"Relationship" Advice

[Helichopter]

Background

-24 from UK. Been with 23 girls & have had 4 FWB’s, basically been having regular sex since 18 so I’m not some desperate guy who saw hot ***** and wanted to tie it down.

-Met girl in Asia in August 2016. – Christian/Virgin HB8/9. Shares a large room with her gay brother and gay cousin. (All these factors gave me immense security). Spent a month with her before returning home (didn’t ****).
-Kept in contact – I got a job with crazy hours so didn’t pursue girls (my rationale anyway).
-Arranged for holiday together in April 2017 – took her V which is the start point of the LDR. Honestly best 2 weeks of my life & met her family (who are amazing).
-However, did find out she and her best friend used to go on Tinder to find guys to go on dates with (basically for free meals etc) which alarmed me at first. To my knowledge she's been taken to at least 2 getaways (same country) in fancy hotels by 2 different guys and she even tried to drag me to a opening night at some dudes restaurant.

Its worth mentioning I handle the LDR better than her. I find comfort in focusing on myself and not dedicating all my time to calls or being available. She doesn’t handle it well all the time and can get needy and misses me way more.

-In Sept 2017 tried for her to come to UK. Visa rejected. Hated my work and hours, had money so quit the job to look for other jobs after the new year (graduate jobs typically open up Nov time here).
-Spent 4 ½ months travelling together (told her to quit her job, she had some savings aswell but I didn’t mind helping her). My parents flew out to meet her for 2 weeks – they love her and maintain regular contact (Video calls etc).

This is when arguments started. She got jealous over my old housemate (girl) messaging me. Admittedly, we had both flirted in the past and she send revealing pics but I genuinely believed that we were just friends (while I'm in a committed relationship anyhow.). Hated she was trying to dictate who I could and couldn’t speak to – I’m my own man right?

So she got jealous and insecure, would snoop whenever I was on my phone (not literally going through it herself). She found my nude collection in a special app – took adv of me when wasted. (Hilarious story when I think about it).
She snooped my laptop and found a similar nude collection buried deep inside my laptop. Would argue about small things and then make a big deal – needs to talk/cannot let it slip & ignore. During this ****ty period I actually was talking to the girl friend for advice etc. And I didn’t want to go to my friends which could skew her image if they met her.
Anyway the last month was great – happened to be spending a lot of time with her family – her dad and I get along so well and drink together.

Returning home in Jan 2018 I started to workout/ take online courses as I'd lost focus of myself. And I progressed to interview stage for some jobs. Struggled to land the career job I wanted, a lot of rejections and lengthy processes were demotivating after awhile.
GF has unwavering belief and faith that I’d get a good career and be very successful. Admittedly, I had a lot of self doubt and was running out of applications when a company I found really exciting with great pay and prospects got back to me for selection. Anyway I got the job starting this Sept 2018 (found out May) so decided to fly out to her and spend 2 ½ month in June 2018.

-This time round started badly when she told me not to bring condoms cause she’s gonna be on the pill – after a week of regular sex noticed she wasn’t taking – asked her and she said she has to wait for her period – plus she cant get pregnant at this time of her cycle. Refused sex with her out of resentment almost – cannot believe she was so chilled.
-Eventually back to normal – late period (she has history of them) she got pregnancy test which came back negative.
-Then she snooped my Snapchat and found pure filth in the conversation of one of my old FWB’s like a year before we even met. Argued about her snooping which I know signifies lack of trust.
-Noticed she was talking to atleast one ex-bf – her excuse is that she was asking for relationship advice from a western friend to help understand me (culture difference).

Sidenote – when we go to travelling every now and then she seems to message a western guy who she knows (I’ve used the term “used to date” and she never corrects me). To my knowledge she's been taken to at least 2 getaways (same country) in fancy hotels by 2 different guys and she even tried to drag me to a opening night at some dudes restaurant.

Then I happened to get a Snapchat from filthy convo girl (what's the ****ing chances?!) and she suspects I’m now talking to her again cause she saw her name on my recents list. Cleared things up but she doesn’t trust me fully and I don’t know why.

Discovered TRP 2 weeks ago and nothings been the same.
-Immediately have less patience with her ****.
-Notice a lot of tests she's throwing. She’s being needy and wanting attention (blaming times running out etc).
-My libido has gone to **** since discovering TRP – she’s constantly making moves but I just don’t feel it. Coincidently discovered TRP when was thinking about LDR. Pre TRP I had a plan in my head that LDR isn’t sustainable so vision was to marry next year so she can live in UK and we can live together. I realised that’s too much of a risk as we still have issues (Which we need time for) to iron out and believe me I really do want to try to change some of her ways cause when we are together generally she compliments my life greatly and would make a great housewife. Only option is fiance visa, very expensive (6 months – marry or break) and my mind is ****ed. I’ve spent all of my savings the past year some on myself but a significant amount on “us” so I’ve practically ran out of money now – and therefore freedom/options.

