Plate about to blow up - How to handle?

[Boilermaker]

Haha, I'll tell you she's ugly if that'll make you feel better. Sadly, she isn't.
And no, she didn't throw her pūssy up in the air.
She wanted drama, attention, a relationship, talks, struggles, power games and whatnot. Anything but sex, shortly.
Of course, I don't have the time, nor the desire to entertain your imagination more with details why she won't sleep with me unless I make some major investments and make her part of my life.

Don't be mad, Malice. She's ugly, man. Feel good? Don't bite your nails, yeah ?

 

[Married Buried]

Haha, I'll tell you she's ugly if that'll make you feel better. Sadly, she isn't.
And no, she didn't throw her pūssy up in the air.
She wanted drama, attention, a relationship, talks, struggles, power games and whatnot. Anything but sex, shortly.
Of course, I don't have the time, nor the desire to entertain your imagination more with details why she won't sleep with me unless I make some major investments and make her part of my life.

Don't be mad, Malice. She's ugly, man. Feel good? Don't bite your nails, yeah ?

don't try and shame me, I don't give a damn what she looks like. Its just weird you are acting like this. Post a pic then. I have posted pics of my wife. I bet she is hotter than this supposedly hot chic you refuse to try to bang.

 

[Boilermaker]

Why would I post a picture of a person I value (but refuse to bang because I have nothing to offer except for my dîck at the moment) on a random simpleton's whim?

In your 1D-tough guy world, it may be that the only reason men don't "bang" women could be that they are ugly, but not in mine. I am not trying to shame you.

Cheers,

 

[Married Buried]

Why would I post a picture of a person I value (but refuse to bang because I have nothing to offer except for my dîck at the moment) on a random simpleton's whim?

In your 1D-world, it may be that the only reason men don't "bang" women could be that they are ugly, but not in mine.

Cheers,

you made the thread but you refuse to give details why you won't bang her? don't make a thread if you don't want to answer questions about it. It's a pretty simple concept.

She will hop on the next d!ck and forget about you soon.

 

[Boilermaker]

I PM'ed you a picture.

I gave you details why I CAN'T Bang her, you just refuse to understand them.

 

[Desdinova]

I PM'ed you a picture.

You don't need to justify it to some stranger on the internet. If he doesn't believe you, then who cares?

you made the thread but you refuse to give details why you won't bang her?

Malice, he was pretty damn clear as to why he's not going to bang her. He's in a LTR, but he wants to keep this woman orbiting. If he suddenly becomes single, he can simply pull this chick out of orbit and start dating her.

 

[backbreaker]

lol u can't do that.

in other words, let a guy on this forum start a thread about a girl who refuses to get rid of her guy friends even though they are exclusive. that's the entire point of the LTR.. to say i'm going to give you a clear shot by not ****ing anyone else or even entraining the thought of ****ing someone else.

you are either in a LTR or you aren't. but you can't be half way spinning plates or half way exclusive. **** or get off the pot

before you do anything you have to define what you are.. y9ou are either taken in a real relationship where the other person doesn't see anyone else, or she is a plate to you. fi she's a plate, act accordingly and keep her around. if she's not, you have to cut her lose, as you never should have let it escalated to this in the first place. but you can't do both.

i mean, i got a mental short list of a few girls who if something happened to me i am pretty sure i could go on a date with, but i don't consider them plates or even friends, just girls who i know who are interested for various reasons. you can't actively manage plates while in a real relationship

 

[Boilermaker]

I am so intriguing to you, aren't I, bb?

Ok, bb gun, I can't do it because oracle of little rock says so.

 

[Bokanovsky]

bradd80, she's coming from this Asian culture ... I don't think she'll put out unless I swindle her with some LTR dream ...

You don't know that to a certainty until you try. Just because she is an arab/middle easterner/whatever doesn't mean she's saving herself for marriage. On the contrary, many of these women are quite slutty, even if they are forced to maintain a respectable facade.

 

[Desdinova]

lol u can't do that.

you are either in a LTR or you aren't. but you can't be half way spinning plates or half way exclusive. **** or get off the pot

Yes you can. You aren't spinning plates when you're keeping women in orbit. You are NOT showing them interest. Instead, you are maintaining their interest in you. Many men do this naturally although it can be done consciously.

When my fb status changed from 'married' to 'single', every woman I suspected having high IL jumped at the chance to secure a date with me. If you keep them within arm's reach, they will circle until they find you alone. They will pounce once that other bytch you've been keeping around is gone.

 

[backbreaker]

Des

lol YOU ARE CHANGING THE GOALPOST TO TRY TO WIN THE ARGUMENT


I'm not the one that called her a plate. the title of the thread is

Plate about to blow up

which implies that he has more than one plate and he doesn't want to lose a plate

however it has come to light that, this is not really the case.. he has a semi LTR and a girl who likes him. that's not a plate.

