Platonic "friends" of opposite sex

[Barrister]

Because we are not HAVING sex. Its an asexual relationship. OP is saying that even without having sex, the relationship is still not platonic if sexual desire is present at some level in one party. Its almost Puritan in its view of sexual attraction.

And I think you're looking at this in a very black and white way if your test is just whether or not you are having sex with the chick. What if I restate it as saying that a man and a woman can never have a friendship that is devoid of sexual feelings and ultimately it will affect said friendship small ways even if said feelings are not acted upon?

I am not sure what you mean by my OP being "puritan." I am not taking a stance on whether it is morally right or wrong to act upon those sexual feelings. That is for you to decide.

 

[FairShake]

Maybe it's because I'm attached and not scamming for pvssy but you can absolutely have a friendship with a woman (or women if you're lucky) that doesn't involve sex. A lot of male friendship is competitive and sh!talking. Which is great, it can motivate you to be better. But for deeper stuff that we all should talk about sometime you need a female friend (or friends). It can also motivate you to get better.

But yes, most dudes in friendships with females are trying to sleep with them. Which sucks because females would benefit from a male friendship as well.

 

[BeExcellent]

The situation with your friend is one of the primary reasons I believe what I do. I think in most any dynamic between a man and a woman, except in the aforementioned limited circumstances, someone is interested in a sexual way in the other. You state that your friend freaked out on you "out of nowhere" and wanted to date you for awhile apparently. That is my entire point. You were surprised by this, but in fact he never wanted just a friendship with you. He wanted a relationship/sex. He felt sexually about you from Day 1 more than likely. You probably didn't pick up on this because he was so afraid to make a move that he never even made an attempt.

Even though you don't actively seek orbiters that is essentially what he was. He was hoping for a chance but got friendzoned by you (for I am guessing many reasons). He thought he could hang around and eventually he would get his chance. You should introduce him to this board to help him out. Maybe then he would know you make a move right away! Ha.

I do have platonic male friends. The one I mentioned had an agenda he didn’t disclose. That’s on him. He’s an experienced player whose bedded hundreds of women and was a model in NYC when he was younger. He’s just not my cup of tea to date.

So he does just fine. I think perhaps it’s ego that he got upset I was seeing others but not him. Again, not my job to assuage him. But I did dismiss once his behavior revealed the agenda. Not my problem.

I have sufficient self respect & self restraint & am internally validated. My guy friends do too. Several have GFs who are totally cool with me since there isnt interest.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I agree completely. The best thing I've done over the years is not have platonic female friends of the opposite sex outside of a couple of limited circumstances that aren't relevant.

It can be argued that female friends can help with social circle. Social circle is a way better means of getting laid consistently and developing interactions with greater longevity than either cold approaching or app swiping. A broader issue is that social circle rarely works because there are too many variables involved. Relocations usually are what submarine the social circle effort.

In my own life, I've never been able to do social circle.

Men who have good social circles have social circles with women in them. This includes women who have not been their sexual partners.

When you don't do the social circle path, you're going to be doing cold approaching and/or swipe apps, both of us are more frustrating. If you can do social circle, I recommend it. If not, I'd focus on self-improvement and cold approaching. You don't need female friends to be a cold approacher.



Friendly terms is not the same as friends. I agree with this. The social proof will help. This is also less time consuming but these acquaintances might not serve as good social circle contacts.

Very much my thoughts and experience sir.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I think that having a few female friends can be beneficial. I think most guys are too caught up with sex. They don't understand the benefits they can get if they just saw all of the potential women bring to a man's social circle. Women probably innately understand this too to some extent. Ever heard of the girl who has 3-4 orbitiers? 1 is for dinners, the other is used to get her into venues. She keeps these guys on a hook so that she can use them to increase her chances of winning in some area of interest. You can flip this game on women and even collaborate with them in the same way. That way it is win/win overall. To do this, you have to break out of rigid mentalities, stop relying so much on instant gratification through sex/affection and be able to play the long game. Not easy stuff.

 

[BeExcellent]

It is @stringpuller who does not understand. LMAO

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I think that having a few female friends can be beneficial. I think most guys are too caught up with sex. They don't understand the benefits they can get if they just saw all of the potential women bring to a man's social circle. Women probably innately understand this too to some extent. Ever heard of the girl who has 3-4 orbitiers? 1 is for dinners, the other is used to get her into venues. She keeps these guys on a hook so that she can use them to increase her chances of winning in some area of interest. You can flip this game on women and even collaborate with them in the same way. That way it is win/win overall. To do this, you have to break out of rigid mentalities, stop relying so much on instant gratification through sex/affection and be able to play the long game. Not easy stuff.

