"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Saved by the subconscious!

Aenigma

Senior Don Juan
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So I went out last night with a good friend of mine, who I haven't seen in months, and was playing good wing man.

He's hitting on this cute ethic chick so I occupy her friend... who is a five... at best- and a single mother to boot.

So I take the plunge.

Horrible dancer- absolutely no rhythm whatsoever.

Talk to her- horrible ebonics speech pattern. Made worse by her insistence about talking about Obama making way for the anti-christ, tracking chips and the Illuminati being behind it all (talk about cognitive dissonance- imagine hearing all this said in EBONICS- I don't think I could have before last night).

After an hour of this nightmare I finally end up sitting down with her- and she's insisting that I take her number. I look at my friend, and sigh, and grab her phone.

I put in the number.

I look at the phone number being displayed.

I realize that I had not put in my number at all but rather the home phone number of my parents.

I comically chuckle to the thought of some ghetto hoe calling up my parents at 2am and asking for me.

I sigh, look at my friend again, and put in my number and call.

Club closes. My friend and I leave.

He tells me to call to set something up with girl and friend.

I look at my phone- and realize that I didn't receive any calls in the last hour- which is odd since I just called myself 10 minutes ago.

I'm stumpted... what the hell just happened?

I start laughing so hard that I'm crying.

I didn't call myself- I called an ex girlfriend! :crackup:
 
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"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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STR8UP

Master Don Juan
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Aug 10, 2002
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Aenigma said:
Talk to her- horrible ebonics speech pattern. Made worse by her insistence about talking about Obama making way for the anti-christ, tracking chips and the Illuminati being behind it all (talk about cognitive dissonance- imagine hearing all this said in EBONICS- I don't think I could have before last night).
Sounds like my dad! (minus the ebonics part). I'll bet you got super horny after all that sexy talk....
 
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