Pickup Journal

[Rubato]

Good morning everyone, I am Rubato and brand new here. For those unfamiliar with music, rubato is a period in a musical piece where timing is given secondary importance emotional expression. I liked this meaning as a soon to be PUA. First I'm going to talk about my experiences tonight (what I'd like feedback on the most) and then some background.

Tonight

3 or 4 weeks ago I met an HB8 named Liz at a country line dancing place I go to. She was my friend's GF's friend. I'm at a banquet for my dad's work tonight (he's a doctor, so it was posh) and she texts me (keep in mind, I had no idea this was her). Here is the conversation we had:

Liz: You should get here soon
Me: Who is this?
Liz: Guess
Me: Nice to meet you guess you have a unique name.
Liz: I get that a lot So how much longer will you be?
Me: A little while still. i do have one request though. could you be so kind as to honor it?
Liz: Depends what it is...
Me: Its very simple. im just wondering where it is that you expect I will be coming.
Liz: Lol don't play dumb now. The ***** of course!
Me: All right, I know who this is.
(I had borrowed my dad's smart phone... I have a dumb phone... and had a feeling this was liz. I looked her facebook up and verified her number there)
Liz: You remember my name?
(I hadn't seen her in 3 or 4 weeks since we met, and it was a very brief meeting)
Me: Liz ******
Liz: How the hell do you know my last name?! Lol
Me: You told me at the outside bar when I met you
(She really hadn't, I found it on facebook, but thought it would sound more impressive if I remembered her last name)
Liz: Seriously? Wow. Don't remember that lol. Guess it was about a month ago though.
Me: Well, you'll still have to wait a little bit before I get tehre. Good thing for you though is, I'm worth it
Liz: Wow, pretty sure of yourself aren't you? How do you know I'd think you're worth it?
(I took that as an IOI and assumed she met she did think I was worth it)
Me: Well, I'm sure a large part of it comes from my flawless dancing last time
(I was awful. I haven't been country line dancing very long and knew almost none of the songs. I looked awful, but it was fun)
Liz: I know, it was awesome! Blew me away lol
(after some time)
Liz: ......
Me: 5 dots... this must be serious.....
Liz: You didn't respond, so I was left hangin
Me: What a terrible place to be. But on the bright side, the banquet is officially over.
Liz: Finally!
Liz: ETA?
Me: 11 15 ish
(we started texting maybe at 9:30. I had awful reception where I was and was hobnobbing it with some Congressmen. I had **** to do!)
Liz: Jesus you take forever
Me: Don't forget that patience is a virtue and often is rewarded. The best things in life are worth waiting for
(I could have negged her there for saying "Jesus" when she says she's an atheist. Just thought of that)
Liz: Dude. Youre so dumb <3 Andrew
(My friend Andrew was already there with Liz and apparently reading the texts I was sending her. Now he's responding. I thought he was also with his GF Kate, but I would find out I was wrong.)
Me: <3 you too
Liz: Who was that winkie face for?
Me: Andrew, ovbiously
Liz: Well of course
Me: I'm not a slut with my winky faces. He sent me a <3, he got a winky face.
Liz: He was texting on my phone, and the heart was my idea. So there
(Another IOI)
Me: Too bad he already got the wink. Looks like you'll have to convince me for another one
(Qualifying her)
Liz: Meh. Probably too much work.
Me: it was never meant to be a challenge for the weak
Liz: Challenge accepted.

By the time she said that, I was so giddy from the conversation that I was almost ready to sing to myself. You can read my backstory that I'll post later to see why. I'm not saying there are no AFC elements in this, but I will definitely say this was a great texting conversation for me. But I'd like your feedback on it and what I could have done better.

I went in to the club feeling like the man and as soon as I got there, I ran in to the only girl I know there who's a regular. She's an HB5, great personality, but really over weight and I don't even remember her name to be honest. But I talked with her and couldn't find Andrew and Liz (and I thought Kate). I didn't really even remember what Liz looked like. I eventually found them and proceeded to die.

My game is a lot better in nonpersonal things, like texting, email, and online convos. One of the biggest things I need to work on is making my personal game amazing. Andrew's GF wasn't there and he was acting unusually sexual towards Liz. I've never seen him display very much sexual energy at all, and therefore, never thought of him as a threat. But he had his arm around her and was basically controlling the situation. As far as I was concerned, he was the AMOG and I didn't know how to get around that. There are a few things she said to me that I had no idea how to respond to.

