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right time to get married?

unclebob

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When do you guys think is the right age to get married at? Im 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun. Im thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind Im thinking it might still be to soon. The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****. Whats your opinion on marriage?
 

tactic

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right age is your age
 

Survivor

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I'm going to be married in a few weeks, so hopefully I can bring some perspective.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing if done at the right time, with the right frame of mind and with the right woman. I proposed when I was 26. My fiance was 25 so age wasn't that much of an issue.

Bear in mind, I know nothing about your situation, however my concern for you is the age difference between you and your girlfriend. Do what your heart tells you to do, but my warning is this....

Marriage Is Not Fair.

Make sure you realize this before you propose. And more importantly, make sure SHE realizes it before she says yes.
 

NMMWCR

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Five years age difference is a much bigger deal for 25/20 than for 25/30. She still isn't able to buy her own beer in most places. Since she has so much to experience still, I'd be hesitant to jump in with both feet. I think the first thing you need to do is explore your motivations here. If you are wanting to do this because you don't have any plans of wanting to be with anyone else, you might be on the right track. If there is some part of you that is nervous about her having the freedom to pick someone else, you need to understand that insecurity is a very bad reason to get married.

Once you know for sure whether you want to do this and why, I think it would be worthwhile to arrange for a long engagement period. It makes little difference if "forever" starts tomorrow or a year from August. Except that an engagement doesn't involve legal entaglements, joint property, children, and in-laws. This gives her a couple years to grow into herself as a woman and you a little breathing room in case she suddenly discovers her life's calling is in the circus.

Right now, you have time and options. Once you get married, you have less of each. Make sure you are getting fair value in trade.
 

Jay Gatsby

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When do you guys think is the right age to get married at?
If you have to ask this question, then you’re not ready to get married. There is no “right” age to get married; rather, there is only an average age, which I believe is 27 in the U.S. for men, and 25 or so for women.

I’m 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun.
So you want to get married because you’re tired of all the games women play? Although I’ve never been married, any man who thinks the games end when he puts a ring on a woman’s finger is a fool. They only just begin at that point, but unlike being single, there are repercussions that prevent simply walking away.

Why are you letting the behavior of women dictate one of the most important decisions in you life? I would assume that you don’t let their behavior dictate your dating, so it doesn’t make sense for you to allow their behavior to force you to “escape” by fleeing into marriage.

The truth really seems to be that you’re tired of having your guard up all the time with single women, and you think that by getting married, you can let your guard down. You can, but only to a certain degree.

I’m thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind I’m thinking it might still be to soon.
If you think it’s too soon, then it probably is too soon. See my above point about not being ready to get married. Besides, how do you know she’ll accept? Marriage is an enormous step for a woman, far beyond selecting a guy to date exclusively.

The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****.
So you want to take her off the market before someone else takes her away from you? That screams of insecurity, not maturity.

What’s your opinion on marriage?
Marriage is a neutral institution, absent the consequences of divorce. However, it is an important step, and not one to be taken without both serious thought and a deep emotional connection with the other person.
 

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There was a time when being married was not uncommon amongst teenagers and the marriages lasted for many more years than they do today. It is the mindset and the sincerity of the two that determines the success and the proper time for marriage. I would have no problem marrying a 20 year old if she has the values and mindset that I cherish!
 

dietzcoi

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My ex wife was 19 and I was 23 when we married.

DON'T DO IT!

You are just barely old enough in my opinion, and she is NOT even close to being old enough!

Think she will regret missing out on being single in her 20's someday????

I will give you the answer now: YES!!!

You are headed for a world of hurt due to your insecurity of not letting anybody else "steal her".

Go ahead, you won't listen to me anyway.....

Dietzcoi
 

Slickster

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Originally posted by dietzcoi
Think she will regret missing out on being single in her 20's someday????
This is what I would be concerned about. An ex of mine just split from her husband. I asked her what happened? She said things were great I just married too young. She was 21. Now she's 29 and partying her face off to make up for lost time.
 

TooColdUlrick

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don't do it. you are too young. she is way too young.

nowadays, your marriage would be considered the "starter marriage"--idealistic and unrealistic. you get married, it lasts for 3 years, then you get divorced.

then you get married again "for real" to someone else.
 

( . )( . )

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Originally posted by dietzcoi


Think she will regret missing out on being single in her 20's someday????

