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Porn addiction, Ego Issues, and in a General Rut

Reincarnated

Don Juan
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Over the last few weeks my eyes have really been opened to some issues I've been dealing with in the 4+ years since I've been out of college, I'll try not to be overly long-winded.

Like a lot of guys, I have struggled rather significantly to adapt socially to the post-college dating/social scene. A bit of context, I went into college with almost no experience with women. Through the years I developed a large and high quality social circle, hit the gym hard, used resources like this site to improve, and with the help of alcohol began to see a lot of success with women. By the end of college I was pulling women I had never thought I would have been able to. I even had one relatively attractive girl I messed around with for a couple months straight-up tell me that to her (and here friends), I was the ultimate prize.

Fast forward and I've been on the road for a couple weeks on business, conferences, etc., and it hit me that even though most parts of my life have improved, I have not been able to replicate that level of success.

Coming from a less populated area (including college), it's been humbling to see that in major & wealthy cities like NYC & DC, I'm not even on the radar of attractive or even some average looking gals. I spent some time in these places in my college years, but that was a different scene from the "real world". But for the last couple of years I'd been falsely acting like I was still at the top of the world, and carrying on with a big ego.

A porn addiction has started to creep in and really cripple my well-being. We're talking multiple times a day often, and on some occasions even more than that. I'm talking like right after I get home from the gym in the morning and again at the end of the day.

I now realize that I've failed to develop the skills necessary to succeed in this new environment. I don't have social media, since at one point I was addicted to that, and needed to focus on other things. I can't crack the code on online dating/apps, even though I've put a lot of effort into curating what I think are quality profiles (I went out and got a tripod and have been taking really good array of photos, better than I could've thought, as well as bios that are solid). I don't think it helps that my local radius in my home area includes a couple of elite/large colleges, so with an age of 25 I don't think im even getting through filters.

I just need some perspectives on what my next moves need to be, how I need to move forward differently.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
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Over the last few weeks my eyes have really been opened to some issues I've been dealing with in the 4+ years since I've been out of college, I'll try not to be overly long-winded.

Like a lot of guys, I have struggled rather significantly to adapt socially to the post-college dating/social scene. A bit of context, I went into college with almost no experience with women. Through the years I developed a large and high quality social circle, hit the gym hard, used resources like this site to improve, and with the help of alcohol began to see a lot of success with women. By the end of college I was pulling women I had never thought I would have been able to. I even had one relatively attractive girl I messed around with for a couple months straight-up tell me that to her (and here friends), I was the ultimate prize.

Fast forward and I've been on the road for a couple weeks on business, conferences, etc., and it hit me that even though most parts of my life have improved, I have not been able to replicate that level of success.

Coming from a less populated area (including college), it's been humbling to see that in major & wealthy cities like NYC & DC, I'm not even on the radar of attractive or even some average looking gals. I spent some time in these places in my college years, but that was a different scene from the "real world". But for the last couple of years I'd been falsely acting like I was still at the top of the world, and carrying on with a big ego.

A porn addiction has started to creep in and really cripple my well-being. We're talking multiple times a day often, and on some occasions even more than that. I'm talking like right after I get home from the gym in the morning and again at the end of the day.

I now realize that I've failed to develop the skills necessary to succeed in this new environment. I don't have social media, since at one point I was addicted to that, and needed to focus on other things. I can't crack the code on online dating/apps, even though I've put a lot of effort into curating what I think are quality profiles (I went out and got a tripod and have been taking really good array of photos, better than I could've thought, as well as bios that are solid). I don't think it helps that my local radius in my home area includes a couple of elite/large colleges, so with an age of 25 I don't think im even getting through filters.

I just need some perspectives on what my next moves need to be, how I need to move forward differently.
Go out more. Get out of your head.
No other way to say it. Find a hobby. Go to happy hours. Find some joy besides women. Don't make them your goal. Thats really all there is to it.
 

Xman

Banned
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I liked the part about having built a good circle of friends. But you should eliminate the pornography thing.
 

RazorRambo24

Master Don Juan
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It's not a porn addiction that cripples dudes .. its the lack of experience with real women.
 

Reincarnated

Don Juan
Joined
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Sort of funny follow-up. After I wrote this, ended up bagging a decent, genuinely nice local 18YR down in DC, who happened to be near the resort a conference i was at was located. Probably my best success in a while, but that was partially luck.
 

