Reputation for Being Single

[STR8UP]

So i was at a female friend's house the other day, and we were going to watch a movie. She whips out this DVD and says "You have to watch this movie.....this is how you will probably end up".

Can't remember the name of the movie, but it was basically a chick flick, and the main character played by Jack Nicholson (which besides wanting to be humored by her assessment of me is the only reason that I watched it) was a 63 yr old bachelor with a reputation for dating only 20 something women.

This isn't the first time I've heard this kind of stuff from chicks. And it always comes from women who have some kind of interest, of course.

But this got me thinking. How does having a reputation for being the eternal bachelor help or hurt your chances with women?

On one hand you have the "unattainable" factor working for you where the woman knows she has to work extra hard to catch the guy who can't be caught.

On the other hand, although women aren't exactly known for their rationality, I think chicks ARE conscious of the fact that they might be fighting a losing battle and might either be more hesitant to get involved with you or they might be quicker to pull the plug or even more likely to keep their eyes peeled for a guy who WILL settle down while they date you.

I'm almost thinking that it can work against you most of the time. So how do you go about removing the stigma if the women around you see that you tend to be single most of the time and from what they see, you don't tend to stick with one chick for very long?

I mean, the women who are in my various social circles don't see ALL of what goes on with my love life, but women love to gossip so if there is anything to be talked about it goes around the room before I even know it happened half the time. Hell, I've had chicks calling me up to ask what happened between me and so-and-so last night, while so-and-so is still laying next to me in bed. It's hard to keep from getting a rep for being this way when that's the only side of you women really see.

What do you think?

 

[edger]

Str8up-

I've always seen it as negative thing that works against you, in the sense that, these women think to themselves, "this guy must suck with women".

 

[Juando]

I recently got out of a 13 yr LTR but I was the bachelor guy before that and women who were interested seemed to be responding to the "good genes" dynamic... I did not understand it then, why women would pursue me up to the point of getting a sperm donation and then... sayonara.

 

[Mr. Me]

"...this is how you will probably end up".

This isn't the first time I've heard this kind of stuff from chicks.

Are you saying these are really in the tone of serious public service announcements coming from these girls? Or maybe is it their way of negging/ribbing you? I think it's all about the womens' tendency to state how they envision the Paradigm, "The World According To Them".

the main character played by Jack Nicholson... was a 63 yr old bachelor with a reputation for dating only 20 something women.

Good casting: Jack Nicholson is an older bachelor with a reputation for dating younger women. Like Lara Flynn Boyle. What a terrible way to end up! Aren't you glad she warned you? Heed her well, lest ye suffer such a dire fate. Thank GOD she knew how to operate a DVD player.

So how do you go about removing the stigma if the women around you see that you tend to be single most of the time and from what they see, you don't tend to stick with one chick for very long?

Who said they necessarily see it as a stigma? I think it may become a stigma if you continually have a story of how you were dumped by this one and that one in record time. But if the story is, "she was a nice girl, but she didn't do it for me, so I had to cut her loose", then you're the one seen as "choosy", "picky", "may be hard to please", "has standards", "doesn't settle for settling". And that's a challenge to them, not a stigma. So, isn't being a challenge the key?

I've had chicks calling me up to ask what happened between me and so-and-so last night, while so-and-so is still laying next to me in bed.

Well, they'll get past acting like that sometime after they graduate high school.

 

[vitor]

I meet mostly random or new women so my past is not something they know or are privy too. SO if you are dating women from the same pond, move to the lake my friend. I think it tilts things in your favor, if women ask you why are you always single or have been single for so long tell them that you are picky and know what you want and have not found it yet. Let them know you know when you see it, or if it is a chick you want to date tell her I have been waiting to date a woman like you.

Giving into a relationship just to have somebody is crap. You will lose money, time, and the enjoyment that is life.. Focus on you, then women, and it will all come together....

