Plate got angry at me for seeing other women

Barrister

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Last night I met a woman for some drinks. We hadn’t hung out in 2.5 weeks or so. We went back to her place and she proceeded to want to know why I hadn’t texted her in that time. I said we had texted and she said “yeah because I reached out.” Then she wanted to know if I was sleeping with other women. I said I was. She then told me she had slept with someone two days prior. I said “ok - we aren’t exclusive so no big deal.” She then got really sh1tty and wanted to know “how many” I had slept with. I told her I slept with two different people in that timeframe. She then started going on and on about how she wasn’t going to sleep with a “wh0re” so if that’s what I wanted then she couldn’t see me anymore. I said “that’s fine - but I am not ready to exclusive with anyone. So if we’re done that’s OK.” She said “I don’t know I’m going to think about it.”

Then she went to the bathroom and came back and her entire demeanor was different. Suddenly she was feeling me up and was definitely DTF. However, I was completely turned off at that point. I told her it was late and I was going to be getting back. So I got up and left. She was stunned I was leaving I think. I think the plate is broken.

Maybe dumb since I could still sleep with her if I hadn’t left. It’s just exhausting having to even deal with that sh1t. Are you other DJs just not honest about seeing others and give the impression you’re only seeing them when this happens? I don’t have the energy for it.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Im a huge advocate of transparency in instances like this. She got insecure & lost her composure and showed you who she is. And it isn’t cute.

I always prefer the truth, however distasteful I might find it, because it is better than deception. No. You do not owe her anything but if she asks a straight up question then she needs to be prepared to handle a straight up answer. She asked. You answered. She got pissy because she didn’t like the answer. That is on her and it doesn’t rep her well. Does that encourage you to open up with her? Nope.

She cannot leverage you in any way shape or form after this exchange. You aren’t her boyfriend.

Early on when I was dating my exBF he asked (in a rather abnoxious way) if he was the best I’ve ever had in bed. Now bear in mind this guy is HOT and used to getting his way with women. And he was not the best in bed (although he was quite good)...my response?

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

He shut up and dropped the question and never pressed me on that again.

So you can handle it a number of ways depending on your style & maturity and IDGAF level.

OP did fine. I mean FFS why in hell is she on her high horse about where your Johnson has been when she’s entertaining other stallions herself.

SMH
 

Barrister

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Man, you failed this sh!t test. When a woman is asking you why you haven't texted her, and if you're sleeping with other women, then her interest is HIGH. You need to tease her and not answer her questions directly.

A woman you've plated has no right to know if you're banging other women (she doesn't own you, and you don't own her). You gotta keep that a mystery. Women can "feel" that you've got other women, in your vibe. Let that hamster spin.

She wants you to commit to her (but she doesn't really). She's turned on and annoyed at the same time that she hasn't been able to pin you down and get you simping for her. You just released all of the mystery and sexual tension by telling her exactly what you're doing.
I get your point. But I honestly just feel tired dealing with the smoke and mirrors. I realize that on some level this may be true. I’d rather just be clear on where she stands with her. She can either be OK with it or move on. Her choice.
 

Barrister

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Advice from the old lady:

Im a huge advocate of transparency in instances like this. She got insecure & lost her composure and showed you who she is. And it isn’t cute.

I always prefer the truth, however distasteful I might find it, because it is better than deception. No. You do not owe her anything but if she asks a straight up question then she needs to be prepared to handle a straight up answer. She asked. You answered. She got pissy because she didn’t like the answer. That is on her and it doesn’t rep her well. Does that encourage you to open up with her? Nope.

She cannot leverage you in any way shape or form after this exchange. You aren’t her boyfriend.

Early on when I was dating my exBF he asked (in a rather abnoxious way) if he was the best I’ve ever had in bed. Now bear in mind this guy is HOT and used to getting his way with women. And he was not the best in bed (although he was quite good)...my response?

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

He shut up and dropped the question and never pressed me on that again.

So you can handle it a number of ways depending on your style & maturity and IDGAF level.

OP did fine. I mean FFS why in hell is she on her high horse about where your Johnson has been when she’s entertaining other stallions herself.

SMH
I agree with that. I’ve always been honest when I’m sleeping with other women when women ask. Honestly - most women I’ve seen before react positively. Usually they’re taken aback and almost in disbelief when I’m honest. They then playfully say “so you’re a player or ****boy” with a smile on their face. I think most of them respect it and are turned on by me being with other women honestly.

This was actually the first negative reaction I’ve had.
 

BeExcellent

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Men who think hot women should be sitting home when they themselves are out chasing skirts are two things: insecure and delusional.

