Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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Question about beauty standards

Elfynne

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Usually when I hear people talking about a really beautiful woman, they refer to her as resembling a supermodel. I think they are being misleading when using this term, although not intentionally....but maybe I am interpreting it wrong.

The thing is, that in order to be a supermodel (or to look like one), a woman has to be VERY tall and very leggy, and much, much thinner than even the average thin girl.

So I'm wondering: does a woman HAVE to have these qualities in order to be truly stunning? It's a little disturbing, especially considering that most women are under six feet in height and weigh more than 100 pounds.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Le Parisien

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Usually when I hear people talking about a really rich person, they refer to him/her as living the life of a billionnaire. I think they are being misleading when using this term, although not intentionally....but maybe I am interpreting it wrong.

The thing is, that in order to be a billionnaire (or to live the life of one), a person has to be VERY wealthy, and much, much more financially comfrotable than even the average rich person.

So I'm wondering: does a person HAVE to have billions of $$$ sitting on bank accounts to be truly filthy rich? It's a little disturbing, especially considering that most people don't even make more than 60,000$ a year.
:D

I don't want to be rude or anything, but if you are not like one of those stunners and you feel self-conscious or frustrated about it, GET OVER IT! No need to post any message like this, it doesn't help you, you won't feel any better with people's replies, and it's not really constructive here. Maybe in the Anything Else" section, I don't know...
:rolleyes:
 

Elfynne

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Originally posted by Le Parisien
Usually when I hear people talking about a really rich person, they refer to him/her as living the life of a billionnaire. I think they are being misleading when using this term, although not intentionally....but maybe I am interpreting it wrong.

The thing is, that in order to be a billionnaire (or to live the life of one), a person has to be VERY wealthy, and much, much more financially comfrotable than even the average rich person.

So I'm wondering: does a person HAVE to have billions of $$$ sitting on bank accounts to be truly filthy rich? It's a little disturbing, especially considering that most people don't even make more than 60,000$ a year.
:D

I don't want to be rude or anything, but if you are not like one of those stunners and you feel self-conscious or frustrated about it, GET OVER IT! No need to post any message like this, it doesn't help you, you won't feel any better with people's replies, and it's not really constructive here. Maybe in the Anything Else" section, I don't know...
:rolleyes:
No need to be a d!ck to me, wiseass. I don't appreciate your sarcasm, and nothing I said warranted such a ****y response. I asked a perfectly rational question, and you could have given me a completely civil answer. I was merely curious as to the opinions of the people here, because I find it unfair that true beauty should be judged by height and weight alone. Britney Spears, for example, is of the same height and build as I am. Other beautiful women, like Christina Aguilera, Shania Twain, and Shakira are even shorter. It just doesn't make sense to me that beautiful women like these should be considered inferior to runway models just because they are smaller.

I mean, be honest! If you had a chance to bang Britney Spears, would you turn her down for not being a "stunning" six feet tall?
 

Kineti[C]harm

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No, most supermodels are ugly as hell or not attractive at all...


take a look though at victoria silverstedt or elle mcpherson, THAT'S some nice bodies.

Personally I LOVE swimmershoulders.. Girls with nice round breasts and round nice shoulders and nice cheekbones....

The most important thing is that the shoulders, breasts, waist and hips fit together as much as possible and that the girl is not fat/overweight...
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Le Parisien

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Ok ok, if you want a civil answer, I will give you one.
:)
I like girls who have a beautiful face and who are reasonably thin (not anorexic please), the rest is pretty secondary (hey I didn't say I don't care...;) ).
The models are merely an image that the media are selling to people, and most of the time it makes people unhappy and insecure.

I kinda responded to your message harshly because I could see part of me (the old me) through it. I was like "do you really need to be at least 6'0 to be considered attractive? does being only 5'9 prevent you from ever getting any interest from the cute girls? hey but Tom Cruise is only 5'8 and so on and so on..." It was simply my insecurities reeking, although the questions were also prettyn"rational"...
:rolleyes:
But I GOT OVER IT. So should you.

And finally, I think Shania Twain is gorgeous, only she's kinda old to my taste. Britney Spears does NOTHING for me and Christina Aguilera is simply horrible, she was way better before she started the bad girl look.
Hope all this helps...
:)
 

Elfynne

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Originally posted by Le Parisien
Ok ok, if you want a civil answer, I will give you one.
:)
I like girls who have a beautiful face and who are reasonably thin (not anorexic please), the rest is pretty secondary (hey I didn't say I don't care...;) ).
The models are merely an image that the media are selling to people, and most of the time it makes people unhappy and insecure.

I kinda responded to your message harshly because I could see part of me (the old me) through it. I was like "do you really need to be at least 6'0 to be considered attractive? does being only 5'9 prevent you from ever getting any interest from the cute girls? hey but Tom Cruise is only 5'8 and so on and so on..." It was simply my insecurities reeking, although the questions were also prettyn"rational"...
:rolleyes:
But I GOT OVER IT. So should you.

