"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Paranoid or am I the problem?

Mr. Goods

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I have stumbled upon a weird phenomenon regarding people I have known the past few years. My question, as the post title says, is if I am just being paranoid, or if there is more to this strange happening. Some examples:

-- 3 years ago. My sophomore year of college. I got to know a few guys living on my floor in the dorm. Early in the year, there was a cute HB I had a class with. She was initially cool, but then turned into a snob like the rest of her friends. At the time, my dorm friends - who had met this clique at a party they were at - also thought they were snobby and one of them told off one of the girls. At the end of the year, I moved to another part of campus, the other guys stayed there. What happened? Almost immediately, the other guys and the group of girls became bff's. All of them. The moment I leave, everything changed.

-- 1 1/2 years ago. I was working an internship for the summer. There was a girl who started a little later than me. We initially got along fine, but then she began trying to lead me on. I saw it and didn't take well to it. The other interns (about 10 of us, guys and girls) thought she was "dumb" and was fortunate to even be at the company. One day, I was off on another errand. I come back, and the other interns are now all very tight with this other girl. One night at a bar, she tried to rub it in my face in regard to some of the other guy interns (heavy flirting), I left before I did anything I'd regret.

-- Under a year ago, before I graduated college. I became friends with a guy through a very close friend of mine. We all hung out together for awhile. I also met two girls in my apartment complex, who seemed nice enough even if they were teases. Somehow, this guy and one of the girls met in a class and I came up in the conversation? :confused: How? Neither of them would know that I knew the other person. Anyway, the guy and the two girls soon became good friends. They'd hang out (with other people) when my close friend and I weren't around. For what it's worth, the girls don't know my close friend, but they did know me.

--Throughout some of my college classes, there were some people I did not have the warmest relationship with, leading to a little competitive nature in regards to doing well. In these classes, the people who decided I was the enemy...all banded together! It's not like I was getting straight A's or was the top student in the class (I was above-average). It was the strangest thing. Maybe I did better on an assignment than one guy, while I beat a girl in the class to a certain story. The next week, the two would be instant friends. It's like magnets to a pole.

As you can see, the concerning theme is this: I know two groups of people. One of the groups I get along with (but aren't especially close to), the other there is some tension. OR, I don't have the best relationship with both parties. The moment I leave or go elsewhere, the two groups not only magically find each other (I didn't introduce them), but also become great friends. My obvious question...is this just a series of coincidences, or is there more to this? Am I an unintentional barrier between two groups of people? It's really weird. To be clear, it's the trend I am concerned about, not the actual people involved.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Mr. Goods

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Thoughts? Again, it's the trend I'm more concerned with; I don't care about the other people involved.
 

Wolfgang D

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No one replies because it's a long post, the thread title shows that it's probably something unlikely, and that it's definitely a complaint about yourself, and you didn't add a summary in the beginning so people know what trend you are talking about before being forced to read the whole thing.
 

vatoloco

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Okay, I'll bite.

Sounds to me like you're the commonality in these issues. Have you taken a good, honest look at yourself and analyzed any of your behaviors to see if you're turning people off? People tend to be polite and not tell you to your face what it is that they don't like about you.

Bad breath? Body odor? Or it could be a bad personality? If I were you, I'd ask a close relative for the honest truth. Only that way you will know what any problem might be.

Good luck.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Mr. Goods

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vatoloco said:
.

Bad breath? Body odor? Or it could be a bad personality? If I were you, I'd ask a close relative for the honest truth. Only that way you will know what any problem might be.

Good luck.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm trying to closer examine myself to see what it could be. I do know it's not bad breath/body odor/poor hygene, I keep myself well-groomed in those respects. :flowers: I just feel it's strange that these people even find each other.

It could be a lot of things, I just feel it's a trend and has something to do with what I am doing.
 

PDubb75

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Maybe the issue is that you seem to have a lot of people/groups you don't get along with. Just in your examples you've named more bad relationships than I can personally think of for myself. Even when trying really hard.