I will give you the answer now: YES!!!

this is spot on, you cant change a chicks nature, and believe you me a 20 year old chicks nature (especially hot) is NOT too settle down and be stuck in a marriage, she will 99 times out of 100 end up resenting you.

sure all the ladies live for the idea of marriage and all the fairytale bullsh!t they dream about since childhood and the actual ceremony etc etc, but thats as far as it goes these days.
 

DreamerZZ35

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Originally posted by unclebob
When do you guys think is the right age to get married at? Im 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun. Im thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind Im thinking it might still be to soon. The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****. Whats your opinion on marriage?

whoa cowboy..... take a BIG step back.

Right age? NO SUCH THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First you have to be totally at peice with the idea that you will never be with another woman. You need to be fully prepared to honor in action and your heart that line of until Death do you part.

Second you have to be absolutely positive this woman believes that the world itself rises and sets upon your say so. If you have even the slightest doubt that she thinks your all that and a dumptruck full of ho-ho's DONT DO IT.

Third, what do your friends and family think of this gal? They have a perspective on her that YOU dont see. Maybe she does things or says things about you or about anything in general that are giving warning signs you dont see.

Fourth, when it doesnt work out (and the odds are better than 50% that it wont) you have to know that you are going to lose half of everything you own. You prepared for that??

Finally, you probably are better of not getting married and just enjoy her companionship until she basically says we get married or I have to move on. Otherwise WHY DO IT?

Dont rush into marriage, it really is not something you want to "do over again"

Is your HB9 giving you the where is this relationship going speach yet? If she isnt DONT propose. Let her tell you its time to get married or its time to move on.... DONT RUSH. Trust me as a divorced man, you really dont want to rush into marriage.
 

WaterTiger

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NO! NO! NO! She is WAAAAAAY too young to get married! You probably are too. But if you want to marry the girl you're going to do it. Just promise Auntie Water Tiger ONE little thing. GET A PRE-NUP!!! Put it ALL down in writting.

*Who pays the bills? Joint credit cards or seperate?
* Religion! Seperate or the same faith? Are the children raised in her faith or yours?
*Own or rent a home? Her place, your place or a totally new place?
*If she gets a great job in another state will you move? What if you get the great job?
*Do you want kids? How many kids? Private school or public Who's responsible for their care if you die?
* If you get in a car wreck and are bed ridden for six months who's going to take care of you?
* Does she want to continue her education? Who's paying?
* If your parents get sick, will she be willing to help with their care?

Being married isn't a romantic, fairy-tale, starry-eyed magical trip to Disneyland. It's a legal business merger. Running a house is all about business. It takes budget stratigies, planning goals, time management and being able to depend on the preformance of the other partner.

Take all the candle light and flowers OUT of the equasion. Look at it like you are hiring the Vice President of your life. Because you are! Good luck!
 

smooth666

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A professor once told me:

A women is ready to get married when she is 25, a man is ready when he is beyond 30.

Well of course everyone is different and therefore you should not take it literally.

But in my experience(sisters,brothers,friends...) men need their freedom (dj-ing etc) for a longer time.Women tend to look for an appropriate partner and want to close the deal because:
a) they know they get older and less attractive
b) biology (babies)
c) security

What is the point in getting married at your age? What do you lose by living WITH your GF for 2-3 more years and see how it works?

Take care!
 

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unclebob

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I forgot to mention one thing this girl grew up in Europe and has been drinking and doing her thing since 15 she definitely acts like the local girls here at age 26 or even older. Most of the girls I met here in Cali aged 18-21 act like little kids with a few acceptions. Im also from Europe. Most of her friends are already married its just a different mind set down there people seem to take relationships more seriously. The women are also less Feministic then the ones here in CALI they know how to cook and take care of their man. Either way thanks for all the advice I'm definitely not going to jump into anything in a rush, and im not insecure of her choosing someone else over me like some of you suggested since she is in Europe right now and can do what ever she wants she is definitely the one better off being with me then vice versa in her eyes im the catch.
 

mateo_g

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If you have any doubts, they will grow larger in time until they consume you. Now take your doubts, and realize that she has them too.

When you know it is the right decision, you will know beyond the shadowy doubts. This is a decision that will effect you for a very long time, so do not enter it with a cloud of uncertainty above your heads.

There is nothing wrong with co-habitation, live together and enjoy your relationship; and if things turn sour, there will be no crazy court case (unless you have kids, then you are fooked). Your stock rises as you age my friend, do not be so hasty to enter into a marrage.
 

