Black Widow Void
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2010
- Messages
- 2,153
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I realize that when posting, the shorter the better, but this (at least in my opinion, is rather complex). My (less than a week ago) girlfriend of two years has pushed me to the limit. A description of her? Well, she’s nearly perfect to me (keeps alcohol stocked at her house, gets up and pours it for me, willingly provides sex, insists on going Dutch when we go out etc..) . Pretty much the ideal woman, but one thing, which I don't respect at all about her.
Within the first year, I would have said the only problem was her teenage daughter. Constantly calling/texting when she and I were out – basically doing all she could to be a wedge (daughter is in late teens and mother has been divorced for four years). The daughter has also been a problem-child.
This past year, I started peeling back the layers and though I don’t like the daughter very much, I’ve come to realize that the daughters behavior is more of a result of how she’s been conditioned by the mother to behave. Although feelings have been strong for this woman, my respect for her is now at zero.
The woman I’m seeing is a psyche nurse and though women (and mothers) do emotionally cloud the issues, this woman is quite the intellect. I’ve met the father a few times and he’s a stand up guy. He let the daughter live with him and gave her structure (which helped her a great deal). Problem was, when the daughter would visit the mother (my then, girlfriend) the mother would be the “fun mom” and undermine all that her father was trying to accomplish. Finally, she moved back with mom.
Although I’ve not answered my ex’s e-mails, texts’ and phone calls, I must confess here that her writing has in fact pushed all the right hot-buttons. I am thinking of responding and also including her ex-husband (the daughter’s dad) in on the e-mail. I’ve changed the names of those involved, but “Bob” is the father, “Laura” is the ex, mother and his ex-wife, and Jennifer is the daughter.
Not sure that I can be self-objective, so I ask you readers your thoughts and if it’s a good or bad idea and why. Thanks.
“Laura,
I read your e-mail. Since my email response revolves more around parenting and Jennifer – rather than our former relationship, I chose to include Bob among these concerns. A few months ago, your explanation to Bob was that Jennifer was unmanageable toward him because of her monthly cycle. This week, your story is that she behaved unfavorable to me - due to having to wait ten days for her generic medication to be replaced with a retail drug. I'm not dismissing minor attributions, but I believe there's a more dominant reason.
It’s probably easier to label Jennifer as having unmanageable mental/emotional disorders, but the reality is… you’ve had opportunities to nurture her growth, but instead, fed her decline and elected to stunt her growth, if not reverse. Instead of making random excuses for Jennifer's behavior, it's time that you take accountability and acknowledge that your no-parenting approach is the dominant end result. There's just no denying that Jennifer's self-esteem and overall outlook drastically improved while living with Bob. Are you jealous and perhaps trying to 'get back' at Bob? The only other reason I can think of is... that you don't want your daughter independent because of some unhealthy dependency issue you might have with Jennifer.
You are not a martyr which has resulted in failed relationships (for the sake of caring for your daughter). Instead, and to give an example; Jennifer throwing water and the glass at me was a result of your parental conditioning rather than (as you say) my “goading." Earlier this year, Jennifer angrily threw a potato at you because you wouldn’t give her money and let her see her friend, Christeen - for that behavior, you gave her $20.00 and told her to go see Christeen. No punishment, no consequence but instead, rewarding Jennifer for digressive and abusive behavior. As a psyche nurse, I’m sure that you are cognizant of what you are doing. Again, her abusive behavior toward me and certain behavior in general is primarily because you’ve conditioned (stunting, if not reversing) her to behave this way.
Perhaps another false promise, but earlier, you acknowledged a parenting problem and claimed interest in seeking help for your daughter/mother relationship. I was told another lie, I presume. It kept me around for a while, so I guess it worked. If she is speaking suicide as often as you claim (rather than you fabricating ...in order for you to mask your parenting behavior) either way, you've proven on countless opportunities that you do not seem to care for her future best interest.
Instead of nurturing Jennifer’s growth in a positive manner, I suspect that you will expend more energy in trying to convince Bob that I'm being malicious or creating drama. There's no denying that... what I've personally witnessed is factual rather than speculation. The more I reflect, the more I view you as willingly engaging in a form of child neglect/abuse. For that reason alone, I repeat that I prefer no more contact and do not wish to get back together.”
