"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Post your most disturbing sexual encounters

pingpongz

Don Juan
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I have just two...

Was ****ing this girl... everythings going good... i decide to pull it out and tease her a bit. I look down and theres a big blood clot on my ****. Nearly threw it up. Just wiped it on the sheet and went back to business :D


Another time me and a girl were 69ing and she had her ass in my face.. i look up and theres a big brown skid mark on the inside of her ass cheek :nervous:


You guys got any that we should be prepared for in the event of it happening? :D
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Uncle Matt

Don Juan
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my house
fingered a girl with thrush once. bit messy. thought it was some one elses jiz for a second!
 

lordson

Senior Don Juan
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Aug 7, 2005
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Location
Australia
i was going down on a girl, and after a while i started tasting blood

it was LTR so no big drama
 

pingpongz

Don Juan
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lordson said:
i was going down on a girl, and after a while i started tasting blood

it was LTR so no big drama

Did you not smell that she was on the rag? :D
 

ShortyMac

Don Juan
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Mine so much wasnt a disgusting experience as it was uncomfortable. I had a girl's man walk in right in the middle of her suckin me off. She told me she was single. The whole incident got ugly real quick.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Uncle Matt

Don Juan
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my house
oooh! nasty!
 

drak_ool

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 14, 2007
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shagged a girl i barely knew without a rubber while she was on her period. Multiple times in one night at a hotel. we destroyed that room, the sheets were all covered in blood as was the bathroom and parts of the carpet.

stupidest shyt i did in my life
 

Dole

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
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one night stand
the b1tch farts while i am fvcking her
doesn't even apologize, smack her across the face and told her to get the fvck out of my apartment
 

Moofahsa

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 2, 2007
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Location
Deep South
69ing and smelling ****.

I was drunk and threw her off me...grabbed my clothes and left.

disgusting.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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LoneSilver

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 27, 2005
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880
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Location
In The South
Dam you sure it wasn't an innocent pu*sy fart?

I love it. I feel so much closer with a girl when that happens but usually you have to pound it the doggie way to get it to pu*sy fart. I want to marry them too.

I propose marriage while they are pu*sy fartin' sometimes loud and they get all red faced and giggles.... they look so cute that way and to think it was me that made them do it I pound my chest like King Kong a fu*kin' good job ;)

LoneSilver

Dole said:
one night stand
the b1tch farts while i am fvcking her
doesn't even apologize, smack her across the face and told her to get the fvck out of my apartment
 

Magma

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
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Location
North Coast
Yeast Infection

There was this girl that I dated all throughout middle school, and had most of my first sexual experiences with her. One night we were "watching movies" in the basement and she let me go down on her. Of course I had no idea what I was doing. I ended up just kissing around down there.

Couple of days later, I developed a very sore throat and my mom took me to the doctor. The doctor examines my throat and I thought it would be strep.

He's like, "Hmmm. This is interesting. Don't see THIS too much. It appears you have a yeast infection in your throat."

I froze up and played dumb, like "Hmm. You are right. That IS very interesting." Stacy had a yeast infection.

Ahhh. Good times...
 

KarmaSutra

Banned
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Padron Reserve maduro in hand while finishing my b
When I was 19 I had met a girl at a Christmas party through work. We hit it off really well and it was blatantly obvious we each had that sexual mambo on the brain. We slipped out to the cabana out back and she is absolutely ravenous! Sucking, licking, chick couldn't get enough in her mouth. I put her up on the railing and pull her panties aside and I'm going to town. Finally I'm anxious and she's begging for me to put the Kock in her, so I greedily oblige.

I'm digging a pool in her and she's going out of her mind. Her eyes roll back and she starts to spasm as wave after wave of blissful orgasm wash over her.

And then, I smell something funky.

Chick had cvm so hard she shat out a Cosby kid onto my shoe.

I just spend $90 on a nice pair of loafers and there's a turd dangling off of it.

We're both silent and I ask her to go in and get some napkins so I can clean my shoe. I don't blame the chick at all, in fact, I'm kind of proud to have made her orgasm so hard she lost control, literally!

She comes back and I clean the stank off my shoe and we go back in to join the crowd. A few people arer sniffing around and the best explanation I can come up with is that we took a walk and I stepped in some dog or cat sh!t.
 

ShortyMac

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Ahhh....nothin makes a ***** talk like stickin a big thick 9"er in there
 

Hunterchilla

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 4, 2005
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40
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Florida
exgirlfriend had a chunk of toilet paper stuck to her *******.. i found it digusting at first, but i discreetley took it off and through it out, and then continued boinking her. I thought then it was kinda cute at the time.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

demonic

Don Juan
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
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135
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43
Location
UK
Guy's you crack me up and when i read about "Karmasutras" xp i nearly cried with laughter.

Their was me thinking i had problems if i did'nt get an erection after drinking and you guys had to put up with girls with poor hygiene and everything.

Mother of god, i hope i never have to have ANY of the above experiences lol...i'd be put off women for months ;)

demonic
 

jamescr73

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2002
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I lost my virginity to a squirter. I also had a case of performance anxiety, and I couldnt cvm for the life of me. I was tearing that chick up trying to make myself cvm and I made her squirt all over the place 3 times total. Soaked my sheets and mattress, soaked me, she was embarrassed, it was insane. Good times.
 

DonGorgon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
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Location
Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
ShortyMac said:
Mine so much wasnt a disgusting experience as it was uncomfortable. I had a girl's man walk in right in the middle of her suckin me off. She told me she was single. The whole incident got ugly real quick.
That happens all the time... never trust a human..
 

DonGorgon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,679
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Location
Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
KarmaSutra said:
When I was 19 I had met a girl at a Christmas party through work. We hit it off really well and it was blatantly obvious we each had that sexual mambo on the brain. We slipped out to the cabana out back and she is absolutely ravenous! Sucking, licking, chick couldn't get enough in her mouth. I put her up on the railing and pull her panties aside and I'm going to town. Finally I'm anxious and she's begging for me to put the Kock in her, so I greedily oblige.

I'm digging a pool in her and she's going out of her mind. Her eyes roll back and she starts to spasm as wave after wave of blissful orgasm wash over her.

And then, I smell something funky.

Chick had cvm so hard she shat out a Cosby kid onto my shoe.

I just spend $90 on a nice pair of loafers and there's a turd dangling off of it.

We're both silent and I ask her to go in and get some napkins so I can clean my shoe. I don't blame the chick at all, in fact, I'm kind of proud to have made her orgasm so hard she lost control, literally!

She comes back and I clean the stank off my shoe and we go back in to join the crowd. A few people arer sniffing around and the best explanation I can come up with is that we took a walk and I stepped in some dog or cat sh!t.
WOWOWO:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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