Recovering after being dumped

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dude99

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She’s only good for phucking. So I message her back five hours later and say. “Meh. Just hanging out with friends”. She responds instantly “cool” “what’s new”. Then I haven’t responded again. Lol. She already tried to make me an orbiter with the whole friendzoning. I didn’t take the bait which seemed to surprise her. But I was also too much of a nice guy. I’ve successfully detached emotionally. So now I’m just going to **** her up. She can be my female orbiter.
Answering her will only prolong healing. 5 hours later 24 hours later 5 days later it is all the same. You boost her ego and prolong your healing.

Just block her number.
 

stormrider

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Lol @ making her your orbiter by being at her beck and call. The rationalizations nice guys come up with.

I kinda see why she broke up with you while trying to accuse you of cheating but in reality she was the one who had something lined up.

You’re the type that would buy water from under a bridge. She can’t possibly have this much audacity unless you allowed it over a long period of time.

You either lost your backbone a long time ago or never had any in the first place and a real man finally showed up. In other words, you were a placeholder guy.

Based on how she’s treating you and how you’re just taking it up the a$$ with no lube, I am willing to bet this is the case.
 

LARaiders85

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Lol @ making her your orbiter by being at her beck and call. The rationalizations nice guys come up with.

I kinda see why she broke up with you while trying to accuse you of cheating but in reality she was the one who had something lined up.

You’re the type that would buy water from under a bridge. She can’t possibly have this much audacity unless you allowed it over a long period of time.

You either lost your backbone a long time ago or never had any in the first place and a real man finally showed up. In other words, you were a placeholder guy.

Based on how she’s treating you and how you’re just taking it up the a$$ with no lube, I am willing to bet this is the case.
Imagine thinking it's a "win" for you to be HER emotional supply orbiter. It's like the male equivalent of the chick in some baller's rotation thinking "yeah but he really loves me he's just afraid to say it" lol.
 
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Rawksteddy

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I will respond in bold
She’s only good for phucking. But you aren't. And won't be unless the new guy doesn't work out. Have some self-respect. So I message her back five hours later and say. “Meh. Just hanging out with friends”. Mistake She responds instantly “cool” “what’s new”. She is doing two things - trying to assuage her guilt and trying to keep you on the hook in case the new guy doesn't work out. You are accommodating both these things Then I haven’t responded again. Lol. She already tried to make me an orbiter with the whole friendzoning. I didn’t take the bait which seemed to surprise her. But I was also too much of a nice guy. I’ve successfully detached emotionally. So now I’m just going to **** her up. She can be my female orbiter.

You are making her your female orbiter?? She just broke up with you, but you are still responding to her. You are rewarding her bad behavior with your attention.

If you REALLY want to hurt her (and I know you do)...…………DISAPPEAR…...get in the gym and build a better body. Ignore all texts from her. Start dating other women with your new found gym confidence.

If it were me, next time she texted I would politely say "Listen, I think it's best if we don't communicate. You made your choice, go enjoy it"

Some her will say that sounds "butthurt". My take is, why would you care how it sounds to someone who dumped you? She made her choice, you "weren't good enough" Fine, if I am not "good enough" don't contact me. I have more important things to do than communicate with you...…….that would be my mindset.
Here’s the thing. I’m done with her. She just gets **** buddy status now. Nothing more. No wasting time texting her. I responded to her this morning and said. “ Great to hear from you. Keep in touch”. She responded and is trying to ask me to hang out. She’s so stupid, she thinks I don’t know about the other guy (I think he’s her ex). But now they broke up and she’s trying to reverse monkey branch. Lmao. No. She’s now just a smash piece, nothing more.
 

LARaiders85

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Here’s the thing. I’m done with her. She just gets **** buddy status now. Nothing more. No wasting time texting her. I responded to her this morning and said. “ Great to hear from you. Keep in touch”. She responded and is trying to ask me to hang out. She’s so stupid, she thinks I don’t know about the other guy (I think he’s her ex). But now they broke up and she’s trying to reverse monkey branch. Lmao. No. She’s now just a smash piece, nothing more.
She's using you the same way you think you are. She isn't monkey branching back, she knows she doesn't want you. She's using you as a backup while she plays the field. The only difference between you and her is she dumped you and you are reactively signing onto her disrespect to salvage your ego. Force her to miss you and force her to go be a slvt and find a new backup.
 

Rawksteddy

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She's using you the same way you think you are. She isn't monkey branching back, she knows she doesn't want you. She's using you as a backup while she plays the field. The only difference between you and her is she dumped you and you are reactively signing onto her disrespect to salvage your ego.
I had invested a bit emotionally in her originally. It’s true. But I didn’t go overboard with catching feelings. And I feel over her already. I got laid last night with my new fwb (so I’m not completely without options). My take on it is that I get exactly what I want from the arrangement, I don’t care if she gets what she wants anymore, and if it doesn’t work for her, I’m sure that she can find the door. As long as I don’t waste my time *orbitting* and I’m just meeting up and smashing without developing any feelings, is this not a good way to do it??
 

