Jerzee Dweller
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2006
- Messages
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A few months ago, I met this woman who is around my age at her place of employment. Upon talking, we found we had much in common. The only problem, for me that is, is that she told me she had a bf. Okay. I can deal with that. She is attractive (about an HB-8) and if she didn't have one, I would have been quite surprised. It has been my experience that more women have bfs than men have gfs. She has also said that this is not her first bf.
I decided at that time that I would not show any indignation that she had a bf. That I would not react negatively to any mention she made of him, or that her friends made of him, and just continue interacting with her as I had been. I also came to the conclusion that just because we had met, had a lot in common, and got along quite friendly, that things might not work out as far as the relationship extending to anything further than the occasional meetings we had been having. Regardless of what would happen, I wanted to continue our amicable relationship. I do not see anything wrong with men and women having a good relationship without having to be a bf/gf or even having sex. Without question, achieving that (sex) is the goal. But in this situation, I decided I would accept whatever outcome so long as we could maintain the good relationship I thought we could have.
For the first few months, everything seemed fine. I gave her a small inexpensive (under $5.00) gift for her birthday, which she seemed to appreciate. Other guys who go to her place of employment did not give her gifts. The month after that seemed okay.
Then she seemed to change. Where we used to have lengthy - sometimes quite personal - conversations, she started to distance herself from me. The time she spent with me got less and less, and she started spending that time talking to her older female co-workers whom she has plenty of time to talk to during her work breaks. She also seems to be flirting quite a bit with several of the men who come to her place of employment (p.o.e.) right in front of me, even though they have not given her anything and she still maintains that she has a bf. It is as if she can find extra time for all of these other men - some her age, and some much older - but not for me. It is also as if she now only wants to talk to me about the topics relating to her place of employment. Very recently, I have made my stays at her p.o.e. much shorter than they used to be, as I feel that I am just being ignored for the most part.
Two things are troubling me about this whole thing. The first thing is that I cannot understand what happened. I have read many times on this board that it is a waste of time to try to analyze a woman, and I certainly agree that whenever a guy tries to do that, the only thing he will accomplish is to waste time. But, I am not trying to analyze one action she took or one statement she made, I am trying to figure out what changed the relationship. Like I said, I was willing to accept whatever outcome, but considering how much we have had in common and how good we got along together for the first few months, I did not anticipate any deterioration in the relationship - especially since I did not try to escalate the relationship to anything more than what it was. The second thing is that this has happened to me before. The difference is that when it happened before, the relationships then were not as good as this one seemed to be.
What I am asking for here is for your thoughts about this, and how the relationship could (if it is possible to, and if you feel it should) be improved. Are there any specific questions I should ask or subjects that I should try to bring up in future conversations that might provide some insight on what is going on?
I realize that I will have to spin more plates, regardless, since she has already said that she has a bf. But I do not think I am wrong for wanting the relationship to be a good one, even if at this point it cannot be anything more than what it once was. If there are any questions you have that may help you to understand this a little better, please ask me as I may have left out something that could be of help. I certainly appreciate you reading this, and for any assistance you can provide with this situation.
I decided at that time that I would not show any indignation that she had a bf. That I would not react negatively to any mention she made of him, or that her friends made of him, and just continue interacting with her as I had been. I also came to the conclusion that just because we had met, had a lot in common, and got along quite friendly, that things might not work out as far as the relationship extending to anything further than the occasional meetings we had been having. Regardless of what would happen, I wanted to continue our amicable relationship. I do not see anything wrong with men and women having a good relationship without having to be a bf/gf or even having sex. Without question, achieving that (sex) is the goal. But in this situation, I decided I would accept whatever outcome so long as we could maintain the good relationship I thought we could have.
For the first few months, everything seemed fine. I gave her a small inexpensive (under $5.00) gift for her birthday, which she seemed to appreciate. Other guys who go to her place of employment did not give her gifts. The month after that seemed okay.
Then she seemed to change. Where we used to have lengthy - sometimes quite personal - conversations, she started to distance herself from me. The time she spent with me got less and less, and she started spending that time talking to her older female co-workers whom she has plenty of time to talk to during her work breaks. She also seems to be flirting quite a bit with several of the men who come to her place of employment (p.o.e.) right in front of me, even though they have not given her anything and she still maintains that she has a bf. It is as if she can find extra time for all of these other men - some her age, and some much older - but not for me. It is also as if she now only wants to talk to me about the topics relating to her place of employment. Very recently, I have made my stays at her p.o.e. much shorter than they used to be, as I feel that I am just being ignored for the most part.
Two things are troubling me about this whole thing. The first thing is that I cannot understand what happened. I have read many times on this board that it is a waste of time to try to analyze a woman, and I certainly agree that whenever a guy tries to do that, the only thing he will accomplish is to waste time. But, I am not trying to analyze one action she took or one statement she made, I am trying to figure out what changed the relationship. Like I said, I was willing to accept whatever outcome, but considering how much we have had in common and how good we got along together for the first few months, I did not anticipate any deterioration in the relationship - especially since I did not try to escalate the relationship to anything more than what it was. The second thing is that this has happened to me before. The difference is that when it happened before, the relationships then were not as good as this one seemed to be.
What I am asking for here is for your thoughts about this, and how the relationship could (if it is possible to, and if you feel it should) be improved. Are there any specific questions I should ask or subjects that I should try to bring up in future conversations that might provide some insight on what is going on?
I realize that I will have to spin more plates, regardless, since she has already said that she has a bf. But I do not think I am wrong for wanting the relationship to be a good one, even if at this point it cannot be anything more than what it once was. If there are any questions you have that may help you to understand this a little better, please ask me as I may have left out something that could be of help. I certainly appreciate you reading this, and for any assistance you can provide with this situation.