please help

[user99321]

okay so I'm 19... My first girlfriend was BPD... I don't want to go into detail but basically she left me for some jerk. I was devastated but after introspecting, I realized that I enabled her behavior by being a "Nice Guy." I always gave in to her demands and let SOOO many unacceptable actions occur over fear of confrontation or losing her. Anyway... I read sooo much material on this site. I read the Book of Pook among other e-books on this website.

Anyway, after seeing a very attractive girl in the gym a few days ago, I decided that rejection is better than regret. I started talking to her and got her phone number. Later that night, I texted her if she wanted to go out and she said yes. I've been keeping contact to a minimum... but when I have been texting her, I've been kinda ****y. I told her when I would pick her up but did not tell her where I was taking her. Like... I thought the texting was going well until I said something like "I'm in high demand." Am I being a jerk? I didn't say anything mean to her... I just want people to respect me. I'm tired of people taking advantage of my "nice" behavior. Before finding this site, I've been "nice" to girls and excusing their actions like blowing me off by saying "it's okay. maybe I'll see you later." I don't want to suffer from Oneitis, but this girl seems to have a lot of the qualities I'm attracted to. I think all this information has been very overwhelming. I'm worried about tomorrow's date. I guess I just want what everyone wants... acceptance. And I guess being a little too ****y is better than being a little too much of an AFC. It's just hard because I am saying things I have never said before. Maybe I am worrying too much.

Please, I need help!!

 

[Spearmint]

My advice to you is this.

Congratulate yourself on your accomplishment so far. That is, you have gained the number of an attractive girl.

Secondly, stop over analysing and over thinking this situation. It is a curse of today's society.

Worrying is effective as trying to solve a maths equation by chewing bubble gum.

You are placing this girl on a pedestal, so high up, that fear of failure is worrying you.

Chill out and relax.

Be calm. Be cool. Be fun. Be flirty. Be exciting.

Do not berate yourself before anything has even happened.


And last of all.


Do not look for validation from other people be it girl or boy to make yourself feel accepted.

If you have read the book of pook as you have said and not just skimmed it then you should know that a common theme init is to not believe that being with a woman will make you happy.

 

[user99321]

you're right. I mean after all, my friends were envious that I had a girlfriend for over a year and that I was getting consistent action. However, I wasn't any happier. There were times (like when I was getting action) that I was very happy haha. But fights, having my emotions played with, being lied to and cheated on... all of that sucked.

 

[user99321]

I am overanalyzing everything and I think it's gonna mess up the date. Any advice on how to stop doing this?

 

[Spearmint]

I suggest you take a deep breath.

Occupy your time with something else.


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1878240#post1878240


Print that off or read it out loud, find out what it means to you and relax.

 

[user99321]

I responded to that thread right before you posted the link in this thread haha

I read that poem constantly after the break-up

"Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,"

I was lied about and hated by her and many people in high school. But a real man does not deal in lies. I actually have this already posted on my wall in my college dorm.

 

[user99321]

thanks for the advice dude

I shouldn't have been nervous at all. She was not what I was hoping for and I am happy i didn't create this great image in my mind like i did in the past

She told me how she never wants to be married or have children... get's in the way of life

Family is so important to me. I just lost all interest in her after that. Is it bad to not attempt to hook up with someone you had fun with but didn't really see any potential, even if she's really cute? haha