Pretty sure that I am about to get dumped. URGENT

[gettinit]

Lots of conflicting info on here.
"If you're thinking about ending the relationship, I need to know right now."

I have read many times here: Don't give ultimatums and: Dont ever give her a choice

 

[sazc]

Do nothing. She said she has plans to talk to you, let her come to you and talk. If she is having feelings she needs to open her mouth. If you prompt her to open her mouth, you are enabling her. 3 years into it, she should know how to speak with you, initiate conversations, about her issues and feelings.

What of she thinks you aren't into her because you haven't suggested that you both take it to the next level? You are guessing at what the situation is. Don't.

Again, do not initiate. She said she had plans to speak with you, let her initiate.

Things have a way of working themselves out. In the meantime, go on as usual and look for/be open to other females.

When in doubt, do nothing.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Detach yourself emotionally and take control of this situation, which right now is torturing you.

By detaching from her, you will flip the script and gain the upper hand. Nothing bad can come of this, only good, because you will be forcing her hand.

Right now you are a puppy dog, unwittingly, of course, begging for some treats. You are in need. Instead, take control of the situation by completely reversing the dynamic.

Know this: Women break up with a man months before they break up with a man. I'll interpret this for you as time may be of the essence: Women detach and break up with a man long before they tell him they "need some time apart". They grieve the loss while still together with him. During this period, they display the same behavior you are noticing.

As I've said before in this thread, you are about to be dumped. Flip the script and become the dumper. A man should never be dumped. The handwriting is on the wall, and in your particular case, the handwriting is very clear.

You will feel that you will lose everything and any "chance" you have with her (puppy dog thinking). But in fact, you will be forcing the right thing to go down. Either she will straighten out and gain perspective, or you will have ended this suffering of not knowing what's going on. If you don't detach from her, and end up being dumped, our words will no doubt haunt you and make the experience all the worse.

You will lose in a long conversation. Your conversation needs to be a transfer of information, not a give and take. Tell her the relationship, as it is, no longer works for you and it's best that you are apart. Your will remove all the power she now has over you and will put the ball in your court. Right now, you're heading for a crash unless you pull up and hit the throttle.

If the relationship is worth pursuing in the future, she WILL let you know. When a woman is into you, she will move mountains to see you.

 

[sazc]

Lol, when in doubt, spin plates

 

[resilient]

Welcome to SoSuave, OP.

I would go ghost and vanish... Let her hamster spin into the ether.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Lots of conflicting info on here.
"If you're thinking about ending the relationship, I need to know right now."

I have read many times here: Don't give ultimatums and: Dont ever give her a choice

Okay so I'm just gonna chime in my two cents with my ignorant little brain here by saying that it's all about strength. Which one will make you stronger? A lot of guys say that you have to be the one to end it before she does so that you can walk away as a 'better man'. But the problem that I see with that is that it's akin to quitting your job RIGHT before you are about to get fired, just so that you can tell people "oh I quit" rather than "oh I got fired". The same thing goes with this.

Dumping right before she would potentially dump you is pretty much damage control to protect an already hurt ego. It takes someone with real confidence and high ass self esteem to hear something that would be emotionally destructive towards you and not break down. I know that this is a self-improvement site but not even the vast majority of guys here are strong enough to withstand that. Women desire STRONG men, right? Well what action will make you stronger in her eyes, and in yours?

 

[dude99]

Did you guys miss what I said about her Ex. She does not have a reverse gear. Maybe a neutral, but she has conviction and that is something that attracted me to her in the first place.

I have one shot here and am looking for at least a shot. Everyone makes mistakes and mine was becoming complacent. I won't drop my game again.

We didn't miss it. Her ex wasn't worth going back to in her opinion.

All girls who see value in you and are afraid to lose you have a reverse gear.

If there is no reverse gear there is also zero interest

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

OP I ask you these two things:

What do YOU want to do?

What is your gut instinct telling you?

 

[Harry Wilmington SLW]

There's nothing to figure out here. When she said she couldn't leave early on Thursday but didn't give you a reason why OR a counter-offer for a different day, it meant it was OVER.

