Provider/protection need?

[Hoodie]

I know it's hardwired into our dna, and it makes us feel good.

But how do you deal with this if you're spinning plates? Do women become your full time hobby/job?

I can deal with this if it's only one girl, but if it's many. I think it would affect other areas of my life, like work, hobbies, etc.

 

[samspade]

What do you mean? Mate guarding? Territorial pissing? Or just father figure?

No, women shouldn't be your full time hobby or job, unless your job is pimp.

 

[Hoodie]

What do you mean? Mate guarding? Territorial pissing? Or just father figure?

No, women shouldn't be your full time hobby or job, unless your job is pimp.

It could very well be a beta instinct of wanting to provide and care for. I'm not sure mate guarding is the best description, as I'm not a very jealous person.
I get that, maybe the key to spinning plates is to make less effort(Less providing), thus displaying higher value, making it easier to spin plates.
But I don't know if I have it in me yet, as the beta provider is very strong. I.e it makes me feel good.

 

[samspade]

It could very well be a beta instinct of wanting to provide and care for. I'm not sure mate guarding is the best description, as I'm not a very jealous person.
I get that, maybe the key to spinning plates is to make less effort(Less providing), thus displaying higher value, making it easier to spin plates.
But I don't know if I have it in me yet, as the beta provider is very strong. I.e it makes me feel good.

I don't really think that's a "beta" instinct, but I think those terms, alpha/beta are so overused that they lack meaning anymore. (Ditto "Chad".) If a sultan provided ample food, clothing and shelter to his harem, is he beta? Lol.

What you're describing is normal. Same as women like feeling protected by a man. You just have to be careful not to take it too far. If she hears a noise in the basement, you're going down to check it out. She sees a spider, you kill it. After sex she puts her head on your chest. Those things are organic. It veers into "beta" when you start going out of your way to do every little thing for her, or coddling her.

I've always felt the best balance was a little danger/adventure + safety. Women love thrills but they like coming down from them into a man's arms. Heck the whole 50 Shades franchise is based on that. If you're worried about it resulting in you catching feelings (and you don't want that), you can always pull back a little on the safety part. Our behaviors often dictate our thoughts, not just the other way around.

 

[r4zorsharp]

It could very well be a beta instinct of wanting to provide and care for. I'm not sure mate guarding is the best description, as I'm not a very jealous person.
I get that, maybe the key to spinning plates is to make less effort(Less providing), thus displaying higher value, making it easier to spin plates.
But I don't know if I have it in me yet, as the beta provider is very strong. I.e it makes me feel good.

Thats the worst thing to be with women. Sooner or later you just find that the girl is using you for your money and you become "that guy".. on a small scale the guy that buys girls drinks, and thinks they like him, but they think of him as their personal drink buyer. on a larger scale its far worse

 

[CBear]

It could very well be a beta instinct of wanting to provide and care for. I'm not sure mate guarding is the best description, as I'm not a very jealous person.
I get that, maybe the key to spinning plates is to make less effort(Less providing), thus displaying higher value, making it easier to spin plates.
But I don't know if I have it in me yet, as the beta provider is very strong. I.e it makes me feel good.

It's not black and white like that. Protecting and providing is not beta or alpha. It can be very alpha if done in the right circumstances but if one is overdoing with someone who is not giving equal care, then it is very beta. This is something inexperienced or unsuccessful guys fail to understand when they say being a "jerk" is the end all be all. There's a fine line with having self respect and treating others based on how they treat you. If a person continues to invest way too much without getting much in return, then that person will get taken advantage of.

 

[Kotaix]

Thats the worst thing to be with women. Sooner or later you just find that the girl is using you for your money and you become "that guy".. on a small scale the guy that buys girls drinks, and thinks they like him, but they think of him as their personal drink buyer. on a larger scale its far worse

This is a generalization, it's possible to find unentitled women. It's up to a man to realize when he's being used and next the woman.

You can support women, but realize that it's never an investment a woman doesn't owe you anything for you spending your money on her. Best case scenario, you find women who insist they pay their fare share and/or reciprocates.

 

[Hoodie]

This is a generalization, it's possible to find unentitled women. It's up to a man to realize when he's being used and next the woman.

You can support women, but realize that it's never an investment a woman doesn't owe you anything for you spending your money on her. Best case scenario, you find women who insist they pay their fare share and/or reciprocates.

It's not only monetary. Just giving her attention in a good way and making sure she is doing good, can be very rewarding. (As long as she doesn't take it for granted or you do it out of neediness or with the expectation of something in return). The act of caring can result in her appreciating you more, and view you as a high value man. (As long as you don't compromise).

 

[Hoodie]

It's not black and white like that. Protecting and providing is not beta or alpha. It can be very alpha if done in the right circumstances but if one is overdoing with someone who is not giving equal care, then it is very beta. This is something inexperienced or unsuccessful guys fail to understand when they say being a "jerk" is the end all be all. There's a fine line with having self respect and treating others based on how they treat you. If a person continues to invest way too much without getting much in return, then that person will get taken advantage of.

Agree, It's hardwired in our dna aswell. It makes us feel good. It's about not overdoing it to the point she is using you.

 

[Kotaix]

It's not only monetary. Just giving her attention in a good way and making sure she is doing good, can be very rewarding. (As long as she doesn't take it for granted or you do it out of neediness or with the expectation of something in return). The act of caring can result in her appreciating you more, and view you as a high value man. (As long as you don't compromise).

This is true. A woman will not attach to you unless you show caring to a certain degree, but that's assuming you're dealing with women who aren't broken. That goes out the window with damaged, trashy or entitled/spoiled-brat women.

 

[Lookatu]

Expectation management from the beginning with plates or any girl for that matter.

Don't give too much time, attention, provider vibe, etc until she has proven herself to be a potential for LTR. All others get watered down and if they don't like it, you can bounce.

Once you give too much and spoil them, it's impossible to reverse course.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thats the worst thing to be with women. Sooner or later you just find that the girl is using you for your money and you become "that guy".. on a small scale the guy that buys girls drinks, and thinks they like him, but they think of him as their personal drink buyer. on a larger scale its far worse

You get labeled that to the entire social fabric surrounding her. So it's your responsibility to ensure you are getting laid so that you put the correct messages out there.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's not black and white like that. Protecting and providing is not beta or alpha. It can be very alpha if done in the right circumstances but if one is overdoing with someone who is not giving equal care, then it is very beta. This is something inexperienced or unsuccessful guys fail to understand when they say being a "jerk" is the end all be all. There's a fine line with having self respect and treating others based on how they treat you. If a person continues to invest way too much without getting much in return, then that person will get taken advantage of.

Following the 50's standard: IE, your providing and protecting, and getting cooked for, special favors and fvcking the sh1t outta her nightly, that's a very masculine position, and yet you are doing alot of "giving" in the position.