Not to toot my own horn. But @BeExcellent, do u agree ?

 

[Robert28]

Do women have agendas when they friendzone men? She doesn’t want to date him and doesn’t want to sleep with him, isn’t her agenda to use him as a friend only?

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

People here think too rigidly. Everyone has an "agenda" so to speak. When they friendzone men, it could be for a billion reasons. Friendzone girls and use them to boost your social circle and have some fun.

 

[Robert28]

People here think too rigidly. Everyone has an "agenda" so to speak. When they friendzone men, it could be for a billion reasons. Friendzone girls and use them to boost your social circle and have some fun.

I don’t have time to play those bull crap highschool games. I’m not friendzoning anyone, they either like me and want to fvck me or they can get the hell on. I DONT NEED OR WANT A PLATONIC SOCIAL CIRCLE OF WOMEN! I do just fine on my own, always have. Friendzone isn’t about loneliness, it’s about a person being used and having their time wasted.

 

[Barrister]

I do have platonic male friends. The one I mentioned had an agenda he didn’t disclose. That’s on him. He’s an experienced player whose bedded hundreds of women and was a model in NYC when he was younger. He’s just not my cup of tea to date.

So he does just fine. I think perhaps it’s ego that he got upset I was seeing others but not him. Again, not my job to assuage him. But I did dismiss once his behavior revealed the agenda. Not my problem.

I have sufficient self respect & self restraint & am internally validated. My guy friends do too. Several have GFs who are totally cool with me since there isnt interest.

Okay. But you also just got done saying how surprised you were that your other friend got jealous and suddenly wanted to date/have sex with you. How are you so sure about any of the other male friends you have?

I don’t think it’s about having self respect or restraint. That isn’t the point. My point is that there is almost always a sexual attraction that will stop a relationship between a man and a woman from ever being truly “platonic.” Of course you may choose not to sleep with one of your male friends because it could screw up your friendship. That’s self-restraint. But that’s the whole point. That is not a factor between (straight) male and female friendships with the same sex. Restraint isn’t even necessary.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I don’t have time to play those bull crap highschool games. I’m not friendzoning anyone, they either like me and want to fvck me or they can get the hell on. I DONT NEED OR WANT A PLATONIC SOCIAL CIRCLE OF WOMEN! I do just fine on my own, always have. Friendzone isn’t about loneliness, it’s about a person being used and having their time wasted.

My point was more about how you could use women as nodes in a network for all kinds of reasons.

 

[BeExcellent]

Look guys. My life is my life. Of course there can be attraction or polarity in some interactions. That’s true in many circumstances, whether it be a married couple where I know both but can feel energy toward me from the man, (which I do not reciprocate and I consciously honor the wife), whether it be in a professional environment where there might be some degree of attraction but it’s inappropriate to act on it, or where there is some other thing at play. There can be attraction & polarity. You simply set it aside (maturity and self restraint) and don’t worry about it or focus on that bit. It’s about boundaries. I am a very sexy woman who turns heads. I have an allure. I know that. But I don’t need that attention to be solid with myself. I’m perfectly happy home by myself reading or going for a walk. This is how I exist. I enjoy being around sought after men just like they enjoy being around me. It’s great fun for all involved.

The way string shames or seeks to discount what I’m saying doesn’t change my actual life. Friends are people I enjoy, support and interact with regularly without sexual involvement. I keep very clear boundaries, never block opportunities for my buddies and I raise their social value through my social proof. It’s sophisticated social circle game. One of my player friends dates a friend of mine. Another friend we think each other are super attractive but I dated his best friend years ago and he himself has a girlfriend who she & I are cool...so he and I consider each other inherently off limits. When I was with my exBF he’d go out with us some. My ex wasn’t jealous of him at all. It’s about maturity and boundaries. I’m friends with the best friend I used to date. He dates other gals I date other guys. Nobody orbits & everybody is cool. So yes there can be energy or attraction, you manage it and move on and be cool. You respect the boundaries that exist.