Now. Some women are not going out all the time. But the idea that some plate a man bangs casually is somehow “less than” if she too is exploring her other options is just silly. She is an adult fully entitled to entertain other suitors just as the man is spinning other plates. You probably aren’t going to ride into the sunset with her... but you expect her to hold her breath and waste her time while you dilly dally about not making a decision?

Im sorry. The double standard is funny. Desirable people, men and women are checking out other options unless exclusivity is agreed. Up to and including sexual involvement.

Now if that’s not something a man likes or can handle? That’s on him.
 

Barrister

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I totally get how you feel about the sheer exhaustion of all this 'plate spinning' stuff.

I'm 36, and often times, just the thought of going out on Friday night makes me tired.
I feel you. It’s hard seeing more than 2 plates for me. I don’t think I could do more than that (actively) even if I wanted to. No time.
 

Barrister

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Men who think hot women should be sitting home when they themselves are out chasing skirts are two things: insecure and delusional.

Now. Some women are not going out all the time. But the idea that some plate a man bangs casually is somehow “less than” if she too is exploring her other options is just silly. She is an adult fully entitled to entertain other suitors just as the man is spinning other plates. You probably aren’t going to ride into the sunset with her... but you expect her to hold her breath and waste her time while you dilly dally about not making a decision?

Im sorry. The double standard is funny. Desirable people, men and women are checking out other options unless exclusivity is agreed. Up to and including sexual involvement.

Now if that’s not something a man likes or can handle? That’s on him.
I normally assume until a woman and I have had an “exclusive” talk and agreed then we both are under no illusion that we each are seeing/banging others.
 

BeExcellent

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I agree with that. I’ve always been honest when I’m sleeping with other women when women ask. Honestly - most women I’ve seen before react positively. Usually they’re taken aback and almost in disbelief when I’m honest. They then playfully say “so you’re a player or ****boy” with a smile on their face. I think most of them respect it and are turned on by me being with other women honestly.

This was actually the first negative reaction I’ve had.
I make a distinction.

A playboy is a man who openly spins plates and makes no bones about it.

A player on the other hand uses deception and tap dancing or other lack of disclosure to play women by letting them think things are different than they actually are. Players dupe women to one degree or another because they think deception is necessary to keep the woman engaged.

A playboy realizes deception is not necessary and in fact can be adverse.

Both types end up hurting women but the mechanics are different. Players hurt women worse in my view because the premise of the interaction is an illusion. With playboys it is the women who decieve themselves...and get hurt in the process.

I’m neutral about the getting hurt part, by the way. People get hurt all the time in dating dynamics, so my comments are not meant to cast bad juju on men regarding women who get hurt.

Playboys are unapologetic and in my experience are without exception more mature and more secure than players.
 

BackInTheGame78

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If you're not in a relationship with the girl, you have to know she's with other guys. HB 8 blew me off the other night last minute. Said she was going to this hotel bar to meet up with some friends. Pfffft. Doubt that.

She could very well have hooked up with some knuckle dragger she met on Tinder the night before.

When you say Yes to seeing other women, her hamster keeps spinning. Just with a different thought in her mind. Now she's wondering, "Damm. How can I make this guy drop his other girls?"

That's when she starts, all of a sudden, wanting to try new sexual things.

This brings us back full circle to something you said earlier. Her endgame is to soften you up, get you pvssy whipped, and dump your @ss.
The girl you stayed the weekend with blew you off or another woman?
 

SirBigBell

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I get your point. But I honestly just feel tired dealing with the smoke and mirrors. I realize that on some level this may be true. I’d rather just be clear on where she stands with her. She can either be OK with it or move on. Her choice.
Your responses and actions were absolutely on the money. You just gave her the facts from a position of abundance and walked away because you couldn't give a sh!t about the offering she had attempted to make conditional and failed. The more options you have, the more intolerant you become to the crap she tried to pull off on you.

Most men in your position would have tried to lie to her to avoid upsetting her and risking losing her pvssy; but thats a scarcity move. You were rightly indifferent to her facking another guy, and then effectively indirectly sent her the message that “im facking another broads, so either stay in the queue and await your turn or step out of the line and let others take your spot”. As bitter a pill as it was for her to swallow, that frame turned her on because it was very unusual, as 99% of men had never treated her that way. To her you showed balls and an IGAF attitude that she found irresistible.

Women have pvssy power over men, and they realise that whats between their legs is currency, a huge bargaining chip they can use to get their way with men in life. 99% of times the can effortlessly trade with that currency, but once in a while they will meet a mafaka who doesntgive a damn about that chip and insists on getting a fair deal. Women are very compliant when they meet guys who dont yield to their pvssy power. Thats why celebrities can have a harem of groupies in the same hotel room and they are all grateful to be there. The groupie realises that this musician has a bunch of options and her pvssy is worthless currency to him.

