"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Plate asks for semi-exclusivity wtf
- Thread starter Leoppard
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
The more I read, the more I wonder if this was a BPD encounter.
Never have I had anyone so into me..love bombing? Im the person shes wanted to meet all her life. I satisfy every need. Yet shed give it up rather than stop kissing other girls lol.
Heavy drinker and party girl..uses drugs.
Intelligent but no job or money.
Very very sexual. Best ever by far. Does anything any time.
Childlike and playful..spontaneous. Called herself a hedonist.
Would bombard me with loving messages the day after seeing me saying all she could think of was me..then radio silence until we met again. Object constancy?
Cheated on her ex.
Branch swung to me.
Told me she was raped by her cousin and had never told anyone that before.
Told me a friend drug raped her.
Doesn't get on with father.
Admitted she is a bit screwed up because she can totally detach from emotions during sex and has daydreamed about being a prostitute from a young age.
AW... Posts selfies on fb dailyusually several times. Admits she craves attention and admiration.
Far hotter than I can usually score.
Best friend is diagnosed with BPD. Slags her off. Has few other close friends.
Bisexual. Fantasises about orgies.
May have dodged a major bullet here thanks to you guys. But damn i miss that sex!
Never have I had anyone so into me..love bombing? Im the person shes wanted to meet all her life. I satisfy every need. Yet shed give it up rather than stop kissing other girls lol.
Heavy drinker and party girl..uses drugs.
Intelligent but no job or money.
Very very sexual. Best ever by far. Does anything any time.
Childlike and playful..spontaneous. Called herself a hedonist.
Would bombard me with loving messages the day after seeing me saying all she could think of was me..then radio silence until we met again. Object constancy?
Cheated on her ex.
Branch swung to me.
Told me she was raped by her cousin and had never told anyone that before.
Told me a friend drug raped her.
Doesn't get on with father.
Admitted she is a bit screwed up because she can totally detach from emotions during sex and has daydreamed about being a prostitute from a young age.
AW... Posts selfies on fb dailyusually several times. Admits she craves attention and admiration.
Far hotter than I can usually score.
Best friend is diagnosed with BPD. Slags her off. Has few other close friends.
Bisexual. Fantasises about orgies.
May have dodged a major bullet here thanks to you guys. But damn i miss that sex!
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I started this thread over 4 years ago, and remember it vividly. The advice was good, however I did not take it. Yes I am an idiot, I accept that. How I wish I had simply blocked her in 2016 and moved on. But I didn't, and I paid the price, I have only myself to blame. I was arrogant, everything was good, firm boundaries and I thought I could handle it. I was very wrong.
It was largely good for 2 years, before turning overnight into a nightmare, a horror story I could very well have never seen the end of.
I won't go into the full horrific detail, just to say it completely destroyed my health and life, I became a mere object in my own existence devoid of feeling or worth beyond usefulness, suicidal thoughts, chest pains. I'm pretty sure she has NPD of the covert kind, never have I experienced anything like this, someone turning from so warm to so unimaginably cold and devoid of empathy and then simply refusing to leave. For 2 years every good thing was forgotten, every slightly bad thing multiplied 1000x and never ever forgotten, I gave up even trying to communicate, lost all interest in anything, no energy or time left for any interests, lost weight, became an absolute shadow of my former self, it was truly insane and 24/7. She could start a 4 day argument while we slept (literally). The works: anger, lies, cheating, violence, projection, gaslighting, constant extreme anger, but what sums is up is an inhumane total lack of any empathy at all. And I realise that's probably the tip of the iceberg, these people are very good at hiding things, if you catch them out there's probably 100 things you missed. Eventually I lost my mind and said some awful things to her in desperation and caused massive narc injury and she left, no I am NC and beginning a long road to recovery but will get there.
Why didn't I dump her you might wonder. I did, many times, however it became clear she simply couldn't conceive of me being able to decide that, and just didn't leave, it was nuts. I doscoverd it's actually quite hard to get someone out of your house if they simply are not going to leave. The covid thing made it all much worse, as she literally didn't set foot outside for months. Madness.
These women are out there, monsters who can pretend to be human, but actually have no feelings, no emotions, and have only two thoughts about you: useful/not useful, who NEED to get their toxic emotions projected out, who will wreck everything, who see people as robots. I thought I was pretty emotionless but when the mask fell, it was hard to believe a human being could appear so warm and loving yet actually be devoid of any humanity whatsoever. They can act a part as long as it takes, to get what they want and are masters at creating no win situations so they can project all their self hatred onto you. Don't be a fool like me, the small red flags at the start are the things that will destroy your life at the end. Place your boundaries above everything else, heed good advice on here, and save yourself years wasted and the total decimation of your mental and physical health. Don't be me.
