Problem with new GF

[wakingup]

I'm just coming off a divorce at 31 years old from a Cluster B (Histrionic and BiPolar, both diagnosed professionally from multiple doctors) wife of 1.5 years. The earlier comment about the pedestal she puts you on then blames you for not being perfect is 100% reality with some women. The very things she praised me for in the first 2 months were the same things she hated about me six years later. Specifically, these things were wanting to own a home, wanting children, having a close-knit family (parents and siblings), and continuing to be an accomplished musician. She fell in love with me because of these things, then left me because of these things (saying that they took more importance over her, which quite the opposite was true as I stopped playing music and saw my family less and stopped wanting kids with her).

I'm now left with fewer friends, a somewhat strained relationship with my family because of the various events/experiences I chose to miss out on on behalf of my ex-wife, and I'm just starting to play music again after 2 years of not playing. I'm also no closer to having a family (which is fine for me for now, but still an ultimate goal of mine).

All this to say, just be careful and if things seem too good to be true, they are. Watch her actions and make sure they jive with her statements.

 

[MOTU]

Drums, I am concerned that you have missed much of the advice here. You asked, "how do I get her back interested?" and the collective said "you don't want her back interested, she's probably more trouble than she is worth". Be careful here.

That being said, I agree with, and have repped, Willard.

Just text her "ok", then act like there is no problem when she calls. If she asks what you have been doing just say "I've been keeping busy". Your ignoring her major red flags like saying I love you and wanting to move in together after 3 weeks.

Most likely she is a high conflict person and trying to put her into her place is going to feed into her need for conflict. acting like you don't care is going to give you the position of power. Remember the person who cares less in the relationship has the power.

 

[SteR]

Personally, I'd just shift my focus to something else (career or something) just to let the dust settle and see where things go. I don't think you need to do anything here

 

[hithard]

Maybe a friend or family had a word in her ear.

 

[G_Govan]

This isn't meant to be insulting, just an observation. The roles sound reversed, especially your reaction to the event she forgot about.

She sounds like the man in the driver's seat who's not too bothered by things and you sound like the emotional woman who's wondering where the relationship is going.

Not a good place to be.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

This isn't meant to be insulting, just an observation. The roles sound reversed, especially your reaction to the event she forgot about.

She sounds like the man in the driver's seat who's not too bothered by things and you sound like the emotional woman who's wondering where the relationship is going.

Not a good place to be.

G_Govan,

You nailed this. How does a man flip this position to being back in the driver seat?

 

[Tiguere]

G_Govan,

You nailed this. How does a man flip this position to being back in the driver seat?

By NOT projecting an outcome dependent personality.

Have a life outside of her. Do you work out. Bicycle.. Canoeing... Skydiving... Paint... Sing.. Dance... You must have a passion.. The need for vagina is not a passion.