Plate about to blow up - How to handle?

[Boilermaker]

I received this following text late at night today:

http://postimage.org/image/7x191rrfv/

She's a girl I like to hang out with and just keep at arm's length, although we get close (lots of kino) and hang out on occasion. Her background is conservative-central Asian, and I think she'd be pretty good LTR material, cute face, doing PhD, smart, and humble -- plus her views about women and life in general are just about right.

BUT I don't want an LTR right now because I am in a semi-LTR anyway (story for another post), besides I don't think I can mold this chick into a FWB situation. In fact, I wouldn't want to do that with her. On the other hand, I don't want to lose "her friendship" and the social value she's providing by my flirting with her .

I realize this is a little selfish, but how would a professional handle this, in my shoes?

Telling the complete truth is not an option.

And I haven't replied to her, yet.

 

[BeDJ]

I've enjoyed hanging out with you and would like to get to know you better. Figured we'd get together some more and find out ;-)

 

[Desdinova]

"That's very sweet "

...and leave it at that. You can come back to this one anytime you want. As long as you keep her orbiting, she will NEVER lose her crush on you. I have women I keep within my orbit who have wanted me for up to 10 years.

 

[The Duke]

Man guess I was raised different than a lot, but I always treat others like they treat me. If they are straight up with me, I'm straight up with them. Sounds like this girl has been?

Don't take advantage of the good ones. Let her go, and replace her with someone willing to play the role you want them to......thats what a professional would do. A professional shouldn't abuse his powers either.

 

[AgentSmith]

If your not ready to LTR her then tell her your not ready right now but really love hanging out with her and keep going at the rate you are with her that's pretty honest and keeps her in the window by saying your ready for it yet. Whatever you do, don't mention the other chick.

 

[Boilermaker]

I wrote:

That's very sweet.

And I plan to leave it at that. That was the most convenient thing to do right now. I hope no damage done. I really don't have the time to sort out her feelings right now. I don't want to get into a "talk" situation.

Thank you all, for your thoughts.

I guess I could have tried all these options, as it's just a matter of style. I don't want to seriously date her, as I don't have the time and energy right now.

Wil update you if anything interesting follows up.

 

[Warrior74]

If you aren't banging her she's not a plate. Just a prospect. I wonder how may guys here claim to be spinning plates when they just know a few girls.

 

[samspade]

She sounds fairly mature and worth a try. I realize you aren't interested right now. But you can probably try it (if you want) and if it's not working, transition back to friends. It's been done. She may always hold a candle for you, which ain't such a bad thing.

 

[Boilermaker]

If you aren't banging her she's not a plate. Just a prospect. I wonder how may guys here claim to be spinning plates when they just know a few girls.

Just *know* a few girls? Why you mad bro? When's the last time a girl you know texted you that she loved you?
I once grabbed her tits does that make her a plate? :crackup:

Ok seriously, I don't know what difference that makes. I am not interested in a technical discussion as to whether she's a plate or not, really. Because I need to deal with something more practical right now. Besides, I don't know how many guys who say they are spinning plates are actually banging multiple girls at the same time. My impression is most here are either married or in a deeply trenched LTR.

In any case, I really don't want to date her right now. I am having trouble with my research work, I don't have the time. Just wanted to deal with this with minimum damage.

Thoughts appreciated.

 

[Married Buried]

You haven't banged her yet? How could a woman send that when you haven't even banged her. She wants to get banged. Why haven't you banged her?

 

[Boilermaker]

bradd80, she's coming from this Asian culture ... I don't think she'll put out unless I swindle her with some LTR dream ...

I feel that it's too much work, honestly, I think that. If she was your average Americana I wouldn't miss a beat.

But maybe worth a shot.

Worry about the consequences later sounds like the correct philosophy in this game, btw.

 

[Married Buried]

Honestly when I read the text and the thread title I assumed you already banged her. I was shocked when I saw that wasn't the case.

 

[Pair A Dice]

This is sh!t you should have figured out when you were 21. Tell her, 'That's sweet' or something along those lines and move on with it. You did well to have her catch feelings.

 

[Warrior74]

Just *know* a few girls? Why you mad bro? When's the last time a girl you know texted you that she loved you?
I once grabbed her tits does that make her a plate? :crackup:

Ok seriously, I don't know what difference that makes. I am not interested in a technical discussion as to whether she's a plate or not, really. Because I need to deal with something more practical right now. Besides, I don't know how many guys who say they are spinning plates are actually banging multiple girls at the same time. My impression is most here are either married or in a deeply trenched LTR.

