Remind a girl of a date?

[skinnyguy]

I set up a date with an HB on Thursday and didn't contact her for three days. Guess what- she showed up at my place on Sunday even though it was our first real date. Girls will show up if they are interested.

I don't think there is too much wrong with confirming if you don't look desperate.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Chicks Have Sh*t Going in They're Lives

So, let's say I have a date and I'm not sure if the girl will remember. What's a good way to remind her without seeming desperate?

You don't. Being that you want to take her out anyway, what's wrong with taking her to Starbucks, Subways, or Stone Cold, right then and there? We all that women are emotional beings and they'll often react to things based on how they feel in the particular moment.

If a chick likes you and is enjoying your company, it's she'll be more apt to join you for some ice cream, a vanilla frappuccino, or a tuna melt when you have her right there in front of you, as opposed to to setting aside a block of time in the immediate future to go out with you. To tell the truth, making dates should be reserved for women that you already have established a rapport with. Also, setting a date to make a date gives her the opportunity to flake if a better offer comes along. Remember, you're a stranger to this chick and have to strike while the iron is hot and while the momentum is in your favor.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Let's look at this from a logical standpoint, shall we?

On just about every first date I've gone on, the woman in question has shown up dressed to the 10s or better: hair done, new outfit, best smelling perfume, etc. Whether or not the date ended up being one that resulted in us having more dates is beside the point - what matters is that all of these women were trying their damndest to make a good first impression in hopes that it would work out and we'd go out again.

In order to show up to the date looking like this, it means these women had to spend time AND money getting ready. This means going out and having to shop for new items; asking their girlfriends to help them pick out the perfect outfit; figuring out what the perfect makeup/eye shadow combination was; whether or not to wear a bra and/or how much cleavage to show... and this is just the stuff she's preparing in the looks department - we haven't even gotten into the spy mission they're doing trying to look you up on facebook, or going on google to search for what body language she should be using or phrases she should be saying in order to pique your interest further.

And trust me - I've done surveys of women, and this is ALL the stuff most of them go through when a guy asks them out for what we think is a simple date request.

I say all this to say: a woman that wants to go out with you doesn't need to be reminded because not only will she not she forget, but she CAN'T forget. An event such as possibly going out with a guy who could end up being the love of her life is TOO IMPORTANT for her to suddenly forget about - unless, of course, she doesn't see you as being that guy, in which case she'll forget or flake. But most of them are going to put so much prep work into going out with you that they'll need to make sure they get it all done before the time you proposed for the date gets here.

#themmoreyouknow

 

[Yewki]

I say all this to say: a woman that wants to go out with you doesn't need to be reminded because not only will she not she forget, but she CAN'T forget.

You're assuming she wants to go with you. People change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates, have emergencies, do disrespectful things, etc.

The whole idea of two people maintaining silence for days before meeting, then the day of just going and hoping the other is there... when you can easily contact each other... is honestly borderline autistic behavior. You can try to downplay it and say you were going to go to X location anyways, but let's be real... it's usually one on one and about meeting her.

I'm sure many will disagree, but whatever. I don't get it.

Now let me put this another way... Would you forget you had a date with a HB10? No? Then she won't forget she has a date with a hot guy.

Ya but most guys/girls are not hot. So I don't follow.

 

[backbeat]

she should b remindin u lettin u no if the date is still on n not the other way round.

 

[Alvafe]

You're assuming she wants to go with you. People change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates, have emergencies, do disrespectful things, etc.

The whole idea of two people maintaining silence for days before meeting, then the day of just going and hoping the other is there... when you can easily contact each other... is honestly borderline autistic behavior. You can try to downplay it and say you were going to go to X location anyways, but let's be real... it's usually one on one and about meeting her.

I'm sure many will disagree, but whatever. I don't get it.



