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right time to get married?

DEEZEDBRAH

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When do you guys think is the right age to get married at? Im 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun. Im thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind Im thinking it might still be to soon. The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****. Whats your opinion on marriage?
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and about 80 percent of the divorces are initiated by women.



Maybe Dr Petersons daughter can plan your wedding.
 

Zimbabwe

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There isn't one. Both in 2004 and today, the idea of marriage in the secular sense has a debatable value proposition. A lot of marriages fail. Divorce is the most common definition of failure.

Based on a variety of social science statistics, there's about an 80% chance that a marriage that has started since the 1990s will experience AT LEAST ONE of the following 3 things:

1. Divorce
2. Infidelity
3. Extended periods of severe unhappiness, where the relationship seems to go on and on based on inertia and not actual joy.

Marriage doesn't work for a lot of people. @Zimbabwe is correct about how marriage once was. To the outsider, a lot of married people look ok and it confers some social status. On the inside, things are rarely as good as they seem. I think marriage works best for a small subset of devout religious people and works less for more secular people. On SoSuave, a large portion of forum participants are seducers who are not devoutly religious people. For the SoSuave audience, marriage isn't an ideal proposition.



Age at first marriage has crept up since 2004 when this was originally posted. The average/median figures are around 30-31 for men and 28-29 for women.



There is an argument to be made for locking down a good prospect before she rides the carousel. The carousel was not as vicious in 1998-2004 as it was in 2010 and later.

A lower partner count can help with having things last.

There's a good probability that the 20 year old discussed in 2004 is now a 37 year old woman with a high notch count and possibly a single mom.

Would I have put a ring on a 20 year old in 2004? I turned 21 in 2004 and I had no plans to do so at that time. I had one wild girlfriend who was 19 then for a period in 2004 and a few other casual bangs that year. I was thinking solely about the sex then. Sex is still important to the mid to late 30s me of the last 5 years but my sex drive has diminished since then although it is still healthy. I notice that I am not as well balanced mentally and emotionally if I go too long without sex.

A lot of men put a ring on it hoping to lock down sexual frequency for a long time. It doesn't often happen like that in reality. Marital sex is regular in the earlier years of a marriage IF there hasn't been too long of a pre-marital period (~2 years pre-marital). After 3-5 years of marriage, sex frequency is not that high. It must be noted that non-marital relationships see sex frequency declines by the end of 5 years together in a lot of cases. The passage of time is a relationship is the key variable, not the legal status of the relationship.





Relationship games and drama do not end with the wedding ceremony. The early stages of a relationship has the most game playing and it takes more effort to form a relationship than maintain it. Jay was correct about letting your guard down. There are dangers with that too, mainly in the form of divorce. Female infidelity has become more common since the 1980s, which is when the Sexual Revolution of the late 1960s became fully mainstream.

Both married men and married women are guilty at times of letting their guard down, gaining weight, and becoming unattractive.

Part of the reason I've kept my BMI under 25 and stayed in reasonably good shape is that I've never perceived great security in any of my relationships. I've never married. Married people get trapped into the illusion of marital security. If marriages were so secure, there would not be rampant divorce.



It is my hope that the original poster didn't go through with a marriage in 2004-05. If he did, it most likely didn't work out. It would be good to see an update from the poster about it.
In the age of female empowerment, women don’t want to settle down, they want “options” they don’t want a steady guy they would rather have their freedom, and they don’t want a family. They want careers and choices.

Makes it tough on a man who wants a steady woman, because then he is now seen as controlling and male chauvinistic.

I personally have experienced and observed on many many occasions that the majority of women who fit the profile I stated above, have little respect or tolerance for a genuine decent man. Because when the woman states that she wants choices and freedom and probably not a family and then asks the man what he wants, and when he says he would like a family and/or a steady woman, she immediately goes on the offensive. “Why are you like that? Why does it have to be like this? Don’t you think that you should maybe broaden your opinions? Has it occurred to you that maybe a woman wants to do something with her life too????”

These conversations have happened to many many people I know, and the best part is it happened between people who were, and people who were not, in relationships with the very same person they were having that conversation with!

It wasn’t like the man was demanding that she not go to college, or take that job, he simply stated his thoughts and/or dreams when he was asked and was immediately attacked for it.

Relationships are supposed to be a 2-way street, but it’s amazing how you sit down in a cafe and within a few hours you often overhear multiple conversations of 1-way bullet trains just running over the pedestrian who entertained the thought of taking a long trip.
 

SW15

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In the age of female empowerment, women don’t want to settle down, they want “options” they don’t want a steady guy they would rather have their freedom, and they don’t want a family. They want careers and choices.

Linked article is titled "More Americans say they’re not planning to have a child, new poll says, as U.S. birthrate declines"


Women who get bachelor's degrees or higher value their careers over LTRs with men. There are some dateable women with bachelor's degrees but these are usually women without big careers and they were lower tier academic performers at non-elite universities.
 

PRW63

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When do you guys think is the right age to get married at? Im 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun. Im thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind Im thinking it might still be to soon. The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****. Whats your opinion on marriage?
The longer you wait the more time the society has to corrupt her mind. But you have to know what you are doing and not be taken over by the femcentric mentality of society. If you don't lead,...she will,...and if she leads, she will lead you straight to divorce court. So lead.
 
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