Post Break-up

[Atom Smasher]

Looks like my link doesn’t work anymore. I’ll try to find a good link.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
Flow Theories story illustrates the need to have options not necessarily plates with whom to enjoy a spot of dalliance from time to time...to do that you need at least two nights off a week,keeps your primary relationship fresh anyway...Pretty obviously these options are going to be second raters...as you get older this becomes easier,for you:Shift Workers,single Mums,those newly widowed or divorced,committed Students are all vulnerable,then when disaster strikes as in your case you are not as vulnerable to her leveraging your svexual needs....That's what being a Don Juan is all about!

 

[fastlife]

Thanks for the responses.

I’ve also noticed I’m also just incredibly angry at how it all ended. I know distractions are good, and needed for moving in a positive direction, but I do feel a continual surge of guilt and heaviness around the downfall of events.
Even when I’m doing activities - reading, walking, with women, etc. The break-up and void Is always on my mind In some gradient. It’s clear it’s oneitis; Hard to shake. And the fact we spoke yesterday and suggested meeting up makes it more difficult. But I know that’s not a good idea. But I can’t say I’m not tempted.

You have to accept it, brotha. Quit judging your emotions. Fvck it lol. It it what it is--and the more you resist those emotions, the more they'll persist. Quit fvcking her. It's over--you know it's over and so does she--and that's just you being too pvssy to rip off the band aid. Getting back together will only be a temporary fix, and things'll end worse the second time around. Promise you.

Work that acceptance into your meditation. Visualize the good time, visualize the bad times, make peace with the fact that it was a chapter in your life and it's time for new chapters. Really take the time to experience those emotions. It'll also help to disrupt your comfort zone--what is a relationship other than a pattern of behavior that maximizes comfort and minimizes discomfort? It's easy to get addicted to that comfort and that routine--and that's dangerous when you require someone else's participation to restore it--so be proactive. Do stuff that you wouldn't've done when you were with her. When you're ready, go out and meet new girls. It'll suck at first. You won't feel like it. You'll compare them to her. But it's just about tapping into your old momentum.

Also, figure out what lessons you need to learn from this. It's never an L if you learn from it. A relationship--and its end, especially--is a great opportunity to learn more about yourself, what you will and won't tolerate, what qualities you look for in other people, etc., etc. You got this.

 

[christie]

Try guided meditation. It will help you acknowledge negative thoughts and then letting them go rather than dwelling on them. There are various YouTube videos out there that can help you with this.

+1 for Guided Meditations

I'm in an all ladies guided meditation group. I have had powerful and healthful meditations with them. All older than me, but doesn't matter. Found the group in a random way, so I know I'll stick with them because of the serendipity of finding them.

Kind of like finding this growth forum.