Red Flags

[oldmanofthesea]

We have all seen the lists of red flags to avoid.
We have all seen the women who had some, most, or all of those red flags.

But the question I am asking here is this: If you eliminated every woman from the dating pool who doesn’t have a red flag, would there be any left?

Now seriously, I don’t mean this as a bash on women in general, but in the last five or so years, I have tried to focus on women who have the fewest red flags, as opposed to the women who had none because I don’t believe the latter exists... simply because I have never met one.

Guys... have you really ever met a woman who:
1. You find sexually attractive
2. Has no history of sexual abuse of any kind
3. Has plenty of female friends
4. Has no substance abuse problems or tendencies of any kind (including drinking to excess)
5. Had a wonderful amazing healthy childhood with great parents
6. Doesn’t attention ***** herself out on social media.
7. Can communicate and has no serious passive aggressive tendencies or inability to express what she is really feeling or upset about.

Oh and she is single or close (meaning she is casually dating, or totally single).

I know I’m forget lot of red flags too.

Again, not looking to bash women here but truly wondering if we are really searching for zero red flags or just a woman who has the least we can find?

I dropped my LTR of one year tonight.... several red flags (same as all girls I have met and dated). So this is why I am contemplating it.

 

[TheGambino]

All women have red flags in some kind. Some more then others. The biggest red flag is her being abused by her father or having a bad or no father figure in her life. This makes her very toxic towards men in general, never ever catch feelings for women that have this.

a good child hood, steady parenting, loving life, all women love drama but to some kind of extend would be acceptable for women nature. Having hobbies and a good family relationship would be most important in my eyes.

those are green flags imo. Just find a girl that has the least red flags and plate her. Don’t try fix or save toxic women, even the strongest DJ will come out broken if he catches feelings for a toxic girl.

 

[Asseater]

Any girl you think has no red flags is probably lying and really good at hiding stuff. Nobody is perfect, man or woman.

 

[sangheilios]

Disregarding dating and relationships, every single human being has some sort of issues that they have on a personal level, it's just some people have more than others.

As for women, I have a recent anecdote from a friend of mine. About 2 months ago he was briefly dating this girl he met off tinder, I ended up meeting her when we all went out for an evening at an outdoor bar here in my state. She seemed nice but I very quickly picked up on some "red flags" that I thought were going to be an issue for him. Right off the bat I could tell by the way she spoke she was a bit trashy, uneducated and just had a kind of rough around the edges feel to her. I asked her where she grew up, and she mentioned that she was raised in foster homes, which also were in a very bad part of the city I live in, and it all tied in. You have to realize that this is something I picked up on in less than an hour and it wasn't even entirely one on one.

After we left I spoke to my friend on the phone later about what I felt about her, he always asks my opinion so I told him. I mentioned to him that for a young man, 25, who is a recent college grad who grew up affluent that it most likely wasn't going to last. Two people from two very opposite experiences in regards to their upbringing and childhood will naturally interact with the world very differently than one another, which is something I explained to him. He quickly told me he agreed with me but that the reason why he was dating her was because of the sex, which I understand. She was out of the picture within a month after that conversation.

There are definitely more obvious red flags that need no introduction but a woman in the situation above for me,and also my friend, had what we'd see as signs of trouble down the road.

I feel like it's more or less finding someone you are attracted to that you vibe with that doesn't have traits or habits that will create stress and disharmony for you. Now that I'm getting older, I've learned that most people really don't change that much through their adulthood and that trying to get other people to do so is unrealistic.

 

[metalwater]

your list is in two categories.

a. past events that are fixed, she has no chance to fix them.

1. no father
2. sexual abuse
3. past substance abuse
4. healthy child hood

b. current action that she CURRENTLY chooses to do.

1. attention slut, with or without social media
2. communication, critical thinking, EMPATHY

a is forgivable, instead, look for the bad behaviours in the b list and see if they exist and if they do then those are part of current activity.

Translate the A list into the b list so as to be able to filter for unforgivable things.

I understand the items in the A list, not going to find anyone if using those as a filter later in life. Maybe if looking for women in the early 20s, no woman is left after 29 and up unless recent widow.

Apply the same filter to self also. Consider adjusting anything that we can not pass ourself.

 

[flowtheory]

I wonder what my red flags are?

Sometimes we’re so concerned with the other we forget our own dumpster fire.

 

[deBrito]

I wonder what my red flags are?

Sometimes we’re so concerned with the other we forget our own dumpster fire.

Amen

 

[Romanemp22]

Every woman has red flags. However the way you handle her and put her in her place depends on how that flags will be appearing. If she respects you red flags will most likely be invisible. If you don't have frame her red flags will be even more greater.

 

[bcude]

I always run into number 5, which is a pity because number 5, for me, is by far the most important one. The rest is usually a consequence of #5 and this world where single motherhood is glorified doesn't look promising for it to change any time soon for the next generation.

