Positive interest in girls

[zekko]

I've been reading this forum for awhile and it seems like most of all the advice given here is related to creating distance between yourself and a girl:
Act indifferent, give her negs, lean away from her when talking, don't get emotionally invested, don't give her too many compliments, don't buy her drinks, don't buy her flowers, give attention to her friends but not her, etc. Okay, let's say we've got that part.

So what I'm wondering is, what is it that is okay that you do to show her you're interested in her, other than kino, kiss close, and phuck her? Or is that it and anything else is off limits and AFC? Every do or say anything nice to her ever?

 

[omega05]

i feel where you're coming from

 

[cola]

I've been reading this forum for awhile and it seems like most of all the advice given here is related to creating distance between yourself and a girl:

Its not so much about being distant, persay; Its really more about demonstrating social value. Showing that other people enjoy your company thus leading to your next point:

give attention to her friends but not her, etc. Okay, let's say we've got that part.

See up.

Act indifferent, give her negs, lean away from her when talking, don't get emotionally invested, don't give her too many compliments

Leaning a way from her when talking is assanine. Your trying to build comfort.





Stop following these dumbass PUA rules. Just don't let females or people in general run over top of you. Put yourself first and the rest sort of falls into place..

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I think there's a tendency among us more experienced guys here, to advise people to show even less interest than is probably okay because I believe being too obvious with your interest level is one of the most common mistakes we see people posting about on this site.

So many threads are along the lines of "Gee whiz, we met in study hall every day after class, I waxed her cat and shampooed her purse, then I looked her in the eyes and told her how beautiful she is before asking her to a private dinner. Now she doesn't return my calls. WTF??"

There's a way of indicating interest subtly and without tipping the balance of power. In my opinion, it's non-verbally. Unless the situation is extra complicated, I can almost never recommend "telling" a girl about your "feelings" for her. It's like pulling the rug of mystery and fun right from under her feet, even if she was starting to warm up to you. This goes for too-obvious date requests, too! I always, always advise guys to stay away from the dinner date at all costs. It's bad for so many reasons, but on the topic of this post, your intentions are too clear if you ask her improperly. Obvious intentions = no mystery, no fun, no social intuition on the part of the guy.

A guy orbits a girl for weeks, months, planning his move, then finally works up the courage to ask some girl to dinner. But what he doesn't realize is that by doing this, 99% of the time he is transparently saying to a girl 'I have romantic intentions towards you; now, will you please accept my old-fashioned and ritualized invitation to dinner? I might even kiss you on your doorstep as I say goodnight!'

Guys are going about this sh!t all wrong when they buy into that whole deal. You might as well ask her if she wants to get a couple root canals done. So then, how would I recommend communicating interest?

- KINO

This is number one. Studies prove that potentially up to 90% of communication is non-verbal. And if you non-verbally communicate you're interested by initiating flirty kino in a non-creepy or threatening way, you're also sub-communicating that you "get it" and are socially savvy. This isn't the thread to go into kinesthetic techniques, but I'd say at least three quarters of my successful female interactions had their jumping-off point when I kino'd her and got some kino back. Boom. You're in business.

- Well-timed compliments

My rules for compliments: I never compliment a girl (on anything) more than twice each time I see her. Of those two compliments, only ONE can be related to her LOOKS (the other one should be some astute observation about her talents/personality). And any compliment directed towards her LOOKS needs to be clever or directed at a secondary physical feature (her hair, her makeup ((works as a neg too)), her clothes, her bag). You have to be complimentary once in a while so that the girl feels good and starts to get the idea that you might be interested. But never overdo compliments or risk lowering your own value and becoming too obvious.

- Asking her out the correct way

When trying to get a "date" from a girl (although I like to avoid this term - the more informal your hangouts with a girl, the less awkward she'll feel, the more socially astute you become), most guys who are having problems, are presenting the date request with too much gravitas (importance and weight). I realize this is where opinions can start to differ, but in my opinion if the girl realizes you're asking her on a "date" and she's not way into you, you've got two strikes against you right there. Don't try to formalize or put a label on your meetings with girls. You have such a busy schedule that you're constantly hanging out with various people - you didn't have any time to meditate on this one day or interaction. That's the frame that you want to cultivate. Then in the back of your mind, you can acknowledge that you're on a "date", or whatever you want to call it, but the moral of the story is that at all costs....

DO NOT COMMUNICATE NEEDINESS, CREEPINESS, OR DESPERATION! And you should be good to go!

Whew! Sorry, that wasn't directed necessarily at you, OP, but I thought anyone with questions along these lines could benefit from some of the stuff that has worked for me. Good luck all.

