Picking up women IRL in a foreign country

[user252009]

I live in Germany and I almost never go out due to being an introvert and I guess having some social anxiety, mostly because of my lack of speaking German. I've had a few girlfriends since I've lived here, but none of them worked out, and now I'm finding myself at a point where I can't really find new women except online, where it's usually just a match and then either a date or two where I find out there's no spark, or they don't reply at all, typical online dating bs.

I'm the kind of person that will never go out and talk to random people, and I don't like small talk, which makes the whole thing more difficult - I also don't drink and am very reserved.

Other than that, I'm pretty well off, have a career and an interesting side hustle and not the ugliest guy either - not too handsome, either. I'm 5 foot 7, thinning hair, so that doesn't help with online dating for sure. I also have a serious face on most of the time, but I am funny.

Any tips for a guy like me?

 

[xplt]

Which city do you live in? Any interests like teamsports to meet new people?

Socially drinking is very big here in germany. However, leave your comfort zone and go out. You will be surprised how easy it is to get to know people when you're out on your own, given you're not awkward to be around

 

[user252009]

Cologne area. I don't do teamsports, and like mentioned, I don't drink. The language barrier, in addition to all of that, is another factor that contributes to the issue.

 

[xplt]

Cologne area. I don't do teamsports, and like mentioned, I don't drink...

So living in cologne should make meeting people very easy. You don't have to drink.

I love cologne. Thinking about moving to cologne or bonn for work actually, I'm pretty often in that area.

Geh' auf die Ringstraßen

 

[user252009]

Geh' auf die Ringstraßen

I'd really struggle with that. I'm not a partying person, so being on the ringe where groups of people, partying and being drunk and loud, are passing, I'd feel like I have no business being there, especially as I have a serious and non-partying mindset.

 

[user252009]

Go to language exchange events, to practice German and meet people. Works for me well here in Spain.

I don't feel like practising German though; my interests are pretty limited and I'm not interested in things majority of people are, like yoga, language exchanges, dancing, etc.

 

[user252009]

Well, think about what your interests are and pursue them. Don't you think you ought to improve your German since you're living in Germany?

If you can't or "don't feel like" doing certain things, you have a choice to make. As Nick Saban says, it's about doing what you feel vs. what you've got to do to achieve your goals.

My interests are so specific there's only a few people that are doing a similar thing in the area, and none of them are female. I'm not planning to stay in Germany indefinitely so I'm not gonna waste time on perfecting the language - I know enough to get almost anything sorted, just not well enough to have casual conversations, and that decreases my confidence as well.

 

[xplt]

My interests are so specific there's only a few people that are doing a similar thing in the area, and none of them are female. I'm not planning to stay in Germany indefinitely so I'm not gonna waste time on perfecting the language - I know enough to get almost anything sorted, just not well enough to have casual conversations, and that decreases my confidence as well.

Well, what are those specific interests if I may ask

 

[user252009]

Well, what are those specific interests if I may ask

You may, but I won't disclose them (and no, it's nothing weird lol)

 

[xplt]

especially as I have a serious and non-partying mindset.

Do you think women are having fun while being around you?

 

[user252009]

Do you think women are having fun while being around you?

Maybe, maybe not (I am an interesting guy), but I’m not gonna go and be a fake; that might work short term but long term our true natures show up

 

[MrWood]

@user252009 I might be coming to Aachen soon, perhaps we can meet up... show you some tricks etc.
PM me

 

[user252009]

@user252009 I might be coming to Aachen soon, perhaps we can meet up... show you some tricks etc.
PM me

Appreciate it, but I'm not planning a trip to Aachen

 

[Spaz]

So living in cologne should make meeting people very easy. You don't have to drink.

I love cologne. Thinking about moving to cologne or bonn for work actually, I'm pretty often in that area.

Geh' auf die Ringstraßen

Choose cologne.

Easily the most beautiful city in Germany.

 

[MrWood]

Aachen -> Koln = 30minute drive

 

[xplt]

OP, you've been given "tips" and even an offer for one-on-one help but you seem to be set in your ways. If you don't like talking to people, you'll have a hard time meeting people.

@user25009 What I am thinking right now... You ask for advice, but you won't take advice.
You won't change, if you hide in your comfort zone. MrWood often gives solid advice, especially in the field you said that you really struggle. Reaching Aachen from Cologne isn't even a trip...

Choose cologne.

Easily the most beautiful city in Germany.

Indeed. It's the area I'm focused on the most right now.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Grow a pair and step up game.

 

[americandude]

I met a German woman from Essen on OkCupid back in April. She's not a drinker either. She told me about a guy she met at Starbucks. They had exchanged looks for a long time, but they didn't get together until after they had matched on OKCupid.

From what she tells me, German guys aren't as forward as they could be. I guess not if she took a bus to spend four days with me back in August.

 

[RangerMIke]

Cologne area. I don't do teamsports, and like mentioned, I don't drink. The language barrier, in addition to all of that, is another factor that contributes to the issue.

I lived in Germany for 3 years. You don't need to be involved with team sports, or drink, but the language barrier is going to be a problem. Learn German... you don't have to be great at it, but if you make an effort that will help you. Tennis Clubs are really popular and I met several women at these... again you don't have to be good at it, but make an effort and you'll be fine. Volksmarches are also great places to meet women. Also biking clubs...

Dating German women, for me was really great, but this was back in the 90s, so I'm sure things have changed. But then, they were great... they just dated to have fun, which fit my personality perfectly. Very little 'relationship' pressure and game playing. When things ran it's course... couples would just drift apart and still remained friends. But if you are dating to get into a long term relationship... well Germany is hard. German women lose patience with you really fast, if she's looking for something permanent and you aren't there, or she loses interest in you... you are done immediately.

LOL!!! One German woman I'd been dating for 6 months... we met at a Gasthaus for dinner, she walked in all smiles, hugged, kissed, she sat down and said, "Wir sind fertig, auf Wiedersehen." Smiled, got up and walked out. I had zero indication things were going sideways. Unlike American women, who give you signs and hint at sh!t, become distant and flaky, German woman just come out and pull the trigger. You go on a date with a German, and she's not feeling it... she will just fvcking come out and tell you. American women will flake and make things hard, and hope you take the hint.