LARaiders85

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I had invested a bit emotionally in her originally. It’s true. But I didn’t go overboard with catching feelings. And I feel over her already. I got laid last night with my new fwb (so I’m not completely without options). My take on it is that I get exactly what I want from the arrangement, I don’t care if she gets what she wants anymore, and if it doesn’t work for her, I’m sure that she can find the door. As long as I don’t waste my time *orbitting* and I’m just meeting up and smashing without developing any feelings, is this not a good way to do it??
Why sleep with the ex when you have a new fwb?

We have all been in your shoes, keep that in mind. My advice comes from doing exactly what you've planned several times.
 
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LARaiders85

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Could you ever "flip" it?
Yes but it delays the healing process because the girl will create new drama and new push pull behavior that is going to reopen the old scar. The way men heal is by cutting contact completely and moving on with our purpose. the way women heel is by push-pull hoovering and slowly weaning them self off of you while getting validation elsewhere.

I think probably five women told me that the worst thing that they hate is when guys ghost them and don't allow them to do the slow fade breakup thing.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Yes but it delays the healing process because the girl will create new drama and new push pull behavior that is going to reopen the old scar. The way men heal is by cutting contact completely and moving on with our purpose. the way women heel is by push-pull hoovering and slowly weaning them self off of you while getting validation elsewhere.

I think probably five women told me that the worst thing that they hate is when guys ghost them and don't allow them to do the slow fade breakup thing.
So you "flip" it and get a reliable sex partner?
 

Rawksteddy

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Why sleep with the ex when you have a new fwb?

We have all been in your shoes, keep that in mind. My advice comes from doing exactly what you've planned several times.
Firstly she’s hot and a good lay. If I can keep her as just a fock buddy, then I will have two. Which increases abundance and should drive my smv up which leads to more fwb and more options. Her personality has always been sh!t anyway. I just got used to having her around and talking to her all the time. But after she tried to be just friends, I told her no, went 15 days without talking to her and now over her. I read so many books and so much material in this forum. I’ve completely changed the way I think about things. I’m not getting back together with her and I won’t be orbitting. Just casual sex buddy. If it doesn’t work for her or she’s not down. Then I’ll delete and block.
 

Rawksteddy

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Firstly she’s hot and a good lay. If I can keep her as just a fock buddy, then I will have two. Which increases abundance and should drive my smv up which leads to more fwb and more options. Her personality has always been sh!t anyway. I just got used to having her around and talking to her all the time. But after she tried to be just friends, I told her no, went 15 days without talking to her and now over her. I read so many books and so much material in this forum. I’ve completely changed the way I think about things. I’m not getting back together with her and I won’t be orbitting. Just casual sex buddy. If it doesn’t work for her or she’s not down. Then I’ll delete and block.
This is my understanding of how it works. Since she flaked on me twice and broke up with me. She has to do all the initiating. When she initiates I don’t try to meet up or set dates. Take minimum 4 hour response time. And end the conversation. (Exactly like i did). “Nice hearing from you keep in touch”. She has to initiate the meetup. But. I don’t take her on a date. I tell her to grab a bottle of wine and come over. She comes over, we drink a bit, then have sex. Rinse and repeat.
So far this is working. I did exactly this and now she’s asking “hey I’d like to hang out if you still want to”. During the breakup I was very clear that I’m not interested in a friendship relationship. So as I build my rotation she can be in it.
 
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Rawksteddy

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This is my understanding of how it works. Since she flaked on me twice and broke up with me. She has to do all the initiating. When she initiates I don’t try to meet up or set dates. Take minimum 4 hour response time. And end the conversation. (Exactly like i did). “Nice hearing from you keep in touch”. She has to initiate the meetup. But. I don’t take her on a date. I tell her to grab a bottle of wine and come over. She comes over, we drink a bit, then have sex. Rinse and repeat.
So far this is working. I did exactly this and now she’s asking “hey I’d like to hang out if you still want to”. During the breakup I was very clear that I’m not interested in a friendship relationship. So as I build my rotation she can be in it.
Any which way this works. If she agrees to it then I have an additional fwb. If she doesn’t agree with it then I cut her loose. If I start to catch feelings then I just go NC and stay NC. (When I say agree I mean through her actions not words)

Unless I’m wrong about something?? She lied to me. So lacks integrity. Therefore she can only be phuck buddy material. Is this wrong?
 

LARaiders85

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she’s hot too though and also a good lay
They why would you submit to the imperative of your cheating, lying ex who is secretly laughing her azz off at your lack of self esteem to tell her to **** off? Do you not understand it is torture for them to be ignored? You aren't making sense and treating sex as a scarcity worth your dignity.
 

Rawksteddy

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They why would you submit to the imperative of your cheating, lying ex who is secretly laughing her azz off at your lack of self esteem to tell her to **** off? Do you not understand it is torture for them to be ignored? You aren't making sense and treating sex as a scarcity worth your dignity.
There’s no question that she’s scum but it’s not as though I have to worry about her stealing from my house or anything.

I didn’t know that it’s torture for her to be ignored. But why should I be focused on hurting her or seeking revenge? I still have to take responsibility for acting like a weak b!tch in the relationship do I not? I need to understand your endgame here? Or an explanation of how or why mine is destined to fail.

Because I don’t give a crap about hurting her or alternatively making her feel good. I just want to be selfish in this situation and have her as a no strings attached f*ck buddy. I plan on remaining emotionally detached and just hooking up with her once a week.
 
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