Anyway talked to her and aired my concerns – and my reinforced TRP beliefs and she agreed with most of what I was saying but seems to have this belief that things will work out – no matter how bleak what I was saying sounded. She's making more effort than ever and things have been great (starting to get libido back) since. I leave her country on August 14th and won’t have the luxury of more than 28 days holiday (of which I will only get two weeks consecutive). In Sept, I will start my new job which will mean I’m relocating some 300 miles and basically having a fresh start which I'm extremely excited for. However, I am moving to a relatively quiet town with not so much going on.

To summarise, I do believe LDR’s are a waste of time. But as you can see I have spent 7 ½ of the last 14 months with this girl. I have ultimate trust in her and her catholic faith, me being her first, her living with her brother and cousin gives me that extra “protection”. Therefore I believe this LDR isn’t the “worst”. It’s also worth noting that I am writing about all the flaws in the relationship and her behaviours – and you do not know of her amazing humour, culture, family oriented and kind friendly nature in which we have lots of great experiences, no doubt some of my best ever with this girl. And she’s adventurous and quite a natural in bed.

The reason I am posting here today is that I can no longer see whether I’m being a ***** or being rational. I am currently completely blind to the situation I find myself in, and so any advice to help me get my **** together is hugely appreciated.

 

[Desdinova]

So she got jealous and insecure, would snoop whenever I was on my phone (not literally going through it herself). She found my nude collection in a special app – took adv of me when wasted. (Hilarious story when I think about it).
She snooped my laptop and found a similar nude collection buried deep inside my laptop.

-Then she snooped my Snapchat and found pure filth in the conversation of one of my old FWB’s like a year before we even met.

There's certain things that would be a dealbreaker for me. One is even the thought of having a LDR. The snooping is another one.

I really do want to try to change some of her ways cause when we are together generally she compliments my life greatly and would make a great housewife.

You can't change her ways. You're going to get her as she is. Nothing is going to change if you decide to marry her. She's going to continue going through your stuff and continue to be insecure about you.

I have spent 7 ½ of the last 14 months with this girl.

All this 5hit happened in under a year?

This girl sounds like a piece of 5hit, and the fact that she found a bunch of incriminating stuff while snooping isn't going to help your case. She's going to hold that against you for the rest of your life. Get a woman who has no desire to snoop through your 5hit. They do exist.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Two points as is TMK's way.

-You are at a good stage to be testing the waters of LTRs. You are experienced and competent enough to start expereimenting. And I truly believe that it's a learning experience that most people have to go through, especially in their early to mid twenties.

-However, a learning experience it is, all the same. Don't expect this to be your last relationship. It's already proving to be a test, and I would almost never recommend an LDR to anyone. The temptation on both sides is far too strong. When I was your age, I embarked on my first serious adult relationship; and we ended up living together quite happily for about a year. Alas, though there are no hard feelings between us, it didn't end particularly well. I've had at least half a dozen more since then. When you reach your thirties like me, you realise that you didn't really understand much in your twenties, despite thinking that you already had all the answers; no offense like. That's just TMK's experience.

There comes a point where successful people end up in relationships. But men have to remain realistic about the outcomes.

 

[Helichopter]

Once I've re-read what I typed I noticed how crazy it all sounds. You see when I first started dating I got jealous at first (wouldn't ever say anything or make it visible cause I didn't want to lose face) but eventually I just became chilled and never really got attached to a girl and cause I've always had an objective (sex) I've managed to remain true to it. But all this time my belief was that if I can change so can she?

Also, I've seen people mention on these forums and elsewhere that the ideal girl is low count such as a virgin. But is there not a steep learning curve attached to a girl who gets **** and catches crazy feelings with no prior experience of how to handle it properly within the dynamics of a relationship?

I then had my best spell travelling where I got a load of different flags and found the girls so much more interesting and attractive than the UK girls. Sort of once I realised what's out there away from the shores of the UK, the girls in my country simply don't interest me in terms of a meaningful relationship of any sort.

Thankyou for the input so far. I guess deep down I already made a decision but coming to accept the toughness of using logic over emotion in this instance. I haven't been myself lately from the relationship perspective and weirdly enough it's like she senses an impending change. Such as I woke up this morning to a "love note" tucked in my laptop.

 

[Spaz]

Be extra careful, some Asian women are notorious to use pregnancy as a means to hook a man.

Is she from the Philippines? In almost every major city clubs, in the Asian region has a filipino singer working there, young and hot.

And guess what? They almost always have a small kid tuck somewhere back home.

Peculiar huh? Almost seem like a national pastime to hv a kid before venturing out into the unknown.