Ya but most guys/girls are not hot. So I don't follow.

the hotness of a person depends on each person.

what you miss is your interest level on a girl who you find hot, your number, a 10 and so on you won't forget you have a date with her, same for a girl if she really want to go out with you she will be there you don't need to remind her,
another reason is you want to gauge her IL and see if you keep or next her, and for first date its recommended to you find a place with you would normally go and in case of a flake you could still do anything, be it to have fun or to try to gather more numbers

 

[Harry Wilmington]

You're assuming she wants to go with you. People change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates, have emergencies, do disrespectful things, etc. .

For starters: yes, I'm assuming she wants to go with me. The ATTITUDE you need to carry with you, especially when asking women out, is that you're going to show them such a good time that they NEED to WANT to show up. By having that attitude you will find the majority of girls you ask out WILL show up, even if they're on the fence. I once asked a girl out on a date who was saying everything she could to prevent me from wanting to go through with it... BUT, she still said yes, and was still hitting ME up close to date time to see if I was still going to show up for it!

And second: outside of obvious emergencies (i.e. someone in her family dies, or she really DOES get sick), a woman's not turning you down and/or not showing up IF you're asking her out in a way that doesn't give off one of many negative vibes (i.e. nervousness, neediness, desperation, etc.). If you ask a girl out and she decides later to give you an excuse as to why she suddenly can't go, it means your "sales pitch" to her was off in some way. Any excuse she gives you about forgetting, or she forgot what time it was, etc. is just that - an EXCUSE. She's being passive aggressive in her rejection of you, when in reality she wasn't going to show up anyway!

Lastly, you have to get your ego out of the way and remember one important thing: women "remember" to show up for things that are important to them. I won't use the typical "if you were a celebrity she'd show up" example, so let's go with something simple: if she gets hired for a new job that's going to pay $100,000 a year, and they ask her to show up 2 weeks from now on Tuesday at 9:57 AM sharp to start, best believe she's going to remember it - WITHOUT THE JOB HAVING TO CALL TO REMIND HER. Why? 'Cause it's important to her.

Similarly, if YOU ask her out, and she feels like you might be "the one," you could ask her out for a day that's a month from now (and I know, 'cause I've done it before) and she'll be ready to go a month later, dressed to the 9s and ready to impress. Why? 'Cause she feels YOU may be as important to her life as a job paying $100,000 dollars - and, given that women's entire pre-married lives are built around locking a guy down, it would be too important for her to forget you - unless you were the WRONG guy, in which case she would TELL you "oh, I just forgot," when in reality she was just hoping if she didn't show up you'd get the hint.

#foodforthought

 

[TheVampSlayer]

I began this thread thinking that it was okay to remind a girl of a date. I see now that I shouldn't. I saw some great arguments, but from now on I won't remind girls of dates.

 

[Yewki]

For starters...

Dont get me wrong, I definitely agree to wait for her to verify first. And they usually will. But refusing to break radio silence if she hasn't verified, no matter what, doesn't make sense to me.

There's lots of variables so I'll get specific. The following is a situation where I do not agree to say nothing and just go anyways,

1) There's been little to no communication since the date was set up (including no mentioning of the date)
2) The date is a one on one situation
3) It's a first date and you hardly know each other

Not saying anything and just driving to meet her under the above criteria, to me, shows you don't value your time and are desperate. I would personally be a bit embarassed to show up in a situation like this. I would text about an hour before if I hadn't heard from her, and if she didn't respond I'm simply not going and doing something else.

 

[G_Govan]

You're assuming she wants to go with you. People change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates, have emergencies, do disrespectful things, etc.

^^This is actually the entire point.

We want to AVOID people who "change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates."

These are indicative of a person who's simply not that interested.

Emergencies are a separate issue.

 

[Yewki]

We want to AVOID people who "change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates."

1) One of the purposes of going on the date in the first place is to figure these things out. In the case of a first date, you may know hardly anything about her. That's why I made the comment about assuming things by not verifying the date.

2) Some of these are impossible and unreasonable to know or predict anyways. You're supposed to avoid girls to might change their mind about you? Who might lose interest? Lose track of time? You'd be avoiding everyone.

 

[nismo-4]

^^This is actually the entire point.