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SargeMaximus

Master Don Juan
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For ego read: “The Power of Now”.

nothing wrong with porn imo
 

FlirtLife

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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I've never had a porn addiction, but I have an idea for you to try. Treat the addiction as filling a need, and work on controlling the time when you get that need filled.

For a couple weeks, avoid porn two specific days each week. You might succeed or fail that first day - the point is the attempt and consistency. Try until you can avoid porn two specific days a week for two weeks running, forming a new habit.

Next, try avoiding porn every other day. Same idea - you fill a need, but try and control your time. Try and set the schedule, which will give you a sense of control over it. Hopefully that also gets you feeling better.
 

Reincarnated

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2023
Messages
110
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I've never had a porn addiction, but I have an idea for you to try. Treat the addiction as filling a need, and work on controlling the time when you get that need filled.

For a couple weeks, avoid porn two specific days each week. You might succeed or fail that first day - the point is the attempt and consistency. Try until you can avoid porn two specific days a week for two weeks running, forming a new habit.

Next, try avoiding porn every other day. Same idea - you fill a need, but try and control your time. Try and set the schedule, which will give you a sense of control over it. Hopefully that also gets you feeling better.
Interesting perspective, might actually give that a shot.
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
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uk
I think travelling and immersing in different cultures is essential for a single man to " get out of the rut " especially in his late 20's and early 30's when the partying and clubbing has gotten old

Lets be honest if your working a 40 hour week , doing gym and all the other basic stuff the average guy after about 25 ISN"T going to meet that many interesting people or women in his day to day activites

These kinds of routines are only really feasible if you have a girlfriend or wife and are settled otherwise it just doesn't make any sense to try and be settled whilst you are single you need to put yourself out there

Trying to date in 2023 is a thankless task , nobody really seems to take it that seriously and modern women have adopted some very bizarre dating strategies that will blow the average mans mind when he try to analyse them too much

The route in now is just being familiar , just being around attractive women and getting too know them without having that pressure of it being labelled as "dating"

I find women seem to massively amp up their games whenever the word "dating" is mentioned , you kind of have to be more stealthy nowadays befriend some so they will lead you to others

Porn - again a massive issue for the modern man feeling horny and you have access to any fetish and type of woman you could possibly think of and not only that its a nice hit of dopamine

I was fapping twice a day earlier in the year , I am now cutting that down to 1/2 a week with the hope I can get off it for good I defenitley think its affecting the way I talk too and perceive women in real life and it aint good



As for the ego - I don't know I don't really have much issue with mine I try to just take stuff as it comes at me and don't really care about an awful lot
 

AntoniousIV

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2023
Messages
21
Reaction score
8
Age
35
Over the last few weeks my eyes have really been opened to some issues I've been dealing with in the 4+ years since I've been out of college, I'll try not to be overly long-winded.

Like a lot of guys, I have struggled rather significantly to adapt socially to the post-college dating/social scene. A bit of context, I went into college with almost no experience with women. Through the years I developed a large and high quality social circle, hit the gym hard, used resources like this site to improve, and with the help of alcohol began to see a lot of success with women. By the end of college I was pulling women I had never thought I would have been able to. I even had one relatively attractive girl I messed around with for a couple months straight-up tell me that to her (and here friends), I was the ultimate prize.

Fast forward and I've been on the road for a couple weeks on business, conferences, etc., and it hit me that even though most parts of my life have improved, I have not been able to replicate that level of success.

Coming from a less populated area (including college), it's been humbling to see that in major & wealthy cities like NYC & DC, I'm not even on the radar of attractive or even some average looking gals. I spent some time in these places in my college years, but that was a different scene from the "real world". But for the last couple of years I'd been falsely acting like I was still at the top of the world, and carrying on with a big ego.

A porn addiction has started to creep in and really cripple my well-being. We're talking multiple times a day often, and on some occasions even more than that. I'm talking like right after I get home from the gym in the morning and again at the end of the day.

I now realize that I've failed to develop the skills necessary to succeed in this new environment. I don't have social media, since at one point I was addicted to that, and needed to focus on other things. I can't crack the code on online dating/apps, even though I've put a lot of effort into curating what I think are quality profiles (I went out and got a tripod and have been taking really good array of photos, better than I could've thought, as well as bios that are solid). I don't think it helps that my local radius in my home area includes a couple of elite/large colleges, so with an age of 25 I don't think im even getting through filters.

I just need some perspectives on what my next moves need to be, how I need to move forward differently.
read pmohackbook.org if you wanna escape pornography addiction
 
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