Post Break-up

[flowtheory]

In your guys’ experience what has been the most nourishing activities, reflections, exercises which have enabled you to become better after a LTR, so you’re in a great place in three-six months from the departing?

I know of the obvious self improvement roads - gym, healthy eating, reading, writing, therapy, etc. But lately I do continually get hung up on some self blame or not feeling good enough, which can be depressing. Obviously I’m trying not to go that route, or to hate my ex, or to resent myself.

Just wanting to get some thoughts rolling to move this rock a bit more to a happier place for myself so I’m not muddled in such heaviness.

Any perspectives are appreciated.

 

[samspade]

Try guided meditation. It will help you acknowledge negative thoughts and then letting them go rather than dwelling on them. There are various YouTube videos out there that can help you with this.

 

[Lookatu]

All good advice above.

Besides self improvement - You need to be around friends. Period.

We all need that real human interaction whom we can laugh with, share with, bounce off ideas, have fun with.

 

[flowtheory]

Try guided meditation. It will help you acknowledge negative thoughts and then letting them go rather than dwelling on them. There are various YouTube videos out there that can help you with this.

I have the Calm app and Sam Harris’s Waking up. Both really good.

Platonic friendships with women, srs. Getting out there and being around quality women, even if you aren't dating. Doing hobbies that you could never do in a relationship because they take a lot of time.

Yea that’s a good call. How do you usually make friends with women; simple approaches without the sexual nuances thrown in?

 

[samspade]

Yea that’s a good call. How do you usually make friends with women; simple approaches without the sexual nuances thrown in?

Yoga, no?

 

[BeExcellent]

Platonic friendships with women, srs. Getting out there and being around quality women, even if you aren't dating. Doing hobbies that you could never do in a relationship because they take a lot of time.

Strongly echo this. Just be social. Even in this unusual time there are social opportunities. Smile, be easy on yourself. Be circumspect. Be open to new people to enjoy & experience. Smile & laugh with others. When you’ve been through something heavy you need to be light, breezy, do something YOU enjoy or always wanted to try.

Get into nature. Do things that are positive and fun.

Cheers

 

[Spaz]

Platonic friendships with women, srs. Getting out there and being around quality women, even if you aren't dating. Doing hobbies that you could never do in a relationship because they take a lot of time.

Ur problem lies in the way you think.

It's always abt "quality" women.

But the thing is, and this is a fact, that women are just the mirror image of the men they're next to.

So, you should ask urself, how is it that each time you meet a quality woman, fall in love with her, she dumps you and according to you she suddenly becomes BPD?

There's no such thing as quality women, it's all an illusion, the actual quality comes from you, through ur actions that was influenced by ur own mindset.

Learn LA.

Be willing to accept that u r fvcked up, u have been a fvcked up loser to decades and once you do this, ur mind will then be expended and that's how u will improve.

 

[flowtheory]

Strongly echo this. Just be social. Even in this unusual time there are social opportunities. Smile, be easy on yourself. Be circumspect. Be open to new people to enjoy & experience. Smile & laugh with others. When you’ve been through something heavy you need to be light, breezy, do something YOU enjoy or always wanted to try.

Get into nature. Do things that are positive and fun.

Cheers

Smile with my extraordinarily swollen face

 

[flowtheory]

Ur problem lies in the way you think.

It's always abt "quality" women.

But the thing is, and this is a fact, that women are just the mirror image of the men they're next to.

So, you should ask urself, how is it that each time you meet a quality woman, fall in love with her, she dumps you and according to you she suddenly becomes BPD?

There's no such thing as quality women, it's all an illusion, the actual quality comes from you, through ur actions that was influenced by ur own mindset.

Learn LA.

Be willing to accept that u r fvcked up, u have been a fvcked up loser to decades and once you do this, ur mind will then be expended and that's how u will improve.

The deep message of is actually a great post.

*But I don’t have any affiliation with the judgement of LA by commenting on this*

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

In your guys’ experience what has been the most nourishing activities, reflections, exercises which have enabled you to become better after a LTR, so you’re in a great place in three-six months from the departing?

I know of the obvious self improvement roads - gym, healthy eating, reading, writing, therapy, etc. But lately I do continually get hung up on some self blame or not feeling good enough, which can be depressing. Obviously I’m trying not to go that route, or to hate my ex, or to resent myself.

Just wanting to get some thoughts rolling to move this rock a bit more to a happier place for myself so I’m not muddled in such heaviness.

Any perspectives are appreciated.

Look up old friends and reconnect with them.

Also, consider sports like golf and disc golf where you can hang out with other guys.

-Augustus-

 

[xplt]

Most helped me being around good friends and having a good time and travelling alone. Sadly, travelling is difficult right now, but how about a long daytrip for a hike?

Doing things that occupy your mind. For me playing guitar, focusing on my career and developing new skills, reading, play some videogames if you‘re into it.

