"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Reaction to this bad behavior?

Mental

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Ok, so silly me, I'm trying to see if an ex can remain a friend. Hey, sometimes it happens!

So she calls me up (she seems like she's in a good mood), and asks me to coffee. I get there (she's late, as she can be at times). I remind her she's late, change the subject... there are no more seats, so I offer her two options... my seat or outside. She doesn't buy anything, opts for outside. We make small talk for a minute or so, then she starts acting pissed and tells me she's cold, and she's going home. (usually, I offer to walk a girl to her car if it's late at night...). "Ok. 'night." She quickly walks off in a huff.

My response (as it was when she usually was angry at me) is to feign aloofness. If she's pissed and doesn't want to talk about it, then I'm not going to chase after her begging her to tell me what's wrong (AFC drama). My reaction was usually to ignore her anger till she cooled down, (especially if I thought she was angry at me for a stupid reason), or I'd tell her that I'm not fighting with her and not having a conversation until she calms down and can talk to me reasonably. Either way, I usually reacted with some calmness, because being dragged into a petty fight is the opposite of what I think I should do as a man.

Anyway, I walk far behind her (both to make sure she's safe and because my car was near hers and I was heading home (yes, even with the drama she tries, I want to make sure she's safe and doesn't get mugged), and get to my car. She peels out of the lot. And I head home calmly, glad I'm not having the be a dating partner to that any more.

So, what should my reaction be if and when she calls? Forget about it and not call her bad behavior (a week or two from now) and not take it personally, kindly call her on it and refuse to hang ot with her until she behaves better, (perhaps giving her the drama I don't want to give her), or ignore all her phone calls from now on and be "fake friends?" and leave her the heck alone... Mind you, I hate it when people claim they're "Oh so busy" and they just don't bother, so I'd hate to do this except as a last resort...
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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Ummm, you guys aren't dating anymore. Why are you worrying about this and treating her as if you were sarging her? Is all this effort even worth it?
 

Bvbidd

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You failed with your small talk. She was expecting a fun time, you let her down.
 

Mental

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Ummm, you guys aren't dating anymore. Why are you worrying about this and treating her as if you were sarging her? Is all this effort even worth it?
I'm not trying to sarge her, just trying to make sure I do the right thing as a man.

And what effort? Eh, I went for some coffee. 10 minues into town. I parked, walked 2 minutes, got to the coffee place, I bought my drink, sat down, waited 10 minutes. I talked to her for a minute inside. A minute outside. she had a tiny temper tantrum, she walked to her car, I walked to mine.

Except for the two minutes of talking, and her little attitude problem, I acted like I would have normally.

If that's a lot of effort, then you should get out more... I might have spent about 35 minutes in total on this... maybe 45 typing the post.

You failed with your small talk. She was expecting a fun time, you let her down.
And no, my small talk wasn't boring. She said something about some event, I gave her a good answer (as I get info on this event really early compared to most people. We sat down. "What'd you do ..." "nuthin..." then "I'm cold, I'm leaving." "you ju..." "Whatever" and started walking off.

I was missing a TV show (I was taping), so I said "ok," shrugged, and walked to my car, smiling.
 
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