"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Respect

jhonny9546

Master Don Juan
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Every man knows that respect is earned, not given.
And most men would rather have a woman’s respect than her love.
And most women cannot truly love a man they do not respect.



Are these three valid reasons why women prefer to enter into, and remain in, LTRs with men who "intimidate" them or whom they "fear," rather than with men to whom they are attracted but whom they do not fear enough?

This is simply a reflection based on what I, and many other members here have observed along the way: freshly committed women but also the most committed ones, remain in relationships with their partners or husbands, often "nice guys" who have swallowed the "blue pill", who would lose their minds or do terrifying things if they ever found out that their gf/wives were attracted to, or had an encounter with another man, or that they could possibly have cheated on them, or something similar.

If the premise is true, do women stay in relationships with these types of intimidating, fear-inducing men, as if they were prisoners in a castle, because they actually respect them, and therefore truly love them, or, where is the point?

And you, what kind of man are you?

I'm pretty sure you would feel upset and angry too if you found out that your gf/wife was dealing with that kind of situation.
But having met many men here and understanding their POV, I think we can all agree on one thing: we should never allow ourselves to become men who trap a woman in a cage and lock the gate to keep her from leaving. Instead, we should be the kind of men who leave the gate open, giving her the freedom to choose, so that she understand that if she makes the wrong choices or does something foolish, she might come back one day only to find that the gate has been closed, and she no longer has a place in that cage.


It’s an unpleasant thing to say, but if she ends up doing something stupid and finds the gate locked, then you will be respected, and, at that point, even loved, even if she is no longer there.
On the other hand, how do you expect her to respect, and therefore love, you if you make it your concern to keep that gate permanently locked, with her trapped inside?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Poonstra

Senior Don Juan
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"Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved?
It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with. Because this is to be asserted in general of men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowards, covetous, and as long as you succeed they are yours entirely; they will offer you their blood, property, life, and children, as is said above, when the need is far distant; but when it approaches they turn against you.

And that prince who, relying entirely on their promises, has neglected other precautions, is ruined; because friendships that are obtained by payments, and not by greatness or nobility of mind, may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails. "

Niccolò Machiavelli — The Prince, Chapter XVII (1513)
 
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