 

[Ease]

I think there's a tendency among us more experienced guys here, to advise people to show even less interest than is probably okay because I believe being too obvious with your interest level is one of the most common mistakes we see people posting about on this site.

So many threads are along the lines of "Gee whiz, we met in study hall every day after class, I waxed her cat and shampooed her purse, then I looked her in the eyes and told her how beautiful she is before asking her to a private dinner. Now she doesn't return my calls. WTF??"

There's a way of indicating interest subtly and without tipping the balance of power. In my opinion, it's non-verbally. Unless the situation is extra complicated, I can almost never recommend "telling" a girl about your "feelings" for her. It's like pulling the rug of mystery and fun right from under her feet, even if she was starting to warm up to you. This goes for too-obvious date requests, too! I always, always advise guys to stay away from the dinner date at all costs. It's bad for so many reasons, but on the topic of this post, your intentions are too clear if you ask her improperly. Obvious intentions = no mystery, no fun, no social intuition on the part of the guy.

A guy orbits a girl for weeks, months, planning his move, then finally works up the courage to ask some girl to dinner. But what he doesn't realize is that by doing this, 99% of the time he is transparently saying to a girl 'I have romantic intentions towards you; now, will you please accept my old-fashioned and ritualized invitation to dinner? I might even kiss you on your doorstep as I say goodnight!'

Guys are going about this sh!t all wrong when they buy into that whole deal. You might as well ask her if she wants to get a couple root canals done. So then, how would I recommend communicating interest?

- KINO

This is number one. Studies prove that potentially up to 90% of communication is non-verbal. And if you non-verbally communicate you're interested by initiating flirty kino in a non-creepy or threatening way, you're also sub-communicating that you "get it" and are socially savvy. This isn't the thread to go into kinesthetic techniques, but I'd say at least three quarters of my successful female interactions had their jumping-off point when I kino'd her and got some kino back. Boom. You're in business.

- Well-timed compliments

My rules for compliments: I never compliment a girl (on anything) more than twice each time I see her. Of those two compliments, only ONE can be related to her LOOKS (the other one should be some astute observation about her talents/personality). And any compliment directed towards her LOOKS needs to be clever or directed at a secondary physical feature (her hair, her makeup ((works as a neg too)), her clothes, her bag). You have to be complimentary once in a while so that the girl feels good and starts to get the idea that you might be interested. But never overdo compliments or risk lowering your own value and becoming too obvious.

- Asking her out the correct way

When trying to get a "date" from a girl (although I like to avoid this term - the more informal your hangouts with a girl, the less awkward she'll feel, the more socially astute you become), most guys who are having problems, are presenting the date request with too much gravitas (importance and weight). I realize this is where opinions can start to differ, but in my opinion if the girl realizes you're asking her on a "date" and she's not way into you, you've got two strikes against you right there. Don't try to formalize or put a label on your meetings with girls. You have such a busy schedule that you're constantly hanging out with various people - you didn't have any time to meditate on this one day or interaction. That's the frame that you want to cultivate. Then in the back of your mind, you can acknowledge that you're on a "date", or whatever you want to call it, but the moral of the story is that at all costs....

DO NOT COMMUNICATE NEEDINESS, CREEPINESS, OR DESPERATION! And you should be good to go!

Whew! Sorry, that wasn't directed necessarily at you, OP, but I thought anyone with questions along these lines could benefit from some of the stuff that has worked for me. Good luck all.

good post.

The thing about showing interest in a girl, ie. complimenting, chasing after her, asking her out, phoning her, even being too interested in what she is saying: reduces your value and raises hers

This is the reason for the pointers and rules we tend to follow. Its how a real natural DJ would act around a girl, smooth, alpha, in his own reality and super confident. If you act easy and wussy then your value drops and ur placing her value above yours.

In such interactions, be the alpha DJ, but be playful and fun, CF/teasing etc.

Negs are super weapons. They are for: REDUCING HER VALUE, nothing else. Ie. you drop a neg about how she snorts when she laughs or laugh at her when she does something silly. This immediatly puts you in dominating position and she gets self concious and her super inlfated self esteem disapears. Now this is not an evil mindgame, its simply evening out value

scenario: you approach girl,

you are the one approaching and showing immediate interest, her value is placed above yours and her self esteem and ego is doubled. Your in the chasing position.

You neg. Can be anything that reduces her value and points a flaw: 'Yeah i approach good looking women, couldnt find any so i thought i would come talk to you', or 'my mother has that dress'

POW, her over inflated ego disappears an suddenly she is back to earth, and you are the boss

 

[zekko]

Leaning a way from her when talking is assanine. Your trying to build comfort.

