Question about last night at a bar

[Young OG]

So last night, I actually got out of the house. A friend and I went to this small bar by his house and shot some pool. I'm still having approach anxiety, especially at bars. Approaching women at bars is something totally new to me. Its something I never did in my younger days or was ever good at. Let me get to the point.

There was this group of at least 15 guys there with a group of 7 girls. They all knew each other. The guys were kind of scattered around the bar and so were the girls. I couldn't tell who was dating who. Some of the girls would move around talking to different guys. Why would this huge group of guys be there with a small group of girls? Were they orbiters? I didn't see any of them kiss or touch each other. I saw girls I would bang, but I didn't approach because of the big group of guys they were with and they were getting so much attention from a bunch of guys there. What do you guys think of this situation and should I just have approached anyways? I didn't want some of those guys to want to fight over a woman.

 

[TheException]

So last night, I actually got out of the house. A friend and I went to this small bar by his house and shot some pool. I'm still having approach anxiety, especially at bars. Approaching women at bars is something totally new to me. Its something I never did in my younger days or was ever good at. Let me get to the point.

There was this group of at least 15 guys there with a group of 7 girls. They all knew each other. The guys were kind of scattered around the bar and so were the girls. I couldn't tell who was dating who. Some of the girls would move around talking to different guys. Why would this huge group of guys be there with a small group of girls? Were they orbiters? I didn't see any of them kiss or touch each other. I saw girls I would bang, but I didn't approach because of the big group of guys they were with and they were getting so much attention from a bunch of guys there. What do you guys think of this situation and should I just have approached anyways? I didn't want some of those guys to want to fight over a woman.

In scenarios like this, approach the guys first.

Just strike up some B.S. about football or whatever sport game was on that day. Dudes always reciprocate about sports unless this is some hipster bar. Once you talk to the guys a bit, you will get a better sense of the relationships. Could always just ask "so who you guys out with tonight?".

Approaching people should never be about "getting into their pants". Always have the mindset that you are just having fun and are striking up conversations.

 

[Young OG]

why waste your time on a low-yield set like that. Awful situation for getting laid.

So I guess I was right not approaching? They seemed like attention *****s with such a large group of guys...

 

[Alvafe]

So I guess I was right not approaching? They seemed like attention *****s with such a large group of guys...

you could still just aproach to just talk and work on your anxiety, you don't need exactly aim for getting laid, you can just talk and see where it goes.

a group this big looks more like party with work colegues then really friends hence the whole scatered you notice

 

[fastlife]

The problem with approaching mixed groups is never the guys in my experience--guys know the score when it comes to other guys and as long as they can tell you're not a try hard and don't view them as 'competition' most of them are pretty accommodating. Still, I'd recommend keeping group approaches short, casual, and isolating your target relatively quickly.

It's the girls that'll **** block isolation game--especially if you move a little too fast with their friend. But the key to approaching in any context is to really believe that what you're doing is completely natural and that the people you approach are benefiting more from the exchange than you are.

 

[JohnChops]

ill give you some advice from the other side of this situation. Sometimes I go out to bars with a FWB of mine and she brings two of her friends. When guys approach them, I tend to help them out. Hell even if they try to hit on my FWB I help them out, why? because who cares. I feel like some guys wont do this, but some will (like myself) so I wouldn't be afraid of the guys, it's the girls' friends who are your issue (for the most part).

Now how do you get past them? Lets say there is a group of 3 girls (to make it easy we will assume no guys). How are you going to approach them. Out of the three girl (1,2,3 labeled respectively) lets say you want girl #2. So what you do is NOT go for girl #2 at first, you warm up to her friends FIRST. THEN go for her. But NEVER just speak to her whilst you are in that group of 3 girls. If the other girls don't get some attention from you you will get the dreaded "comeon lets go " or her friends will nudge her to go some place else, go to the bathroom and never come back, you see what im getting at? SO you must win her friends over first, then go for who you want.

This has been key for me in bars. I see my successful friends do this all the time. My friend is magical at this. He will walk up to a group of 5-6 girls, make them all feel like they are getting the attention they want, target one specifically, talk to her a little more (teasing , touching, more eye contact on her etc ) but still engages the whole group. It's ****ing brilliant when done correctly.

 

[RangerMIke]

If you see a woman that you are interested in approach her. Don't worry about anything other than the body language clues she is giving you. Don't over think anything. If she's with a group, then approach the group, talk to everyone, then try to get alone with her, if she won't break away, just move onto the next one. Don't waste time with women who will not invest in you.

 

[TheException]

Respectfully disagree. I personally see no need for this.

I'll rarely enter bars, but if/when I do, I prefer an open and direct approach. Good eye contact, a smile, and one word: "Drink?"

Not saying my way is easy but I'm convinced no formula is.

It was not advice geared towards what you "personally see a need for". The guy said he's still having approach anxiety. Its much easier to approach men than hot women if you are a shy man.

As for your personal approach....I like it. Very similar to myself.