Sometimes there isn’t that energy at all. But otherwise you manage it. If you cannot manage it? Yeah that’s a problem & I think that happened to the guy who went wobbly. Nothing about my vibe or intent changed. His did. Not my problem.

 

[TheProspect]

There can be attraction & polarity. You simply set it aside (maturity and self restraint) and don’t worry about it or focus on that bit. It’s about boundaries.

Agreed. This pretty much sums up my thoughts about platonic friendships, specifically when there is attraction present.

I used to be of the crowd that thought it was impossible to be platonic friends with a girl. When I held this perspective, I was also immature and lacked self-restraint, which caused me to violate boundaries -- or in most cases, at least contemplate doing so.

I wouldn't say that today I'm at the point where I'm totally immune to potentially acting on sexual attraction for a girl I was platonic friends with, but my point is that I don't entertain such thoughts anymore, which is reflected in my behaviour accordingly.

As you mentioned, attraction & polarity can be present in a platonic friendship, but it can be set aside -- allowing one to think of the bigger picture, beyond just the next potential conquest.

 

[forcerecon01]

Agreed. This pretty much sums up my thoughts about platonic friendships, specifically when there is attraction present.

I used to be of the crowd that thought it was impossible to be platonic friends with a girl. When I held this perspective, I was also immature and lacked self-restraint, which caused me to violate boundaries -- or in most cases, at least contemplate doing so.

I wouldn't say that today I'm at the point where I'm totally immune to potentially acting on sexual attraction for a girl I was platonic friends with, but my point is that I don't entertain such thoughts anymore, which is reflected in my behaviour accordingly.

As you mentioned, attraction & polarity can be present in a platonic friendship, but it can be set aside -- allowing one to think of the bigger picture, beyond just the next potential conquest.

Definitely

 

[Robert28]

So now it’s immature not to want women friends?lol Sorry but when you’ve been used and abused by them in the past, it only makes sense to want to avoid that in the future. I call that growth and recognizing a problem and dealing with it......ie maturity. I will never be shamed into buying into the belief that men and women can or should be friends.

 

[TheProspect]

So now it’s immature not to want women friends?lol Sorry but when you’ve been used and abused by them in the past, it only makes sense to want to avoid that in the future. I call that growth and recognizing a problem and dealing with it......ie maturity. I will never be shamed into buying into the belief that men and women can or should be friends.

I'm not saying it's immature to not want female friends, I'm saying it's possible to have platonic friendships with women you're attracted to and have it remain platonic.

I've felt like I've been "used and abused" by women before too, but if I intentionally go out of my way to avoid friendships because I might get hurt when my expectations aren't met or the feelings I happened to catch aren't reciprocated, then my avoidance is just a coping mechanism.

I don't think anyone is shaming you nor telling you that you're wrong for not wanting female friends. BE can speak for herself, but I'm saying that it's possible to be friends with a woman.

 

[TheProspect]

So now it’s immature not to want women friends?lol Sorry but when you’ve been used and abused by them in the past, it only makes sense to want to avoid that in the future. I call that growth and recognizing a problem and dealing with it......ie maturity. I will never be shamed into buying into the belief that men and women can or should be friends.

I'll also add if you feel platonic friendships with women are universally negative, useless, and serve you no benefit, I respectfully disagree... at least they aren't for me.

My platonic friendships with women have served me well regarding social circle game and even winging in a few cases, not to mention networking for school and job opportunities, among other things.

I may treading dangerous waters with this one, but some even have personalities that are fun to be around.

 

[forcerecon01]

I'll also add if you feel platonic friendships with women are universally negative, useless, and serve you no benefit, I respectfully disagree... at least they aren't for me.

My platonic friendships with women have served me well regarding social circle game and even winging in a few cases, not to mention networking for school and job opportunities, among other things.

I may treading dangerous waters with this one, but some even have personalities that are fun to be around.

Glad you're happy and it's working out for you

 

[Robert28]

I'll also add if you feel platonic friendships with women are universally negative, useless, and serve you no benefit, I respectfully disagree... at least they aren't for me.

My platonic friendships with women have served me well regarding social circle game and even winging in a few cases, not to mention networking for school and job opportunities, among other things.

I may treading dangerous waters with this one, but some even have personalities that are fun to be around.

What you’re experiencing is rare. Quite rare. If male/female platonic relationships were so successful we’d see more of them and they wouldn’t have this stigma around them. The “friendzone” wouldn’t be such a popular term.