Real confidence

[jhonny9546]

Hey there folks.

I'm tired of being confused between what I hear from friends, what I observe, what I've seen work to see men behave insecure and arrogant and to see them getting results.
And thanks to sosuave I understand that there is something that doesn't add up.

So even tho you can just see how people act around each other, see who are the winners, and losers, which are in your opinion the best books/articles/content describing what the "good", "real" confidence is?

For what I get from it, confidence is a male trait that makes women w3t.
Other than that, everyone of us might ask himself "Am I a real confident man" or "Am I faking until I make it"?

 

[Mike32ct]

I think men and women view confidence differently.

As a man, I view confidence in other men as “I can handle this (or any) situation” energy. I don’t give a shyte about his ability to get laid.

For women, I think they want a combination of “I can handle anything” energy and “I can get you into bed and satisfy you sexually” energy.

 

[Plinco]

That's something that you have to cultivate within yourself. Imagine what that looks like and build it. It's similar to a thread I made not too long ago:

Ladies and gentlemen I've cracked the code

Anyone who pays attention here might know about this thread here https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/feel-free-to-criticize-my-texting-game.285734/ with my frustrations and some confusing input I had to figure this out on my own. Texting guidelines are fantastic, however they don't convey...

www.sosuave.net

Think of it like this, you give an artist a block of marble, and the artist sees a statue in that marble, but he needs time, effort, and the use of his mind to carve it out.

Personally, doing direct cold approaches and dancing has helped me out with this.

 

[Prepostereax]

You need to change up some of your "friends"

confused between what I hear from friends, what I observe, what I've seen work to see men behave insecure and arrogant

That's because confidence comes in many flavours

You can have inner confidence, where you feel your own worthiness, and comes from self-growth, which only you may be fully aware of and appreciate

And external confidence, which is boosted by such things as validation, and crumbles with rejection

Your guess as to which is preferable
(Both, of course. But if you have an abundance of the former, you won’t be affected by the latter)

To an outsider, women say, they might react the same to either type of confidence.
Some, eg gold-diggers + provider-hunters, will be more receptive to the things that boost external confidence.

If you have inner confidence, this won't bother you

Then there's positive and negative confidence

Negativity manifests in hostile competition, eg arrogance, as you have identified.

Yes, people do respond positively to Aholes, so jerks get rewarded for their behaviour, but it's a win/lose mentality.
And why bother with people who have poor value systems? (ie both the d!cks, and those who respect them)

Positivity would be an "I got this" attitude, or better yet, a "we got this" vibe

Maybe pursuing inner confidence and positivity will give you fewer options than doing the opposite, but those options will be far better quality

 

[darksprezzatura]

You need to change up some of your "friends"

That's because confidence comes in many flavours

You can have inner confidence, where you feel your own worthiness, and comes from self-growth, which only you may be fully aware of and appreciate

And external confidence, which is boosted by such things as validation, and crumbles with rejection

Your guess as to which is preferable
(Both, of course. But if you have an abundance of the former, you won’t be affected by the latter)

To an outsider, women say, they might react the same to either type of confidence.
Some, eg gold-diggers + provider-hunters, will be more receptive to the things that boost external confidence.

If you have inner confidence, this won't bother you

Then there's positive and negative confidence

Negativity manifests in hostile competition, eg arrogance, as you have identified.

Yes, people do respond positively to Aholes, so jerks get rewarded for their behaviour, but it's a win/lose mentality.
And why bother with people who have poor value systems? (ie both the d!cks, and those who respect them)

Positivity would be an "I got this" attitude, or better yet, a "we got this" vibe

Maybe pursuing inner confidence and positivity will give you fewer options than doing the opposite, but those options will be far better quality

Is it possible for someone to have “internal confidence” without “external confidence”?

 

[Prepostereax]

Is it possible for someone to have “internal confidence” without “external confidence”?

They often go hand in hand, but certainly
For example, someone who's improved in the face of opposition,
Sticking to their own convictions despite others opinions
And those who've overcome personal demons
To name a couple off the top of my head

 

[darksprezzatura]

They often go hand in hand, but certainly
For example, someone who's improved in the face of opposition,
Sticking to their own convictions despite others opinions
And those who've overcome personal demons
To name a couple off the top of my head

Right, so how do the examples you mentioned show that one has gained internal confidence and not external by these situations?

 

[darksprezzatura]

Do you mean to say confidence obtained from internal self = internal confidence and confidence gained from external validation = external confidence?

 

[BadBoy89]

For men, confidence = 6'1 + good hair

For women, I would think confidence is being able to have sex with the Alpha Dog, NOT the Beta Sucker.

 

[Prepostereax]

Do you mean to say confidence obtained from internal self = internal confidence and confidence gained from external validation = external confidence?

Internal confidence comes from stuff that matters to you
External confidence comes from stuff that matters to others
Yes there can be overlap

Think of someone striving for an Olympic medal
Those who are driven internally, will often say that their main opponent to beat is themselves (even in, say, combat sports).
Those driven externally are focused on their opposition. And these are the ones most likely to cheat