First, I don't know the electric slide. There. I said it. And she asked me "How can you not know the electric slide????" And I had nothing to say. So I just said something like "Because I don't". Not the worst thing possible to say. But when I girl says something like that to you, there has to be a better response.

Second, she had dyed her hair and I didn't notice. She made a comment about that. I told her something like "you should have dyed your hair pink. If you had done something like that, I would have noticed". How was that?

Third, she made fun of my line dancing in general. They did the cha cha slide and I'll admit, when I dance, I may look like a jackass. I have a ballroom dancing background and use my hips and move. Differently than most people. But I do it congruently, I think, and I didn't let her comments bother me. I kept telling her things like "you're just jealous", ect. What would you guys say?

Andrew and Liz wanted to move to a vegas style dance club in downtown and so we did. I tried to get this other girl we knew Leanna HB7.5 to come. She left with us, but didn't end up actually coming and went home instead. I got to the club first because Liz wanted to change out of her country garb and wear something else. I just went straight to the club. By this point, I was really deflated because I felt like I had screwed everything up with this girl. And not only that, but I totally lost my game. When people were slow dancing at the first club we were at, I couldn't get the balls to ask anyone to dance with me. Andrew did what I had planned to do, took Liz's hand, and danced with her. So I sat in the back like a jackass, wanting to kick my own ass.

I got to the new club first by about 15 minutes, walked in, and watched everyone grinding on each other to the pounding dance music. I felt even more out of my element than before. Keep in mind through all of this, I've been detoxing from Klonopin and Ritalin. I have a prescription for it for reasons I'll go in to in my backstory, but I had saved some temazepam (another benzo, like klonopin) from other prescriptions I'd had and was starting to use my medications abusively. School starts on Monday and I wanted to take a break before then to try and ratchet my tolerance down some. The dr. thought this was a good idea, but instead of tapering down, I stopped cold turkey (dumb).

So my mind has been mush, I've had a cloud in my head, been agitated, anxious, and an insomniac.

And as I watched people dance, I couldn't get the gal to even move on to the dance floor. Given that just last week I was cold approaching women wherever I saw them and am on my college's dance competition team, I was really getting frustrated with myself. And ejected. I walked back to my car and was planning on going home and ending my sobriety. I felt like the biggest idiot.

Then Liz and Andrew texted me asking me where I was. I told Andrew I was just gonna go home because I felt like I was in a bad state of mind. He knew about my drug holiday. Then Liz texted me:

"You are NOT going home"

I was still planning on going, but somehow they convinced me to come back. I'm glad they did, because I partially redeemed the night.

Andrew may have had a clearer mind tonight and usually strong balls, but he thinks PUA stuff is bull**** and disrespectful and won't touch it. I have been studying it. And once I break the ice with a girl, I'm much more confident in my sexual energy than he is. I kiss girls on the 1st date. He didn't even try to kiss his GF until after 5 or 6 dates!! And couldn't figure out why she didn't kiss him and promptly ejected.

The 3 of us got on the dance floor and I just danced. I watched Andrew and Liz dance out of my peripheral vision, but focused on myself. She pulled me in and I started dancing with her. But I ejected quickly because I didn't wanted her to feel like I wasn't interested. Conveniently enough, there was a girl I had been playing some dance moves off of that had this blond friend, at least an HB8.5, maybe an HB9. She said "I like you" and pushed her blond friend in to me. And I grinded on her for a few songs. And I left her.

 

[Rubato]

I recognize that the club dancing that people do in these clubs is by nature sexual, but I feel like I'm able to take it up a notch beyond what most guys do. I make sure that I'm making her flesh get goosebumps because I'm touching it or blowing on it the right way. And they respond.

So I go up to Liz and initiate a dance with her. She gets in to it. So much that she turns around and starts rocking against me like it's legit sex. She keeps moving her hair out of the way so she can press her cheek against my face. We're literally making love on the dance floor, and it's awesome, because she's easily one of the hottest girls there. And people were noticing. Our arms are totally around each other and I start pulling on her hair a little, and she pulls back on mine (an IOI, but she's given me plenty by now). I grab her hand, and she moves it next to her crotch and hold it there with her hand. I squeeze it. She squeezes back. She was getting really hot and loved it when I'd blow across her ear lobe.

Andrew can't dance like that.

So I ejected from her and danced by myself for a few minutes. Then I started dancing on another girl, an HB8. She got really in to it, like I was doing her doggy style, but she was one of those ADD girls and we only danced a few minutes before she left.