Show a woman her pvssy has no power over you and watch her scurry to try to find something else to offer of potential value to you, in most cases compliance. Sadly because of a scarcity mindset, the vast majority of men never get to this point.
 

Velasco

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Honestly - most women I’ve seen before react positively. Usually they’re taken aback and almost in disbelief when I’m honest. They then playfully say “so you’re a player or ****boy” with a smile on their face. I think most of them respect it and are turned on by me being with other women honestly.
varies for me whether i want to be honest or not with them. depending on what i feel. once a girl asked me why i came out to the bar. i said i was horny and wanted to hit on some girls. she laughed. last week a girl asked me, "are you trying to fck me?" i said, "yeah" nonchalantly without skipping a bit. and then continued into my next question, as if what i said was no big deal. attracted.

its more about doing what feels congruent to you VS "this is how I'm supposed to answer her question cuz PUA X said so". if you feel like, "eww no i don't want sex cooties" like my friend does sometimes, then that works too.
 

Velasco

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She then started going on and on about how she wasn’t going to sleep with a “wh0re” so if that’s what I wanted then she couldn’t see me anymore. I said “that’s fine - but I am not ready to exclusive with anyone. So if we’re done that’s OK.” She said “I don’t know I’m going to think about it.”
btw for the OP

"She then started going on and on about how she wasn’t going to sleep with a “wh0re” so if that’s what I wanted then she couldn’t see me anymore". = sht test

"that’s fine - but I am not ready to exclusive with anyone. So if we’re done that’s OK.”" = passed sht test

"“I don’t know I’m going to think about it.”" = doesn't actually want it to be over (otherwise she would've said something along the lines of "cool....so (body language wanting you to leave).

some insight cuz it looks like you were confused by her sudden demeanor
 

Barrister

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I make a distinction.

A playboy is a man who openly spins plates and makes no bones about it.

A player on the other hand uses deception and tap dancing or other lack of disclosure to play women by letting them think things are different than they actually are. Players dupe women to one degree or another because they think deception is necessary to keep the woman engaged.

A playboy realizes deception is not necessary and in fact can be adverse.

Both types end up hurting women but the mechanics are different. Players hurt women worse in my view because the premise of the interaction is an illusion. With playboys it is the women who decieve themselves...and get hurt in the process.

I’m neutral about the getting hurt part, by the way. People get hurt all the time in dating dynamics, so my comments are not meant to cast bad juju on men regarding women who get hurt.

Playboys are unapologetic and in my experience are without exception more mature and more secure than players.
That’s a good distinction. For me personally, I don’t want a reputation as being someone who is dishonest. I always want a woman’s respect. She may not like what I tell her - but I’m not going to lie about it. Like I said - every time until now I have gotten a positive reaction from this. This is no way judging others who feel differently. But that’s my take on it.
 

Barrister

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btw for the OP

"She then started going on and on about how she wasn’t going to sleep with a “wh0re” so if that’s what I wanted then she couldn’t see me anymore". = sht test

"that’s fine - but I am not ready to exclusive with anyone. So if we’re done that’s OK.”" = passed sht test

"“I don’t know I’m going to think about it.”" = doesn't actually want it to be over (otherwise she would've said something along the lines of "cool....so (body language wanting you to leave).

some insight cuz it looks like you were confused by her sudden demeanor
To be honest - I wasn’t so much confused by her demeanor at that point. I was actually completely turned off and annoyed and was planning my exit in as graceful a way as possible. So no matter what she had said at that point wouldn’t have changed the fact I was leaving. She clearly rethought things while in the bathroom but it was too late at that point.
 

BeExcellent

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That’s a good distinction. For me personally, I don’t want a reputation as being someone who is dishonest. I always want a woman’s respect. She may not like what I tell her - but I’m not going to lie about it. Like I said - every time until now I have gotten a positive reaction from this. This is no way judging others who feel differently. But that’s my take on it.
Right. And you can then exist with a clear conscience and your integrity intact. That’s a powerful place to be and it’s very attractive.
 

BackInTheGame78

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That’s a good distinction. For me personally, I don’t want a reputation as being someone who is dishonest. I always want a woman’s respect. She may not like what I tell her - but I’m not going to lie about it. Like I said - every time until now I have gotten a positive reaction from this. This is no way judging others who feel differently. But that’s my take on it.
There is truth, lies and then simply not answering the question or answering with something ridiculous.

Not answering isn't being dishonest. It's just not answering.
 

Barrister

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There is truth, lies and then simply not answering the question or answering with something ridiculous.

Not answering isn't being dishonest. It's just not answering.
I understand - just not my style, brother.
 
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