PIED?

isonlaxman

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Context: I've been masturbating since I was like 12, and it has just gotten worse and worse. While I did read all about NoFap, I wasn't very convinced and kept doing it. I never had any sexual encounter though, so there was that. I was a big beta and knew nothing about seduction. I started reading books and approaching girls more. I am going to the gym regularly as well, and I think at this point many girls find me attractive.

Moving on, I matched with this girl on Tinder, and everything was going smoothly. There was light flirting on text. We set up a date, we watched a movie together, made out, took off our clothes. And my **** was dead. I had only masturbated in the morning so it shouldn't have been a problem. I'm not sure. But I couldn't get it up. It was my first time, so maybe because of that, I had anxiety. Idk.

This was a very traumatizing event, and I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes after that. I researched online after that though, and I guess this is not as uncommon? If so, what should I be doing to make sure I am turned on?

I did some experiments, I could get hard if I touched my **** without porn/fantasy. However, I could not get it hard just by fantasy (without touching). Is that bad? I never really thought about it, but we are supposed to be able to get hard without actual touching right? Is this due to excessive fapping? Is it just performance anxiety?

This has been the most shameful experience in my life. I feel very lost and VERY scared.
 

GrowingPains

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Mazer

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Don’t worry about it. It happens to a lot of dudes on the first time with a new woman especially if you haven’t been banging women regularly. It’s performance anxiety. It gets easier the more chicks you bang out. Also don’t have to many drinks. The second time you should be good to go but don’t masturbate the day or before the date. Good luck.
 

corrector

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Context: I've been masturbating since I was like 12, and it has just gotten worse and worse. While I did read all about NoFap, I wasn't very convinced and kept doing it. I never had any sexual encounter though, so there was that. I was a big beta and knew nothing about seduction. I started reading books and approaching girls more. I am going to the gym regularly as well, and I think at this point many girls find me attractive.

Moving on, I matched with this girl on Tinder, and everything was going smoothly. There was light flirting on text. We set up a date, we watched a movie together, made out, took off our clothes. And my **** was dead. I had only masturbated in the morning so it shouldn't have been a problem. I'm not sure. But I couldn't get it up. It was my first time, so maybe because of that, I had anxiety. Idk.

This was a very traumatizing event, and I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes after that. I researched online after that though, and I guess this is not as uncommon? If so, what should I be doing to make sure I am turned on?

I did some experiments, I could get hard if I touched my **** without porn/fantasy. However, I could not get it hard just by fantasy (without touching). Is that bad? I never really thought about it, but we are supposed to be able to get hard without actual touching right? Is this due to excessive fapping? Is it just performance anxiety?

This has been the most shameful experience in my life. I feel very lost and VERY scared.
Have you tried herbals or Viagara? I was 38 years old and married when I realized I could not please my own ex-wife without taking herbal supplements, (can't remember the name of what I used specifically since I no longer use them and this was like 4 - 5 years ago). The best solution is to take herbals or try Viagara about an hour before meeting the girl or slip it in quietly without her knowing about it.

I can't say whether fapping in and of itself is a factor contributing to ED in my case. I can say 38 years old (at that time) was older than your posted age here and that it seems problematic if you are that young. I think as you age then these problems can creep in.

My explanation is that you probably had performance anxiety or did not feel comfortable enough or really attracted to this girl. There are allot of other explanations that could exist apart from fapping.

I only see fapping as a sin against God, as with pre-maritial sex, or something that is wrong in that sense, but apart from the religious angle, I don't see any practical issue at all and don't know why it is a secular issue at all. Maybe God is calling you to Him and frustrating your sexual efforts. Perhaps you have a praying family member somewhere that cares about your soul and wants you to come to Christ? Is your heart right with God?
 

spinich

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Seriously? God is concerned with not being able to getting a hard on? Go preach somewhere else. Thanks in advance.
 