And finally, I think Shania Twain is gorgeous, only she's kinda old to my taste. Britney Spears does NOTHING for me and Christina Aguilera is simply horrible, she was way better before she started the bad girl look.
Hope all this helps...
:)

Thank you for your civility, Parisien.

Beautiful faces with thin bodies are very reasonable requirements for beauty. And of course anorexia is not beautiful. I
never understood why anorexic models are portrayed as being so desirable, when it is usually full, round breasts and nicely rounded hips that men typically like. Men want women, not twelve-year-old boys, am I right?

And to respond to your other comment...men don't need to be gigantic in order to be attractive. Far from it. Personally, I would much, much rather go out with a handsome, sexy 5'9" guy rather than some 6'4" lumbering brute. I really don't understand the obsession with hugeness...extreme height with beefcake muscles. It's a huge turnoff.

I mentioned Britney Spears as an example because many guys seem to like her, and she is of modest height. So while she can be seen by many as a tempting sex kitten, she could never be a supermodel because she isn't tall enough...even though she may be technically prettier than many catwalkers.
 

Le Parisien

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You definitely don't need to be tall to be beautiful, however let's not get into denial either. Being tall/leggy is for sure a big big plus for a girl.
Usually the "stunners" are at least 5'7, 5'8 or a little bit taller. Check out the two references given by Kineti[C]harm, they are both 5'10+.

For guys, of course I know that you can get away with a reasonably short height as long as you are handsome (I know this pretty well;) ), but being 6'0+ would give you a huge advantage. I've met many girls to whom I would be almost transparent since I'm not 6'0+, I've also met girls who would be all over me because I *cough", you know:eek: , and this regardless of their "hotness".

So in conclusion, I would say that it's not necessary to be tall/leggy, but it would definitely give you an edge, and it would be a BIG edge. Everything else being equal, the tall/leggy one wins big time.

Ask Kineti[C]harm about it, he knows pretty well, he's TALL AND HANDSOME.
:D
 

Austin Allegro

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I would say most men don't find models of the Vogue variety attractive. I personally cannot stand the really tall, thin, pale, androgynous models you get in most fashion magazines.

These seem to exist only to make other women jealous and to be coathanger for homosexual fashion designers.

For me, the ideal is small but curvaceous - eg Kylie Minogue, in fact the smaller the better, as I'm only 5' 7", but I think most men would prefer a curvaceous woman between about 5' 2" and 5' 8" with a decent chest (C cup or over) and good hip/waist contrast. The kind of women you see in FHM magazines etc.

BTW Britney and Christina Aguilera - UGH. I hate that lip gloss, stretch limo, bling bling bullsh*t.
 

zerocelcius

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If I am just looking any girl that is semetric and well kept can be attractive. But for modeling there is one size of wear that is sent, and it is not one size fits all. A girl should have 36-38 B chest, be as close to 5'11" as possible (hills work), waist 22-24, hips 34-36..... The girls is a relust of the wear. The media isn't selling you this girl fasion is demanding this girl and she is appedamized. They are not the most attractive they are more like oddities, that make the clothes seem larger than life. They are chosen to be that size to show the styles and not take away from the styles.

As far as hot girls it depends on how that girl presents herself. You see all the time in those teen movies where they take the UG2 and turn her into HB8???

*side note I wouldn't kick BS out of bed.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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zerocelcius

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ohh yea I am 6' even and when I am with a girl it is kinda hard to go with the 5'2" girl. But it never stoped me before. Also If I could find a girl that was 5'10" she might apeal to me better just out of comfertabillity factors.
 

zerocelcius

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Elfynne
are you a female?
 

Dirtheart

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I do believe that the media defines beauty in the same way it defines a lot of things. We are constantly being told that slim and tall is beautiful, so there is a sense of pride (or a boost to the guy's ego) hooking up with a woman that everyone else sees as beautiful. And I do believe women think the same way in a sense.

Sure, it would be great to have Cindy Crawford hanging off my arm in public, and yet I would much rather have an overweight Sophie Dahl in my bedroom by far.

(http://www.more2hug.com/images/sophie2.jpg)
 

AFCinBC

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How bout this

Hey I'm just wondering something, I myself am considered by many to be very attractive I mean very attractive women have come up to me on the street and just said "Hi, Your hot" or they tell me im sexy and this isnt like a once in a life thing its happend on a daily basis (when I had a public relations job) for a long time. Yet I never get laid women seem more insecure around me than an average guy. I mean totaly my attitude probably dosnt help but my point is that it seems average or just *cute* girls or guys even get more action than others I have talked to very attractive girls who all agree that ppl are so insecure around attractive ppl they cant even do anything about it tense up and do the exact wrong thing. I'm just wondering if this is something anyone else has noticed? I mean no doubt if I run out and throw myself at ever girl I meet I would have no problems but In terms of men approaching women how many of you guys pass up a girl cause she is so ****ing stunning and has perfect presence and self assurance you just feel intimidated by her? or maybe you meet her but cant go threw with it cause they seem too good for you? I know this is total AFC attitudes but I'm an AFC read the name ;) sorry if this dosnt fit the context of the ideals behind the post just spouting my opinion
 

Elfynne

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Le Parisien,

This sounds like it would give the generally tall Russian and Scandinavian women an unfair advantage over, say, Asian girls...who are usually very small and sometimes a little stocky.