A woman with high-interest finds excuses to see you; a woman with low-interest gives excuses to delay seeing you.

It really is THAT simple. Anything else in terms of excuses is the ego trying to protect itself from what it subconsciously knows to be the truth - that the girl is no longer interested.

So yeah - I wouldn't send her anything. And no, I wouldn't be expecting her to directly tell you she's lost interest in you - that's just not something girls do (after all, they know how fragile our egos are and what hearing those words may do to us). She's taking the passive route in hopes that (a) you'll figure it out yourself, and (b) she won't have to see you facing her rejection.

On the off-chance that she hits you up? Unless it's to meet up and see you, I wouldn't respond to those either.

 

[Red Legg]

Just start dating other women. You won't even need to dump her. You'll just find yourself occupied with other women.

Listen to El Payaso....Start spinning plates and let her know about it,back way off and see if she gives chase (she very well could if you openly spin plates).Embrace the "Red Pill" learn the true nature of women (I suggest memorizing ALL of Poon King's posts)..come to the dark side Luke...

 

[gettinit]

OK double greatest. I think that I am strong enough and my ego is going to take a hit if this drops, no matter how it goes down.
We had a bad miscommunication 3 years ago to a point where I thought that she was just playing me. It was completely wrong and had almost gone NC.
Planned message:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."

Could I get any more direct? I don't think that any of that sounds weak. Thoughts?

She didn't cancel, she just couldn't get off early, but I did in part put that in there as a test. She didn't even have to mention it. If she wanted to end it, she could have done it on the phone right then when I called her out on the BS. She pleaded misunderstanding and didn't get angry. In fact, she went silent and said that she wished that she could have been with me and then the tears (I know, I know). I get that she should move mountains if she want to see me, but as independent as she is, I don't count anything out with this one. That's why I'm reaching out for help here.

Please, no more spinning plates comments. Although I appreciate all of the help here. Its not my style.

 

[The Duke]

You know what is interesting about all of this? There is one conclusion that stands out to me..................

Men need to stop caring so much. That's the key to keeping attraction and the upper hand in a relationship with modern day women. They rarely say what they mean, they protect themselves first, and they always have plan B ready before you even realize there is something wrong with their plan A(YOU). I've seen it go down 100 times.

 

[gettinit]

A variation:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it. If you want to discuss something other than that, say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my capable assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."

 

[resilient]

I don't count anything out with this one. That's why I'm reaching out for help here.

OP, you're getting many different inputs here with mostly the same message: It's time to put yourself first...

Don't wait for her message/response. Start taking the focus off of her (what she says/does) and onto you. Take care of yourself. What has been neglected in your self-improvement? Improve areas that lacked focus. Hit the gym. Go get a massage. Hang out with the bros. Do some vigorous exercises that get your blood pumping. Go hike a mountain.

You've spent three years with this chick. How much of that time was spent on furthering yourself as a man?

You can go and spin plates to "soften" the breakup or consider this as an opportunity to stretch yourself and grow as a person.

Spend this time in this transition on yourself and I promise you... you'll emerge a stronger man.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OK double greatest. I think that I am strong enough and my ego is going to take a hit if this drops, no matter how it goes down.
We had a bad miscommunication 3 years ago to a point where I thought that she was just playing me. It was completely wrong and had almost gone NC.
Planned message:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."

Could I get any more direct? I don't think that any of that sounds weak. Thoughts?

She didn't cancel, she just couldn't get off early, but I did in part put that in there as a test. She didn't even have to mention it. If she wanted to end it, she could have done it on the phone right then when I called her out on the BS. She pleaded misunderstanding and didn't get angry. In fact, she went silent and said that she wished that she could have been with me and then the tears (I know, I know). I get that she should move mountains if she want to see me, but as independent as she is, I don't count anything out with this one. That's why I'm reaching out for help here.

Please, no more spinning plates comments. Although I appreciate all of the help here. Its not my style.

If you do that, you're still positioning it softly within your established framework. I'm referring to the "assistant" business.

You need to create a new frame... YOUR frame. You need to communicate that it's a new day.

This is all being overthought. "I've observed that things have changed in ways that I don't appreciate. I think it's best if we go separate ways".