In any case, I really don't want to date her right now. I am having trouble with my research work, I don't have the time. Just wanted to deal with this with minimum damage.

Thoughts appreciated.

You know it matters. I love you and no bang? Kiddy games. Nice way to try to redefine it to fit your definition but yah, it doesn't count bro. The game hasn't even started. Next her and move on.

*edit* A client who says they love my services and wants me to consult with them for the next 5 years and hasn't spent a dime, is not a client. It's a prospect until the deal is closed.

 

[evan12]

I received this following text late at night today:

http://postimage.org/image/7x191rrfv/

She's a girl I like to hang out with and just keep at arm's length, although we get close (lots of kino) and hang out on occasion. Her background is conservative-central Asian, and I think she'd be pretty good LTR material, cute face, doing PhD, smart, and humble -- plus her views about women and life in general are just about right.

BUT I don't want an LTR right now because I am in a semi-LTR anyway (story for another post), besides I don't think I can mold this chick into a FWB situation. In fact, I wouldn't want to do that with her. On the other hand, I don't want to lose "her friendship" and the social value she's providing by my flirting with her .

I realize this is a little selfish, but how would a professional handle this, in my shoes?

Telling the complete truth is not an option.

And I haven't replied to her, yet.

just do what women do
tell her: "lets be just friends for now"
it is that easy

 

[iqqi]

"That's sweet" = condescending.

That was a terrible response.

 

[Desdinova]

"That's sweet" = condescending.

That was a terrible response.

Care to elaborate on why it was a terrible response?

 

[backbreaker]

lol beucase it's condescending.

regardless of how you do or do not feel about any woman, when a woman gives you her feelings such as this one did, it's your obligation as a man to treat them with respect, even if they aren't reciprocated.


I mean for all the bull **** we talk about flaky women and bad women and low character women, you treat people like you want to be treated, and telling someone "that's sweet" after they took the chance to pour their hearts out to you is for lack of a better word, pretty selfish, condescending behavior.


look this **** isn't that complicated if she's being honest with you, be honest with her.

how about this

"I must say that I'm honestly surprised I did not know you felt like that. I appreciate you being honest about how you felt about me. There are a lot of things about you I do like and under the right circumstances who knows what can happen, but just putting my cards on the table, I can't decide what I want to do right now, It's not so much that I don't like you... I do have feelings for you as well, but I can't decide who i want to date right now.

I'm not rejecting you, but as of right now today, you have not done enough honestly for me to want to be exclusive with you. We haven't been intimate, I know you in the friend light but if I look at you in the girlfreind light i have to look at you all over again and re judge behaviors. That can change if you show me you are worth being exclusive with, but as of now I can't do that based on where we are now.

So if you feel that strongly about me, simply put your best foot forward and we can see where it takes us. "



that's how i would handle it.

 

[st_99]

I agree with replying with a simple thanks, thats sweet or whatever and thats that.

The idea is to stop the mini emotional burst from snowballing. The way you do that is to barely acknowlege it and pretend it didnt even happen and continue as normal next time you see her. I think if you go into a long response you're going into the weeds so to speak, you want to avoid that.

Most likely she'll carry on as normal in your friendship. Thats been my experience anyway. Its happened to me in the past and i had a non response to it. She didnt stop wanting to hang with me or liking me, things basically just carried on as usual.

 

[Boilermaker]

It's condescending only if you are insecure and you have a tendency to get things wrong because of that. It's clear to a confident person that this message underlies the "I don't know what to say to this" tone, without being explicit and disrespectful. And she knows me well enough to realize I wouldn't be an assh0le right at the moment of her confessing her love to me.

Let me give a facts update before theorists blow up the thread with the little information they had.

She came up to me (in a coffee shop we usually hang) the very next day with a big smile as if nothing happened. Later, she helped me google a subtle problem I have been having for some time and forwarded me this 40-page paper that will likely solve it. We talked as usual absolutely not feeling any repercussions of what followed earlier. She texted me later again, telling me, if that paper solves my issue, I'll have to buy her a gelato. Back to flirting while the hole is plugged. Mission accomplished.

My objective was (as st99 accurately predicted) to avoid any snowballing as I don't have the energy or the desire to stir up drama in my life . I wanted to deal with it swiftly and it looks like it worked like a charm.

Desdinova: Thanks again.