See, now that's interesting. I had heard you should never lean in when talking to a girl because it makes you seem overeager. But you say you're trying to build comfort, so what are some good ways to build comfort? Because just for a change I'd like to hear some acceptable ways to make a girl warm up to you instead of what not to do.

I think there's a tendency among us more experienced guys here, to advise people to show even less interest than is probably okay because I believe being too obvious with your interest level is one of the most common mistakes we see people posting about on this site.

I totally agree, and you're right, it's probably the most common mistake men make. But as I said in the first post, let's say we've got that part. What are some slick moves you've done as a man that will get her thinking that you (gasp) just might be interested in her? I know you don't want to kill the mystery, I know you don't want to be too obvious and overeager, and I know you want to keep her guessing to some extent.

You mentioned kino, and don't compliment her too much. And don't go out on dates, just hang out. Okay, fine. But aside from the kino (which I mentioned in the first post), this is all more "maintain a casual distance" stuff. At some point you want to move beyond that, unless you're just interested in phucking her. At some point you want to plant some ideas in her head that you might be a romantic possibility for her. So I would like to see some positive examples of such, unless you are saying no, absolutely never give her any more than some kino and a kiss.

 

[zekko]

The thing about showing interest in a girl, ie. complimenting, chasing after her, asking her out, phoning her, even being too interested in what she is saying: reduces your value and raises hers

Again, this is good advice, but this is still more of the same. Let's assume for a moment we already know this stuff, because let's face it, it's almost all that's ever talked about here. What is the other side of the coin? I'm sure someone somewhere must be laying down some slick moves on some chicks that they can share.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

The thing is zekko, I'm not sure if there's a slick way of paying a girl positive attention beyond what was mentioned above that doesn't start to place you squarely in the "harmless orbiter" camp. This all depends on the girl's personality, as well as the guy's individual skill set, but at least I can't think of one.

I wouldn't try to create the deep emotional connection before the fun/flirty/physical one has already been forged. This is doing things backwards and usually doesn't end well from my experience. Once the physical side has been established, then the relationship topic can potentially be considered/broached. But I firmly believe you need to enter the situation strongly ramping up attraction while maintaining that casual distance (nice phrase, btw) before you can start to let a little bit more of your guard down. Else, you risk awakening the LJBF beast!

 

[Energizer]

Mate when I'm interested in a woman, I let her know and if she feels the same I just let things fall into place. No point being too controlling is there?

However, I don't become an AFC by bowing down to their every whim whilst trying to appease her. If I have arranged plans with friends, I don't drop them at the whim of a hat to be with her like my mates do. I don't alter my life etc. I haven't learnt this since being here. My god I love this forum. People like Igetit, Warrior, Horalic just get it. I follow their advice because its usually spot on.

 

[zekko]

The thing is zekko, I'm not sure if there's a slick way of paying a girl positive attention beyond what was mentioned above that doesn't start to place you squarely in the "harmless orbiter" camp.

All right, if that's what you think the answer is, I can respect that. I even agree with you, up to a point. But I still think there are things guys are doing that are slipping through the cracks because there's so much focus on the negativity (don't do this, don't do that).

I wouldn't try to create the deep emotional connection before the fun/flirty/physical one has already been forged.

See, this is something of what I'm looking for. Can someone give some tips on being fun and flirty? Seriously, I can do indifference all day long. But I think it's more of this fun and flirty stuff that I need, since I can be too laid back.

As for the emotional connection thing, I agree you don't want to go for the deep emotional stuff right away, if ever. But I HAVE heard you should try to establish an emotional connection right away, and a rapport. How about some tips on how to do that?

Because, again, it seems almost all of what I read on here is the pulling back stuff. And yeah, a lot of people need to hear that. But there's so much focus on that here that anyone reading this forum for any length of time would have to be a moron not to understand it by now.

Mate when I'm interested in a woman, I let her know and if she feels the same I just let things fall into place

Okay, how do you go about letting her know? Without breaking this seeming philosophy here of "I'm to cool for you, but I guess I'll tolerate your company for now".

However, I don't become an AFC by bowing down to their every whim whilst trying to appease her. If I have arranged plans with friends, I don't drop them at the whim of a hat to be with her like my mates do. I don't alter my life etc.

Energizer, seriously, I respect you, but this is more of the backpedaling stuff. I get that by now, really. What I want to see is what you are positively doing to gain their interest.

 

[Energizer]

Okay, how do you go about letting her know? Without breaking this seeming philosophy here of "I'm to cool for you, but I guess I'll tolerate your company for now".


Energizer, seriously, I respect you, but this is more of the backpedaling stuff. I get that by now, really. What I want to see is what you are positively doing to gain their interest.