It was largely good for 2 years, before turning overnight into a nightmare, a horror story I could very well have never seen the end of.
I won't go into the full horrific detail, just to say it completely destroyed my health and life, I became a mere object in my own existence devoid of feeling or worth beyond usefulness, suicidal thoughts, chest pains. I'm pretty sure she has NPD of the covert kind, never have I experienced anything like this, someone turning from so warm to so unimaginably cold and devoid of empathy and then simply refusing to leave. For 2 years every good thing was forgotten, every slightly bad thing multiplied 1000x and never ever forgotten, I gave up even trying to communicate, lost all interest in anything, no energy or time left for any interests, lost weight, became an absolute shadow of my former self, it was truly insane and 24/7. She could start a 4 day argument while we slept (literally). The works: anger, lies, cheating, violence, projection, gaslighting, constant extreme anger, but what sums is up is an inhumane total lack of any empathy at all. And I realise that's probably the tip of the iceberg, these people are very good at hiding things, if you catch them out there's probably 100 things you missed. Eventually I lost my mind and said some awful things to her in desperation and caused massive narc injury and she left, no I am NC and beginning a long road to recovery but will get there.
Why didn't I dump her you might wonder. I did, many times, however it became clear she simply couldn't conceive of me being able to decide that, and just didn't leave, it was nuts. I doscoverd it's actually quite hard to get someone out of your house if they simply are not going to leave. The covid thing made it all much worse, as she literally didn't set foot outside for months. Madness.
These women are out there, monsters who can pretend to be human, but actually have no feelings, no emotions, and have only two thoughts about you: useful/not useful, who NEED to get their toxic emotions projected out, who will wreck everything, who see people as robots. I thought I was pretty emotionless but when the mask fell, it was hard to believe a human being could appear so warm and loving yet actually be devoid of any humanity whatsoever. They can act a part as long as it takes, to get what they want and are masters at creating no win situations so they can project all their self hatred onto you. Don't be a fool like me, the small red flags at the start are the things that will destroy your life at the end. Place your boundaries above everything else, heed good advice on here, and save yourself years wasted and the total decimation of your mental and physical health. Don't be me.
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.
bat soup
Master Don Juan
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I'd just keep banging her without getting emotionally involved, given that at any moment she could decide to go bang a man woman or tranny. Just tell her that you'd like to keep seeing her and having fun but that you don't want anything serious. You can't have anything serious with a girl like that anyway.
BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
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BackInTheGame78
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She knows the dynamic of power resides with you currently and she is trying to shift it over to her. If you give in, she will likely very quickly change towards you and not for the better.
Do NOT agree to anything you don't want. And yes not agreeing may very well end up losing her but in the end the only way you can win is by risking losing everything.
Do NOT agree to anything you don't want. And yes not agreeing may very well end up losing her but in the end the only way you can win is by risking losing everything.
BackInTheGame78
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I met someone very very similar about 3 years ago but luckily it ended after 3 dates...
About a year ago I ran across her and found out she married some simp and had a kid and looked like she gained about 60 lbs and the guy was being pit through hell from what I heard...
bat soup
Master Don Juan
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It depends if you can deal with it. Some guys can, some can't. Just like some guys are falling in love and sending all of their money to Bangkok prostitutes.
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Murk
Master Don Juan
Yeah but it's blatantly clear from the first page that OP could not just keep banging her a while separating emotions. He was already locked in. I read the first page thinking "he's gonna get sucked in" - boom it's a 4 year thread bump and he proved that sometimes with women, we are not as strong as we think. Even when we KNOW it's bad, our head/heart/d!ck will overrule us.
That's why you run at the first signs of danger. Get used to nexting early and often.
It's almost comical actually to read this post 4 years on and realise just how clueless I was.
The kissing thing turned out to be the least significant of the red flags, much smaller seeing things were the real warning of the mindset being hidden under the mask, which waited a full 2 years before it felt safe to emerge.