Your case is nothing like the OP's.. he's going out and hanging out with her and stuff per his own words. he's treating her exactly like you treat a plate, but he's in a relationship, again, his own words, with someone else. this is not a girl who is starring from a distance admiring the Op this is a girl he's actively building attraction up wtih then when she tells him he likes her, is trying to figure out how to keep her interested without dating her.

I'm not bashing the OP at all, just stating, you are changing the goal posts. you can't have a LTR and have plates or oribters. In other words, i could care less about the OP's behavior towards the girl in general.. it' snot how i would have handled it but it is what it is, he didn't handle her horriblely. the issue i have is with how he is hnadling her in light of the fact that he is excslusvily dating someone else.

there is a post pook made a while back

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=15803

and in it he says

The high standards you apply to your desires must be applied to yourself.

this really isn't a concept that is all that hard to grasp. i expect women to be in shape but i am in shape. i expect women to be frugal with money but i am frugal with money. but it works the other way around as well. I can't expect a woman to be totally faithful to me, loytal to me if im' not 100% loyal to her. that's just the way it's gonna be. and any time you try to cheat this factoid you are going to end up with dirt on your face. i would not stand for a woman who told me after a few months of plate spinning she wanted to be my woman, to have oribers around constantly.

if you want a happy LTR there is some give and take. you can't just take take.

 

[iqqi]

Care to elaborate on why it was a terrible response?

Backbreaker summed it up, lol. Because, it is condescending.

Not only that, but it's LAME.

"That's sweet." ?? What are you, her grandmother? Is she your grandchild who drew you a picture of a horse that looks like a tree? "Oh, that's sweet." That's what a waitress says to a creepy old man who says she is gorgeous. It means, "I do not care." Or, "so what." Or "I'm not interested." Or possibly, "I'm stupid, and I don't know how to react in words to your words. I may not understand the correct social way to handle this."

I think Backbreaker's reply was a little lengthy. If you are trying to keep the mystery and keep this girl in your orbit, but not be a lame douche and say "that's sweet" or "ok" or "that's nice", or "oh, cool", then you should at least acknowledge that she just confessed something meaningful to you. Say "Wow, I don't know what to say. That's flattering. I didn't realize you felt that way." Something as simple as that would at least be non-douchy, and still you keep your mystery and you don't have to delve further into it. To keep it from going further, or to buy some time, add "I don't think I am ready for anything serious right now, though. But maybe I will rethink this in the near future."

However, if she wants more and you are leading her on when you have a girlfriend, then you are indeed a douche, and your response of "that's sweet" should be her beacon of light to dash away, away from you and promptly.

 

[user43770]

Law 4: Always Say Less Than Necessary

I'm certainly not trying to knock anyone's advice, but I've often had women take what I've said and twist it into their own frame. There was zero logic involved, but they had to save their ego. I say don't give them the opportunity.

 

[Boilermaker]

...

Oh dear ..

no question that someone with deeply rooted daddy issues like you would find it condescending. You think very highly of yourself, too, don't you?

See, that's your first reaction to a text there are only two words. You are extrapolating your crooked views as if everyone is damaged goods like you.

Your thickhead doesn't get it, but that text was the most suave way of saying: " I don't know how to respond to this! " ... " I don't have anything to say to

this right now!" without breaking her heart. Whatever followed afterwards is solid evidence for this.

It is also no coincidence that Backbreaker got emphatically offended on Aziza's part, because he is as insecure as the average prom queen. {bb, you cannot

imagine the amount of fanmail I get by breaking your fragile ego by the way, every time I get a chance }

Plus, you must have missed the part on how it turned out, it basically did have no effect on our friendship.

Obviously, she wanted more and I didn't lead her on, but if it's coming from a lowlife like you, I will take "douche" as a compliment.

Get back to your hole, now woman!

 

[user43770]

On a related note, I recently tried to politely reject this chick who had a kid. We had been talking for a little while, but I started to get cold feet (as I often do when kids are involved).

Boy, did she get pissed! She couldn't fvcking handle it. It was actually quite impressive to watch her alter reality in order to save her ego.

What I should have done is just stop contacting her. It would have been easier for everyone.

 

[Desdinova]

he has a semi LTR and a girl who likes him. that's not a plate.

I think we've hammered out the fact that he misused the sosuave-originated term "plate". Why are we still discussing that?

Your case is nothing like the OP's.. he's going out and hanging out with her and stuff per his own words. he's treating her exactly like you treat a plate, but he's in a relationship

Whether he's actively spending time with a woman in orbit or just occasionally keeping in touch with her, the fact is she's still thinking about him. Interest is there on her part. In my experience, the only way to kill that interest is to flat out insult the woman, and even that has spotty results. You could also go AFC on her, but who here wants to go back to that way?

you can't have a LTR and have plates or oribters.