BJP1991

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Seriously? God is concerned with not being able to getting a hard on? Go preach somewhere else. Thanks in advance.
I think he’s just making a metaphor, in that it’s good to have some sort of peace in your life. Whether that’s through god, meditation, staying active, whatever floats your boat.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Hey don't worry about it. It's very common for many guys when you are with someone new, especially if you don't sleep with a lot of women. The experience of masturbating alone while watching porn is very different from all the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations when with a real live woman.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this, but here is my advice to you, speaking from a lifetime of experience:
1. Most important, do NOT beat yourself up over this or shame yourself for it, or allow anyone else (girls or friends) to shame you over it or it will only get 100x worse. Know that it happens to 90% or more of guys.
2. Do not masturbate for a week or so before you have a date with a girl that you think could lead to sex
3. I'm not a believer in NoFap, but I think porn should be used very rarely, if at all, because you see all sorts of crazy sh*t that is really exciting and plain old s*x with a real woman starts to look very bland in comparison to seeing some of the crazy things you've probably watched in porn. It desensitizes you to real sex with real women and you need to see some seriously freaky sh*t to become aroused.
4. This is a delicate issue but most women, especially ones who are really attracted to you, will understand if you are having a performance issue. Insecure women will take it personally (they will think you can't get it up because they aren't attractive enough), but decent women will be understanding and will have seen it many times before with other guys. You can just tell them it sometimes takes you a while with a new woman. When she responds with, "that's totally fine, thank you for telling me, is there anything you'd like me to do that would turn you on," most likely, you will start to become aroused immediately because her response makes you more comfortable with her.
5. After my divorce, I was so used to my hot ex-wife that I had a hard time getting it up with new girls I'd date because everything was so different. I just went to the doc, got a prescription for Viagra, and that took care of it for me. I don't really need to use the Viagra anymore but it was a great tool to get me past that adjustment period. I'd suggest you do the same. Just don't rely on it and use it longer than you need to because if you use it every time for months, your body adjusts and it may make it difficult to get it up and keep it up without the medication. I haven't experienced this myself because I only needed to use it once or twice the first time I slept with a few different women, but I've heard stories about this from other people.
 

isonlaxman

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Hey don't worry about it. It's very common for many guys when you are with someone new, especially if you don't sleep with a lot of women. The experience of masturbating alone while watching porn is very different from all the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations when with a real live woman.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this, but here is my advice to you, speaking from a lifetime of experience:
1. Most important, do NOT beat yourself up over this or shame yourself for it, or allow anyone else (girls or friends) to shame you over it or it will only get 100x worse. Know that it happens to 90% or more of guys.
2. Do not masturbate for a week or so before you have a date with a girl that you think could lead to sex
3. I'm not a believer in NoFap, but I think porn should be used very rarely, if at all, because you see all sorts of crazy sh*t that is really exciting and plain old s*x with a real woman starts to look very bland in comparison to seeing some of the crazy things you've probably watched in porn. It desensitizes you to real sex with real women and you need to see some seriously freaky sh*t to become aroused.
4. This is a delicate issue but most women, especially ones who are really attracted to you, will understand if you are having a performance issue. Insecure women will take it personally (they will think you can't get it up because they aren't attractive enough), but decent women will be understanding and will have seen it many times before with other guys. You can just tell them it sometimes takes you a while with a new woman. When she responds with, "that's totally fine, thank you for telling me, is there anything you'd like me to do that would turn you on," most likely, you will start to become aroused immediately because her response makes you more comfortable with her.
5. After my divorce, I was so used to my hot ex-wife that I had a hard time getting it up with new girls I'd date because everything was so different. I just went to the doc, got a prescription for Viagra, and that took care of it for me. I don't really need to use the Viagra anymore but it was a great tool to get me past that adjustment period. I'd suggest you do the same. Just don't rely on it and use it longer than you need to because if you use it every time for months, your body adjusts and it may make it difficult to get it up and keep it up without the medication. I haven't experienced this myself because I only needed to use it once or twice the first time I slept with a few different women, but I've heard stories about this from other people.
Hey man, thanks for the detailed response. I really did beat myself up initially, but now having read up more about it I realized it is indeed fairly common. And yes, I do agree that porn is bad, and it makes everything look perfect. However, I feel that even aggressive fapping could desensitize my ****? Is that a thing? Like I have to fap very aggressively to be able to come at this point, and it takes very long to do it as well. I'm gonna give NoFap a shot, nothing to lose.

I do think she's being insecure, and it's probably the best that we don't meet again given how she's behaving towards me now. I will NEXT and go seek out more girls :)

I don't think I wanna take Viagra just yet. I have faith in myself and being able to overcome this anxiety. I generally hate any form of medication/drugs. Will keep it in mind in case nothing happens, though.
 

isonlaxman

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I think he’s just making a metaphor, in that it’s good to have some sort of peace in your life. Whether that’s through god, meditation, staying active, whatever floats your boat.
That's a good advise tbh. I didn't take it the way you did. Thanks for making it clear
 

oldmanofthesea

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However, I feel that even aggressive fapping could desensitize my ****? Is that a thing? Like I have to fap very aggressively to be able to come at this point, and it takes very long to do it as well.
Yes it can and I've experienced this myself. You need to stop using the death grip (no vagina is that tight or feels like that) and you need to slow down and use motion that simulates real sex (no 10,000 RPMs per minute BS). You likely won't be able to finish for a while once you start that technique but your body will re-adjust in a short time (each time you try it and aren't able to finish, it makes it that much more likely you'll finish the next time etc).

I do think she's being insecure, and it's probably the best that we don't meet again given how she's behaving towards me now. I will NEXT and go seek out more girls :)
Good on you for having the self-respect to next her for this. Most guys get so wrapped up in a girl that they will put up with nearly anything.
 
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