We want to AVOID people who "change their mind, lose interest, lose track of time, mix up dates."

These are indicative of a person who's simply not that interested.

Emergencies are a separate issue.

Even emergencies and death in the family can be a sign of no interest. I have a one strike policy for all new women.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dont get me wrong, I definitely agree to wait for her to verify first. And they usually will. But refusing to break radio silence if she hasn't verified, no matter what, doesn't make sense to me.

There's lots of variables so I'll get specific. The following is a situation where I do not agree to say nothing and just go anyways,

1) There's been little to no communication since the date was set up (including no mentioning of the date)
2) The date is a one on one situation
3) It's a first date and you hardly know each other

Not saying anything and just driving to meet her under the above criteria, to me, shows you don't value your time and are desperate. I would personally be a bit embarassed to show up in a situation like this. I would text about an hour before if I hadn't heard from her, and if she didn't respond I'm simply not going and doing something else.

Ooh - allow me to break down these statements in a rational way:

But refusing to break radio silence if she hasn't verified, no matter what, doesn't make sense to me. - Here's where the "sense" comes in: If I'm a man of my word, and she's a woman of her word... and we both have good memories and have interest in each other... then it means we should be able to make plans to meet somewhere at sometime, and both show up. So, if I show up, I'm keeping my word; if she shows up, she's keeping her word, and she's the kind of girl I want to date. If she doesn't show up, she's not keeping her word, and I didn't need to date her anyway.

The following is a situation where I do not agree to say nothing and just go anyways:

1) There's been little to no communication since the date was set up (including no mentioning of the date) - There doesn't need to be. The communication you had was that there would be a date on x-day at y-time. Unless she has either Alzheimer's disease or LOW INTEREST, there's no way for her to forget about showing up for your date.

2) The date is a one on one situation - ALL first dates should be one-on-one situations. That's no excuse for there to need to be a date verification.

3) It's a first date and you hardly know each other - But since there's a date, that means there HAS been some kind of communication beforehand. You communicated you wanted a date; she said "yes" and a day and time were set. Not knowing each other that well yet is still not an excuse to have to verify a date.

Not saying anything and just driving to meet her under the above criteria, to me, shows you don't value your time and are desperate. - This sentence doesn't make sense, and is not true. The reason you show up to the date without calling to verify is not because you don't value your time - you do it to see if SHE values your time. In essence, it's YOUR way of being able to test her and see what kind of girl she is, and how much interest she has in you. Is she one that's all about herself and is going to show up late? Is she a girl that doesn't really have interest in you, and won't show up at all? Or, is she one that, upon you arriving at the coffee shop, is sitting there waiting because she got there 5 minutes early?

If you call the girl to verify, you're missing out on the chance to see what her interest level is. Furthermore, I know a lot of guys feel like the worse thing that could happen is they plan a date and she doesn't show up. But it's actually not - if anything, it's a blessing in disguise. See, had you called her to verify and she cancelled last minute, she could give you some lame excuse - "oh, my parents just came into town, I'm soooo sorry" - and your ego would eat up the excuse and assume you still had a shot at a date with her for a later time. On the other hand, if you show up (like you said you would) and she doesn't, your ego can get that (a) she's probably not interested, and (b) the fact that she didn't have the courtesy to call you and let you know she wasn't going to show up means she's REALLY not interested, and you shouldn't call her again.

In other words: it's for your own ego's sake that you show up without verifying so it will GET it that she likes you ('cause she showed up) or she doesn't like you and didn't want to hurt your feelings in person (by not showing up).

I would personally be a bit embarrassed to show up in a situation like this. I would text about an hour before if I hadn't heard from her, and if she didn't respond I'm simply not going and doing something else. - For one, why would you be embarrassed? If you show up at a restaurant and she doesn't show up, NOBODY IN THE RESTAURANT OTHER THAN YOU HAS TO KNOW SHE FLAKED ON YOU. You can just get up and leave, and that's the end of it. Your ego might be bruised a bit, but NO ONE is looking at you like, "eh, bet that guy had a girl just stand him up - let's laugh at him!"