 

[KontrollerX]

I think to defeat the negatives that can arise from this perception you simply need to lie and play into their in the Matrix way of thinking which means basically tell them you really want to settle down and meet the love of your life, your soulmate etc but gosh darnit you just haven't met the right girl yet but you are oh so confident she is out there.

Just sell them the fantasy that they already believe in Str8up.

Use the Matrix thinking against them to your benefit.

We all know you have no intentions of settling down and you know that and these women may suspect that but you need to put on your best genuine act as possible and really sell your social circle on the lie that you buy into their thinking too and you really want the whole white picket fence fantasy but you just haven't found a woman that can measure up yet.

Putting it that way of course takes any blame off of you in their minds for being at fault for any relationship of yours ending/going sour/what have you and it also sells them on the idea that you really can be caught if they do their absolute best to please you which of course leads to them continually working hard and benefitting you the most in the relationships that you have.

Of course with each chick that you need to do this with the relationships will have a shelf life as when one person has a marriage agenda and the other one doesn't as with any strong agenda really that relationship is going to end.

Though if you pull the con that you can be caught well enough on any one chick you can be the b@stard, awesome, cool guy we always hear women complaining about on talk shows or in articles about how she wasted 15 years of her life on a man that wouldn't commit/get married etc and now he's traded her in for a younger model! :crackup:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The only thing worse than a guy who's internalized the Myth of the Lonely Old Man, is a woman encouraging that myth as a social convention in order to shame him into complying with her - or the feminine in general's - own imperatives.

HER: "Better be careful, if you keep up your bachelor's ways you could end up lonely and loveless in your 60s with only the memories of your shallow sexual exploits to comfort you"

YOU (she hopes): "Pfeww, boy am I glad you set me straight! Look at that big loneliness ditch I almost ended up. I'm so indebted to you for all that I owe you a lifetime of marital bliss and fulfillment in spite of your 3 failed marriages and 4 children needing support. And to think I was almost 40 before I realized this!"

 

[Colossus]

So how do you go about removing the stigma if the women around you see that you tend to be single most of the time and from what they see, you don't tend to stick with one chick for very long?

Hang out with new women.

You care too much what these hens think. I take any woman's opinion of me or my lifestyle with a grain of salt; unless she's a CLOSE friend or relative. Even then, it's not going to hold the same weight as an opinion of a Man I respect.

 

[Mr. Me]

I don't think, in this regard, they're actually actively "shaming" anyone. I think what we're hearing is simply a reflection of their own mind set. Their paradigm, as I stated above, of how they envision they way things must go.

Case in point: An ex of mine had her future predicted that she would not get married. Her response was, "Wow, I'd hate to end up alone". Now, we all know that never getting married doesn't equate with 'ending up alone'. You could be in a relationship, or be dating several people - yet that's the way she interprets her single status. Her aim certainly wasn't in trying to shame herself when she felt that way. It's just that feminine wiring regarding relationship prominence, at work.

This also may account for why a woman in a long term serious exclusive relationship views her man's refusal to get married as his not being committed to the relationship, despite the obvious fact he has been and continues to be.

 

[mrRuckus]

This also may account for why a woman in a long term serious exclusive relationship views her man's refusal to get married as his not being committed to the relationship, despite the obvious fact he has been and continues to be.

EIther that or it's a chapter in "he's just not that into you."

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I think what we're hearing is simply a reflection of their own mind set. Their paradigm, as I stated above, of how they envision they way things must go.

Great observation.

How many times do we see people involed in "stable" but boring relationships? Is that their definition of success? I don´t think so.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I think I know the movie, JN is a writer and he "writes women characters very well" and when asked how he does this he says "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

The movie is called "As good as it gets."

 

[STR8UP]

I think I know the movie, JN is a writer and he "writes women characters very well" and when asked how he does this he says "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

The movie is called "As good as it gets."

Nope....it's called Something's Got To Give....just looked it up....

