ran into an ex

[greatsnake]

Just a few days ago i ran into my ex. Everything was great, kept my frame etc. However, one thing that stuck out of our conversation was that she said I had abandoned her, when in fact she left me. As soon as she mentioned that, this took me back to the day when we were dating, she had mentioned that all men had left her/marry other women , used/abused, got her pregnant, etc. I confronted her about it, then she just didn't know how to react.

Can someone clear this chit up? What the **** happened in that instance?

 

[Reykhel]

I wouldn't give it too much importance....

women tend to interpret things one way today and depending on how they feel tomorrow or depending on a dream
that they had will interpret things in a completely different way...

An interpretation based on feelings or her hormones....

Pay no heed, man, for god's sake, pay no heed.

 

[sazc]

she spun it the way that left her the victim so people would feel sorry for her if they ever asked what happened. We all see the ending as we see it.

On a deeper level, assuming that you say is the truth, im guessing someone significant abandoned her in her childhood and, therefore, she equates love/intimacy with being left.

So, even if you did have a 'we're breaking up' conversation, and she seemed to be on board, her remembrance of it will always be "he said he loved me but, in the end, he abandoned me, like they all do'

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Cognitive dissonance because she can't comprehend that it was her who made the decision to leave. She will just blame you to play the victim just so that you are in the wrong to make her seem like a sweet innocent little girl. Not true at all however.

 

[greatsnake]

This is nuts... We all make choices and have to take responsibility for them, no matter how bad the outcome may be.

 

[soulforge]

People like this exist..

I remember years ago this chick dumped me.. She dumped me.. I made contact with her a year later..

She claimed I had not bothered with her, never got in touch or even gave a chit..

Some people can only see themselves as the victim

 

[greatsnake]

i felt pity for her

their life is chaos and have to blame chit on someone else, when the problem is actually with them...

 

[The Duke]

These people twist up actual events to protect their ego, gain sympathizers, and feel better about themselves. They'll roll thru life this way, eventually it stunts personal growth.

 

[greatsnake]

These people twist up actual events to protect their ego, gain sympathizers, and feel better about themselves. They'll roll thru life this way, eventually it stunts personal growth.

what a ****ty situation...

 

[Alvafe]

I really wouldn't care much, also looks like she like to play victim everything happening in her life is not her fault, yeah right, just think good thing I dodge it and move on without a care.

 

[zekko]

She left you, but in her mind you "forced" her into it, by whatever you did or did not do that didn't live up to her expectations.

 

[wifehunter]

Clearly a miscommunication or lack thereof. Don't you hate those? How do people get together if they don't talk?

They don't.

 

[Dingo]

The human psyche truly is an amazing/interesting thing....

 

[cola]

Same. Was dating a chick, closest thing I had to an LTR in about 5 years.

She was constantly late for work(I'm talking a hr and a half late, not 10 or 15 minutes) and they got sick of it and she got fired. Anyway, she thought I was going to pay her bills till she found another job.
Told her no. We had a big blow up, she went no contact permanently and so did I.

6 months later I get a paragraph text about how I abandoned her in her hour of need.

She must've thought I was @bigneil
Or something and could afford to pay her bills & mine.

 

[dude99]

Just a few days ago i ran into my ex. Everything was great, kept my frame etc. However, one thing that stuck out of our conversation was that she said I had abandoned her, when in fact she left me. As soon as she mentioned that, this took me back to the day when we were dating, she had mentioned that all men had left her/marry other women , used/abused, got her pregnant, etc. I confronted her about it, then she just didn't know how to react.

Can someone clear this chit up? What the **** happened in that instance?

Chick not taking responsibility for the failure of the relationship. Nothing new there.
Women blame men when the relationship fails.
Men most of the time blame themselves and try to figure out what went wrong. Women count on this and they blame you.

 

[Glassguy]

You did the right thing OP.

The only thing I would have done differently was smile at her and say "probably the best decision I made in a long time" with a grin on my face.