My advice is; you are still young, 24 is hardly an age to be married or tied down.

Yes, she lost her virginity to you, but u r not responsible. She decided to lose it to you, it was her responsibility.

You just followed your instincts, chasing women and getting some pvssy.

That's your part time job.

Your full time job is learning the ropes towards being great. This takes time, practically sweating blood, lots of failures in between, gaining real life experiences and knowledge. If u r tied down and distracted when you are young, it's unlikely you are able to achieve anything of any significance.

Does this make any sense?

 

[Helichopter]

Be extra careful, some Asian women are notorious to use pregnancy as a means to hook a man. Is she from the Philippines?

Yes actually! She's not that way inclined, she would bring shame to the family if she got pregnant before marrying as they're all quite conservative.
What you are describing is actually the "norm" for girls from the really poor families. I found out that parents literally view their children as investments and are owed something as soon as they can work (I raised you so you need to pay me back mentality). It's really sad to see cause no matter how much the child resists if they ever get any small amount of money which could be used to invest in something else, the parents come knocking and drag them back into poverty. Hence why girls see all western foreigners as the golden ticket which brings out the worst in people.

Your full time job is learning the ropes towards being great. This takes time, practically sweating blood, lots of failures in between, gaining real life experiences and knowledge. If u r tied down and distracted when you are young, it's unlikely you are able to achieve anything of any significance.

It does start to make sense about women being dream killers. Although the main distraction women *used* to be for me what losing self focus outside of my job. I've always been driven when it comes to work and I've always had the mindset that if I get a good opportunity job wise then she follows or its done.

 

[Spaz]

I'd say a vast majority of men, 90% in my estimation, subconsciously their main job is women or more likely catering to their emotional swings.

The 10% focuses on their main job, that's being the best they could be and knowingly know that women is their part time job.

The moment you focus on your part time job, you'd gonna lose focus on your full time job.

It's a choice.

And once you've made that choice, you have set your life narrative.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'd say a vast majority of men, 90% in my estimation, subconsciously their main job is women or more likely catering to their emotional swings.

The 10% focuses on their main job, that's being the best they could be and knowingly know that women is their part time job.

The moment you focus on your part time job, you'd gonna lose focus on your full time job.

It's a choice.

And once you've made that choice, you have set your life narrative.

This should be part of the DJ BIBLE 2018.

 

[17 shots]

you can't complain about your girlfriend being needy, and wanting your time, she's your girlfriend. You should want her attention. She's acting out like that, and feeling insecure because you're red pilling her

 

[sazc]

This relationship has run its course. It happens.

Learn from what you did wrong, understand what you dislike about how she acted and establish new boundaries and standards with females moving forward.

Life is about learning, life is about growing, life is about refusing to repeat the same patterns and madness.

Good luck

 

[soulforge]

Wow there is something missing here, which is essential for a successful long term relationship.. I'm talking about TRUST

I don't blame her from NOT trusting you.. Bruv trust is a very FRAGILE thing.. Once it's gone, it's extremely difficult to gain it back again!

Dude your behaviour is suspicious.. You got pics of chicks, hidden deep in your laptop.. your in touch with various girls who you have been fukin in the past.

It can't just be coincidence that they started contacting you all of a sudden.. My guess is, you have been trying to get your Dik Wet, while you have been seeing this chick.. And she has caught you out one too many times!

Maybe this is why she starting talking to this other dude.

In my opinion this relationship is damaged beyond repair.. If you want to fix it, then bruv your in for the long haul.

Work on your trust issues, and you may have a chance!

Don't keep blaming HER for not trusting you.. If you found a folder of ALL varieties of BIG COKS on her pc... You would get somewhat suspicious too!

 

[Helichopter]

Dude your behaviour is suspicious.. You got pics of chicks, hidden deep in your laptop.. your in touch with various girls who you have been fukin in the past.

I've been nothing but faithful and honest throughout the relationship. Regardless of TRP belief one thing that will never change is that I won't cheat on my GF. If i ever come close to cheating or even get tempted I will end things immediately.

I'd pretty much forgot about the photos but to answer your last question, I wouldn't be snooping on her PC in the first place cause I trust her. And what you don't know can't hurt you... within reason

 

[devilkingx2]

Its worth mentioning I handle the LDR better than her. I find comfort in focusing on myself and not dedicating all my time to calls or being available. She doesn’t handle it well all the time and can get needy and misses me way more.

If you're in an LDR, and you don't want to invest in the girl, you're begging her to cheat on you genius.

Girls who wanna keep you up all friday night talking on the phone aren't cheating

Girls who are radio silent on friday nights are.

There isn't really a middle ground either.

 

[marmel75]

You have wasted a lot of time and money on a chick where this relationship is going nowhere.

Get some damn sense.