Could you post examples of this middle-ground and explain how has it worked in your favour?
Been dating this really attractive girl 10 years younger than me for many months now. Here are some examples largely based on my interactions with her as I feel it paints a good picture.
These are some things I do that I feel some hard-core cave-man style red pill guys might disagree with:
1. Take the time and effort to plan and organize trips
2. Apologize if I do genuinely feel I made a mistake (do not take this to mean I apologize for something I don't believe I have done wrong). This doesn't happen often... maybe 3 times in half a year. Many would disagree with me on this one.
3. Give gifts. Generally not lavishly, and not all the time. But I do give her things as tokens of my appreciation, and for her birthday I gave her a couple really nice, thoughtful gifts. She gets me gifts as well so it is not unbalanced.
4. Ensure she is completely satisfied (instead of just myself) in the bedroom
5. Hear her out when she wants to be heard (do not take this to mean I agree with her if I don't - but I do listen unless she is becoming aggressive in which case I simply walk out and leave). This includes listening to her talk about her problems that do not involve us (like an issue she is having at work etc). I do not allow myself to be used as an emotional tampon either, but listening to her talk for 5-15 minutes about her day is totally fine and what a decent human should do. The only time this is not ok is when you have a woman who is a serial complainer/whiner - and that's an easy scenario to solve because you simply dump those girls early-on for being damaged goods.
6. Tell her I love her (of course I did not start saying it until after she did, and after things had been going well for months) and also tell her what it is about her that draws me to her - what I appreciate about her, what turns me on about her, etc. I validate her.
7. Let her hang out with her friends, whomever they are, whenever she wants. She never hangs out with guys who could be potential romance interests so I have not had to be in a situation where I need to decide whether to forbid her or allow her, but honestly I would likely let her hang out with anyone, even a guy I thought she might be into. I can't control her and won't try. If she did hang out with a guy I thought was a potential romance interest, I would simply back off my investment and treat her as a plate from that point forward and if she hooked up with him, I'd remove her as a plate. My trying to control her would never succeed.
8. I cook for her (about 30-50% of the time - note: we do not live together - just referring to our dates)
9. I pay for her restaurant meals about 60% of the time. She pays before I offer the remaining times.
These are some things I do that are very red-pill:
1. Do not back down from my opinions or beliefs when and if she challenges them and if she tries to criticize or shame me for it I tell her she is entitled to her opinion but if she criticizes me again then I will walk out the door. A good example of this is the fact that I usually date women in their early 20's, despite my being mid 40's. This really triggers many women - the reason for which could be a whole thread in of itself and one I've been wanting to start.
2. I am not needy. I will absolutely not let my desire to be with her outweigh my belief in myself, what I want, and what I believe in. When she crosses the line with me on these things, I tell her, and I walk out. This also means I accept ZERO threats from her and the second she even tries to threaten me with a breakup, I speed her along and tell her she's right and that we should end it immediately. When we have a rough patch, instead of finding myself anxious about losing her and reacting accordingly, I find myself wanting to eject - I'm sure she can sense this through the airwaves and my subcommunication - and this is so much more effective because it's REAL and not deliberate and/or intentionally conveyed.
3. When I feel she has wronged me and I end up walking out, I will NEVER, and I mean EVER contact her again unless she reaches out to me and she apologizes. She knows I mean it because I've done it several times now. She complains about my doing that and thinks it's wrong but IDGAF whether she thinks it's wrong because I know I am right for drawing a boundary and enforcing it. She knows if she has wronged me and I walk out, she is going to have to call me or she will never hear from me again.
4. If I want to do something, I will do it, regardless of whether she forbids me. Could mean talking to an ex or.... well so far that's all she has tried to forbid me from doing, but it doesn't matter. I won't be forbid from doing anything. If she doesn't like it she can leave me or get over it.
5. She always reaches out to me to ask me to get together. The only time I set the date is when I am planning a trip for us.
6. I do all the choosing/deciding. Where we go eat, where we take a trip to, etc. I lead like a man. I'm open to her alternative suggestions, but generally unless she has a rare strong aversion to what I suggest, she is happy and appreciative to follow my lead.
7. I don't do things I don't want to do. If she invites me out to meet and hang out with her friends one evening and I don't want to, I tell her I don't want to. I'm polite about it. If she tries to guilt me for it (which this girl doesn't, but hypothetically speaking) I would not change my mind because of it and I would tell her she has no right to try to force me to do it. If she kept pressing me, I'd walk out the door.
8. I never get emotional.
9. I never argue. I will listen to what she has to say, genuinely, I will state my case ONCE (calmly and matter-of-factly), and if she pushes back on it, I will continue listening for a while (so long as she remains calm and doesn't criticize or try to shame me), but I will not debate her.
10. I don't think she is the one. I will never marry her. I know that chances are, I am just having my turn with her and I am living in the moment and enjoying it while it lasts while not taking it to mean anything it doesn't.
11. I get none of my identity from being with her
12. I keep my game sharp by flirting with female strangers (not in front of her), and I keep my social life thriving. I do plenty of things without her and keep trying to grow my social circle.
This is how I define my middle-ground. Others may approach it differently. I'm happy with my results. If someone told me that I lost valuable girls in the past by doing any combination of things from list at the top of this post, I would disagree.
Your question about how has it worked in my favor is difficult to answer, again because I don't have a time machine. What I do know is that I am confident and comfortable enough with the decisions on how I handle women, to the point where if something doesn't work out with a girl, I know it's likely not be my "fault" or because I wasn't hard-edged enough. She is either not not my type, or not a valuable catch because she is too broken to be loved and in a real relationship, or it simply wasn't the right time and place for us. I also know that I am thought of among my friends as someone who has a lot of success with women, but especially with very beautiful, young women. I have even seen jealousy from the women in my social circle, which tells me I'm doing something right. But I think game is something that takes a lifetime to master, so we are always learning, myself included.
