S**t where I ate, caught oneitis. Round 2?

[Tictac]

what specific tactic should I use to minimize my caring anymore?

It's not a tactic. It's called getting over yourself.

 

[marmel75]

The only pressing issue now is the very high chance that one of my friends will sleep with her; it'd be rubbed in my face and would devestate me, all logic aside. Apart from game as many women as possible, what specific tactic should I use to minimize my caring anymore?

Apart from it? That IS the answer.

Lmao...the answer as it always has been, is to get more options. Clearly you have none. If you were dating and banging 2 or 3 new chicks every month you think you'd care if she fvcked your friend? You'd probably laugh about it.

In almost all cases, the more someone cares about one option, the fewer options they actually have.

 

[yungballa]

Wanna get over this girl?

Stop talking to her. Stop thinking about
Her completely. Remove her from your life. You were good before she was in your life, and now that she came your devastated.

Read the DJ bible. Work on yourself, chase your dreams, and date more females. Simplest answer, all there is to it tbh.


At least a 1/3rd of these guys on this forum has had a breaking point where they're just fed up with their current state with women, so they rise up and improve themselves. It doesn't even have to be about women. You might just be fed up with your life right now and decide to change things.

I won't bash on you like all the other guys.. I don't see why they do. Very few are great with women at the start. We all have to start somewhere, at some point.

Don't beat yourself up. That's definitely
Not helping. Uplift yourself. Forgive yourself man. No one is perfect.

Like I said, Every guy on this forum has probably had a breaking point to make them the guy they are today. I'm definitely one of them. And from this post, it seems like this is yours.

Listen.. Don't over analyze this situation, don't over think, just learn what you can from it, and move the fvck on. And this is for the sake of your own mental health.

If you want to get over this one it is

1. Start to talk to more women. Approach more women, date more of them. If you're fvcking ten other women, you'd not give a damn about what she's doing.

2. Remove this girl from your life. She was a part to your life, but now you must remove her. Make a vow to yourself to never speak with her again. For some, this might take discipline, but just do it. Its for the sake of your well being and your sanity.

3. You're too infatuated with her reality. You're most likely worried about whether or not she's fvcking other guys, or dating them. You probably feel like your heart is being toyed with when you know she's with another man. The solution to this:

Get some things going in your life. If you have NOTHING going on in your life to occupy you, you will non stop think about this girl, because instead of focusing on your reality, you're infatuated with hers. Worry about your life only. Start having fun with friends
Work out, make goals for yourself and reach them, try making more money. Go on a vacation, just have some of your own damn fun and take the time to focus on yourself and get things running in your own life. In short, be productive with your life.


Remember one thing and always take this with you if you ever get oneitis:

You were perfectly fine before the girl came into your life, so you should be just fine living without her.

Its up to you whether or not you want to go back to living peacefully before she was in your life. You control how you feel.

 

[CrimsonPanther]

damn guy, you blew it

when you escalate, escalate to the point where she's a little unconfortable/moves away slightly etc
this way you know exactly where you stand.
mistake 1: you didn't escalate enough (successful escalation results in either sex or hard rejection)
mistake 2: you told her friend you have oneitis

both are turnoffs. what i would do is act very distant (not hostile) to her/no contact, and see how she reacts. if she comes back, escalate to sex. if it doesn't work, next.

[EDIT] after reading the whole post, forget her. she's a beech. go find a normal woman, and try not to be so emotional and sensitive. it's a tornoff

 

[Visionist]

Thanks for all the replies guys. It's funny because I knew exactly how bad all my mistakes were before I even made them, yet I went ahead and made them anyway. Why? I can't say. It must have been the oneitis, which logically shouldn't have happened, frazzling my circuits. One or two things did prevent me from making a bolder move at the start (end of January/early February); she was my student not at home, unofficially, but in a private school, and I didn't wanna, again, s**t where I was eating (I'd literally just started there too). I didn't even care much for her yet at that point, but I felt she'd be good practice (in hindsight: ahahahah). I was also acutely aware of havng no car to go out in yet (fixed in March) which lowered my confidence.

It's true that I had her chasing me (for "friendship" in any case) a couple weeks back to hang out in a group, whereas now she's both screwing my friend (now confirmed- he's trying to keep it a secret but he won't manage; he's way too open) and laughing at me quite openly, so I've heard. I had at least saved face and preserved my dignity by ignoring her, but there's no way I'd have guessed what a two-faced b**ch she turned out to be when I did eventually reply. So now I don't even want revenge anymore (getting with one of her other friends and sending her pictures galore, would have been cool) and just want her gone, away (she will in a month or so). Avoiding her in the meantime isn't gonna be wasy as she spends her time with my friend and he's often around.

Anyway. whilst the affront to my manhood is severe ("There's no chance, nothing can happen, I respect you only as a friend, blah blah blah OH YEAH by the way I'm gonna f**k your friends now just to screw with you") it's something I'll get over if I meet as many women as possible and maybe hunt for a better job too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks for all the replies guys. It's funny because I knew exactly how bad all my mistakes were before I even made them, yet I went ahead and made them anyway. Why? I can't say. It must have been the oneitis, which logically shouldn't have happened, frazzling my circuits. One or two things did prevent me from making a bolder move at the start (end of January/early February); she was my student not at home, unofficially, but in a private school, and I didn't wanna, again, s**t where I was eating (I'd literally just started there too). I didn't even care much for her yet at that point, but I felt she'd be good practice (in hindsight: ahahahah). I was also acutely aware of havng no car to go out in yet (fixed in March) which lowered my confidence.