--- Well folks, that is the letter. I’m not a parent therefore I acknowledge that I may be out of bounds, but my thoughts on this ...shoot straight from the heart and gut. Do I send this, edit this or nothing. Your thoughts will be appreciated.
Within the first year, I would have said the only problem was her teenage daughter. Constantly calling/texting when she and I were out – basically doing all she could to be a wedge (daughter is in late teens and mother has been divorced for four years). The daughter has also been a problem-child.
This past year, I started peeling back the layers and though I don’t like the daughter very much, I’ve come to realize that the daughters behavior is more of a result of how she’s been conditioned by the mother to behave. Although feelings have been strong for this woman, my respect for her is now at zero.
The woman I’m seeing is a psyche nurse and though women (and mothers) do emotionally cloud the issues, this woman is quite the intellect. I’ve met the father a few times and he’s a stand up guy. He let the daughter live with him and gave her structure (which helped her a great deal). Problem was, when the daughter would visit the mother (my then, girlfriend) the mother would be the “fun mom” and undermine all that her father was trying to accomplish. Finally, she moved back with mom.
Although I’ve not answered my ex’s e-mails, texts’ and phone calls, I must confess here that her writing has in fact pushed all the right hot-buttons. I am thinking of responding and also including her ex-husband (the daughter’s dad) in on the e-mail. I’ve changed the names of those involved, but “Bob” is the father, “Laura” is the ex, mother and his ex-wife, and Jennifer is the daughter.
Not sure that I can be self-objective, so I ask you readers your thoughts and if it’s a good or bad idea and why. Thanks.
“Laura,
I read your e-mail. Since my email response revolves more around parenting and Jennifer – rather than our former relationship, I chose to include Bob among these concerns. A few months ago, your explanation to Bob was that Jennifer was unmanageable toward him because of her monthly cycle. This week, your story is that she behaved unfavorable to me - due to having to wait ten days for her generic medication to be replaced with a retail drug. I'm not dismissing minor attributions, but I believe there's a more dominant reason.
It’s probably easier to label Jennifer as having unmanageable mental/emotional disorders, but the reality is… you’ve had opportunities to nurture her growth, but instead, fed her decline and elected to stunt her growth, if not reverse. Instead of making random excuses for Jennifer's behavior, it's time that you take accountability and acknowledge that your no-parenting approach is the dominant end result. There's just no denying that Jennifer's self-esteem and overall outlook drastically improved while living with Bob. Are you jealous and perhaps trying to 'get back' at Bob? The only other reason I can think of is... that you don't want your daughter independent because of some unhealthy dependency issue you might have with Jennifer.
You are not a martyr which has resulted in failed relationships (for the sake of caring for your daughter). Instead, and to give an example; Jennifer throwing water and the glass at me was a result of your parental conditioning rather than (as you say) my “goading." Earlier this year, Jennifer angrily threw a potato at you because you wouldn’t give her money and let her see her friend, Christeen - for that behavior, you gave her $20.00 and told her to go see Christeen. No punishment, no consequence but instead, rewarding Jennifer for digressive and abusive behavior. As a psyche nurse, I’m sure that you are cognizant of what you are doing. Again, her abusive behavior toward me and certain behavior in general is primarily because you’ve conditioned (stunting, if not reversing) her to behave this way.
Perhaps another false promise, but earlier, you acknowledged a parenting problem and claimed interest in seeking help for your daughter/mother relationship. I was told another lie, I presume. It kept me around for a while, so I guess it worked. If she is speaking suicide as often as you claim (rather than you fabricating ...in order for you to mask your parenting behavior) either way, you've proven on countless opportunities that you do not seem to care for her future best interest.
Instead of nurturing Jennifer’s growth in a positive manner, I suspect that you will expend more energy in trying to convince Bob that I'm being malicious or creating drama. There's no denying that... what I've personally witnessed is factual rather than speculation. The more I reflect, the more I view you as willingly engaging in a form of child neglect/abuse. For that reason alone, I repeat that I prefer no more contact and do not wish to get back together.”
--- Well folks, that is the letter. I’m not a parent therefore I acknowledge that I may be out of bounds, but my thoughts on this ...shoot straight from the heart and gut. Do I send this, edit this or nothing. Your thoughts will be appreciated.
