desire to go xxxxx. You need to come! When are you child-free?" Make sure it's a fun activity. If she declines, drop her.

 

[Glassguy]

@ Desdinova-

That's my plan. I will let it hang in the balance on that. If she doesn't respond back to that......its no contact from here on out.

I am quite sure she didn't fvck around on vacation. 18 people from her family went. She called every night, she just wasn't able to have the normal conversations with people all around.

I have a boat and her family is big into boating/jet skiing in the summer. Just a couple weeks into us talking she invited me out with them. I took my boat and her and we all met up. For only 2 months I spent a decent amount of time around her family and got along with them well. Her mom's husband actually really liked me and we would get into our own conversations about sports, motocross and our other shared interests. We would just branch off everyone around us and do our own thing lol.

In hindsight, I probably did think I was on smooth sailing, but I am a laid back, confident, easy going person and I really didnt treat her any different at any point in the relationship.

In a few texts she sent me she said "I don't know why I push people away for the wrong reasons" and "I'm just not used to dating someone who doesn't rush things...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm just not used to that. People are constantly telling me their feelings and deep conversations early on. With us its more small talk, random things when we do talk on the phone. And maybe I'm thinking too much, which isnt uncommon. I'm sorry that I'm typing all of these thoughts in my head".

She even went on to say "I dont want to play games. You know that I am very honest".

Those were things from texts she sent me when she first got back from vacation, when I asked her if something was going on that she wanted to talk about.

Honestly, I threw the line out there for "I have an immense desire to ________ and you need to come! When are you child-free?". If she bites, I will take her out, have light conversation and fun, then escalate to banging her brains out at my place.

If she doesn't jump on the offer (or counter offer with "Hey I'd really like to go to _____, are you up for that instead?) then I am going ghost. If she tries to chit chat, I am going to let her know that she stated she doesnt want to play games but that is what this is becoming and I dont have time for that bullsh!t. I will let her know that I enjoyed how things were the first 2 months that we went out but I am not interested in this.

This chick and I just had a good click when we first started dating. Honestly I was fearful that she was going to drop the love bomb on me right before she went on vacation. She was always looking at me and saying "I like you".....texting me "I really like you..."

One thing that struck me as weird- she got a speeding ticket on her way to the lake they vacationed at. She called and told me about it and later told me that her mom's husband called this girls ex bf (who is a trooper) and they got her out of it. Weird that her mom's husband would still have a relationship with her ex that she only dated for 6 months. Maybe that struck up conversation between her and him and she doesnt know which way to go. Who knows what is really going on lol.

Bottom line is I let her know that I would like to keep seeing her, let her know that I dont jump head first into things and spill my guts out to every woman I meet and threw her a life line. If she doesnt take it she wasnt worth my time. We had some crazy, dirty sex and I will move on to other options.

I hung out with a chick that is 16 years younger than me when I first started seeing this girl we have been talking about. We hung out, hooked up and then she started playing the busy card. So I blew her off. Surprisingly she text me out of the blue last night. I told her we should hang out again and she kept texing me with the "how are you doing, blah blah" and I told her that I was tied up and to let me know she wanted to pick up a bottle of wine and head over". She says "Sure, I'd like that....I will let you know when I have free evening once I see my upcoming work schedule". Classic case of leaving them alone and if they are into you they will come back for more.

 

[Glassguy]

Was the blank ^^^ filled in to suggest sex or something entirely different?
Did you reach out and contact her since lunch yesterday?

I actually filled in the blank with a really upbeat, fun restaurant that we both wanted to go to.

I texted her last night: I missed you and it was great to see you today. Nothing in return. Sent the offer this morning and she said "haha as long as they have good salad".

I responded back with "absolutely! Let me know what evening you can make it up".

That was 2 hours ago. No response. About to say fvck it.