"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Proactive Approach to Potential Drama

logicallefty

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Tried this new proactive tactic and it seems to have worked like I wanted.

This HB I am seeing texts me last night

HB: "You won't believe this. I am the founder of a Facebook group and your ex GF NAME just signed up and posted some stuff. Looks like she and I have a mutual friend FRIEND NAME"

My thoughts were "oh boy, here comes the drama-train".

Lefty: "Wow small world. FRIEND NAME is her boss. Thanks for the info. Just to let you know I don't associate to more than an acquaintance level with anyone who also associates with her (my ex) ."

HB: "What is that supposed to mean?"

Lefty: "It means exactly what it says"

HB: "So are you saying I can't talk to her?"

Lefty: "No. I am saying if you do talk to her then I can't be anymore than your acquaintance"

HB: "I can't believe you would accuse me of talking to her! You don't trust me! I thought you trusted me! Good night!!"

Lefty: "Night"

She called, texted, and Emailed me 1x each within the next hour.

Emailed again this morning apologizing for being a "typical female" and getting b|tchy! She asked me if I wanted her to leave the FB group and turn it over to someone else. I said "you don't HAVE to do anything, you are a free woman"

All is well. Now. She said she can't wait to b@ng my brains out this weekend!
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Sik

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Well played, Logicallefty!

I hope no one misses the beauty of the exchange. No drama, fighting, yelling or other negative behavior. Just you stating your rules, maintaining frame and her following your lead.

A relatively small victory, but it lays the foundation for all future interactions.
 

logicallefty

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Sik said:
Well played, Logicallefty!

I hope no one misses the beauty of the exchange. No drama, fighting, yelling or other negative behavior. Just you stating your rules, maintaining frame and her following your lead.

A relatively small victory, but it lays the foundation for all future interactions.
Thank you Sir. We have had a lot of talks on here lately about establishing, keeping, and reestablishing frame. So I figured it was good timing to post this.
 
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