Liz grabbed me and had me dance with her again. The sexuality of the dance was just as intense.

And finally it as time for the last song. She was dancing with Andrew, but on the line you all know "grab somebody sexy, tell em' Hey", I grabbed her. And I started dancing on her. She responded to me significantly more than Andrew.

During all of this, I wondered how far I could push it. I wanted to kiss her while we were dancing, and I really feel like I should have looking back on it. Or start nibbling on her ear lobe. Something. But I didn't. What would you all have done differently?

As we left and parted ways, I grabbed her shoulder, stopped her, and pulled her in to me for a good hug. I felt like pulling a Mystery or Style and pointing to my cheek for a kiss, but I didn't. I've never done anything that balsy before. And it's time I did.

She hugged my tight and told me she hopes I come out with her again soon.

Anyways, given my AFC roots, I feel like this was a great night, given the way I was able to turn my floundering around. I was literally driving home, stopped, and came back.

I know this is really long, but I thank whoever reads it for reading it. I WILL get better and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Please give me your feedback. I listen. I apply. Calibrate it. Change. I want to be the best.

I'm beat now. I'll give you all my backstory tomorrow.

 

[Rubato]

Background

In 2009 I had a near death experience that changed my life. I remember sitting in an ER hospital bed with medical staff looking down at me and I was scared to death, but not so much about dying as I was about dying so unfulfilled. I was 21 years old and had had about 3 or 4 girlfriends by then, 2 of them being 2+ year relationships. I came close to sex multiple times with 2 girls, but could never seal the deal. I had always wanted to be a ladies man, and there were short stints in my life where some people might have said I was a "natural". One year at summer camp I distinctly remember feeling absolutely unencumbered as far as my self confidence with women went, and after my first semester of college, I felt the same way touring with my rock band.

But in 2009, I let myself go, was over weight, out of shape, and a total AFC loser, idiot, NICE guy who needed his ass kicked. And did it get kicked.

As soon as I realized I wasn't going to die, literally the first thing I did was get on my computer. When I was in high school, I had seen stuff on the internet about PUA's, but had never actually taken it seriously or thought it could work. But I was in a desperate situation and needed help, so used Google and found David Deangelo. I read his Double Your Dating Ebook. Then I watched his advanced series and listened to his Interviews with Dating Gurus.

I lost my virginity before I turned 22 (the day before, but hey, I was still 22). And then I got lazy.

I gained weight again, my relationship with the girl turned sterile (not sex free, just very sterile), and by the middle of 2010, I was in just about as bad of shape as I was before my 2009 wake up call. I was also overburdened with school, and that didn't help either.

Since I was feeling lazy, I signed up for an online dating website and ended up falling in love with a girl across the country. Developed the worst case of oneitis ever, and after her dad paid for me to fly out to see her, she broke up with me. This was probably where things got the absolute worst for me.

I sulked for about a month and a half over this "lost relationship" and then got myself busied with school again and joined the ballroom dance competition team at my school. I ended up meeting a new girl (local girl) and had sex with her. She was ultra needy and a little crazy though, and unfortunately, I used her for a little while, but finally broke up with her around the end of the semester. By the beginning of summer this year, I was getting treated for ADHD and a REM sleep disorder I have and my life was starting to change. Both of those had been huge hurtles in my life because I was constantly walking around wanting to go to sleep with no energy and couldn't focus on anything, except how I wasn't where I wanted to be in life.

When I finally found the right combination of pills to take for all this, I realized it was time to get back in to this pickup stuff, only for real this time. So far, I have read through the books (many of them have been recommended here):

God is a Woman
How to Talk to Anyone
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover
The Game
Unlimited Power

I started teaching myself some card magic. I started working out regularly and totally changed my diet. I've lost 30 pounds and everyone has told me I look like a totally new person. I've studied politicians, actors, and other confident people and attempted to emulate their body language and posture. I've also continued to learn how to dance. I started rewatching David Deangelo's Advanced Series. And I have about 1 million videos to watch and books to read. I've recruited one of my buddies to work with me through all this so that we can hold each other accountable. We've both written out specific short term and long term goals and are committed achieving mastery with women.

So this is where I am. I'm not a total newbie as I can cold approach and number close women. I get approach anxiety, but I do it anyways. I've gotten my virginity out of the way. But there is soooooooooooooooooooo much I feel like I have left to do, mostly inner game stuff.

I'm committed to this. And I want to be the best. I want you guys asking me for advice here soon.