Being physically active. Working out, mountainbiking, martial arts.

Being distracted with new activities. Do something you always wanted to.

And yes, being around other women, especially ones that are attracted to you.

 

[flowtheory]

Thanks for the responses.

I’ve also noticed I’m also just incredibly angry at how it all ended. I know distractions are good, and needed for moving in a positive direction, but I do feel a continual surge of guilt and heaviness around the downfall of events.
Even when I’m doing activities - reading, walking, with women, etc. The break-up and void Is always on my mind In some gradient. It’s clear it’s oneitis; Hard to shake. And the fact we spoke yesterday and suggested meeting up makes it more difficult. But I know that’s not a good idea. But I can’t say I’m not tempted.

 

[Baibars]

Ur problem lies in the way you think.

It's always abt "quality" women.

But the thing is, and this is a fact, that women are just the mirror image of the men they're next to.

So, you should ask urself, how is it that each time you meet a quality woman, fall in love with her, she dumps you and according to you she suddenly becomes BPD?

There's no such thing as quality women, it's all an illusion, the actual quality comes from you, through ur actions that was influenced by ur own mindset.

Learn LA.

Be willing to accept that u r fvcked up, u have been a fvcked up loser to decades and once you do this, ur mind will then be expended and that's how u will improve.

Ok aren't all women the same then? Why not wife up a slvt? I mean othing she did prior to you was her fault, she just had low quality men.
So according to you women are right when they constantly monkey branch and blame their ex partners without self reflecting their own behaviours?

 

[jimwho]

And the fact we spoke yesterday and suggested meeting up makes it more difficult. But I know that’s not a good idea. But I can’t say I’m not tempted.

Oh come on! Don't even think about it, keep your man-card and cash in the wallet. Just vanish..

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

A new hobby, write, take photos/videos, make a vlog on YouTube, do reviews on Google, play a moderate amount of video games but don't go overboard

 

[flowtheory]

Oh come on! Don't even think about it, keep your man-card and cash in the wallet. Just vanish..

Yea I don’t know why she’s suggesting that. When she’s the one who ended it with me. Validation? Just to see if I’ll agree and meet up. Maybe she regrets breaking up. Realized it was just over-blown emotions.

 

[Spaz]

Ok aren't all women the same then? Why not wife up a slvt? I mean othing she did prior to you was her fault, she just had low quality men.
So according to you women are right when they constantly monkey branch and blame their ex partners without self reflecting their own behaviours?

ALL women are sluts, even ur own mother is one, how do you think u were born?

And all it takes is for the right kind of man to activate their slut-ness.

 

[Lookatu]

Yea I don’t know why she’s suggesting that. When she’s the one who ended it with me. Validation? Just to see if I’ll agree and meet up. Maybe she regrets breaking up. Realized it was just over-blown emotions.

Yeah resist the temptation and really I admire guys sometimes that are azzholes because that's the only way that allows for a clean break. If you still act nice guy, there will be no clean break.

I would have to say to be an azzhole on this one to not torture yourself any longer if she continues to reach out. Tell her she's the one that ended it and to fvck off and not contact you anymore.

It's the difference between pulling off a band-aid slowly on that hairy skin or just ripping it off and being done with it.

 

[flowtheory]

I think if the relationship was good, no cheating and you would give her a second chance..............why not meet up?

You didn't really provide enough detail.
What was the reason?

Well, we have met up a few times since speaking again. Sex a bunch this week. Long phone calls. Just came from her place, actually.
She clearly wants the relationship back, and desires certainty around that label, or when we will talk again; her hamster is spinning like a demon on crack. But I honestly don’t know if I want to get entangled in a relationship with her again. There was a lot of great, but not without its difficulties and stress.
She’s certainly not okay with just keeping it casual or not in an actual relationship, which is understandable given the fact we dated for just shy of two years.

So to the point; we have met up a few times. Ended for several reasons but one was minor dishonesty on my part. Due to the fact, I felt attacked by her and she was condescending towards my character, which wasn't warranted. What started the major downfall? She was acting like a drama queen on her birthday, but a lot of it on me. In the end though... it's never just one or a couple of things.

 

[Machine10033]

someone once said the best thing that can happen in life is significant failure in business and a serious heart break.

I can attest to the heart break. I was destroyed by my highschool love. Like most.. I gave up my identity, life, friends and aspirations for her. She essentially ended our engagement in 2002 by making sure I found out she was seeing other people. I ended up getting double pneumonia from the stress... was in the hospital for 3 weeks and at rock bottom.

looking back this was the best moment of my life. When I recovered I used anger to drive me. I worked out, I ate right, I focused on college and sports, I became a better friend. My advice after a break up is exactly this. In every aspect of your life strive to become the best. I wouldn’t be in the position I am in today without that devastating moment.