Sorry to hear about your gf and i can sense the frustration but i'm sure you weighted the options and did what you had to do in the end, which will always make you feel better in the long run. Advice i wish i had listened to myself. You live and you learn.
Better awaits!

 

[soulforge]

I once dated a walking talking red flag ****in factory lol

She was HOT.. But godamn those red flags was unreal.

01. Sexualy abused as a child
02. Emotional trauma from sexual abuse
03. Self harmed.. Cutting when she was younger.
04. Ex nude model
05. Ex nude dancer
06. Involvement with porn industry in her past
07. Has taken part in a 3some/4some
08. Occasional cocaine user
09. Friends with cocaine problem
10. Tons of male friends
11. Strong suspicion she was BDP

I dumped and ****in RAN... That experience taught me alot about red flags & how to dodge these types in the future.

The sexual abuse is the worst, because that damage runs so deep.. Nothing you can do to fix that shyte.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Literally every person has something another person could consider a red flag. People are only trying to kid themselves if they think they will find someone without any. Some have more, some have less, some can hide them expertly and some can't. But everyone has them. Including myself and every other poster here.

What might be a red flag to one person isn't to another and vice versa.

 

[Georgepithyou]

It depends on what red flags, some are more tolerable Than others. The hotter a girl is rhe more red flags you tolerate.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It depends on what red flags, some are more tolerable Than others. The hotter a girl is rhe more red flags you tolerate.

Not how I roll but how a lot of others do. That's why they end up with women who take them to the cleaners or do other crazy @ss sh!t to them...because their hotness overruled them being terrible human beings.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I read something that solves most relationship problems:

"Would I treat this person the way they are treating me"

If the answer is "no" then you had better re-evaluate if she is good for you.

The hotter a woman is the more "Ya, but"'s are attached to that

 

[Black Widow Void]

I suffer from blind optimism. In reality, I doubt that any woman would pass all the flags above. One can still wish though. # 7 is the most scarce (in my experience)

Even though I'm sure that there's relief in ending the relationship, it's never 100% fun. I hope your transition is smooth and with lots of opportunities awaiting.

 

[Stoic]

Some of the things you listed aren't even red flags.

Two great parents? A great upbringing? That's actually the exception and not the rule.

There's more dysfunctional families than functional ones.

An overwhelming majority of people have issues of some kind, Male and female.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Not how I roll but how a lot of others do. That's why they end up with women who take them to the cleaners or do other crazy @ss sh!t to them...because their hotness overruled them being terrible human beings.

Yep a perfect example of this is Amber Heard

 

[BadBoy89]

I don’t agree with the term “red flags”.

If a man is attracted to a girl, all he has to do is lay down his terms. She ride or walk, either leave it or love it.

I have 5 conditions for any attractive girl:

- has to be fertile
- no kids
- no divorces
- no contact with ex’s
- cannot CASH out

Its all about the man’s conditions, not the woman’s.

OP - one year with red flags? That’s a long time. Usually girls start to show them when they are comfortable in a relationship.

 

[soulforge]

I don’t agree with the term “red flags”.

If a man is attracted to a girl, all he has to do is lay down his terms. She ride or walk, either leave it or love it.

I have 5 conditions for any attractive girl:

- has to be fertile
- no kids
- no divorces
- no contact with ex’s
- cannot CASH out

Its all about the man’s conditions, not the woman’s.

OP - one year with red flags? That’s a long time. Usually girls start to show them when they are comfortable in a relationship.

How would you lay down the rules, with a girl who has the below red flags?

01. Sexualy abused as a child
02. Emotional trauma from sexual abuse
03. Self harmed.. Cutting when she was younger.
04. Ex nude model
05. Ex nude dancer
06. Involvement with porn industry in her past
07. Has taken part in a 3some/4some
08. Occasional cocaine user
09. Friends with cocaine problem
10. Tons of male friends
11. Close friends with an ex pornographer
11. Strong suspicion she was BDP

 

[metalwater]

How would you lay down the rules, with a girl who has the below red flags?

01. Sexualy abused as a child
02. Emotional trauma from sexual abuse
03. Self harmed.. Cutting when she was younger.
04. Ex nude model
05. Ex nude dancer
06. Involvement with porn industry in her past
07. Has taken part in a 3some/4some
08. Occasional cocaine user
09. Friends with cocaine problem
10. Tons of male friends
11. Close friends with an ex pornographer
11. Strong suspicion she was BDP

If at a party, I might hook up w/ her. No way for an LTR and no way to be part of my ecosystem.
I might like her and try to help her as a human being. She would be able to get under my skin and damag me emotionally. I know this so I would not allow it. Before red pill, I almost certanly would have.

not thinking about her at all, just you....

plate.. ok, but only at her place.
LTR.. NO fckkng way.

8,9,10 is a death sentance eventually for you.