Things I ignored but were actually very significant were:
Becoming angry at losing a stupid card game (has to win) then refusing ever to play a game again (or won't play)
Waking me up to help her when she felt ill, but them being irritated when I caught her illness and told her I was feeling unwell (demands but does not reciprocate)
I actually ended it with her soon after this post, because she became so drunk twice that I was disturbed. I finished with her and she begged for another chance and promised never to drink again, a promise which as far as I am aware she kept (find exactly where you draw the line, so they can stay just within)
Ignored messages on her phone deliberately as it made her feel "peaceful" (power over others, keep them hanging - reinforce belief they are less worthy than you)
Late for everything, deliberately (see above)
Never ever remembered anything good, never forgot anything bad (expects everything, so no appreciation, only interested in taking)
These were the "small" initial red flags hidden amongst the lovebombing, which I ignored as 99% of this time was extremely good. However each personailty trait in brackets led to worse and worse things
She wasn't "quirky" or "a bit irritable" she was fundamentally alien to any normal person, with a totally different view of the world, where she is the only human and everyone else is just an object, no different to an oven or a dishwasher, there to perform a role, useless otherwise. I started to think she just didn't care about my feelings, but actually it was far worse - she couldn't conceive that a person could have feelings, or what they are. This made her unable to just disagree, apologise, accept any blame or criticism or even a different opinion: shuts them down with explosive disproportionate rage, just as you would be annoyed if your kettle refused to boil water but started telling you what it thought.
The lack of feeling makes it a game you have no chance of winning, they are energised by the constant chaos whilst it depletes you, until you are useless to them and they leave. There is no way to influence anything, all you can do is walk before it is too late, which I did not do.
Anyway, I posted just as a warning to anyone seeing tiny red flags, or with a slight feeling things are off in the early days. As above, next early and often, they aren't small..they are a window into big problems, of what is to come. It's hard to believe there are people like this, who think like this, who can fake their emotions despite having none, who can play a part for 2 years to get what they want. It's so alien to normal thinking, even having been in it for so long it is hard to wrap my head around. Next early and often, throwing away a woman by being too quick to next is far better than losing 4 years of your life, 4 years I could have made progress but went backwards. Essentially a decade chucked away, and it was all my own fault, my ego thinking I could handle it despite knowing, deep down, hence posting here, that I was in big trouble. But too arrogant to walk away, too keen to find out what would happen. I didn't need to find out. Don't wait to find out..walk away instantly the second things feel off.
The kissing thing turned out to be the least significant of the red flags, much smaller seeing things were the real warning of the mindset being hidden under the mask, which waited a full 2 years before it felt safe to emerge.
Things I ignored but were actually very significant were:
Becoming angry at losing a stupid card game (has to win) then refusing ever to play a game again (or won't play)
Waking me up to help her when she felt ill, but them being irritated when I caught her illness and told her I was feeling unwell (demands but does not reciprocate)
I actually ended it with her soon after this post, because she became so drunk twice that I was disturbed. I finished with her and she begged for another chance and promised never to drink again, a promise which as far as I am aware she kept (find exactly where you draw the line, so they can stay just within)
Ignored messages on her phone deliberately as it made her feel "peaceful" (power over others, keep them hanging - reinforce belief they are less worthy than you)
Late for everything, deliberately (see above)
Never ever remembered anything good, never forgot anything bad (expects everything, so no appreciation, only interested in taking)
These were the "small" initial red flags hidden amongst the lovebombing, which I ignored as 99% of this time was extremely good. However each personailty trait in brackets led to worse and worse things
She wasn't "quirky" or "a bit irritable" she was fundamentally alien to any normal person, with a totally different view of the world, where she is the only human and everyone else is just an object, no different to an oven or a dishwasher, there to perform a role, useless otherwise. I started to think she just didn't care about my feelings, but actually it was far worse - she couldn't conceive that a person could have feelings, or what they are. This made her unable to just disagree, apologise, accept any blame or criticism or even a different opinion: shuts them down with explosive disproportionate rage, just as you would be annoyed if your kettle refused to boil water but started telling you what it thought.
The lack of feeling makes it a game you have no chance of winning, they are energised by the constant chaos whilst it depletes you, until you are useless to them and they leave. There is no way to influence anything, all you can do is walk before it is too late, which I did not do.
Anyway, I posted just as a warning to anyone seeing tiny red flags, or with a slight feeling things are off in the early days. As above, next early and often, they aren't small..they are a window into big problems, of what is to come. It's hard to believe there are people like this, who think like this, who can fake their emotions despite having none, who can play a part for 2 years to get what they want. It's so alien to normal thinking, even having been in it for so long it is hard to wrap my head around. Next early and often, throwing away a woman by being too quick to next is far better than losing 4 years of your life, 4 years I could have made progress but went backwards. Essentially a decade chucked away, and it was all my own fault, my ego thinking I could handle it despite knowing, deep down, hence posting here, that I was in big trouble. But too arrogant to walk away, too keen to find out what would happen. I didn't need to find out. Don't wait to find out..walk away instantly the second things feel off.