There is no law which makes either of these situations impossible. There's guys here who have been in MLTRs, and if you're good with women there's going to be orbiters regardless of your relationship status.

Your wife has really tamed you, hasn't she?

Your situation is different because you have a legally binding contract with your woman. If Boilermaker fvcks up in his LTR, there may be some emotional stuff to deal with and maybe even mailing her 5hit back to her, but that's it. He can move onto one of the orbiters if he chooses to do so.

However, you can't. You are legally chained to your woman. You're not allowed to have orbiters. If you do, you run the risk of being taken for half (or more) of your 5hit. You cannot imply that the situation you're in applies to men who are not legally bound to their women.

However, if she wants more and you are leading her on when you have a girlfriend, then you are indeed a douche, and your response of "that's sweet" should be her beacon of light to dash away, away from you and promptly.

I love chick logic. It works so well when there's no emotion present (which is rare).

 

[backbreaker]

Your wife has really tamed you, hasn't she?

this is what i don't understand

i don't have a problem with you disagreeing with me i can have a disagreement and still have a normal conversation like an adult beucase i am an adult

but from my count, warrior and iqqi seem to share the exact same opinion i have on the matter so why am i the only one you deem okay to belittle by calling out the fact that i'm hitched? that's a low blow and it's uncalled for i didn't say anything negative or derogatory towards you in any manner i just did not agree with you.


and you seem to forget or don't care to know that i've been married for what now.. a year and a half damn near to the day, i was single and spinning plates for 5 years before i met my wife and i had the exact same principles the.. there is a plate spinning phase and there is a LTR phase. when you are in LTR phase the oribters go bye bye, that's the entire preimise of having plates; so that you can find out who is worthy to be raised tot he LTR status. with LTR status comes perks, like me not going on dates with anyone else, that don't come with plate spin status. i dated my wife almost 2 years before i proposed, and we were exclusive for a year and a half of that give or take and the exact same thing then.

not saying i don't know any females, but i dont' entertain them. if i make the concious decision to eleveate a woman to that status, then in my mind she's earned the right for me not to have other women around. to me that's the entire point.

however, out of all the dates i've been on and women've slept with, only 2 have ever gotten that status in 5 years of dating/plate spinning.

I love chick logic. It works so well when there's no emotion present (which is rare).

i happen to agree with iqqi in this instance 100%. regardless of if you like the girl or not, it doesn't take attraction to treat the girl's feelings with genuine respect. that's just what good guy's with character do.


too many guys confuse being a gentleman with being AFC/BETA/whatever phrase you want to throw in. there is nothing AFC about respecting someone else's feelings.

 

[iqqi]

I agree^^^.

Anyways, I don't see what my ego has to do with anything. I'm not dating the OP. I have never dated a guy that I would consider to be that dense. The bottom line is, no grown man should be saying "that is sweet" to a woman. Seems like a womanly thing to say period, and also usually womanly way to say "fvck off". OR a grandma thing to say to a grandchild, seriously. Unless you are purposefully trying to be condescending or joking. There are better ways to handle that, and most certainly more manly ways.


Obviously we won't agree on everything, and if you can't see the point I am trying to make, that is ok. I stand to win nothing personally on this advice that I have given.

 

[Desdinova]

so why am i the only one you deem okay to belittle by calling out the fact that i'm hitched? that's a low blow and it's uncalled for i didn't say anything negative or derogatory towards you in any manner i just did not agree with you.

It's because you have no sense of humor about yourself. You take yourself way too seriously.

And if pointing out the fact that you're married is a "low blow" then perhaps you shouldn't be married. If you're not proud of being married to the woman you made your wife, then do her a favor and give her the boot.

If I were her, I'd be pretty damned insulted.

The bottom line is, no grown man should be saying "that is sweet" to a woman. Seems like a womanly thing to say

If you're confident in everything you deliver, the actual words you use are insignificant.

I have no doubt that Boilermaker's woman saw it as him being flattered. He could have written out a whole paragraph explaining why he's not interested, but making a big deal out of it is only going to make things uncomfortable between them both. She didn't ask him to explain himself, she just stated that she's attracted to him. The response he gave was simple and it indicated that he was flattered. As a result of that simple response, there are no complications resulting from it since they're continuing with their friendship.

There are better ways to handle that, and most certainly more manly ways.

The "manly way" is to fvck her regardless. The way I see it, that response was right on the money for the situation.

 

[Boilermaker]

Anyways, I don't see what my ego has to do with anything.

It has to do with everything.

The real exchange of this thread was, I asked something, people (like Desdi) chimed in without bullshìt, I applied it to a real life situation, and it worked. It may not have worked this smoothly and it wouldn't have mattered, but it did.

I apologize if that made your entire point irrelevant and then some.