And to your second point: what if you schedule a date with a girl, and when you try to text her she doesn't respond because her phone died? Or, what if she was driving, and already had gotten tickets in the past from cops for texting while driving so she made it a point never to do that - yet was still on the way to the date? I've dated girls where both these things have happened... and yet, I trusted they would show up for the date because I assumed they were interested when I first MADE the date. And they did.

Your logic is flawed, my friend. Get out of the Matrix! You will see that all the things you THINK you need to do to get women are not actually true. This is one of those things.

 

[G_Govan]

Even emergencies and death in the family can be a sign of no interest. I have a one strike policy for all new women.

I'm referring to real emergencies. The type that could prevent one from communicating temporarily.

 

[G_Govan]

1) One of the purposes of going on the date in the first place is to figure these things out. In the case of a first date, you may know hardly anything about her. That's why I made the comment about assuming things by not verifying the date.

2) Some of these are impossible and unreasonable to know or predict anyways. You're supposed to avoid girls to might change their mind about you? Who might lose interest? Lose track of time? You'd be avoiding everyone.

If I ask you out on a date I have "initiated" a get together to which you agreed. This is where my test begins. I have the expectation that you're interested in this date enough that you'll remember and if need be, cancel if you're unable to make it. At the very least, this is what a respectful person does.

Many women don't respect the time and effort men put in to chasing them. They play with us like children play with toys and discard them when they lose interest.

There's nothing wrong with losing interest, losing track of time, or changing your mind. However, I don't intend to show you any undue courtesy for it. I'll simply move on.

Do you know why it's bad form to forget about or show up to a job interview late? It communicates a lack of interest and/or lazy work ethic. If you have a valid excuse your (future) employer may or may not give you a second chance. If they don't, there will be no question in your mind as to why and you'll make (if your smart) a concerted effort not to repeat this or further minimize the chance it could happen again.

A simple phone call is all it takes.

 

[bigneil]

Desdinova had it right:

There's an easy way to calculate interest level...

* You verifying the date with her = your interest is too high
* Nobody verifies the date but you both show up = She's interested, but it's not sky high (yet)
* She verifies the date = her interest is high
* She doesn't show up = low or non-existent interest

I put this in practice as recently as last Friday, when I had one of the most important dates of my life. I had waited 8 weeks since our last real date and had developed a huge crush on her but then I moved 800 miles away for work. I was only in town for one last night to pick up some things, and was about to leave for good the next morning at 4am. I had only seen her once in the previous 6 weeks, the only other night I was in town. I had never even asked her out, but had mentioned in one text "I will be in town Friday and staying at X hotel and dining at Y restaurant if you'd like to join me" and she had replied "Ok, what time?" but that was a week earlier and we had had several conversations since. We hadn't texted in the previous 3 days at all. Meanwhile, this would be our third date, so if I was going to convince her to get on a plane to see me again, it was now of never. But I just sat tight at waited. At 5:05PM I got a text from her saying "I'm still meeting you at X restaurant at 8:30, right?" It was our best date.

Remember:

1) They have a record of what you already wrote!
2) Never go out with a girl who would forget her date with you.
3) Test her interest level using this method.
4) Be willing to lose them over these principles.
5) Give her an easy out.
6) Hope for and be happy on the occasion she doesn't show - you'll save!
7) Know that girls usually cancel the day before if they have another date (see Marcia Brady).
8) Know that she had to spend all day preparing for the date if she knew she was going.

 

[Yewki]

I'm a man of my word, and she's a woman of her word... and we both have good memories and have interest in each other...

In my example it's a first date and you don't know the girl.

If she doesn't show up, she's not keeping her word, and I didn't need to date her anyway.

In my example, why would you would waste your time finding out the hard way? Desperation perhaps?

The reason you show up to the date without calling to verify is not because you don't value your time - you do it to see if SHE values your time.

Yes, I agree it would be a good way to see if she values your time... but that doesn't make it worthwhile or effective.

