Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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should you ever reach out to a ghoster? not trying to win them back but just out of sheer curiosity?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
question on ghosting
- Thread starter Ryan Adams
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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I'm literally sitting in the truck at work talking to my buddy about it he says fvck it if u want to do it out of boredom what do you have to lose. idc I'm literally just wondering asking you guys if that's EVER ok
RedScorpion
Senior Don Juan
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No. She ****ed off on you. She hasn’t even hinted around that she may be receptive to re-engagement. If there was some notion of friendliness coming from her, then I may entertain reciprocating it. With nothing, then you’re only showing your continued interest after however long - which is not attractive. It shows that even after so long, even after she burned bridges with you, your affections haven’t gone down. Guessing by that trajectory - she will think it will never go down. Plus she doesn’t even have to do any effort to get you if she wanted!
This line of thought is echoed in the no contact thread (first post). Jariel has a great thread about rejection, break ups, how to handle them. bradd80 also had a great thread about this and breakups but unfortunately I believe it was removed by his request. The essence of it was - they broke up, she chased him to make up. He became more empowered and forgot about her more. Chased after other women confidently. Then she moved on. Weeks later, he began to realized he lost her, began to chase her for awhile. But it was too late. She stuck firm and so he regretted breaking up with her.
The only thing you have to lose is your pride. Unfortunately you only realize you’ve lost it after you’ve done the ridiculous mistake of ‘reaching out’, trying to bring things to friendly terms. Then you realize you’ve chucked yourself into a chasm where you have to climb back up from. I’d say you’re not aware of that chasm’s existence until she bluntly rejects you (or not acknowledging you at all). Then you’re all too aware of it.
Be polite, yet distant. And try to truly move on. Focus on your own life and other women. Don’t give in to the ‘fixing’ idea BS.
If it gives you remote hope about this approach, I did just this to a girl one year ago... now she’s begun flitting around, trying to get back in my sphere (I strongly suspect for validation primarily). Probably not a great idea to reengage with her. But shows that they’ll figure a way if they want to contact you.
This line of thought is echoed in the no contact thread (first post). Jariel has a great thread about rejection, break ups, how to handle them. bradd80 also had a great thread about this and breakups but unfortunately I believe it was removed by his request. The essence of it was - they broke up, she chased him to make up. He became more empowered and forgot about her more. Chased after other women confidently. Then she moved on. Weeks later, he began to realized he lost her, began to chase her for awhile. But it was too late. She stuck firm and so he regretted breaking up with her.
The only thing you have to lose is your pride. Unfortunately you only realize you’ve lost it after you’ve done the ridiculous mistake of ‘reaching out’, trying to bring things to friendly terms. Then you realize you’ve chucked yourself into a chasm where you have to climb back up from. I’d say you’re not aware of that chasm’s existence until she bluntly rejects you (or not acknowledging you at all). Then you’re all too aware of it.
Be polite, yet distant. And try to truly move on. Focus on your own life and other women. Don’t give in to the ‘fixing’ idea BS.
If it gives you remote hope about this approach, I did just this to a girl one year ago... now she’s begun flitting around, trying to get back in my sphere (I strongly suspect for validation primarily). Probably not a great idea to reengage with her. But shows that they’ll figure a way if they want to contact you.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
If you want to reach out to her... go ahead. Always do what you want to do. But it really isn't going to help you. This chick sounds like work. A better use of your time would be to look for other women dating is supposed to be fun.
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.
IKO69
Master Don Juan
I have been in this position before so i'll tell you what I personally learned. By reaching out you pretty much gain nothing the majority of time....she has written you off (for whatever reason. Could be something you did or didn't) and so your attempts to reach will not work. What is the right course of action is to MOVE ON and try with other women.
That's not what you want you want to hear so i'll repeat it again, MOVE ON. The only way this woman could ever *possibly* go for you again would be after a lengthy period of time, during which you have completely revamped yourself. It has to be to a degree that she thinks "did I make the right choice?" She would then want to find out.....now what you do at this point, that's up to you to decide. Probably best to do nothing because unless you have a strong sense & control of self, you'll revert back to the person you were before. I mean think about it from her perspective. Let's say some woman ghosts on some guy and then 15 years later she runs into him and he's all like "well, my feelings haven't changed at all during this time" She would think he is a complete ****ing retard.
So those are your options. Either way, you have to do something and that something will require to leave her behind for now.
That's not what you want you want to hear so i'll repeat it again, MOVE ON. The only way this woman could ever *possibly* go for you again would be after a lengthy period of time, during which you have completely revamped yourself. It has to be to a degree that she thinks "did I make the right choice?" She would then want to find out.....now what you do at this point, that's up to you to decide. Probably best to do nothing because unless you have a strong sense & control of self, you'll revert back to the person you were before. I mean think about it from her perspective. Let's say some woman ghosts on some guy and then 15 years later she runs into him and he's all like "well, my feelings haven't changed at all during this time" She would think he is a complete ****ing retard.
So those are your options. Either way, you have to do something and that something will require to leave her behind for now.
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Ryan Adams
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yeah. I was just wondering if maybe it was acceptable but its been a month it's probably just to long for me to reach out even if I saw her Friday. I dont really give a fvck as it's over but still am pretty curious. she obviously has 0 integrity.
I literally have a date tonight but I will always be curious of her we had a good time together everytime.
I will never revert back to the person I was before with her I should of screened better. my fault
I literally have a date tonight but I will always be curious of her we had a good time together everytime.
I will never revert back to the person I was before with her I should of screened better. my fault
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Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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just curiosity gets the best of me. she hasn't responded to anything in a month. (I never once begged her back) only reached out multiple times because I thought she was going through a difficult time with her family. (brother got busted with heroin) I literally felt for her but she doesnt want anything to do with me. did nothing but help that girl out
IKO69
Master Don Juan
So leave it alone. She got your messages and she is not responding for a reason; she doesn't want to hear it. I know you think by being nice and helpful it will somehow convince her to care, but she doesn't her mind is already made up.
Let her be, she is a big girl and can fix her own problems.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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yeah your right I've been ghosted before but heard an explanation from the chick for it so after a week it was ok. this one was going so good then I was so abruptly ghosted it gets the mind spinning. also thing is I dont want her back. just she got the mind spinning.
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Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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is even adding her on facebook look weird?
RedScorpion
Senior Don Juan
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Why not just send her a message saying you miss her and you need her in your life?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
lizardking82
Master Don Juan
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Go do it, see how it turns out. This is the best advice to give to insisting guys on this board and in life, in general. Go do it, see how it turns out.
Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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I mean idc if she has a bf or not she might probably does but I'm still so fvcking curious lol
Igetit!
Moderator
My god dude.....
What is WRONG with you???
You say you're curious? Curious about what.....how many different guys she's taken loads to the face from since she went away?
You know...the more you post,the more I'm starting to see and understand WHY she got the hell away from you.
And I don't blame her either.
Ryan Adams
Master Don Juan
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I'm just kidding dude I deleted her off Facebook a month ago
Glassguy
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Its the model of poor decision making snowballing into more poor thinking and bad mindset with women.
This thread should be tagged on exactly how not to EVER act with a woman.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.