It's true that I had her chasing me (for "friendship" in any case) a couple weeks back to hang out in a group, whereas now she's both screwing my friend (now confirmed- he's trying to keep it a secret but he won't manage; he's way too open) and laughing at me quite openly, so I've heard. I had at least saved face and preserved my dignity by ignoring her, but there's no way I'd have guessed what a two-faced b**ch she turned out to be when I did eventually reply. So now I don't even want revenge anymore (getting with one of her other friends and sending her pictures galore, would have been cool) and just want her gone, away (she will in a month or so). Avoiding her in the meantime isn't gonna be wasy as she spends her time with my friend and he's often around.

Anyway. whilst the affront to my manhood is severe ("There's no chance, nothing can happen, I respect you only as a friend, blah blah blah OH YEAH by the way I'm gonna f**k your friends now just to screw with you") it's something I'll get over if I meet as many women as possible and maybe hunt for a better job too.

She's only doing the BS cause she knows it would effect you.

 

[Tictac]

Until you stop blaming her for the way you handled things, see her as "a two faced *****" and 'what she did to you' as an "affront to your manhood", you haven't learned a single thing out of this.

 

[Visionist]

Until you stop blaming her for the way you handled things, see her as "a two faced *****" and 'what she did to you' as an "affront to your manhood", you haven't learned a single thing out of this.

Whilst it's tempting to blame only myself, it isn't casting all women in the best light if we automatically excuse their contradictory behaviour because "she's a woman and can't help it". Men are held accountable for their lies and women should be too. It certainly wouldn't have hurt her to say "I don't find you attractive, stop asking me out" instead of playing miss goody two shoes whilst actually being a sl*t.

She definitely deserves the same treatment. Revenge is served cold though and I'll have to seriously apply myself if I want to get with her friend in the near future.

 

[Tictac]

Revenge is served cold though and I'll have to seriously apply myself if I want to get with her friend in the near future

Revenge is an absolute waste of your time and life, especially for petty bullsh*t like this.

You are blaming her for your failure.

Read your own original post.

 

[Visionist]

The original failure is all mine. Her subsequent behaviour however (flipping my messages to her online club and laughing at me behind my back whilst being polite to my face, and getting with my friend (and trying to get with my even closer friend) isn't cool and shouldn't be excused.

The desire for "revenge" will cool once the whole sorry episode is behind me.

 

[Tictac]

The desire for "revenge" will cool once the whole sorry episode is behind me.

That is entirely up to you. She has nothing to do with it.

 

[Visionist]

My friend knew the score and will receive no further contact from me.

Edit: So I should forgive her for her duplicity?

 

[Von]

My friend knew the score and will receive no further contact from me.

Edit: So I should forgive her for her duplicity?

WHAT? You wanna ditch your friend and forgive her !!???

Your friend can be forgiven if he redeem.... but she will never help you back cause you are a toy and sadly seems to be affection dependant on her

 

[Visionist]

By forgive, I mean forget without harbouring ill-will, without wanting to get my own-back. Not as in contacting her again or anything (I'd only contact her again if, as I typed, I was after revenge). Basically should I forget about her behaviour. It makes sense to obviously, but I feel like the angst is useful because I'd rather hate her than feel nothing at-all. She has behaved exceptionally poorly.

My friend will not redeem himself; he doesn't care and would steal the next woman from under my nose if I give him the chance. He's more of a regular acquaintance than a friend. He lives to ****block other guys and put them down. He's rewarded with dozens of women.

 

[Tictac]

My friend knew the score and will receive no further contact from me.

Edit: So I should forgive her for her duplicity?

Revenge, forgiveness. Is your life an episode of "A Game of Thrones"? She couldn't care less about your forgiveness. Your 'revenge' might provide you, her and your friend a cheap laugh or two, mostly them.

You didn't say much about how your friend 'stole your girl'. So there is likely a couple of sides to your take you don't want to discuss and the good possibility that only see it this way.

Keep carrying this around. It'll eat you alive, all because of your belief about what happened.

 

[Visionist]

Never seen GOT. Partial to The Sopranos though.

He didn't steal her as she wasn't mine to be stolen from, not that it would have stopped him anyway. He got her drunk and did her in his car the way he did her friend. A classy dude.

Is it wrong to find taking advantage of a drunk girl unethical?

 

[Tictac]

Never seen GOT. Partial to The Sopranos though.

He didn't steal her as she wasn't mine to be stolen from, not that it would have stopped him anyway. He got her drunk and did her in his car the way he did her friend. A classy dude.

Is it wrong to find taking advantage of a drunk girl unethical?

Oh please. Did he pour alcohol down her throat?

She chose to be there, chose the behavior, chose it all.

You want someone to blame other than you. Good luck with that.

 

[Visionist]

Preaching to the choir at this point. Through it all though I was filled with rage when I saw his car tonight, and was told by friends she was with him, riding around at his whim when she wouldn't give me the time of day. It enfuriates me. Let's leave it at that.

 

[marmel75]

Preaching to the choir at this point. Through it all though I was filled with rage when I saw his car tonight, and was told by friends she was with him, riding around at his whim when she wouldn't give me the time of day. It enfuriates me. Let's leave it at that.

Lol....don't be mad at anyone but yourself...you blew it, plain and simple by having no game and no guts to escalate sexually. Instead of being mad at your friend you should learn from him. He's the one getting laid, you aren't.

 

[Visionist]

The situation enfuriates me, not him. Knowing there's nothing I can do except swallow it. He's a trained animal who's only learnt the one trick; improving his standing by putting others down.

As you can tell, I really fell hard.