You cannot lose with this approach. If she really is dedicated to you, she will do whatever is necessary to resolve whatever is going on. If not, she wasn't right for you and your relationship would have died a slow death.

In my opinion, a man should NEVER be held hostage to this secretive "I've been thinking about things and I need to talk to you". It's already game over, my friend. Flip the script or be dumped.. It's your choice. It is starting to occur to me that you are not sincerely asking our opinion, but rather fishing for one that resonates with how you feel. You've reached out for help, and the help has arrived. Now it's time to act.

So what if you did play a part in her detaching? We are all learning and we all make mistakes. The question is, what are you going to do with the present reality? The present reality is that she has you in fear. You can obliterate that fear by walking away in a cordial way. Her real feelings will then become known, and very quickly. There's nothing worse than the state of uncertainty and the suspended animation that you're living in. You can make your life much more concrete and stable by forcing the resolution of this on your terms.

 

[Glassguy]

A variation:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it. If you want to discuss something other than that, say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my capable assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."

Stop with this personal assistant bullsh!t. Its apparent she is done.

Do you want advice or do you want pampered and validated? Because its appearing you just want someone to agree with you finding a way for your fingers to hit the keyboard to message her.

Do yourself a big favor and DO NOT INITIATE ANY CONTACT. She is done. Get that through your head. When a woman acts like this, she is finished with it.

Go no contact and when SHE reaches out, tell her "THINGS HAVE CHANGED AND I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT ANYMORE. TAKE CARE".

THEN DONT RESPOND. SHE WILL MORE THAN LIKELY BLOW YOUR PHONE UP. LAY BACK AND LET THIS THINK PLAY OUT. STOP OVER THINKING IT AND DO WHAT WE ARE TELLING YOU. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE BEFORE DUDE. JUST STOP.

 

[Atom Smasher]

And look at the title of your thread: "Pretty sure that I am about to get dumped. URGENT".

Yes, you are indeed about to get dumped. It is a certainty. Even YOU know it. You will save yourself a world of hurt if you do as I and Glassguy and several others have said. You're talking to people with experience and knowledge here.

 

[Glassguy]

@gettinit

Trust me on this- whatever you say or do now will only hurt your chances of flipping this chick's switch.

Bail out of this IMMEDIATELY.

Her: Hey gettinit.....are you ignoring me?
You: Hey sorry but seems this thing between us has changed and I am just not feeling it anymore. Take care.
Her: What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?
You: Yeah...things have just seemed weird between us lately so I'm going to bounce. This isnt what I am looking for, so I am going to start checking out other opportunities. Gotta run.
Her: Thats it?
You: (Silence).

Simple as that. If she is all in and just going through a spell (which I doubt) she will immediate put everything wrong on herself and want to get together to work it out.

If she even slightly agrees, there is another dude around.

Trust me man, put this in text to her when she reaches out and get ready to go find new chicks.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Men need to stop caring so much. That's the key to keeping attraction and the upper hand in a relationship with modern day women. They rarely say what they mean, they protect themselves first, and they always have plan B ready before you even realize there is something wrong with their plan A(YOU). I've seen it go down 100 times.

Yeah, true. Sad that is what it's come to, but definitely true.

 

[Desdinova]

I have read many times here: Don't give ultimatums and: Dont ever give her a choice

And what's the purpose of that? So you look like a real man? So you'll end up the "better person"? So you'll forever gain her respect even if you're no longer with her?

HER OPINION OF YOU DOESN'T MATTER. You gain nothing by leaving a good impression on her. You're d1ck won't be going inside her vagina anymore. SHE IS IRRELEVANT. And if you happen to be wrong about your assumption of her wanting to end the relationship, she will let you know.

All you have to gain is time. Time you could be using chasing other women. Time you could be using to read more useful threads on this site. Time you could be using to recover from this relationship. You don't get younger while you're wasting time being "official" to this chick.

Get your answer ASAP. If she answers anything but "no", you wish her well and delete her number. Making a breakup official should be easy, simple, and quick. The time immediately after the official breakup should be the most difficult to deal with. Take control of the breakup away from her and pull the trigger.