I saw the movie you are talking about as well. Even though they are chick flicks, Nicholson brings the alpha flava which makes it palatable.

It's funny that a lot of guys would kill to be the 63 yr old banging 20-30 yr old women, but any woman over the age of 30 has a bone to pick with a man who would dare date out of his peer group...haha

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

There's a difference between having a reputation as an eternal bachelor who will never settle down and being a loser who can't get chicks and will be single his whole life. I think it's a good thing that she thinks of you in the category of eternal bachelor. It conveys that you get a lot of chicks but somehow disqualify them all due to a desire for independance and freedom.

I have this same problem. In my view, people are affraid of fiercely independant men because it goes against social conventions and disrupts people's reality. It's the same when you want to be an entrepreneur and build your own business, most people will tell you that you will fail and that you should get a 9-5 job.

In you situation, her telling you that is a clear signal that you should have moved in for the kill. If she was simply thinking of you in the friend zone, this topic wouldn't have come up.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[samspade]

There's a difference between having a reputation as an eternal bachelor who will never settle down and being a loser who can't get chicks and will be single his whole life. I think it's a good thing that she thinks of you in the category of eternal bachelor. It conveys that you get a lot of chicks but somehow disqualify them all due to a desire for independance and freedom.

My thoughts exactly - was just going to say this.

I have the same deal...LTRs are rare for me. For a while I thought there was something wrong. Then I embraced it. I don't believe I'll be single forever, but if I do settle down, it will be after a well-lived single life.

Any trait that makes a guy elusive and challenging is a plus.

 

[STR8UP]

Long time no hear CC!

I agree to a point, but as I have posted about in the past, and I have personally experienced this, it is possible for a woman to drop the man she really wants to be with for the man who will give her the picket fence.

I suppose you could argue that you are dodging a bullet by getting rid of the type of woman who wants to tie you down when you don't want to be tied down.

The thing is, I am definitely NOT opposed to the idea of having a relationship, I just know that it's never going to happen unless i find an attractive, sweet, caring, smart, open minded, down to earth woman who can fukk like a porn star, likes to travel, and isn't in a race to find a sperm donor to knock her up three or four times. And women take this as "he's never going to settle down".

the only bad thing is that at times I get the feeling that women are almost afraid of guys like me cause however prone women are to following their emotions, there are some cases where they know it's a losing battle and they are not willing to get involved with you for that very reason.

 

[Unprez]

uh..isn't it the mentality that girls go for older guys since they are more likely to settle down then to younger guys who just want to have fun?

 

[Deep Dish]

Hah. Moments after reading this thread, I come across this article on CNN which gives the opening lines...

Do you remember the scene in the movie "Something's Gotta Give" where Jack Nicholson's character lies about Viagra to a doctor in the emergency room?

Jack Nicholson in "Something's Gotta Give" denies having taken Viagra -- a move that could've killed him. He'd just had a heart attack after romancing a (much younger) woman, and the doctor is furiously calling out orders to give him aspirin, blood pressure drugs, and ... nitroglycerine.

"Mr. Sanborn, did you take any Viagra today?" the doctor asks as the nurses load him up with the medicines.

"No. No Viagra," he says.

"Okay, good. Just need to be sure. Because I put nitroglycerin into your drip. And if you'd taken Viagra, the combination could be fatal," the doctor warns.

Cut to Nicholson, who rips the IV out of his arm.

Yes, I do think women view eternal bachelorhood in a negative light. Heck, I've never spoken to a single (as in one) woman who has agreed with my eternal girlfriendless status. They all protest.

 

[PokerStar]

I have now learned not to talk to women about eternal girlfreindless status.

thanks deep dish!

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Well I think that "eternalgirlfriendlessness" is a different thing and would probably be weird. Being an "eternal bachelor" the way my pal STR8UP and I define it, is more like having an endless stream of girlfriends that you romance but never settle down with.