So I have been seeing this girl for two months, and until recently things were great. She laughed at all my jokes, extremely responsive to my teasing, was the one to call me all the time (we are in a long distance relationship), would always randomly text me etc. However, in a moment of weakness I screwed up and went through her phone and asked a friend of hers if I should be worried about anything. Of course, her friend told her I asked and ever since then her IL has dropped off. She isn't as humorous, or as receptive to my humor, doesn't call as much etc. etc. Since then I have been fighting to get it back up by becoming more of a challenge but I have been met with some difficulty. She is coming up this weekend and what I am wondering is if anyone could give me some advice on how to raise it back up, this girl is worth the work.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Salvage her IL
- Thread starter scipius
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Why did you go through someone else's phone? And on top of that, why would you then make her friend aware of this?
You seem to be a bit of a wiener.
You seem to be a bit of a wiener.
scorpio1138
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2010
- Messages
- 196
- Reaction score
- 2
move along...
The fact that you are ranking her interest level with a number system, searching through her phone, and asking her friends about whether or not you should be worried about something tells me that you are too emotionally invested in this girl.
I don't see the relationship lasting too much longer. Either get your **** together and distance yourself (probably not going to happen, you're too far-gone), or just drop her.
I don't see the relationship lasting too much longer. Either get your **** together and distance yourself (probably not going to happen, you're too far-gone), or just drop her.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I don't think it comes down to girlish game-playing like that.scipius said:
It's just a matter of not being available to her all the time. Maybe building a life of your own. Maybe a life where you're so busy with learning and adventures that you won't have time for paranoid s**t like sneaking thru your girl's phone.
Just have fun with her. Do not bring up any of the issues that you discussed in your post (looking through her phone etc.). Just drop it entirely. If she brings it up, discuss it as briefly as possible. You want to be dwelling on positive and fun things that you guys will be doing, not negative mistakes you have made.scipius said:
You need to improve other parts of your life so that this girl's importance to you falls to the wayside. This is the only way the relationship will be saved. Right now she is central to your existence.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
hey man, you can easily salvage this, you just need to project the opposite qualities to which you have already done.
for example, you went through her phone, which probably makes her think that you are a little desperate, needy, and maybe even creepy...
So, do not cancel the weekend with her, just use the weekend to prove to her that you are none of these things.
If you plan something fun with her, my best advice would be -do not act clingy for a single micro second- while you are with her, let yourself be distracted occasionally and wander away from her, i know it seems like a very trivial thing it will have a powerful effect on her.
goodluck and ignore the 'give up' advice.
for example, you went through her phone, which probably makes her think that you are a little desperate, needy, and maybe even creepy...
So, do not cancel the weekend with her, just use the weekend to prove to her that you are none of these things.
If you plan something fun with her, my best advice would be -do not act clingy for a single micro second- while you are with her, let yourself be distracted occasionally and wander away from her, i know it seems like a very trivial thing it will have a powerful effect on her.
goodluck and ignore the 'give up' advice.