Quick question for the guys 40 and over

[Ricky]

I have achieved a lot to be proud of.

I have a ton of regret. I made so many mistakes when younger and I wasn’t mentally well. I abused drugs for years which was the root of most of the problems.

only later in life I’ve realised I had a really, really messed up childhood. I didn’t even recognise it, but later in life it’s clear. I suffered sexual and psychological abuse, I was repeatedly victimised, taken advantage of, I had no self esteem. I was broken most of my life. Through endless effort, I am now in a good place. I have a high income and a respected management job.

I do feel annoyed as I wish it was different. I observe people who didn’t have this experience, and I resent them. It has left me with some brick hard skills though.

when I came here in my early to mid 30s I was at the apex of broken. I lost all my friends, I was humiliated. There’s a quote somewhere about when you’ve lost everything it’s only then you’re truly free.

The only thing which burns is the desire for revenge. I never got my revenge on a few people. And I can’t put that down.
They say revenge is living well but I wish I could make some of those who made me suffer, suffer like I did. Some I know were also broken themselves.

I gotta work on that.

Bit of a gush but it’s how I would sum up my life.

I am sorry to hear you had those tough experiences Fruitbat. I suspect alot of the problems my wife and i are having are due to unresolved issues from her childhood as well. Strange part is, i feel like since i'm the one that stayed around and didn't abandon her (like both parents and other relationships did), that i'm the one she is getting revenge on.. since everyone else is gone. Be careful not to punish another person for the sins of others..i do have my own faults in all of this of course.