How I let a girl know I am interested in her depends on the girl and what interaction I have had with her. I tend to attract the flirty types, so it's easy. For example, if a woman says to me "you like being around me don't you Energizer?" (with a cheeky smile, or a wink), I'll say "Wouldn't you like to know (insert her name here), I'll tell you what come out with me on this (insert day, time and whatever else) and I'll give you my answer". It's a terrible example, but one that I have used in the past -- albeit the date was a nightmare. If I have just met a girl or I seriously like a girl and can't forge her feelings towards me, I tell her outright I just say "I like you and want to go out with you sometime" and see what she says. I prefer the former avenue as it makes moving from base to base that much easier.

I don't do anything per say to gain their interest. I'm just myself at all times. I have a friendly character and good natured personality with an awesome sense of humour and that sure helps. I'm getting the confidence to take the bull by the horns, I show my interest and be aggressive in my pursuit until she either accepts or rejects. If she accepts and we start dating then I lay off the accelerator. I hope that helps you.

 

[zekko]

I tend to attract the flirty types, so it's easy. For example, if a woman says to me "you like being around me don't you Energizer?"

Well, the flirty types are easy, because they basically approach you, as in the example above. I guess the lesson here is be ready to take advantage of the opportunity. I know they appreciate it when you have the guts to give it right back to them.

Having side that, I'm generally suspicious of flirty girls. I always feel like they're flirting with practically every guy they see, which mutes the effect of any IOIs they may be sending me. I don't feel like their attention is directed at me really, it's just that I'm the nearest convenient male or whatever, so it's hard to take their attention seriously. In fact, it would be dangerous to, unless you're just looking for a quick lay.

If I have just met a girl or I seriously like a girl and can't forge her feelings towards me, I tell her outright I just say "I like you and want to go out with you sometime"

That's pretty much exactly what they tell you not to do around here though, isn't it?

I don't do anything per say to gain their interest. I'm just myself at all times. I have a friendly character and good natured personality with an awesome sense of humour and that sure helps.

So you just be yourself and if something happens great. That's not really pickup though, is it? If you go on to ask for her number or initiate setting up some time together, then you're expressing interest.

I found what Ease said interesting, in fact i've never heard it put quite like that before. He said the reason you want to neg and do things to get her value down in relation to yours is because you are handicapped by being the pursuer in the first place:

you are the one approaching and showing immediate interest, her value is placed above yours and her self esteem and ego is doubled. Your in the chasing position.

 

[Energizer]

I like the flirty types because I don't want the commitment, but you are wide of the mark to assume that all flitry types are untrustworthy - plenty use flirting for their ego, but I tend to neg these girls and use c&f, I dare say I use c&f more than I neg, because I'm better at it.

I know many people say you shouldn't be blunt and direct, but how many guys register on here and post about how they've been chasing a girl for x amount of time? How many post on here about how they hate being rejected? I'd rather get shot down in week one, instead of putting the woman on a pedestal and then being shot down a month or so later. It's the best way to avoid oneitis.

I don't do pickups. I'm not a PUA. I declare my interest and let nature take its course from there. People call it lame, people call it passive, but I call it being highly intelligent and pragmatic. It works for me, some people like to control anything and everything because they are little minions of tin pot dictators.

Ease is right, but I view this way, the woman who Im pursuing should be honoured that someone as fine as me is pursuing them and if they are unappreciative, there will be plenty of other women who are appreciative. I don't let a woman determine my self worth and neither should any man. Another thing that helps me is that "99.9% of women look butters without make up". With this mindset you can go far.

Is there anything else?

 

[zekko]

you are wide of the mark to assume that all flitry types are untrustworthy

Hmm, I have to say this does not match my experiences. But I would hesitate to make a sweeping generalizaton about ALL women of a certain type, so I'm sure there are exceptions.

I don't do pickups. I'm not a PUA. I declare my interest and let nature take its course from there. People call it lame, people call it passive, but I call it being highly intelligent and pragmatic. It works for me

Just goes to show there's more than one way to skin a cat.
I am not a PUA either, because I have been living with my current LTR for some years now, and this is the best relationship I've ever been in. Unlike you, I do like LTRs, because I like having a partner, and I don't like wasting my time with women that don't prove themselves worthy of my standards. Still, even though my relationship seems firm, I am very much of the belief that you never know when they're going to end, and it's best to be prepared.

the woman who Im pursuing should be honoured that someone as fine as me is pursuing them and if they are unappreciative, there will be plenty of other women who are appreciative.

I very much feel this way also.

Is there anything else?

I think things drifted off from the original topic, but it doesn't appear too many people want to talk about positive things to do with girls to show them you're interested. Your natural/direct approach is as good an example as any.