In other words: it's for your own ego's sake that you show up without verifying so it will GET it that she likes you ('cause she showed up)

A really good way to gauge her interest is... during the actual date.

why would you be embarrassed? If you show up at a restaurant and she doesn't show up, NOBODY IN THE RESTAURANT OTHER THAN YOU HAS TO KNOW SHE FLAKED ON YOU.

You're not following. I would feel embarassed in myself for being desperate enough to just drive out to meet someone who I hadn't heard from for days, who I didn't even know, and who hadn't indicated she even remember or would be there.

And to your second point: what if you schedule a date with a girl, and when you try to text her she doesn't respond because her phone died? Or, what if she was driving, and already had gotten tickets in the past from cops for texting while driving so she made it a point never to do that - yet was still on the way to the date?

In my example, I would of course not go. In the case of her not texting while driving, she would probably eventually respond and then I'd probably just... go. You write as though it's some big deal if you don't go but she shows up... like some huge opportunity is lost. Again, are you that desperate?

You will see that all the things you THINK you need to do to get women are not actually true. This is one of those things.

You do realize what you endorse is the result of placing a higher priority on women... right? You'd never verify in any situation, because you're afraid of messing up your chances... you think driving around, wasting your time, and getting stood up is worth it to determine her interest level. To me women are not important enough for that.

 

[DragonBlood]

There's an easy way to calculate interest level...

You verifying the date with her = your interest is too high

Nobody verifies the date but you both show up = She's interested, but it's not sky high (yet)

She verifies the date = her interest is high

She doesn't show up = low or non-existent interest

Desdinova had it in one.


However I think the answer is slightly grey.

If you are happy to let the flakey ones go and only hold onto the high interest and organised women, dont verify. Let them chase and make your life easy.

If you just want maximum options and you KNOW a girl is naturally a flakey airhead, well obviously you would want to remind her. Its up to you if you want to put in the extra effort.. indefinitely.

Its a "more options" vs "quality options" kind of question. Just dont think a flakey girl will suddenly change for you and become organised. I can think of one or two girls that were DTF but required reminders and would just forget dates. Most girls behave the same once you actually get them out. I just didnt care enough to make that extra effort to get them out.

Maybe the real world answer is to consider how much you care, and what side of the fence you think the girl is on, and just calibrate to suit the situation. Verify airheads, be aloof for organised girls. Now you have maximum options and attraction. There is alot of "all or nothing" thinking on SS, but I think assessing and calibrating the girl is the best choice.

 

[G_Govan]

Desdinova had it in one.


However I think the answer is slightly grey.

If you are happy to let the flakey ones go and only hold onto the high interest and organised women, dont verify. Let them chase and make your life easy.

If you just want maximum options and you KNOW a girl is naturally a flakey airhead, well obviously you would want to remind her. Its up to you if you want to put in the extra effort.. indefinitely.

Its a "more options" vs "quality options" kind of question. Just dont think a flakey girl will suddenly change for you and become organised. I can think of one or two girls that were DTF but required reminders and would just forget dates. Most girls behave the same once you actually get them out. I just didnt care enough to make that extra effort to get them out.

Maybe the real world answer is to consider how much you care, and what side of the fence you think the girl is on, and just calibrate to suit the situation. Verify airheads, be aloof for organised girls. Now you have maximum options and attraction. There is alot of "all or nothing" thinking on SS, but I think assessing and calibrating the girl is the best choice.

Women are playing the same game we are... All the time. Trying to gain the upper hand.

The problem is they're better at it then we are and from an earlier age. Modern socioeconomic circumstances make it that much easier for them as well.

I don't even look at it as a quality or quantity situation. I see everything as degrees of interest. I don't expect to only deal with women who are falling over themselves to hook up with me, but I have a certain minimum expectation, that when followed through, improves my self-esteem and makes dealing with women more pleasurable.

You'll have guys that ignore flags and plow through, making it a numbers game and there's nothing wrong with that. To each his own. However, it will eventually wear on you whether you realize it or not.