So I have been seeing this girl for two months, and until recently things were great. She laughed at all my jokes, extremely responsive to my teasing, was the one to call me all the time (we are in a long distance relationship), would always randomly text me etc. However, in a moment of weakness I screwed up and went through her phone and asked a friend of hers if I should be worried about anything. Of course, her friend told her I asked and ever since then her IL has dropped off. She isn't as humorous, or as receptive to my humor, doesn't call as much etc. etc. Since then I have been fighting to get it back up by becoming more of a challenge but I have been met with some difficulty. She is coming up this weekend and what I am wondering is if anyone could give me some advice on how to raise it back up, this girl is worth the work.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Salvage her IL
- Thread starter scipius
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Why did you go through someone else's phone? And on top of that, why would you then make her friend aware of this?
You seem to be a bit of a wiener.
You seem to be a bit of a wiener.
scorpio1138
Don Juan
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- Mar 31, 2010
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move along...
The fact that you are ranking her interest level with a number system, searching through her phone, and asking her friends about whether or not you should be worried about something tells me that you are too emotionally invested in this girl.
I don't see the relationship lasting too much longer. Either get your **** together and distance yourself (probably not going to happen, you're too far-gone), or just drop her.
I don't see the relationship lasting too much longer. Either get your **** together and distance yourself (probably not going to happen, you're too far-gone), or just drop her.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I don't think it comes down to girlish game-playing like that.scipius said:
It's just a matter of not being available to her all the time. Maybe building a life of your own. Maybe a life where you're so busy with learning and adventures that you won't have time for paranoid s**t like sneaking thru your girl's phone.
Just have fun with her. Do not bring up any of the issues that you discussed in your post (looking through her phone etc.). Just drop it entirely. If she brings it up, discuss it as briefly as possible. You want to be dwelling on positive and fun things that you guys will be doing, not negative mistakes you have made.scipius said:
You need to improve other parts of your life so that this girl's importance to you falls to the wayside. This is the only way the relationship will be saved. Right now she is central to your existence.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
hey man, you can easily salvage this, you just need to project the opposite qualities to which you have already done.
for example, you went through her phone, which probably makes her think that you are a little desperate, needy, and maybe even creepy...
So, do not cancel the weekend with her, just use the weekend to prove to her that you are none of these things.
If you plan something fun with her, my best advice would be -do not act clingy for a single micro second- while you are with her, let yourself be distracted occasionally and wander away from her, i know it seems like a very trivial thing it will have a powerful effect on her.
goodluck and ignore the 'give up' advice.
for example, you went through her phone, which probably makes her think that you are a little desperate, needy, and maybe even creepy...
So, do not cancel the weekend with her, just use the weekend to prove to her that you are none of these things.
If you plan something fun with her, my best advice would be -do not act clingy for a single micro second- while you are with her, let yourself be distracted occasionally and wander away from her, i know it seems like a very trivial thing it will have a powerful effect on her.
goodluck and ignore the 'give up' advice.