Zimbabwe

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don't do it. you are too young. she is way too young.

nowadays, your marriage would be considered the "starter marriage"--idealistic and unrealistic. you get married, it lasts for 3 years, then you get divorced.

then you get married again "for real" to someone else.
People used to get married at 18 straight out of highschool, they stayed married for life
 

SW15

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When do you guys think is the right age to get married at?
There isn't one. Both in 2004 and today, the idea of marriage in the secular sense has a debatable value proposition. A lot of marriages fail. Divorce is the most common definition of failure.

Based on a variety of social science statistics, there's about an 80% chance that a marriage that has started since the 1990s will experience AT LEAST ONE of the following 3 things:

1. Divorce
2. Infidelity
3. Extended periods of severe unhappiness, where the relationship seems to go on and on based on inertia and not actual joy.

Marriage doesn't work for a lot of people. @Zimbabwe is correct about how marriage once was. To the outsider, a lot of married people look ok and it confers some social status. On the inside, things are rarely as good as they seem. I think marriage works best for a small subset of devout religious people and works less for more secular people. On SoSuave, a large portion of forum participants are seducers who are not devoutly religious people. For the SoSuave audience, marriage isn't an ideal proposition.

If you have to ask this question, then you’re not ready to get married. There is no “right” age to get married; rather, there is only an average age, which I believe is 27 in the U.S. for men, and 25 or so for women.
Age at first marriage has crept up since 2004 when this was originally posted. The average/median figures are around 30-31 for men and 28-29 for women.

The other thing is she is 20 years old hot looking and very nice, I got to her before the world turned her into a common *****. Whats your opinion on marriage?
There is an argument to be made for locking down a good prospect before she rides the carousel. The carousel was not as vicious in 1998-2004 as it was in 2010 and later.

A lower partner count can help with having things last.

There's a good probability that the 20 year old discussed in 2004 is now a 37 year old woman with a high notch count and possibly a single mom.

Would I have put a ring on a 20 year old in 2004? I turned 21 in 2004 and I had no plans to do so at that time. I had one wild girlfriend who was 19 then for a period in 2004 and a few other casual bangs that year. I was thinking solely about the sex then. Sex is still important to the mid to late 30s me of the last 5 years but my sex drive has diminished since then although it is still healthy. I notice that I am not as well balanced mentally and emotionally if I go too long without sex.

A lot of men put a ring on it hoping to lock down sexual frequency for a long time. It doesn't often happen like that in reality. Marital sex is regular in the earlier years of a marriage IF there hasn't been too long of a pre-marital period (~2 years pre-marital). After 3-5 years of marriage, sex frequency is not that high. It must be noted that non-marital relationships see sex frequency declines by the end of 5 years together in a lot of cases. The passage of time is a relationship is the key variable, not the legal status of the relationship.

Im 25 and seriously getting tired of the games with all these women I started going out and partying since like 15 so I have had my share of fun. Im thinking of proposing this summer to my girlfriend "HB9" who I know will accept but somehow in the back of my mind Im thinking it might still be to soon.
So you want to get married because you’re tired of all the games women play? Although I’ve never been married, any man who thinks the games end when he puts a ring on a woman’s finger is a fool. They only just begin at that point, but unlike being single, there are repercussions that prevent simply walking away.

The truth really seems to be that you’re tired of having your guard up all the time with single women, and you think that by getting married, you can let your guard down. You can, but only to a certain degree.
Relationship games and drama do not end with the wedding ceremony. The early stages of a relationship has the most game playing and it takes more effort to form a relationship than maintain it. Jay was correct about letting your guard down. There are dangers with that too, mainly in the form of divorce. Female infidelity has become more common since the 1980s, which is when the Sexual Revolution of the late 1960s became fully mainstream.

Both married men and married women are guilty at times of letting their guard down, gaining weight, and becoming unattractive.

Part of the reason I've kept my BMI under 25 and stayed in reasonably good shape is that I've never perceived great security in any of my relationships. I've never married. Married people get trapped into the illusion of marital security. If marriages were so secure, there would not be rampant divorce.

DON'T DO IT!
It is my hope that the original poster didn't go through with a marriage in 2004-05. If he did, it most likely didn't work out. It would be good to see an update from the poster about it.
 
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Scaramouche

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Hi Bob,
Only ever contemplate marriage if you want Kids....Why introduce a third party into your relationship,particularly when it has the legal power to gut you financially and emotionally?
 
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