Austin,

You are right about Kylie Minogue.

Zerocelcius,

I see what you mean about the fashion industry. Now that you say it, I think I recall someone mentioning that designers require tall, thin bodies to model their fashions on, because it makes the clothes look better for some reason.

As for height discrepancies...my cousin is only five feet tall and she married a guy who was 6'3". They were happy while it lasted, but they always looked a little ridiculous because he had to stoop down and she had to crane her neck when they wanted to kiss. And yes, I'm a female.

Dirtheart,

Who is Sophie Dahl?

AFCinBC,

I have been told by people over the course of my life that I am beautiful and/or sexy, but I have only ever had one boyfriend. I always wondered "If people think I'm so pretty, why don't guys approach me more often?" You're right, attitude does play a big part. I have never thought of myself as being a beauty, plus I am very shy and I often come across as being hostile or a snob, so maybe that mixture of humility and standoffishness has repelled a lot of guys, even if I do look pretty on a certain day. It is usually the bolder ones who venture to make any comments.

And if I find a guy especially attractive, I get very nervous since I become very afraid that he will think I'm ugly or a dweeb. So I know what you mean.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Dirtheart

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Hi Elfynne. Sophie Dahl was one of the first "plus size" supermodels. She was surrounded by a lot of controversy when she hit the catwalk, but was hailed as a role model to a lot of women because she undermined the traditional stereotype.

She has lost weight now though so she's just another run of the mill model.
 

Le Parisien

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Ok, for girls, absolute height is irrelevent, it's more about proportion. Being 5'7+ doesn't necessarily mean being leggy, but again difficult to be leggy without being 5'7+, unless having really "weird" genes.
This sounds like it would give the generally tall Russian and Scandinavian women an unfair advantage over, say, Asian girls...who are usually very small and sometimes a little stocky.
Yup, it's even worse for Asian guys, just look at how many people dismiss Asians as being "unattractive". I'm Asian by the way...:D

But
Asian girls...who are usually very small and sometimes a little stocky.
Asian girls being stocky???:confused:This must be a joke.;)
The Asians might be shorter in average, but they rarely have weight problems.
 

Ever onward

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Elfynne,

Most guys standards aren't that high. If a girl is not overly ugly or over weight, chances are she can have her pick up 70 % of guys. Hey take this board for example, no one has any idea what you look like, yet you have become one of the most popular posters on this board. I would like to say it's because of your intelligent view points but chances are it's because you're a female.

From you're posts I gather you are fairly young and maybe that is why you haven't been approached too much. But the sad fact is most guys don't have the balls to approach women in any kind of direct way. That is why many of us are on this board so much, we are all procrastinating by educating ourselves instead of taking action.

I'm glad you joined this board, you're posts are always mature and insightful.
 

Elfynne

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Originally posted by Le Parisien
Ok, for girls, absolute height is irrelevent, it's more about proportion. Being 5'7+ doesn't necessarily mean being leggy, but again difficult to be leggy without being 5'7+, unless having really "weird" genes.

Yup, it's even worse for Asian guys, just look at how many people dismiss Asians as being "unattractive". I'm Asian by the way...:D

But
Asian girls being stocky???:confused:This must be a joke.;)
The Asians might be shorter in average, but they rarely have weight problems.
Sorry, maybe I chose the wrong word. I don't think I have ever seen a fat Asian woman in my life. What I meant was that they are more solidly built...they don't have the "willowy" builds that many taller Caucasian women have. I guess "willowy" is a good term to describe most supermodels...tall and very fragile-looking. Asian women often have delicate, supple-looking bodies, so that they look feminine, but not like breakable twigs. I did not mean to imply that Asian females are unattractive. They are far from it, actually...at least the majority are.
 

Fatality

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Originally posted by Elfynne
Usually when I hear people talking about a really beautiful woman, they refer to her as resembling a supermodel. I think they are being misleading when using this term, although not intentionally....but maybe I am interpreting it wrong.

The thing is, that in order to be a supermodel (or to look like one), a woman has to be VERY tall and very leggy, and much, much thinner than even the average thin girl.

So I'm wondering: does a woman HAVE to have these qualities in order to be truly stunning? It's a little disturbing, especially considering that most women are under six feet in height and weigh more than 100 pounds.
I don't find most of these so called super models attractive. Too tall and too thin.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

Read more...

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