"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Reaction to this bad behavior?

Mental

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Ok, so silly me, I'm trying to see if an ex can remain a friend. Hey, sometimes it happens!

So she calls me up (she seems like she's in a good mood), and asks me to coffee. I get there (she's late, as she can be at times). I remind her she's late, change the subject... there are no more seats, so I offer her two options... my seat or outside. She doesn't buy anything, opts for outside. We make small talk for a minute or so, then she starts acting pissed and tells me she's cold, and she's going home. (usually, I offer to walk a girl to her car if it's late at night...). "Ok. 'night." She quickly walks off in a huff.

My response (as it was when she usually was angry at me) is to feign aloofness. If she's pissed and doesn't want to talk about it, then I'm not going to chase after her begging her to tell me what's wrong (AFC drama). My reaction was usually to ignore her anger till she cooled down, (especially if I thought she was angry at me for a stupid reason), or I'd tell her that I'm not fighting with her and not having a conversation until she calms down and can talk to me reasonably. Either way, I usually reacted with some calmness, because being dragged into a petty fight is the opposite of what I think I should do as a man.

Anyway, I walk far behind her (both to make sure she's safe and because my car was near hers and I was heading home (yes, even with the drama she tries, I want to make sure she's safe and doesn't get mugged), and get to my car. She peels out of the lot. And I head home calmly, glad I'm not having the be a dating partner to that any more.

So, what should my reaction be if and when she calls? Forget about it and not call her bad behavior (a week or two from now) and not take it personally, kindly call her on it and refuse to hang ot with her until she behaves better, (perhaps giving her the drama I don't want to give her), or ignore all her phone calls from now on and be "fake friends?" and leave her the heck alone... Mind you, I hate it when people claim they're "Oh so busy" and they just don't bother, so I'd hate to do this except as a last resort...
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

Francisco d'Anconia

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Ummm, you guys aren't dating anymore. Why are you worrying about this and treating her as if you were sarging her? Is all this effort even worth it?
 

Bvbidd

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You failed with your small talk. She was expecting a fun time, you let her down.
 

Mental

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Ummm, you guys aren't dating anymore. Why are you worrying about this and treating her as if you were sarging her? Is all this effort even worth it?
I'm not trying to sarge her, just trying to make sure I do the right thing as a man.

And what effort? Eh, I went for some coffee. 10 minues into town. I parked, walked 2 minutes, got to the coffee place, I bought my drink, sat down, waited 10 minutes. I talked to her for a minute inside. A minute outside. she had a tiny temper tantrum, she walked to her car, I walked to mine.

Except for the two minutes of talking, and her little attitude problem, I acted like I would have normally.

If that's a lot of effort, then you should get out more... I might have spent about 35 minutes in total on this... maybe 45 typing the post.

You failed with your small talk. She was expecting a fun time, you let her down.
And no, my small talk wasn't boring. She said something about some event, I gave her a good answer (as I get info on this event really early compared to most people. We sat down. "What'd you do ..." "nuthin..." then "I'm cold, I'm leaving." "you ju..." "Whatever" and started walking off.

I was missing a TV show (I was taping), so I said "ok," shrugged, and walked to my car, smiling.
 
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