"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Question

tomzel

Don Juan
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I am having some trouble getting over this girl I was dating. Not to sound like a loser, but it's made me very depressed. I had previously posted on the board about this girl who "needed space" and changed very quickly. I believe I took the best DJ action, gave her all the space she wanted and haven't talked to her...except to exchange belongings. The fact of the matter is, I really felt strongly about this chick and it is taking everything I have not to think about her. I guess I need a good kick in the a$$ because I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. Any advice is appreciated.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Desdinova

Master Don Juan
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Any woman you've been involved with for a significant amount of time isn't going to be forgotten easily, nor quickly. Instead of focussing your energy on getting her back, focus your energy on moving on. The elapse of time NOT spent with her will help those memories and feelings fade.

Eventually, you'll find yourself still thinking about her, but the emotions will no longer be attached. This is why it is important to cut contact. Talking with her or even seeing her will feed the emotions you have for her. If you don't feed them, they'll starve and die.
 

WestCoaster

Master Don Juan
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Cure for oneitis

You have oneitis. I'm not insulting you, I've had it a lot of times in my life. It's a dreadful disease set on by the corrupt culture programming of the male species.

There is only ONE cure for oneitis, despite that others say there are more cures. There aren't.

The cure? Date more women, or as Rollo Tomassi would say, spin more plates. That is the only way to get rid of oneitis.

Dating more puts you on another playing field. You realize that:

1. There are more fish in the seas.
2. Some of these fish really like you.
3. Your old oneitis gal may have been nice, but she's not the end-all.
4. It builds your confidence. Heck, just the action of asking one out -- even with a rejection -- is liberating. I asked out a gal last night and the date isn't going to happen for awhile (after New Year's, I'm traveling), but her enthusiasm and smile gave me a jolt of confidence. (Yeah, her accepting the date helped, too.)
5. Dating a variety of women allows you to put your own checks and balances out there. Instead of focusing on one, you focus on many and find out what you like and dislike in a woman. It's like shopping: Do you want to go to a grocery store with one brand of milk, only one type of meat, only one type of cereal, etc.? No, you need choices.

... I could go on, but I'd highly suggest you do a search for Rollo Tomassi's posts on oneitis and the "sniper mentality" vs. the "machine gun mentality" ... it's quite good and better than anything I've written here.

Good luck! I've been there bro, it's not fun. But I was there without the aid of sosuave.com. We're here to save the day!
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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