This is my theory here, at least im some of the cases: There is a group of people, or a person that you don't really get along with. You probably bring them up to some of your friends, maybe even subtly complaining. They understand your feeling towards these people, and might even back you up on it. But to them personally, these people may not have done anything. At this point, it's probably a coinsidence that they met up, but because they have no direct bad blood, they get off to a decent start. At this point, the things that may bother you don't get to them as much, if at all, and they form a connection with these people.

What stands out to me here is how many bad relationships you seem to have. Maybe there are things you need to let go of, or let slide a little more, and learn to just have a good time no matter who is around.
 

Mr. Goods

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Your theory likely has some truth to it. It's just surprising to me how they: 1.) Find each other - I know at college, my campus had over 20,000 people, 2.) Become really good friends really quickly, and then 3.) More or less cut contact with me once this happens.


In example #1, I got along with the group of guys. We weren't buddies, but we got along well. The girl was a bit of a snob, her friends weren't any different. In #2 is more complicated, I didn't have problems with anyone. Apparently, I dug my own grave when I felt that working on/completing a major breaking news story that had to be done that night for my company took precedence over getting a drink on my 21st b-day (same day). My bosses liked my work ethic, some of the interns held a grudge and thought I was weird. The girl became kind of sl*tty and I don't know where her desire to try and taunt me came from. In #3, the guy I had been friends with. The girls I got along with. Put them together, and now I don't really talk to either (I don't hear back). Who knows.

PDubb75 said:
Just in your examples you've named more bad relationships than I can personally think of for myself. Even when trying really hard.
You have a point. However, I am not a prick. Honestly, I am closer to the "nice guy" extreme than the "jerk" extreme (I've been turned down more for the niceness than the jerkness). I show respect to everyone because I hate being disrespected myself. That doesn't stop a few people from feeling that I am a nice guy AND a jerk at the same time...obviously that makes no sense; you can't be hot and cold, you can't be wet and dry, etc. More likely, I am a good guy who makes some wise guy comments in jokes that get taken the wrong way. That's the best I can come up with as to a guess, even though I think everyone I know says dumb things sometimes - things a lot worse than anything I would ever say - and get away with it. In my classes, it was a different story. I was a notorious second-half performer. In my major atleast, I would be "ok" in the first half, and then dominate the second half of the class. During the first half, some hotshots would, for some reason, come to me and say they did better. That probably p*ssed me off, because when I did better in the second half, you couldn't find these people. They were the quietest ones while I walked around the room very confidently.
 

PDubb75

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I'm pretty much how you just described yourself. I came here to get away from the "nice guy" stuff all the time.

After more explanation from you, I have a new theory: Whether or not these events have anything to do with you, you are looking into them too much. I don't know if it is your way of trying to convince us it doesn't "bother" you too much, but you keep saying how you aren't close friends with any of these groups. If that's the case, just move on. It does you no good to dwell on it, especially when you haven't really lost anything meaningful.

Think of these groups as a somewhat decent girl you never really connected with. NEXT!

The attitude of you being the problem is only going to make you look for it, and in turn, cause it again.
 

Mr. Goods

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Thanks. You do make a good point. Though as I mentioned at the top of this thread, the people involved is not my concern...it's the trend. I don't want this path to continue so it affects my real friendships.

Anyway, I think there are two reasons why this is on my mind:
1.) I look into things too much/overthink. You're right about that.
2.) Soon after these "new friendships" are formed, I end up running into them several times or have to be in the company of the new group. An example of this would be Brett Favre going to the Vikings and then playing in Lambeau against the Packers. Imagine that happening a few times in a row.

Your attitude thing at the end is right. They're nexted. I don't really talk to any of these people anymore. I just don't want this trend to continue and will try to keep my mind off of it.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

PDubb75

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Yeah, I get that. Sometimes you can't help but notice those things. Just don't consider it a trend. It was a series of events, that, if you new every single little detail of, would probably make more sense than it does right now. But you don't. And you don't need to. So, it's the past and you gotta keep looking forward.

I think you get the point, so I'm just rambling now. Good luck, man!
 

Drdeee

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Here is what I know. If people have a common enemy they unite.

Since you don't get along with both groups of people, it's only natural for them to unite.

How they find each other is not important. What is important is that you are not aware how.

Perhaps there is something you are not aware about you that makes people dislike you eventually.
 
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