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Problematic breakup

Skunstar

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Hello

My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 5 years of a relationship. She said that maybe that will help us to get back together. I did some pity stuff within the next three days after I moved out (crying, apologizing etc). After that broke up, I was, and I still am shocked I have never been in so long relationship and never live with any other girl. I took all my clothes, books all small stuff but left furniture's, tv's everything big basically. We still have bills together. After that broke up somebody recommended to me "Rational man". I read it within 2 or 3 days this book has had a huge impact on my perception of relationships. I tried to apply some rules from the book into this relationship, but it was not very successful mainly because I was not consistent. After two weeks we went together to see an art gallery, we were hugging, kissing and having a great time – acting like a couple. However, as soon as we came back to her apartment she started to crying and she said we cannot be together because she does not know what she feels about her ex-boyfriend who is in jail right now and live in a different country. Next morning, she was hugging and kissing again and ask when we can see each other again. This morning, we were going to sort out some of our bills, but she suddenly started screaming at me. I hung up and said I am not going to tolerate screaming towards me. From this moment I have been ignoring her messages.

I am confused. I don't know what to do. I read some posts which say that I should cut the contact, but I struggle to do so because of bills, furniture's and my feelings. She has been sending me mixed signals and I have no idea what to do. The whole situation is killing me. For the whole day, in my head, I can break up with her, be with her, hate her, love her.

I would be grateful for any tips from you

Thanks
 

Bible_Belt

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I sense bpd. She has to keep you (and prison guy) right on the edge, not broken up all the way but not committed, either.

Here is the best book about bpd. Google books will let you preview a little of it for free. Paperback is just a few dollars on ebay.

 

Skunstar

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Well ok i will try to read that book. So whats the best solution in your opinion? Just leave her alone and move forwards? BPD sounds serious
 

Focal core

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Well ok i will try to read that book. So whats the best solution in your opinion? Just leave her alone and move forwards? BPD sounds serious
Shess umm a hump material, definately ot ltr or marriage.. Yes bad news.. Really bad one...move forward are the way to go.. Youve already got the milk out of the cow for 5 years, you may downgrade her to plate and find an healthy ltr.
 

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bcude

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My girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 5 years of a relationship. She said that maybe that will help us to get back together.
This is bull$hit, do you hear how ridiculous it sounds?
Remember this: When a girl doesn't want to be with you, you let her go. When she wants space, you give her the universe. This is because you can't negotiate desire and only want be around girls interested in you, who respect you. Anything else is wasting time and your time is valuable. She either has you or she doesn't, not this wishy washy back and forth. You need to stop this for your own sanity.
Handle the bills and furniture as unemotional as you can. Get the stuff you need and become totally independant from her and cut contact.
As soon as there are mixed signals confusing you, look at her behavior and you will get your answer there. What is her behavior? She broke your relationship. Don't get fooled by her acts of affection now, they're most probably separation anxiety while she weans herself off of you.
Even if you would want to fix this which i suspect, removing yourself from her right now is the best you can do. Regain your independance while she has to live with her decision and she comes back fully engaged (which wont last) or move on, feeling much better.

After that spend some time on yourself, read those books and start your new exciting life that's waiting for you. It will be emotionally hard at first, but nothing worth having in life comes easy.
 

Serenity

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I read some posts which say that I should cut the contact, but I struggle to do so because of bills, furniture's and my feelings.
Then that is what you have to work on. Prioritize sorting out bills and getting your furniture, forget fixing this. She broke it and apparently she has feelings for her ex-boyfriend in jail, you should under no circumstance accept that she's emotionally stuck in her past.
I hung up and said I am not going to tolerate screaming towards me. From this moment I have been ignoring her messages.
Good decision, but you'll have to take care of business. You have to put your feelings aside and firmly decide to leave, no matter what she says. Push to quickly resolve bills and get your stuff out, you can deal with your heartache and get yourself on your feet after that, without her.
 

Desdinova

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However, as soon as we came back to her apartment she started to crying and she said we cannot be together because she does not know what she feels about her ex-boyfriend who is in jail right now and live in a different country.
She's been alpha-widowed by the ex and is now permanently damaged good. All she's good for now is a fvck and toss. Leave this piece of trash woman behind and move onto greener pastures. You're never going to be happy with her.
 

SW15

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Try and forget the last 5 years happened from a relationship standpoint. It is over and will always be over.

You're 28. You're well positioned to start finding new dates from 21-25 year olds. That should be focus.
 

Lookatu

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However, as soon as we came back to her apartment she started to crying and she said we cannot be together because she does not know what she feels about her ex-boyfriend who is in jail right now and live in a different country. Next morning, she was hugging and kissing again and ask when we can see each other again. This morning, we were going to sort out some of our bills, but she suddenly started screaming at me. I hung up and said I am not going to tolerate screaming towards me. From this moment I have been ignoring her messages.
Sounds like BPD as others have said but in addition, sounds like she's just leaching off your comfort, resources until she can monkey branch to someone she really desires. At this point, you're merely a friend and the desire she once had for you is lost and can not be gotten back.

As others said, get your stuff out of there and go no contact. Figure out how you two can still pay any necessary bills if you can't fully separate them out.
 

Skunstar

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Ok. I phomed her to arrange meeting so I can take my stuff. Firstly, she agreed and after she texted me that she cannot do it because she has a date. Wtf? I dont even care that she has a date i just want my stuff back and she has been making it difficult.
 
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LARaiders85

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Ok. I phomed her to arrange meeting so I can take my stuff. Firstly, she agreed and after she texted me that she cannot do it because she has a date. Wtf? I dont even care that she has a date i just want my stuff back and she has been making it difficult.
she is going to use your stuff as a way to keep contact and prevent you from blocking her. Do you really need it?
 

Kotaix

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You're already doing the right thing by not tolerating her bullsh!t. Go get your stuff and never EVER talk to her again. Or, take the loss, leave the stuff with her and 100% ghost her from this day out. Stuff is just stuff and can be replaced. Your dignity is worth more than all the money in the world. I could bet money that she's going to use your stuff as leverage to find a way to string you along for as long as possible.

ex boyfriend in jail... goes to show just how worthless that woman really is.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Ok. I phomed her to arrange meeting so I can take my stuff. Firstly, she agreed and after she texted me that she cannot do it because she has a date. Wtf? I dont even care that she has a date i just want my stuff back and she has been making it difficult.
Wow, you shouldn't need any more evidence to avoid this girl. Why do you need to arrange a meeting? Why can't you just go and get it? I would do this on your own - keep her out of it. unwind as many of the bills as you can. She will not make it easy. I definitely smell BPD here too. Normal people don't break up with someone who didn't do anything wrong, and then fvck with them over unwinding the logistics like bills and furniture.
 

Lookatu

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Ok. I phomed her to arrange meeting so I can take my stuff. Firstly, she agreed and after she texted me that she cannot do it because she has a date. Wtf? I dont even care that she has a date i just want my stuff back and she has been making it difficult.
Is this her place and do you have keys?
If you have keys, I would clean out all my stuff while she's on her date.
 
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